My Life Is Full Of Drama

Livi_Loves_Pink

I just wanted to add that I never intended my post to come off as judgemental or mean. I was simply being honest. Once you're married, you're married. Once a person takes that step he or she has to deal with whatever problems may arise, which is why a marriage should never be gone into rashly without full knowledge of the possible problems, but sadly it happens a lot. Life is hard to begin with, there is a lot of joy to be found but so many issues to deal with before it can be enjoyed. Married life is no different. I'm not saying he's off the hook, either, he needs to do his share. What I am saying is that just because she is upset at him, or feeling neglected, is no exucse to purposely do things he wishes she wouldn't, like working at a bar with a very skimpy uniform. And by all means she should go out, have fun, and make friends. But does that need to include flirting with other guys?

Please, never read any hostility into any of my posts! I view support not only as that pat on the back to help someone along, but also trying gently to help one see his own errors. I don't know everything, and I am not the standerd to set yourself by. This is simply my two cents, given only out of concern. She posted this, so obviously she wanted some feedback.

ccano

Your husband is a bartender? Has he considered a career change? I just can't comprehend how being a bartender can mix with being a husband and father of three small children.

My husband is currently deployed to Iraq. He chose to join the military before he ever knew me. We did get married knowing he was going to be gone, but being deployed was definitely not his choice. He does not enjoy the military lifestyle, and now as a married couple, it is just that much harder on us mentally and emotionally. My husband is under a contract...if he could be out of the military right now, he would be. But he can't. He'd rather be here, in the United States, living in the same house with me right now. But he can't. And when he's out of the military and he's home by my side, I know he will never ever take advantage of our time together by choosing a civilian job that takes him away from me for an unreasonable amount of time. I can't fathom why anyone who is married and has children would choose a job like that when there are so many options available to them...

Ok...I'm sorry, I'm off my soapbox.

hmo4

some people get me and some people dont
im a great mom...my whole day week month...LIFE
is about my kids i dont leave them to party
i put my kids to sleep and have my mother in law watch them
or if they go to spend the night over at her house
and everything is in order in my house ill go out and havefun
but nothing comes before my kids

finally someone got it
he could golf and snowboard and not go to disneyland with his family?
and someone else said it HE CHOOSES TO WORK THAT MUCH
HE MAKES A DESISON EVERYDAY TO GO TO WORK WHEN HIS EMPLOYEES WANT MORE HOURS....MY HUSAND MAKES A CHOICE
TO WORK ON HIS DAYS OFF.

anyways in case anyone was wondering
he texted me and asked me to come have dinner at the bar
and we could talk and i told him no its cold and rainy and the kiddos are in PJs. and he said no worries my moms already on her way over to stay while you come here

so i went and told him how i fee
and he said
i understand how you feel
i would be upet if you had a job that came before the kids and i
when we decided to open a second bar
i promised i would let my brother take care of everything there
and not get wrapped up in working all the time
but we have kids who come FIRST
and i have been doing things both places but starting monday my brother will be taking over the other bar and ill be back off on sundays and wensdays
i noticed that ive been working alot and hanging out with my brothers alot and i knew it was starting to affect us and the kids

he also told me he will start getting up in the mornings to take talon to preschool with me and will start going to allisons Good Morning Sunshine classes and we will be doing our family fun sunday trips again (seaworld disneyland wild animal park -- season passes)

and he told me hes lucky to have such a supportive wife
and hes sorry for not treating me the way i deserve to be treated
and he would never do anything to intentinally hurt me or our family
and thanked me for being such a good mom and wife
and also told me he knows its hard on me and said he appreciates all i do around the house and for him and the kids!

so thanks for all the comments and support and advice

I am sooo proud of you for communicating and him being so receptive. Make sure he sticks to it! Good for you and those kids! Funny how "what's good for the goose, isn't for the gander", huh? Anyway, I'm glad and I hope things work out my young friend. Remember, I'll always be here for you and by the sounds of it, so will many others. Take care. Kath:smooched:

cquick

alrighty, sweet pea, you seem like a darling, and you've come somewhere and spilled the beans to a group of people you don't know and you've gotten lots of comments about it...

i'm a tough love kind of person, so don't be upset with me: i think you're going through a phase of immaturity that is being bounced back to you by your husband.

i understand you are young...i went through almost exactly the same thing. I had been with my boyfriend for almost eight years, had been with him since i was 18 (now 26), he was my first. we never really went out and partied, and i never got that "party bug" or "sowing my oats" out of me before we started out relationship. eventually i strayed, and people can call it cheating all they want, i know it was. we were separated for about six months and i dated someone that was no where near as wonderful as what i had left behind.

did it wake me up? hell yes, it definitely did. i did get my partying out of the way, and to be honest, i'm happy i did it. i'm back with my boyfriend and happier than ever. now i want to be with him and experience things with him instead of by myself.

the fact that he works so many hours doesn't help your situation, but since you work minimally and have the time to work out, you also have a lot more idle time on your hands, which also gives your mind time to linger. just because your husband takes it upon himself to be a flirt at work doesn't give you the right to go out and flirt, tho. it seems you need to make things "fair" in your relationship...you need to let it go. if you believe it's part of his job, then that should be that. if he aggs you on about it and makes himself out to be some god, he's just bouncing back his immaturity at you, which you apparently seem compelled to bounce back.

before my man and i separated, i was so aggravated. he was full of saying he would do something, and then he wouldn't go through with it. he complained for years about finding another job, and would come home and just veg out instead of putting out applications. or he would talk about learning how to ride a motorcycle and travel cross country, yet he never took classes. i'm one of those gals that won't say something unless i'm going to do it, and i expected him to be that way to. it took me being around my awful ex to grow up and realize a lot of things: that my boyfriend was a dreamer and shares his thoughts with me because he wanted to hear my dreams, too. he wanted my support, and he wanted to give me his, but i wouldn't give him the chance.

you and your man have forced yourself into thinking you were both mature enough to handle a marriage. if he were responsible enough, he wouldn't have married you and would have let you grow up. if you would have given thought to what you might have wanted in the future (past the allure of a pretty gown) you would have said no to his proposal. all of that is in the past now, and you need to focus on the future.

do you need more counselling? are you both willing to work it out? is there an undeniable link you have to one another that you can work on, or is it completely over? it seems you are talking more, and that's wonderful, i know you can make it through.

you need to get your priorities straight, sweet heart. if you don't, you're both in for a rude awakening. i've been there, i've done that...if you EVER need anything, let me know...there are gals out there more like you than you know...:ohwell:

MissGorgeous

Thanks everone
just wated everyone to know
nothing said in this posts hurt my feeings or offended me
i dnt get offended easily...im blut and expect others to be the same way
everyting was taken wth a grain of salt
because every situation is differnt and its not like you guys know
my family. but thank you for feed back and advice. made me think alot.

oh and my husband bartends at his own bar because he likes too
and had been bartending since he turned 21 (now 32)
and flirting is apart of bartending...being friendly making good tips....BUT there is a line
im not a jealous wife i could care less if these girls want hugs and pictures with him because every night it happens...but exchanging numbers and hanging out is def a No No!

girls seem to LOVE my husband and have to give hugs and take fun pictures OF him and WITH him and i used to get jealous
but i was 17 and realized ummm thats his job
and he comes home to me and the kids at night
with the money thoes girls give him hahaha
i just see flirting as harmless fun to begin with
but to each his own

thanks again for all advice or encouragment given

angelinaz

Hi, I was thinking of you all last night and you came in my mind again this morning. I am older than you and have raised two kids on my own. I left my first marriage for a lot of reasons, some of what you are talking about. I really wanted to feel loved, be sexy, I wanted to be wanted. Looking back, I was with a good man, a great provider, probably should have worked on me. My kids would have had a better life.

ANYWAY! I just got this in the inbox and thought I would share it. This dude has helped turn my life around and this topic is just where you and your husband are. If it helps you, you might save yourself a lot of years of struggle and instead have years of amazing happiness that you can share with your husband and pass on to your kids. Good luck!

You may have to cut and paste.

http://www.UltimateRelationshipblog.com

angelinaz

Part two:

If you’ve ever heard this or said this then this video is for you:
http://ultimaterelationshipblog.com

It¹s all about helping you if you’ve ever been stressed out, stonewalled or felt incompatible.

And, even if everything is going great in your relationship, this video will make sure it stays that way.

http://ultimaterelationshipblog.com
(the video is free and should start for you automatically)

As always, Stay Strong and Live with Passion!

MissGorgeous

thanks ill check it out!
its cold and rainy today
so it looks like we will be staying home for the day:grumble:

but its fine because Allison & Harlow are sleeping and Talon is helping daddy in the garage
so i might just take a nap myself

my husbands 5siblings and spouses and all there kids are comming for dinner
along with my mother in law and father in law

thats a total of 14kids:indifferent:
all kids being 6years and younger:ohwell:
so i will def need a nap before dinner:bigsmile:

MissResa

I'm really happy that you are able to spend some time with your family, extended included. My husband has been gone for a month because of training, but is coming home on Monday. We are really looking forward to seeing him!!!

MissGorgeous

I'm really happy that you are able to spend some time with your family, extended included. My husband has been gone for a month because of training, but is coming home on Monday. We are really looking forward to seeing him!!!

awe im sure hes missed you!!!

MissResa

I give him a hard time, because his training is in Guam, and we live in Alaska. I joke that he volunteered to go just so he could be on the beach and around a bunch of women in bikinis... You definitely don't have much of that in AK during the wintertime. He's been really great, though. There are only 2 phones for 150 people, so he waited in line for hours just to say hi to the kids and me almost every day. I'm definitely ready to have him back, though.:happy:

MissGorgeous

I give him a hard time, because his training is in Guam, and we live in Alaska. I joke that he volunteered to go just so he could be on the beach and around a bunch of women in bikinis... You definitely don't have much of that in AK during the wintertime. He's been really great, though. There are only 2 phones for 150 people, so he waited in line for hours just to say hi to the kids and me almost every day. I'm definitely ready to have him back, though.:happy:

awe how sweet!!!!

KatieEppers

aww sweetie, I am so glad you guys got a chance to talk last night. He should DEF be making more time for you and it is good that you let him know how you feel. I hope you are enjoying your day together.

ccano

oh and my husband bartends at his own bar because he likes too
and had been bartending since he turned 21 (now 32)
and flirting is apart of bartending...being friendly making good tips....BUT there is a line
im not a jealous wife i could care less if these girls want hugs and pictures with him because every night it happens...but exchanging numbers and hanging out is def a No No!

girls seem to LOVE my husband and have to give hugs and take fun pictures OF him and WITH him and i used to get jealous
but i was 17 and realized ummm thats his job
and he comes home to me and the kids at night
with the money thoes girls give him hahaha
i just see flirting as harmless fun to begin with
but to each his own

If you're okay with it, then good on you. IMHO, a 32 year old man with three kids should probably have considered leaving the bartending in his 20s. Especially with it taking up so many nights. When the kids get to be school aged, they're literally never going ot see him if he works nights and they're in school during the day.

Good luck.