how honest should a MFP friend be?

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  • bhalter
    bhalter Posts: 582 Member
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    I don't offer my opinion on their diary unless they're asking for people to look at it and give advice. I don't want someone getting on to me for a burger I had when I was out with friends, so I'm not going to get onto them for the bag of Cheetos they consumed. If they ASK their friends what changes they need to make or express that they are struggling with food choices, then I'll gladly make some recommendations based on what I see in their diary.
  • OLFATUG
    OLFATUG Posts: 393 Member
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    I can't speak for anyone else, but I would welcome the honesty. I try and make the best food choices I can, but I'm no nutritionist. If I am making some really obvious mistake that I just don't see, I'll be glad to hear about it.
  • angiemartin78
    angiemartin78 Posts: 475 Member
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    If people don't ask me, I assume they aren't looking for advice. The majority of us know when we aren't making good choices.

    this

    I agree
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
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    I don't like to receive unsolicited advice there for I don't give unsolicited advice. If your friend asks for help then by all means state your opinion. But if they are not asking - don't say a thing.
  • classyhoney
    classyhoney Posts: 75 Member
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    Don't ask don't tell. When it comes to fitness and weight loss when people want help they will ask. It's always better to PM than to post on profile or comment on statuses if you must say something. Through experience, I've found it best not to say anything.
  • echoica
    echoica Posts: 339 Member
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    what you say could motivate one person and demoralise another.

    ^this
  • Debbe2
    Debbe2 Posts: 2,071 Member
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    I'm very honest when asked however only when asked. I am comfortable saying "great job logging everything today" when I see a MFP friend has eaten poorly (IMO) for the day or even over time. In truth I feel that this is their journey and their diary and they NEED to be comfortable enough to log honestly for their own benefit.
  • KarenG1213
    KarenG1213 Posts: 24
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    If it's public, say something in a private message in an encouracging way. They may know they need to change their food selections and your encouragement may be just what they need. Just don't nag... good luck and what a good MFP buddy you are to want to help! :smile:
  • _VoV
    _VoV Posts: 1,494 Member
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    Seeing a lot of beige food on a food diary, with the only 'color' coming from Skittles, is really disconcerting. But people tend to change when they are ready and nagging doesn't really help. So, I say encourage the positive steps your friends are making, and let one good fitness habit lead to another. If they are in it for the long haul, this evolution will happen on its own.
  • therealangd
    therealangd Posts: 1,861 Member
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    Don't offer unless asked. Unsolicited advice is a big NO NO
  • HisPathDaily
    HisPathDaily Posts: 672 Member
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    Again, you NEED to have a relationship first ...

    However, it's not unsolicited if your diary is public. If I don't want advice on my diary, then why would I make it public? People can still tell your "posting it" and see if you're under/over if you want ... but If there is a real reason to making a public diary yet not wanting anyone to comment, then by all means let me know. I just don't get it ... if I don't want advice, I'll close my diary (or only open it to some).

    So on that note ... if the diary "IS" public, and I "DO" have a relationship with the person, and there "ARE" some obvious patterns of health in question, why not ask lovingly in a private message? This is health, not what color paper plates you like ... if I saw a bus about to hit a friend, why wouldn't I at least tap them on the shoulder? There "are" serious health risks to junk eating (even if your weight is maintaining) ... but if you meet the above criteria, why wouldn't you offer a kind word and ask?
  • radwyn
    radwyn Posts: 3
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    Most advice is not true anyway
  • SarabellPlus3
    SarabellPlus3 Posts: 496 Member
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    I think honesty is answering your truth when someone asks you a question.

    I think just throwing out "hey! You're not doing this good enough!" is more about the self-esteem boost for the person saying it, than it is about "honesty." If someone asks you to critique their diary, by all means do it. But if you're reading their diary looking for a time to gloat, zip it. They don't need you to share your genius input that a Super-Sized Fries isn't healthy, betcha they already know that.
  • SarabellPlus3
    SarabellPlus3 Posts: 496 Member
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    However, it's not unsolicited if your diary is public. If I don't want advice on my diary, then why would I make it public? People can still tell your "posting it" and see if you're under/over if you want ... but If there is a real reason to making a public diary yet not wanting anyone to comment, then by all means let me know. I just don't get it ... if I don't want advice, I'll close my diary (or only open it to some).
    I'll answer. :) I think mine is public, 1. because it's the automatic setting (it's the status quo, until I started seeing these types of threads, it didn't occur to me that those were publically viewed, or that they could or would need to be changed), 2. I don't care if people read it, anyway. I think it's silly to think you need to educate me on the fact that the few Butterscotch chips I just had aren't healthy, I already know that, I just ate them anyway LOL; just like I tell my friends when I work out, because I log it... It's not really about your response to how I worked out, it's about logging it, and even the positive response and encouragement is nice. 3. if people want ideas, I assume that's where others might look, so I may as well leave it open.

    And if someone does comment on the Butterscotch chips I ate, I guess I'll just think it's silly. LOL I think it's condescending to think that I need you to educate me on it, but it's not skin off my hide, really. I don't like having a TON of friends, though, just a few I have time to keep track of, so it wouldn't be a person I'd keep on my list. Not because I hate them or anything, it's just not what I need.
  • HisPathDaily
    HisPathDaily Posts: 672 Member
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    OK, good point ... hmm ...

    Well, I still say that if I have a "friend" (i.e. we actually talk/dialog) and they are making consistent unhealthy choices I may say something ... and I'm not talking about butterscotch chips :) ... I'm talking about something obvious ... I know that's subjective (the word obvious) but so much in life is anyway ... if I see a "friend" eating 500 net calories a day for weeks/months because they are paranoid about losing weight in an unhealthy manor ... or if I see someone who is arguably underweight still log tremendous deficits as they never seem to be happy ... GRANTED, these cases may need serious counseling from a professional, but as a friend, we may open dialog and discuss some stuff that we can help eachother with in the meantime ... so I'm not saying to write a note "why did you eat those oreos!?" ... lol ... :) ... cuz maybe they did for the same reason I did ... cuz they are YUMMY! ... but as a friend, we should help eachother ... so while this may be the exception, not the rule, I still can't say that I wouldn't comment as I think there are times when it may not only be appropriate but helpful.

    Anyway, that's me ... and for the record the only reason I didn't have any cookies last night was because we bought those nasty candy cane oreo-like cookies from trader joe's ... the family seems to love them ... not me! So I chose wine ... lol
    I'll answer. :) I think mine is public, 1. because it's the automatic setting (it's the status quo, until I started seeing these types of threads, it didn't occur to me that those were publically viewed, or that they could or would need to be changed), 2. I don't care if people read it, anyway. I think it's silly to think you need to educate me on the fact that the few Butterscotch chips I just had aren't healthy, I already know that, I just ate them anyway LOL; just like I tell my friends when I work out, because I log it... It's not really about your response to how I worked out, it's about logging it, and even the positive response and encouragement is nice. 3. if people want ideas, I assume that's where others might look, so I may as well leave it open.
  • Hambone23
    Hambone23 Posts: 486 Member
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    Ugh. Wanted to add a thought here. I think this is where the Food Notes section of the Food Diary would help. Say you know you had a bad day and why, note it. Or note your intention to do better. That is if you're aware of what you're doing wrong. That could clear up much confusion about why someone is eating the way they are. Just an imho.
  • jennifermcornett
    jennifermcornett Posts: 159 Member
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    Just bring up a delicious food you eat that they've "just gotta try!!" Give them some healthier ideas. Maybe they're eating junk because that's what they can afford. Maybe it's because they are incredibly busy... Just toss out a "You've got to try this dish!"
  • susanswan
    susanswan Posts: 1,194 Member
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    I was contacted to be a friend and I accepted. Later on I looked at the food diary! WOW! ALL fast food from Burger King or McDonalds the entire way down the list! There were less than 10 items for the day. Obviously a woman with a lot to lose as she was within her 2000+ calorie limit for the day, but the food was all "crap" in my opinion. I am usually the polar opposite with 30 or more ingredients that make up my usually highly veggie based diet and I cook all of my own food from scratch. I thought about saying something, but am learning late in life to keep a lid on it. Sometimes I am not successful, but sometimes I am. People are mainly here to lose weight. What they choose to do with their health I guess is up to them. I have been told to up my protein before and I resist. I just can't get behind a high protein diet or taking large amounts of processed canned protein in. Mentally, it just isn't going to work for me no matter who says what, and I suppose I should respect the fast food dieter as well. I can quietly lead by example IF someone wants to be lead by my example. Not sure why she friended me as she didn't write a note (a pet peeve of mine!) But as another poster said, "all of my friends are adults" and I am learning that I can do it my way, and I can also let them do things their way. You may not like what I am doing with my diet and that is okay with me. I however, love it! It works for me. So I choose to butt out unless asked. MFP is all about weight loss and staying under/close to calories. Doing those two things gets the thumbs up around here! Healthy choices are secondary.
  • HisPathDaily
    HisPathDaily Posts: 672 Member
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    While I certainly understand the rest of your post, I certainly can't agree with the statement below. For you perhaps, yes. However there are plenty of people on here to specifically track their eating habits, nutrition structure, and another stuff. The beauty of MFP is that it's as simple and as complex (virtually) as you want to make it. For many reasons, including some medical and allergic, people use it to track much more than a number.

    Many times I too go through a period of heavy tracking on specific balances (fiber, fat, carbs, etc.) ... for me it's a tool that helps me steer towards healthy eating. If you want to use it as strictly a calorie counter, go for it. But MFP is not "all about staying under calories and weight loss".
    MFP is all about weight loss and staying under/close to calories. Doing those two things gets the thumbs up around here! Healthy choices are secondary.
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    I think it would depend on how well you know them. Do you know them to be someone that responds positively to constructive criticism? What is their goal? Are they trying to eat healthy and failing? Many people are quite happy eating junk as long as the scale and/or tape measure shows results. Some people strive for health, others just to be thinner.

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