Confused about a GUY!

kk0223

Yeah watch that movie...hes just not that into you. I thought the book was horrible, well i had the book on CD..that was horrible.

Honestly, i think you are getting used and you are going to get hurt. Do you think he is questioning the relationship? Nope, he is getting what he wants. But you are second guessing it which tells me that you want more than a friendship. Why should you have to give in to his wants? What about yours?

You may not follow this advice, but you should keep your eye open for someone else or stop seeing him all together.

I will definitely follow the advice. I have seen the movie and think I'm going to rewatch it for different reasons. lol I think I'm being used, too. I do care for him but I don't want the moment to come where he finds a gf and drops me. OUCH. No, thank you.

TDGee

Men are really not all that complicated. Sounds like a friends with benefits type situation. If that's your pleasure, by all means...but don't generally expect men to say one thing and mean another. I don't think they're wired for that.

True. A man gots to be a man.

EmpressOfJudgment

Sadly, I've been through this exact same thing. He's needy. He wants affection and of course misses it when it's not there, but that doesn't mean he's into you. You are what I call "back-burner girl." You're the girl in the back pining for him (whether you admit it or not) that he can go to for attention and affection, but he doesn't think you are good enough for girlfriend material. I bet he's a mama's boy who has been coddled all of his life. I say run away while it's still easy.

WifeNMama

Tell him that since you don't want to confuse each other, and you want a boyfriend to be affectionate with, does he have any friends he could set you up with?
Eventually situations like this go down the crap chute. Best to cut him off before it gets really complicated. If you're always with him, it means you're not making yourself available to someone who actually wants to commit to you.

odusgolp

In my humble opinion, continuing with anything will only end up hurting you. As someone once told me...

Don't make someone a priority that is only willing to make you an option.

evil_rider

He wants to get laid w/ no commitment.

kk0223

In my humble opinion, continuing with anything will only end up hurting you. As someone once told me...

Don't make someone a priority that is only willing to make you an option.

Awesome advice. Thanks. That is so true cause I do make this boy a priority. I like him that much and it sucks.

Marcie36 he is kind of a Momma's boy. Him and his Mom actually live together cause she is ill and can't work and he helps take care of her but I hang out over there a lot and they way he talks to her and does everything for her-scary. I love his Mom. Don't get me wrong, but she babies this man. Cooks, cleans, etc. He doesn't do much around the house. Hmm, red flag.

Talking this whole situation out kind of turns me off with him.

kk0223

He wants to get laid w/ no commitment.

Well, he's not getting "laid". Just little things. No sex. But, I see what you're saying. He's an *kitten*. Thanks.

CaptainGordo

Men are really not all that complicated.

+

He wants to get laid w/ no commitment.

=

The answer.

I guess you could say that... the ball's in your court.

kk0223

Men are really not all that complicated.

+

He wants to get laid w/ no commitment.

=

The answer.

Yeah, after reading every post/reply I've gotten. I think I've figured that out. I love talking to "strangers" cause they have no reason to lie to me to try to make me feel better about the situation.

Friends with him is all that he's getting from here on out. No more than that.

odusgolp

*sigh* men.

SharadaRose

I'm not necessarily "looking" for a relationship. I like the affection and his friendship and if he stays friends, that's fine. It's more happens, that's fine.

I just don't understand his actions. He acts like a bf but says he doesn't like me like that? How can someone act that way all of the time but not like the person?

I don't take what you're saying mean or anything. I wouldn't ask if didn't want honest opinions. Thanks! I'll look at link!

are you only hugging/kissing/cuddling?
if you are doing more, its because of that. he is getting what he wants without commitment. men are pigs. LOL

Men are Pigs??

Not all men are pigs but there are some real swine out there.

kk0223

Not all men are pigs but there are some real swine out there.
[/quote]

True and I someone how find them. I have the crappiest luck with guys. I'm not easy or anything like that. I actually respect myself and dont' do things with guys unless I'm committed. I guess I wanted more with this guy and thought it may happen? But, obviously it won't. So, I'm cutting off things with him other than friendship.

I told one of my friends one day that it's like all guys see "*kitten*" flashing on my forehead cause all guys I talk to seem to want one thing and if they dont' get it they don't talk to me anymore. She said all women have "*kitten*" flashing on their forehead to all men until they woman proves that man wrong. Made sense.

I personally think that it's best I worry about myself for awhile. I actually enjoy single life. I'm trying to lose weight, buy a house, etc. So, I'm okay without him.

WifeNMama

Him and his Mom actually live together cause she is ill and can't work and he helps take care of her but I hang out over there a lot and they way he talks to her and does everything for her-scary. I love his Mom. Don't get me wrong, but she babies this man. Cooks, cleans, etc. He doesn't do much around the house. Hmm, red flag.

So she's the sick one, and SHE is the one cooking and cleaning? How exactly is he helping her? He's mooching maid service from his sick mom and mooching make out sessions from you...
I say kick him out and be his mom's roommate. Lol you'd both be better off.

StrengthIsBeautiful

My best guess is that this guy has yet to 'come out'. It doesn't sound like he's leading you on, he sounds like he's being honest about the way he feels.

kk0223

Him and his Mom actually live together cause she is ill and can't work and he helps take care of her but I hang out over there a lot and they way he talks to her and does everything for her-scary. I love his Mom. Don't get me wrong, but she babies this man. Cooks, cleans, etc. He doesn't do much around the house. Hmm, red flag.

So she's the sick one, and SHE is the one cooking and cleaning? How exactly is he helping her? He's mooching maid service from his sick mom and mooching make out sessions from you...
I say kick him out and be his mom's roommate. Lol you'd both be better off.

LMBO! When you put it that way! lol Yeah, she's not able to work so he helps money wise. She babies him and he lets her. He works, etc but doesn't do a whole lot around the house.

kk0223

My best guess is that this guy has yet to 'come out'. It doesn't sound like he's leading you on, he sounds like he's being honest about the way he feels.

I don't think he's leading me on at all. I know he isn't wanting to commit or as someone said above...doesn't want to commit with ME.

Just some of the things he says and does confuse me but it's all cleared up now!

Jeff92se

He could be screwing you, saying he's committed but really isn't.

I give the guy credit for not having sex and stating the reason why is because he doesn't want commitment.

kk0223

He could be screwing you, saying he's committed but really isn't.

I give the guy credit for not having sex and stating the reason why is because he doesn't want commitment.

True, but, if he wants to be a "real man" he needs to just quit all affection with me! Don't use me. I'm better than that. I'm actually a decent, good, girl. He'd be lucky to have me. Not to be stuck up but I am one of the good ones out there.

He said this past Friday "I've actually missed you lately and it's conflicted". LOL Damn. I mean, he didn't see me for 2 weeks and missed me which was sweet or whatever but to finish that sentence off with telling me that he missed me is an issue, problem, what have you. Jeez.

He's no good for me.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

Read "he's just not that into you." If he says that he's not into you like that, he's not into you like that he just likes the attention. It's not that complicated. Affection feels good, it's an ego booster and he's just using you to stroke his.

kk0223

Read "he's just not that into you." If he says that he's not into you like that, he's not into you like that he just likes the attention. It's not that complicated. Affection feels good, it's an ego booster and he's just using you to stroke his.

I am going to read it. Lots of people have told me to just on this thread.

He has told me once before "I just don't like you like that and it sucks cause you're an awesome person. I wish I could turn my feelings off and on like a switch but I can't."

BOO!

Jeff92se

Well, he does that because you let him. It's sort of a FWB light version. If you think he's not being sincire, you have to stop that activity ffrom happening. Explain that you don't feel confortable with that and set the guidelines.

Up to now, it fault is both of your's. You can't say you didn't like the attention, even though you knew he didn't want to take it further.

chocolateandvodka

He says he isn't ready to commit to anyone and doesn't want a relationship.

Believe what he said. If you are looking for a relationship stop the affection and just be friends only. Some people go to Sams Club to fill up on the treats they really don't intend to by anything. So if you want to be bought don't waste your treats on him . I don't mean it in a mean way, I just saying. Sorry if it comes off that way.

My cousin put this on facebook. I thought it was interesting.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-mcmillan/why-youre-not-married_b_822088.html

damn. that article kind of chewed me up, spit me out, and then picked me up for everyone to see.

*tail between legs. i'm going home now.

HMD7703

I'm so confused.

-HELP!

Let me play devils advocate for a moment. You said you were not really looking for a relationship anyway... so why not just enjoy this for what it is?!?!
There is nothing wrong with have a "special" friend. Just saying

HMD7703

Friends with him is all that he's getting from here on out. No more than that.

Good luck with that...

chauncyrenayCHANGED

He shouldn't be allowed to hug you and kiss you without some kind of committment (unless you are completely okay with it...but it doesn't sound like you are).

And honestly (with all respect to you) you are allowing him to do this because you are participating as well.

My advice would be to communicate by asking him to commit to you or else you won't be fooling around anymore. Then, follow through.

Good luck, girl!!

FrenchMob

Maybe he's confused because he's gay and "trying" things out. :huh:

kk0223

Well, to be completely honest...

I don't have a problem with the "friends with benefits" thing cause it has been a topic of conversation between us before. He just acts like its' more. He acts like a boyfriend! So, it confuses me. He doesn't act like a FRIEND with benefits.

I guess if I do decide to stick with the FWB thing then I need to ignore his "boyfriend-like" things he does and just be a...FRIEND. I mean we go a few days at a time without even talking and it doesn't phase me. I just want the mixed signals to stop.

kk0223

Friends with him is all that he's getting from here on out. No more than that.

Good luck with that...

Lol Easier said than done cause obviously I like the friends with benefits. I am 100%...ok 95% okay with the FWB thing. Just want mixed signals to stop and him to stop being "sweet". I don't want him to be mean but don't be so effing sweet! lol Don't do "cute" stuff that bf/gf would do. Idk. I'm just a confused mess.

jennajava

It means he wants you to be his booty call and nothing else.