Confused about a GUY!

kk0223

He's gay.

Wow that came outta no where.:huh: I'm not sure weather I should laugh or yell.

Lol. Yeah, he's not gay and I hope that person didn't experience that situation for themselves.

fit4mom

He's gay.

Wow that came outta no where.:huh: I'm not sure weather I should laugh or yell.

Lol. Yeah, he's not gay and I hope that person didn't experience that situation for themselves.

You made me giggle. What an intriguing thought!

kk0223

Just get out.

You are better than that.

I was in that same situation 3 or 4 different times. It never works.

If you want to be friends with him and he wants to be friends with you, stop with the making out, that's not "being friends", I don't make out with any of my friends. If you have feelings for him, walk away. You are going to be the one getting hurt and then you'll be out a friend and sad.

You'll meet someone who WANTS you in everyway possible. My husband told me he knew he wanted to marry me the first time we met. He told me he loved me after a week. Today is our 3 year wedding anniversary.

There is someone out there for you that is a million times better.

And maybe it is this guy, but it's not the right time for him, and so you shouldn't be strung along because he doesn't know what's right in front of him.

That's good advice. Thanks!! In a weird way, I hope he is the guy when the time is right for both of us. But, right now, it's not happening.

Congrats on 3 years for you two!

deksgrl

If you want to be friends with him and he wants to be friends with you, stop with the making out, that's not "being friends", I don't make out with any of my friends. If you have feelings for him, walk away. You are going to be the one getting hurt and then you'll be out a friend and sad.

This ^

If it's not something you would do with your other friends, don't do it with him.

kk0223

If you want to be friends with him and he wants to be friends with you, stop with the making out, that's not "being friends", I don't make out with any of my friends. If you have feelings for him, walk away. You are going to be the one getting hurt and then you'll be out a friend and sad.

This ^

If it's not something you would do with your other friends, don't do it with him.

Well, obviously I wouldnt make out with my friends but I guess he's more in a way. We aren't committed and we don't label ourselves as more. I don't know what to call it but clearly he's a little more and we're a little more comfortable in that area than with our other friends. ?? Idk.

Carl01

So, if you're fine with the current status of your friendship, why are you confused? Neither one of you wants a "relationship", you've both acknowledged it, and you both ok with the whole FWB thing.

I'm confused because he says sweet stuff, does cute and sweet stuff. Stuff a boyfriend or an "interested" guy would do. Yet, he's not interested in me in any other way that friends. I am just wondering why he does what he does! Why go out of your way to wait on me, ask me to sleep over, do cute couple stuff but only want FWB?

Because you allow him too.

And you keep sayinhg "we do other stuff". If "other stuff" involves genitalia (touching, *kitten*, etc...), it's STILL SEX.

Sheesh!! I thought we were all beyond the Bill Clinton "oral sex isn't sex" debates!!!

Lol Ok, than, correction. We have sex. Just not...intercourse.

I said earlier that he wasn`t worth the trouble but you kind of have changed the equation here now.
He may still be but under the circumstances (which are different then original) why on earth would you expect him to do anything differently?
In short you entered into an intimate relationship to some degree,you had or developed feelings and he hasn`t.
What was the original relationship premise when you got together?

deksgrl

Well, I think you are more emotionally invested than he is, and I think he is just using you until somebody else comes along. If you are fine with FWB, then I guess that's okay, but I don't want to see you hurt when you get dropped suddenly (including friendship) when he finds Ms. Right. I think someone else said it before, but a GF in the picture is definitely going to want you out of the picture.

MercenaryNoetic26

Sweet Jesus. No wonder human relationships take so much to evolve. DON'T stoop down to a mind game level, DON'T do the "two can play that game" thing. If he really is immature enough to not make a decision when you have made it clear--drop him and MOVE ON only. If he is lying and just around for the sex (yes, the sex) drop him and MOVE ON ONLY. The moment you become passive-aggressive, elusive in your meanings, or any form of dishonest--you are just as bad if not as bad as he is. Why? Because you, OP, are smart and good enough to already know the difference. Don't listen to anyone who's telling you to be that kind of person.

Awww, you took what I said to literally. Without trying to sound funny, I'll just say it like this. He's playing her. She needs to be strong and put him to the side long enough to figure him out and see his true colors. Once she sees the true colors, she has her answer. In the mean time she can date other guys and quit putting her life on hold for some guy that's not giving her what she wants.. she has to show him. It takes more than telling a guy what you want. I can see you're not the kind of guy we're referring to. Most guys need to be showed we mean business.

MrsCon40

In a weird way, I hope he is the guy when the time is right for both of us.

Ahhhhh, I see.

I suggest being brutally honest with yourself. You say you don't want a relationship either right now, but you're really wanting to interpret his actions to see if maybe he wants more.

If you really didn't want a relationship at this time you would be keeping him at arms' length for fear he gets the wrong impression. I think you really want him to want more and if he does you'll jump at the chance.You're telling us (and yourself!) that you don't want it right now to explain why you're not getting it right now.

This is my highly professional opinion. I am not a phsychologist but I play one on MFP.

:flowerforyou:

kk0223

So, if you're fine with the current status of your friendship, why are you confused? Neither one of you wants a "relationship", you've both acknowledged it, and you both ok with the whole FWB thing.

I'm confused because he says sweet stuff, does cute and sweet stuff. Stuff a boyfriend or an "interested" guy would do. Yet, he's not interested in me in any other way that friends. I am just wondering why he does what he does! Why go out of your way to wait on me, ask me to sleep over, do cute couple stuff but only want FWB?

Because you allow him too.

And you keep sayinhg "we do other stuff". If "other stuff" involves genitalia (touching, *kitten*, etc...), it's STILL SEX.

Sheesh!! I thought we were all beyond the Bill Clinton "oral sex isn't sex" debates!!!

Lol Ok, than, correction. We have sex. Just not...intercourse.

I said earlier that he wasn`t worth the trouble but you kind of have changed the equation here now.
He may still be but under the circumstances (which are different then original) why on earth would you expect him to do anything differently?
In short you entered into an intimate relationship to some degree,you had or developed feelings and he hasn`t.
What was the original relationship premise when you got together?

Ok, we started out as friends. One thing lead to another at some point while hanging out. We messed around. Feelings grew between both of us. Or so he clamied they did for him. He says he cares for me, likes me, finds me attractive, etc. But, can't see himself with me as more than friends for long term.

But, we kept messing around as well as being friends. I still hang out with and talk to other guys but I don't do anything with them sexually. Just friends.

Mine and his relationship has never been more than considered "friends". It's not that I don't care for him for like him in some way. I do. But, I'm not ready to take anything to another level with him or anyone else. I wouldn't complain it more happened in the future but I'm not necessarily wishing for it. It would be okay by me if it's meant to be but what happens, happens.

kk0223

Well, I think you are more emotionally invested than he is, and I think he is just using you until somebody else comes along. If you are fine with FWB, then I guess that's okay, but I don't want to see you hurt when you get dropped suddenly (including friendship) when he finds Ms. Right. I think someone else said it before, but a GF in the picture is definitely going to want you out of the picture.

It seems that way, yes. I am not saying that isn't true cause clearly I can't tell either way! Idk. I'm confused by this thread now. lol So much has been said I really can't tell what I want. I will sit down tonight and consider all options and what's going on.

kk0223

Sweet Jesus. No wonder human relationships take so much to evolve. DON'T stoop down to a mind game level, DON'T do the "two can play that game" thing. If he really is immature enough to not make a decision when you have made it clear--drop him and MOVE ON only. If he is lying and just around for the sex (yes, the sex) drop him and MOVE ON ONLY. The moment you become passive-aggressive, elusive in your meanings, or any form of dishonest--you are just as bad if not as bad as he is. Why? Because you, OP, are smart and good enough to already know the difference. Don't listen to anyone who's telling you to be that kind of person.

Awww, you took what I said to literally. Without trying to sound funny, I'll just say it like this. He's playing her. She needs to be strong and put him to the side long enough to figure him out and see his true colors. Once she sees the true colors, she has her answer. In the mean time she can date other guys and quit putting her life on hold for some guy that's not giving her what she wants.. she has to show him. It takes more than telling a guy what you want. I can see you're not the kind of guy we're referring to. Most guys need to be showed we mean business.

You're correct. Takes 2 to "play" the game sometimes even though in my eyes it's not a "game". Just a way of figuring things out for myself.

Carl01

Ok, we started out as friends. One thing lead to another at some point while hanging out. We messed around. Feelings grew between both of us. Or so he clamied they did for him. He says he cares for me, likes me, finds me attractive, etc. But, can't see himself with me as more than friends for long term.

But, we kept messing around as well as being friends. I still hang out with and talk to other guys but I don't do anything with them sexually. Just friends.

Mine and his relationship has never been more than considered "friends". It's not that I don't care for him for like him in some way. I do. But, I'm not ready to take anything to another level with him or anyone else. I wouldn't complain it more happened in the future but I'm not necessarily wishing for it. It would be okay by me if it's meant to be but what happens, happens.

I guess I am a little lost here,isn`t that last paragraph pretty much saying that you are in the same place of mind about a relationship as he is?

My opinion only is this...

You have to start with being honest to yourself and to him.
If you want a committed relationship and he doesn`t then the intimate part of this has to end,you are not going to win him over by satisfying him sexually by the sounds.

If you are both comfortable scratching each others itch then continue on with it but understand and accept it will lead to nothing more.

It seems you maybe don`t quite know what you want out of this so maybe take some "me" time to sort it all out but right now he is in a perfect place for him by the sounds.
All the benefits without the work to make a relationship succeed.
Under those circumstances (I am not going to dump on him because he may think everything is fine) he will never change unless something makes him want different.

jenny95662

I'm not necessarily "looking" for a relationship. I like the affection and his friendship and if he stays friends, that's fine. It's more happens, that's fine.

I just don't understand his actions. He acts like a bf but says he doesn't like me like that? How can someone act that way all of the time but not like the person?

I don't take what you're saying mean or anything. I wouldn't ask if didn't want honest opinions. Thanks! I'll look at link!

i agree i have had a couple guys do this to me before and its just a way for him to wait till he has something he wants. Just be friends and i know once you meet someone he will step it up again cause its like a game to him dont give in lol. I have been there done that just be friends and dont let him be like that to you.

and just cause stuff happens does not mean he has changed his mind either your allowing it to go on and he is getting what he wants without having to stick around if he doesnt want to

kk0223

I'm not necessarily "looking" for a relationship. I like the affection and his friendship and if he stays friends, that's fine. It's more happens, that's fine.

I just don't understand his actions. He acts like a bf but says he doesn't like me like that? How can someone act that way all of the time but not like the person?

I don't take what you're saying mean or anything. I wouldn't ask if didn't want honest opinions. Thanks! I'll look at link!

i agree i have had a couple guys do this to me before and its just a way for him to wait till he has something he wants. Just be friends and i know once you meet someone he will step it up again cause its like a game to him dont give in lol. I have been there done that just be friends and dont let him be like that to you.

and just cause stuff happens does not mean he has changed his mind either your allowing it to go on and he is getting what he wants without having to stick around if he doesnt want to

Yea i understand..thanks for ur advice..maybe just cuttin off sexual parts of frndshp is necessary..im confusing alot of people on here and not trying to..I want frndshp with him and sexual stuff but if it sounds like he will nvr change then ill cut off sex.

kk0223

I'm not necessarily "looking" for a relationship. I like the affection and his friendship and if he stays friends, that's fine. It's more happens, that's fine.

I just don't understand his actions. He acts like a bf but says he doesn't like me like that? How can someone act that way all of the time but not like the person?

I don't take what you're saying mean or anything. I wouldn't ask if didn't want honest opinions. Thanks! I'll look at link!

i agree i have had a couple guys do this to me before and its just a way for him to wait till he has something he wants. Just be friends and i know once you meet someone he will step it up again cause its like a game to him dont give in lol. I have been there done that just be friends and dont let him be like that to you.

and just cause stuff happens does not mean he has changed his mind either your allowing it to go on and he is getting what he wants without having to stick around if he doesnt want to

Yea i understand..thanks for ur advice..maybe just cuttin off sexual parts of frndshp is necessary..im confusing alot of people on here and not trying to..I want frndshp with him and sexual stuff but if it sounds like he will nvr change then ill cut off sex.

And if more was to happen id be ok with it but if not ill be ok too..just want him to act one way or anothr

jennajava

I'd be interested in knowing how this turns out.

HMD7703

I'd be interested in knowing how this turns out.

In a hot mess. Not to be the super *B* but HELLO?!?! She says one thing, then says the complete opposite. Either you want a relationship or you don't. He doesn't want one.. obviously! So why even continue to ask what to do? Make a decision - be FWB (dont expect more) or be just friends.. no in between, back n forth BS. UGH



LMAO!

i_love_vinegar

I'd be interested in knowing how this turns out.

In a hot mess. Not to be the super *B* but HELLO?!?! She says one thing, then says the complete opposite. Either you want a relationship or you don't. He doesn't want one.. obviously! So why even continue to ask what to do? Make a decision - be FWB (dont expect more) or be just friends.. no in between, back n forth BS. UGH



LMAO!

harshly put, but it is true. OP, you deserve better than a guy who would be "settling" (in his mind) if he dated you.

why he acts the way he acts, who knows...some people do not make sense...but i hope you find someone who really wants to be with you as much as you want to be with him.

Good luck~:flowerforyou:

kk0223

I'd be interested in knowing how this turns out.

In a hot mess. Not to be the super *B* but HELLO?!?! She says one thing, then says the complete opposite. Either you want a relationship or you don't. He doesn't want one.. obviously! So why even continue to ask what to do? Make a decision - be FWB (dont expect more) or be just friends.. no in between, back n forth BS. UGH



LMAO!

harshly put, but it is true. OP, you deserve better than a guy who would be "settling" (in his mind) if he dated you.

why he acts the way he acts, who knows...some people do not make sense...but i hope you find someone who really wants to be with you as much as you want to be with him.

Good luck~:flowerforyou:

Lol Not to be a B myself but you all are B's. But, it is what it is. I asked the question..I got the opinions/advice/answers. Thanks alot and I'm with ya on the "THIS THREAD WON'T DIE" thing. I actually said something to someone yesterday about how it won't go away and people won't stop commenting on it! But, after lastnight and lots of thinking and not even hearing from him yesterday what-so-ever..I don't want to keep talking to him.

I appreciate everyones input and think it opened my eyes. He is a dog as most men are and I am going to pull myself away.

And, to the girl who said I keep going back and forth and changing my mind. I haven't changed my mind or said one thing then another. I said, I like him as a friend. I don't want a relationship RIGHT NOW but if it turned into more in the future I would consider it.

I will admit I don't know what I want and the topic of this thread says it all...CONFUSED ABOUT A GUY. CONFUSED. So, yeah, I'm confused. But, I'm not worried about it anymore. Not worth my time.

I am going to go on with my life without him and know that it was his loss.

I'm actually spending time with a great guy this Friday. He is a little older than me. Goes to church, doesn't drink and is trying to quit smoking. Great guy. Hoping he is actually a sweet, decent, respectful guy. Just want friendship right now. Not rushing into anything but whatever happens, happens.

Thanks to everyone who put their opinions out there for me. Even the B's.

jennajava

Good for you.

ItsCasey

He says he isn't ready to commit to anyone and doesn't want a relationship.

Believe what he said. If you are looking for a relationship stop the affection and just be friends only. Some people go to Sams Club to fill up on the treats they really don't intend to by anything. So if you want to be bought don't waste your treats on him . I don't mean it in a mean way, I just saying. Sorry if it comes off that way.

My cousin put this on facebook. I thought it was interesting.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-mcmillan/why-youre-not-married_b_822088.html

damn. that article kind of chewed me up, spit me out, and then picked me up for everyone to see.

*tail between legs. i'm going home now.

I just read it. I'll be honest and say that 4 of the 6 items on that list apply to me. I am angry (not "I hate men" angry, just "I have an incredibly low tolerance for BS" angry), I am shallow, I am selfish, and I am still not convinced that I am "good enough." But I am not a slut or a liar, so I have that going for me, which is nice.

kk0223

Good for you.

Thanks.

kk0223

He says he isn't ready to commit to anyone and doesn't want a relationship.

Believe what he said. If you are looking for a relationship stop the affection and just be friends only. Some people go to Sams Club to fill up on the treats they really don't intend to by anything. So if you want to be bought don't waste your treats on him . I don't mean it in a mean way, I just saying. Sorry if it comes off that way.

My cousin put this on facebook. I thought it was interesting.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-mcmillan/why-youre-not-married_b_822088.html

damn. that article kind of chewed me up, spit me out, and then picked me up for everyone to see.

*tail between legs. i'm going home now.

I just read it. I'll be honest and say that 4 of the 6 items on that list apply to me. I am angry (not "I hate men" angry, just "I have an incredibly low tolerance for BS" angry), I am shallow, I am selfish, and I am still not convinced that I am "good enough." But I am not a slut or a liar, so I have that going for me, which is nice.

I'm with you. I'm selfish, I'm angry and shallow to a point. I finally believe I'm good enough. I'm not a slut even though after this thread and admitting I was in a FWB situation some people may think so. But, I'm not.

Good article. Thanks.