cruel people
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the cruelest person in my life has been the person in the mirror.
No one has said more mean things to me than myself.
That's been the hardest thing in this journey- UNfriending THAT person.
Oh you are so wise. It's one thing to have "outsiders" label us, but how horrific that most overweight people are their own bully! I love the concept of "unfriending" that person in our heads. We all need to do that. Fake it til you make it! Thanks! You have started my day with a new outlook!!!!! :flowerforyou:0 -
My own mother? Does that count? She's so nice to me in front of other people, but if/when we are alone, she's nasty.
She's overweight herself and it is EATING her up inside that I am losing weight (through a lot of hard work). She does everything she can to sabotage me, but if someone is around she's all "doesn't Monique look great?". I sweat a lot when I workout, and just in general if I get hot. I guess it's a mild form of hyperhydrosis. She told me as a teen (age 12), that I sweat because I'm fat. Ya, sorry mom, not the case because years later I was super thin and fit and guess what?!? I sweat. The other day I said "my pants are falling down, I need new jeans", she said " oh, give your old ones to your sister, oh.. no wait... she's thinner than you. Nevermind". That's not even the half of the things she says on a daily basis. She steals 100 cal snacks that I painstakingly put into little baggies so that my portions are all evened out, she throws tantrums if I don't eat her 1000 cal lasagna for supper (I happily make my own little omelet, I've never asked her to change for me), and she offers me cake, pie, apple crisp, muffins, chocolate you NAME it, several times a day. This is all after we had a HUGE talk about my goals, my needs, my health concerns... none of it sinks in. I was eating popcorn the other evening and she said "How are you hungry, you eat so much". (bite my tongue, bite my tongue... thinking, and I burn at least 400 cals off EVERY day through exercize)
OK, my vent is over, but my mother made me feel very ugly and fat for most of my life. That felt good, thanks for asking. Now, back at ya! You answer!
What a *****! How long til you can move out? (hug)0 -
the cruelest person in my life has been the person in the mirror.
No one has said more mean things to me than myself.
That's been the hardest thing in this journey- UNfriending THAT person.
Oh you are so wise. It's one thing to have "outsiders" label us, but how horrific that most overweight people are their own bully! I love the concept of "unfriending" that person in our heads. We all need to do that. Fake it til you make it! Thanks! You have started my day with a new outlook!!!!! :flowerforyou:
Nice sentiment but you can put that mirror in a closet. You can't put the outside world in a closet - the things that random strangers say or the "caring" comments of loved ones hurt more.
Having said that, I wish I had been my own critic after I gained the first 20 lbs, but I didn't really care that much, I always found ways of justifying it with thoughts like, wow, my boobs have grown, or my BF likes a bit of a wiggle on a woman. Then it got to the point where I couldn't buy the clothes I liked, and even then my inner critic was all "meh, it's the antidepressants, it's not your fault". What worked for me was someone commenting on the size of the women admin staff in my department, quite a few of whom are very overweight or obese. I suddenly realised I was one of the ones he was talking about and I was amazed. Ok, he was a *kitten* for saying it, but he's an old bloke and hasn't moved on from the Mad Men era in some ways. But nevertheless, it had an impact.0 -
i posted this in another thread...but it was also fitting for this one....
At the market today I was told I look like gwyneth paltrows character in shallow hal when she is seen as normal(not when hal is under his spell).
I said thank you...and she said, I wasn't saying it to be nice.....0 -
I'm a school teacher and kids can be pretty awful sometimes. Some are just honest and tactless, and others are just plain mean.
My last name is McGowan. It has been changed to McCOWan-cos-she's-a-fat-cow
I asked what the school's postcode was once and a kid said "The school's or your own, since you need one." I left that school.
A teacher once told me I should try Lite'n'Easy cause I would really benefit from the reduced cal diet (true but none of her freaking business)
But as other people have said, we are our own worst enemies. I STILL don't feel like I deserve to eat unless I exercise every day. I constantly feel I have to be 200+ calories UNDER my goal of 1200 to be doing well, and if I eat 1100+ I'm being greedy. I look in the mirror and hate the fat. I often catch myself thinking I am fat enough, why should I be allowed lunch. That stuff, from inside me, that is the reason other people's comments hurt. For example, I sing. I know I'm good because I've worked all my life to be good. I have a LONG way to go but for where I am, I'm good. If someone says that I'm terrible, I shrug. It's an opinion. I know I am happy with my progress so far. But fat comments? Different story.
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Yeah, unfortunately a lot of people don't learn that until they make that mistake the first time. My boyfriend is the most supportive person ever with me getting into shape, but he did that at our local sushi place. Oops.I had a lady ask me if we were having another baby, I said no, and she patted her belly and said, "It looks like you are"
Some people! A teacher did the same thing to me.. she walked up smiling and motioning to my tummy. I was like "no... uh... I'm not" (all akward). Then she replied "oh, then I guess you just gained weight over the summer."
Out of curiosity, how did you repond. I just walked away without saying another word. But I wish I had told her off, I still don't know what I would have said tho....
This happens to me a lot. I have a hernia and it makes my stomach stick out so it looks like I'm pregnant. I dropped my kids off at daycare one day and a teacher said " Oh my! You're getting bigger by the day! " and rubbed my stomach. She was extremely loud and I wanted to die I was so embarrassed. I told her I wasn't pregnant and she was really embarrassed But I actually cried when I left.
Oh gawd, I'm so sorry. Some people are socially inept. Rule: if you're not sure if someone is pregnant, SHUT UP. If they want you to know, they will tell you eventually. UGH I feel angry for you!0 -
the cruelest person in my life has been the person in the mirror.
No one has said more mean things to me than myself.
That's been the hardest thing in this journey- UNfriending THAT person.
Really relate to this, Trying to give yourself respect can be the hardest thing (I'm still learning)
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After reading these I am SSSSSOOOOO glad my mom raised me with such high self esteem! I was the fat kid in kindergarten, and I am sure there were plenty of mean comments along the way, but I don't really remember any, cause they were not allowed to hit home... I always knew I was beautiful no matter what... Thanks for helping me see how truly blessed I have been! And I am SSOOO very so y'all did not get the same blessed upbringing!!
My baby is a bit chubby too and I hope with all my heart and soul that she feels this way when she is older. I always tell her how beautiful she is and that when other people are mean it is their problem not hers. I think it is because growing up my mom did nothing but confirm what those mean kids would say to me, so I know how damaging that is to a person.0 -
I could type a few things. I haven't been fat all my life, this is just a second time through out my life I have gained a ton of weight due to stress and now losing it. When I was 13 or 14 years old and only 130lbs, my mom would tell me that I was "fat" because she knew I had an eating disorder just like she had one. Obviously that, and other coo-coo reasons, she isn't in my life.
My aunt said a few months ago with my BF right next to me that I finally looked like part of the family now and not an anorexic. Meaning, I'm fat now like the rest of them and not thinner than everyone. The thinnest I've ever been is 120lbs. That's hardly anorexic looking, but compared to my family I suppose it is.0 -
Some people are mean no matter what.
It's got little to do with you being fat or whatever. If you were barbie-doll perfect, mean people would still be mean.
The world is a rough place, and we need to be at our best just because reaching potential is the right thing to do.
Achievement is its own reward.
As for miserable people? Get them OUT OF YOUR LIVES!
And get even by just showing them how irrelavant they are. Ignore them and always remember:
The very best revenge is to live well.
So do that - :flowerforyou:
All Is Possible!0 -
These are all so sad
As for me, I was skinny, and then slim, for most of my life. But I started to gain when I was about 16. It was horrible. EVERYONE felt the need to mention it. Or I'd be in the canteen, eating dinner, and someone would walk up to me and be like 'CARMEN?!?!!?', just because I was eating dinner
My cousin used to mercilessly tease me about my weight, to the point I'd go home and cry my eyes out. He'd make jokes in front of his friends to embarrass me, single me out, call me a pig, fat, everything.
My ex used to call me fat as a 'joke', and I was the one who was in the wrong for being upset about it. One time, I was being affectionate with him and he called me fat girl. I didn't realise what he said and carried on being affectionate. He then said 'do you realise what I said?' I said no, and he told me. It made me cry, and then he told me I was silly for crying.
I'm sure there's other instances where my weight was a subject of cruelty, but memories evade me right now.0 -
-Husband used to call me a fat lazy b*t*h and that I'm good for nothing. I wasn't worth anything. He only married me because of my son. That if I sat down on a chair I would break it. Now a days he doesn't call me fat. He does complain that guys check me out to much. The b*t*h calling, not worth anything, good for nothing, lazy and more has not stopped. I really think he has some mental disorder because he doesn't act like this all the time. I used to cry all the time when he said something hurtful and now it's like I've become immune to his cruel words.
Hun, you need to get rid of this guy ..0 -
My own mother used to tell me, and my boyfriends that I would bring home "Wouldnt she be so much prettier if she lost weight?" Thanks mom.0
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-Husband used to call me a fat lazy b*t*h and that I'm good for nothing. I wasn't worth anything. He only married me because of my son. That if I sat down on a chair I would break it. Now a days he doesn't call me fat. He does complain that guys check me out to much. The b*t*h calling, not worth anything, good for nothing, lazy and more has not stopped. I really think he has some mental disorder because he doesn't act like this all the time. I used to cry all the time when he said something hurtful and now it's like I've become immune to his cruel words.
Hun, you need to get rid of this guy ..
Let her make her own decisions unless you know this person personally...0 -
Ive had it from all manner of people, my mum with the usual gems:
'Your sister is the pretty slim one, you, well, at least you have some brains.'
'You are fat and ugly and no one will ever want you' (i was 15 years old, with a budding eating disorder, 5"1 and weighed 90lb)
At work, a 'colleague' would constantly harp on about how i needed to diet, I was heavier then, after my 2nd child and weighing in at 135lb. her nastiness knew no boundaries, she once said to me that 'You have such a pretty face, its a shame your so fat' she also *****ed about another woman who was a bit bigger, but who was suffering from bowel cancer claiming that maybe she didn't have cancer at all as if she did 'she's be on the toilet all the time and clearly wouldn't be as fat as she was'
\like many my own personal enemy is myself, I always jump in there with self depreciating comments 'before anyone else does' and make a joke of it...0 -
My mom was the cruelest person in my life too. She would even say things in front of other people about my weight and talked about me behind my back to my own children ( which I didn't find out for years)! I hope you can move soon and get away from all the negativity. I can't imagine wanting to sabotage my own children. I would do anything for them. You have such a good attitude about it. Good luck and I hope your mom wakes up to what she is doing.0
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if someone said " I wasn't saying that to be nice" , I'm afraid my next comment would be " I'm sorry I didn't know you meant to be a b**ch." But sometimes my mouth runs away with me0
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on behalf of good guys everywhere i would sncerely like to apolagise for all the jackassery that some of my fellow gender has done to the women in this thread. im mostly referring to the women in here who have been in verbally or physically abusive relationships. im currently a single father who feels so much better about myself now that im single. for years i would be made to feel like i was unatractive and stupid by my x. at points she would hit me because i think she knew i wouldnt hit her bac so she could essentially get away with it. not saying that looking for sympathy. im a big boy and can handle getting hit but i seriously feel soooo much better about myself not that i am by myself. i saw a quote the other day that said something along the lines of, surround yourself only with people who are going to take you higher. essentially that is what i have done. ive cut out as many drama filled situations as i can, people included and am so much better for it0
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My mom. When I was a teenager she asked every now and then "So how much do you weigh now?" in a tone that it was clear that she ment I had put on weight and it was not a good thing. And btw, I've never been over weight, so I don't know why she needed to make remarks of my body. Also once when I was shopping for a bra with her, she pinched a fat roll on my back. My bmi then was 24+ (under 25), so I wasn't fat, just had few jiggly bits - nothing that would danger my health. I'm still overly concious of my body and have a bit disordered body image. My mom is not the only reason, but the things she has said definitely are a contribution. It makes me feel bad that I was at the same weight I'm now when she first implied that I was getting too big. (My bmi is now under 22, so I should not be big.)0
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Growing up I had almost a constant ear infection. Because of that I found it impossible to walk in a straight line. I also would talk louder than I should because I couldn't hear very well. One day in the grocery store my sister looked at me and told me not to walk next to her because I was an embarrassment. I was so hurt, but asked why, so she told me cause I couldn't walk straight. She also told me that I talked too loud and she couldn't stand it. She also told me if I lost weight my boobs wouldn't look so bad. I have always had a bigger chest than her even at 12. I have also always been very self conscience of my chest size, and the fact the aren't identical sizes.
Then when I was 14 or so, she told me she would never let me be a part of her wedding because she didn't like me well enough. Granted she was 17 at the time, and an unwed, pregnant, high school drop out. Her best friend was an unwed, pregnant, 15 year old high school drop out, but I was the embarrassment. Don't even remember how many times I was told Angie is the pretty one. Oh and I was called a snob by her friends and their families cause I didn't want to be an unwed, pregnant, teenage, high school drop out.
When my husband and I were planning to get married, my mother insisted that my husband ask for my fathers permission to marry me. So Ben got on the phone, we were in a different state, asked my dad. He brings me the phone and my dad asked "What he actually wants to marry YOU?" I cried that night.
A couple of years ago I said I was trying to lose weight at a dinner my MIL was having for the family. Here I was expecting some support instead she came up to me put her hand on my shoulder and said "well at least you could try to quit gaining anyway". I have Rheumatoid Arthrtitis and several of the 18+ pills I take daily cause weight gain. I'm not using that ad an excuse, just saying this is a little harder for me. Even now after having lost 12 kilos, she refuses to even acknowledge that I am working hard and pushing Yosef daily.0
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