Confused about a GUY!
Replies
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Honestly, I don't think you're being truthful when you say you don't want to be in a relationship. You do...but with him only (just my opinion)
I would suggest cold turkery cuz he's not the one and it's going to hold you back and you've already wasted too much time!0 -
Pretend that you're not you and read your post. Better yet, pretend your daughter wrote it.
Would you advise her to continue this "relationship"? No, you wouldn't.
A man that wants to be with you will say so and act accordingly. A man who wants a warm place to put his.... "hands" will play games with you, act affectionate, stay over, and the tell you he doesn't want a relationship is just being honest. You're his Plan B until the girl he wants comes along.
Unless you are one of the minority of females that can also honestly work the Plan B strategy, you need to cut your losses. If he is really a friend, hang out in social situations but hanging out alone together will just keep you on the hook. When you're on the hook your eyes aren't open to find a guy that will give you what you're looking for.
There's no use playing games by cutting off communication with him for some random amount of time. Be a grown-up, draw your boundaries, and proceed from there. If he's really your friend you will see him socially. If you're is Plan B then you probably won't hear from him much. If he wants to be with you he will make the effort.
I agree with what you're saying, also. I don't like the games he plays at all. I don't see it as all games though. I am part of the situation I'm in..its 50/50 and I understand that. Everyone keeps telling me to let him go so I can find a man who will give me what I want but I do not want a man. I am perfectly content being FWB with this guy. I just want him to stop saying and doing certain things if he doesn't mean them and was posting this question just wondering if they meant anything other than..nothing. I've learned that they don't mean anything other than wanting "booty".
I will continue being friends with him and not worry about a "future" with him. And, I actually talk to other guys as friends but nothing else happens with them. I have 2 guys that want to date me right now but I push them away cause I'm not ready to be settled down.
I said earlier that if I had the chance to be with this guy I keep mentioning, I don't know if I would. I just want to make sure that he isn't just saying sweet things and not being completely honest with me. Apparently, he is being hoenst when he says what he says as far as not liking me more than a friend. Being sweet, maybe that's just his personality? I don't know. I'm still learning. But, I have gotten my answer from everyone on here.
I now know what he is doing is wrong. He doesn't like me more than a friend. But, I can't complain cause I contact him first too sometimes and want to see him first, also. It's not just him.
I just wanted to know if what he does or says means anything more that what he's leading me on to believe.0 -
Try to see how long you can go without seeing him (I dunno, a FEW MONTHS) until he contacts you. Keep blowing him off. Make your life seem more important because it is. If communication stops completely on his end, you have an answer. Women, If you let men use you, they will. That's the bottom line. Oh, and I've been there and I've learned the hard way. I'm in my thirty's and I know how they think... I'm a manxpert.0
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Honestly, I don't think you're being truthful when you say you don't want to be in a relationship. You do...but with him only (just my opinion)
I would suggest cold turkery cuz he's not the one and it's going to hold you back and you've already wasted too much time!
I respect your opinion but in all honesty. I don't want a boyfriend. I do miss the affection that comes with a relationship but that's it. I am not in a place at the moment in my life to be with a man. I don't like answering to someone. I like hanging out with my friends, going out, etc without "making sure it's okay" first or having to 'check in".
I was cheated on after 8 years and he had a baby with her. I've been divorced for 6 months. Trust me, I'm not ready. I like him, yes, but, don't want to be with him more than what we are now. Was just making sure what he does and says didn't mean anymore than what he actually does and says.0 -
It is my personal opinion that you are a treasured gift. If he can't see the value of the beauty and character right in front of him then he has no right to the access of your heart. You deserve the blessing of a man who knows your true value. He is out there for you. Just know you're a wonderfully designed creation that cries out to be loved the way you deserve and the way you were designed. Someone cared enough to create you and thought you were important enough to give purpose to you that there must be meaning to your life and someone finding value in that.:flowerforyou:0
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Try to see how long you can go without seeing him (I dunno, a FEW MONTHS) until he contacts you. Keep blowing him off. Make your life seem more important because it is. If communication stops completely on his end, you have an answer. Women, If you let men use you, they will. That's the bottom line. Oh, and I've been there and I've learned the hard way. I'm in my thirty's and I know how they think... I'm a manxpert.
Manxpert. lol Funny.
It only took 2 weeks until this guy was calling and asking me to STAY ALL NIGHT which he didn't do before. I blew him off a few times when in reality I was just going home for the night doing NOTHING. But, I made him think I was busy and couldn't see him for a few hours to just hang out if nothing else. Took 2 weeks and bam..he was calling and wanting me to sleep over.0 -
This reminds me of when I had my husband literally chase me all over town!
We were dating, and he was late. I was with a group of family and friends during the holidays. There was another party to go to and we left!
Babe (I call him Babe) saunters in, and the party has left! My step mom gives him the address for him to catch up with us.
By the time he gets to the address, the party had moved to a third party!! Once again, he wrote down an address!
He finally caught up to us, but there is another something you can do!
It wasn't on purpose, it was just one of those things! This was before GPS and cell phones!0 -
It is my personal opinion that you are a treasured gift. If he can't see the value of the beauty and character right in front of him then he has no right to the access of your heart. You deserve the blessing of a man who knows your true value. He is out there for you. Just know you're a wonderfully designed creation that cries out to be loved the way you deserve and the way you were designed. Someone cared enough to create you and thought you were important enough to give purpose to you that there must be meaning to your life and someone finding value in that.:flowerforyou:
Thank you
That's sweet. I appreciate it. 0 -
So, if you're fine with the current status of your friendship, why are you confused? Neither one of you wants a "relationship"; you've both acknowledged it and you're both ok with the whole FWB thing.0
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This reminds me of when I had my husband literally chase me all over town!
We were dating, and he was late. I was with a group of family and friends during the holidays. There was another party to go to and we left!
Babe (I call him Babe) saunters in, and the party has left! My step mom gives him the address for him to catch up with us.
By the time he gets to the address, the party had moved to a third party!! Once again, he wrote down an address!
He finally caught up to us, but there is another something you can do!
It wasn't on purpose, it was just one of those things! This was before GPS and cell phones!
Haha Men are funny. Some people don't like the idea of "playing games" with him to see what he is really after.
I don't mean to make people mad or anything and I am sincere about my questions and need advice but I also have to remind everyone that I'm 25, been divorced so 6 months after 8 years, being cheated on and him having a baby with her. Now he's living in her home state. Yeah, I'm not ready for a full blown relationship. I've been there, done that. I want to have fun before I settle down. Just making sure this guy isn't just "holding back".0 -
It means he likes the sex.0
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double post, sorry0
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So, if you're fine with the current status of your friendship, why are you confused? Neither one of you wants a "relationship", you've both acknowledged it, and you both ok with the whole FWB thing.
I'm confused because he says sweet stuff, does cute and sweet stuff. Stuff a boyfriend or an "interested" guy would do. Yet, he's not interested in me in any other way that friends. I am just wondering why he does what he does! Why go out of your way to wait on me, ask me to sleep over, do cute couple stuff but only want FWB?0 -
It means he likes the sex.
We aren't having sex. We do other stuff. But not sex.0 -
Try to see how long you can go without seeing him (I dunno, a FEW MONTHS) until he contacts you. Keep blowing him off. Make your life seem more important because it is. If communication stops completely on his end, you have an answer. Women, If you let men use you, they will. That's the bottom line. Oh, and I've been there and I've learned the hard way. I'm in my thirty's and I know how they think... I'm a manxpert.
Manxpert. lol Funny.
It only took 2 weeks until this guy was calling and asking me to STAY ALL NIGHT which he didn't do before. I blew him off a few times when in reality I was just going home for the night doing NOTHING. But, I made him think I was busy and couldn't see him for a few hours to just hang out if nothing else. Took 2 weeks and bam..he was calling and wanting me to sleep over.
He sounds like a smooth operator. NO matter how appealing he sounds. Tell him you have more important things to do. Say it like you mean it and cut the convo short. He might start buying you **** and try taking you places and spending money on you. This is where it gets fun, because you keep turning him down, down down... he either drops you and you know you didn't mean a lick to him or he breaks down and cries and tells you he loves you. Still not enough. Tell him you don't care if he loves you unless you're in a committed relationship. Once he says it and means it, then you got yourself a man and not a booty call. You happy with just booty calls, then keep him and find you another better man on your spare time. Two can play. Yes, indeedy.0 -
Think of it this way. If in any part you are giving your heart to him it's a piece of you that you can't get back that is replaced by him, your intention for him. If you have that special someone in mind to spend the rest of your life with what are you gonna have left of your heart to give to him as a gift. It's like a quilt that get's a hole in it from over use. You could store it and protect it from moths and dust or you could use it and get comfort from it in the meantime, biding your time for that special someone. Then you have a somewhat raggedy gift to give him instead of the prized treasured quilt you had intention of giving in whole to the person that deserved it.0
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So, if you're fine with the current status of your friendship, why are you confused? Neither one of you wants a "relationship", you've both acknowledged it, and you both ok with the whole FWB thing.
I'm confused because he says sweet stuff, does cute and sweet stuff. Stuff a boyfriend or an "interested" guy would do. Yet, he's not interested in me in any other way that friends. I am just wondering why he does what he does! Why go out of your way to wait on me, ask me to sleep over, do cute couple stuff but only want FWB?
Because you allow him too.
And you keep sayinhg "we do other stuff". If "other stuff" involves genitalia (touching, *kitten*, etc...), it's STILL SEX.
Sheesh!! I thought we were all beyond the Bill Clinton "oral sex isn't sex" debates!!!0 -
Sweet Jesus. No wonder human relationships take so much to evolve. DON'T stoop down to a mind game level, DON'T do the "two can play that game" thing. If he really is immature enough to not make a decision when you have made it clear--drop him and MOVE ON only. If he is lying and just around for the sex (yes, the sex) drop him and MOVE ON ONLY. The moment you become passive-aggressive, elusive in your meanings, or any form of dishonest--you are just as bad if not as bad as he is. Why? Because you, OP, are smart and good enough to already know the difference. Don't listen to anyone who's telling you to be that kind of person.0
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Try to see how long you can go without seeing him (I dunno, a FEW MONTHS) until he contacts you. Keep blowing him off. Make your life seem more important because it is. If communication stops completely on his end, you have an answer. Women, If you let men use you, they will. That's the bottom line. Oh, and I've been there and I've learned the hard way. I'm in my thirty's and I know how they think... I'm a manxpert.
Manxpert. lol Funny.
It only took 2 weeks until this guy was calling and asking me to STAY ALL NIGHT which he didn't do before. I blew him off a few times when in reality I was just going home for the night doing NOTHING. But, I made him think I was busy and couldn't see him for a few hours to just hang out if nothing else. Took 2 weeks and bam..he was calling and wanting me to sleep over.
He sounds like a smooth operator. NO matter how appealing he sounds. Tell him you have more important things to do. Say it like you mean it and cut the convo short. He might start buying you **** and try taking you places and spending money on you. This is where it gets fun, because you keep turning him down, down down... he either drops you and you know you didn't mean a lick to him or he breaks down and cries and tells you he loves you. Still not enough. Tell him you don't care if he loves you unless you're in a committed relationship. Once he says it and means it, then you got yourself a man and not a booty call. You happy with just booty calls, then keep him and find you another better man on your spare time. Two can play. Yes, indeedy.
Yeah, I will start playing a little bit more hard to get with him. See how he acts. Thanks I know some women out there are in committed relationships and disagree with what I'm saying or asking. I know how it sounds. It sounds crappy. It is, but, I'm okay with the situation. Other than, being confused wanting to know why he takes it to such another level when he doesn't have to? 0 -
So, if you're fine with the current status of your friendship, why are you confused? Neither one of you wants a "relationship", you've both acknowledged it, and you both ok with the whole FWB thing.
I'm confused because he says sweet stuff, does cute and sweet stuff. Stuff a boyfriend or an "interested" guy would do. Yet, he's not interested in me in any other way that friends. I am just wondering why he does what he does! Why go out of your way to wait on me, ask me to sleep over, do cute couple stuff but only want FWB?
Because you allow him too.
And you keep sayinhg "we do other stuff". If "other stuff" involves genitalia (touching, *kitten*, etc...), it's STILL SEX.
Sheesh!! I thought we were all beyond the Bill Clinton "oral sex isn't sex" debates!!!
Lol Ok, than, correction. We have sex. Just not...intercourse. 0 -
Sweet Jesus. No wonder human relationships take so much to evolve. DON'T stoop down to a mind game level, DON'T do the "two can play that game" thing. If he really is immature enough to not make a decision when you have made it clear--drop him and MOVE ON only. If he is lying and just around for the sex (yes, the sex) drop him and MOVE ON ONLY. The moment you become passive-aggressive, elusive in your meanings, or any form of dishonest--you are just as bad if not as bad as he is. Why? Because you, OP, are smart and good enough to already know the difference. Don't listen to anyone who's telling you to be that kind of person.
This is true. Stooping to his level would be kind of crappy, huh? Since I don't like the level he has stooped to. Thanks. UGH OMG THIS IS SO RIDICULOUS IN GENERAL.
Not yelling at you but just having so many different opinions and different advice. It's crazy. I think what's best for me is to just be friends with him and not worry so much and don't look into the situation so much! Let things just be. Be a calm person and if I get hurt, it's my own fault.
I'll take everyones advice and go with it though. I do appreciate everyone caring enough to talk to me! 0 -
This is awesome advice. The only thing I warrent you to be careful of is that you have crossed the boundaries and it's generally something you can't maintain. It's near impossible to go back to friends once you've gone that far. Be very cautious and He may have hidden feelings that could be dug up. You've both deceived your selves and each other with this activity and your not being honest with yourself. Just beware that it could get really hairy and sometimes giving time is the best possible answer. I have personally witnessed relationships get bad with what your describing. Be well I'm sending a prayer of peace and wisdom to discern your best option.Sweet Jesus. No wonder human relationships take so much to evolve. DON'T stoop down to a mind game level, DON'T do the "two can play that game" thing. If he really is immature enough to not make a decision when you have made it clear--drop him and MOVE ON only. If he is lying and just around for the sex (yes, the sex) drop him and MOVE ON ONLY. The moment you become passive-aggressive, elusive in your meanings, or any form of dishonest--you are just as bad if not as bad as he is. Why? Because you, OP, are smart and good enough to already know the difference. Don't listen to anyone who's telling you to be that kind of person.
This is true. Stooping to his level would be kind of crappy, huh? Since I don't like the level he has stooped to. Thanks. UGH OMG THIS IS SO RIDICULOUS IN GENERAL.
Not yelling at you but just having so many different opinions and different advice. It's crazy. I think what's best for me is to just be friends with him and not worry so much and don't look into the situation so much! Let things just be. Be a calm person and if I get hurt, it's my own fault.
I'll take everyones advice and go with it though. I do appreciate everyone caring enough to talk to me!0 -
This is awesome advice. The only thing I warrent you to be careful of is that you have crossed the boundaries and it's generally something you can't maintain. It's near impossible to go back to friends once you've gone that far. Be very cautious and He may have hidden feelings that could be dug up. You've both deceived your selves and each other with this activity and your not being honest with yourself. Just beware that it could get really hairy and sometimes giving time is the best possible answer. I have personally witnessed relationships get bad with what your describing. Be well I'm sending a prayer of peace and wisdom to discern your best option.Sweet Jesus. No wonder human relationships take so much to evolve. DON'T stoop down to a mind game level, DON'T do the "two can play that game" thing. If he really is immature enough to not make a decision when you have made it clear--drop him and MOVE ON only. If he is lying and just around for the sex (yes, the sex) drop him and MOVE ON ONLY. The moment you become passive-aggressive, elusive in your meanings, or any form of dishonest--you are just as bad if not as bad as he is. Why? Because you, OP, are smart and good enough to already know the difference. Don't listen to anyone who's telling you to be that kind of person.
This is true. Stooping to his level would be kind of crappy, huh? Since I don't like the level he has stooped to. Thanks. UGH OMG THIS IS SO RIDICULOUS IN GENERAL.
Not yelling at you but just having so many different opinions and different advice. It's crazy. I think what's best for me is to just be friends with him and not worry so much and don't look into the situation so much! Let things just be. Be a calm person and if I get hurt, it's my own fault.
I'll take everyones advice and go with it though. I do appreciate everyone caring enough to talk to me!
Fit4Mom-
Thank you so much. I like your advice as well as Castle's. We haven't stopped being friends or taken it past friendship as far as labeling ourselves as more. Just friends who mess around I guess. I think it's possible for us to be just friends. It's just the temptation that gets us everytime. Because we're comfy with each other.
I will be okay and am not at all going to stress the situation. Not worth it. Thanks for talking to me. 0 -
I haven't read the whole thread, but my advice... You deserve a guy who shows you he cares by his words AND his actions.
It doesn't matter if a guy says he's not interested but acts it, or if he says he is interested and doesn't act it... forget him.0 -
I haven't read the whole thread, but my advice... You deserve a guy who shows you he cares by his words AND his actions.
It doesn't matter if a guy says he's not interested but acts it, or if he says he is interested and doesn't act it... forget him.
Thanks 0 -
WOW you take advice in great stride! I am impressed with your thoughtfulness and intention to value the wisdom of the people you ask for it from. What a great person you are. There are so few people out there that actually take the time to listen. You must be one smart cookie. I am really impressed by the integrity of the character you've shown us today. Thank you for being a great example and willing to listen.0
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WOW you take advice in great stride! I am impressed with your thoughtfulness and intention to value the wisdom of the people you ask for it from. What a great person you are. There are so few people out there that actually take the time to listen. You must be one smart cookie. I am really impressed by the integrity of the character you've shown us today. Thank you for being a great example and willing to listen.
Lol That made me smile. Thanks. I definitely keep up with every single response. If I'm taking the time to ask for advice I will listen and actually will take the advice! Wether I like it or not.
I'm glad you consider me smart. I know this thread may not make me look very smart in the men department but that's why I'm asking for advice so I can straighten up in that area! I'm not "boy crazy". I have actually only had 1 boyfriend. Ever. From 15 years old to 22 and I've been single since 22 (I'm 25). I just don't want to settle down for awhile with anyone.0 -
Because it's easy for him.. You are accepting it.. so he doesn't have to "worry" about you taking the kisses and lovey dovey stuff another way-even though you are. You are easy for him.
He says "no, I don't want anything more than a friendship".. and you still come back the next day. You are easy for him. He can do whatever he wants with no worries.So, if you're fine with the current status of your friendship, why are you confused? Neither one of you wants a "relationship", you've both acknowledged it, and you both ok with the whole FWB thing.
I'm confused because he says sweet stuff, does cute and sweet stuff. Stuff a boyfriend or an "interested" guy would do. Yet, he's not interested in me in any other way that friends. I am just wondering why he does what he does! Why go out of your way to wait on me, ask me to sleep over, do cute couple stuff but only want FWB?0 -
Because it's easy for him.. You are accepting it.. so he doesn't have to "worry" about you taking the kisses and lovey dovey stuff another way-even though you are. You are easy for him.
He says "no, I don't want anything more than a friendship".. and you still come back the next day. You are easy for him. He can do whatever he wants with no worries.So, if you're fine with the current status of your friendship, why are you confused? Neither one of you wants a "relationship", you've both acknowledged it, and you both ok with the whole FWB thing.
Well, I'm going to stop that. I'll be friends with him but not going to be "easy" for him anymore. Make him either prove self or just let him go.
I'm confused because he says sweet stuff, does cute and sweet stuff. Stuff a boyfriend or an "interested" guy would do. Yet, he's not interested in me in any other way that friends. I am just wondering why he does what he does! Why go out of your way to wait on me, ask me to sleep over, do cute couple stuff but only want FWB?0 -
Just get out.
You are better than that.
I was in that same situation 3 or 4 different times. It never works.
If you want to be friends with him and he wants to be friends with you, stop with the making out, that's not "being friends", I don't make out with any of my friends. If you have feelings for him, walk away. You are going to be the one getting hurt and then you'll be out a friend and sad.
You'll meet someone who WANTS you in everyway possible. My husband told me he knew he wanted to marry me the first time we met. He told me he loved me after a week. Today is our 3 year wedding anniversary.
There is someone out there for you that is a million times better.
And maybe it is this guy, but it's not the right time for him, and so you shouldn't be strung along because he doesn't know what's right in front of him.0
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