What makes a relationship work?
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Trust0
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Trust, Respect, Understanding and a kick *kitten* sex life....0
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"Love conquers all" is a fairy tale. Ill have to get back to you on the other part though.
Agreed. A relationship is a job- hard work with a great paycheck.0 -
Trust, Respect, Understanding and a kick *kitten* sex life....
^^^ This! Plus a mutual attraction.0 -
I've been with the same lady since we were teens.
We've been through most everything, had 5 kids and are still passionate, happy and a complete team.
28 years married this saturday!
Here is what works:
1. Intimacy and attraction - SEX - if you fail here, forget it. Nothing else will work.
2. Communication - be honest with each other about everything. No holding back, and if you can't, the relationship will either fail or digress into a union of convenience devoid of love and passion.
3. Money - without money, love will go out the window.
4. Common Interest - don't grow apart as two people with separate lives and desires. Stay on the same page.
5. Space - don't smother! Guys need time away to go hunting, fishing or shooting pool, telling dirty jokes, and ladies need time out with the girls.
6. Romance - ladies, don't stop dressing sexy, and guys, bring flowers a few times each month. Plan a date once a week.
Have crazy sex in the car or something like that - not the same old boring thing in the same old boring room, same old boring position in the same old boring bed...SPICE IT UP!
7. Play together - throw a ball, take a hike, ride bikes, play tennis, play cards - just play! Have fun just playing
That's it!
Go, and do likewise...lol
THIS! You should write a book on how to make love last.
It's effort but the rewards are great!
I wouldn't live any other way.0 -
Common goals in life, an ability to speak honestly, a even greater ability to accept faults of your own as well as your spouse's. Friendship first. Trusting the other person with your heart.
If you are looking to someone else to fill in gaps that you aren't getting in your relationship (sexually or emotionally) then you need to communicate those problems with your partner. Period.0 -
Sex.
Oh, and communication.
^^This LOL
"It's easy to take your clothes off and have sex. People do it all of the time, but opening your soul to someone, letting them in your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, dreams....that's being naked."
This is where it starts. I'm a firm believer that love will conquer all.0 -
I'm learning to forgive him for things he does without thinking. I'm learning not to sweat the small stuff. It's tough at times .
Pacience doesn't come naturally for me , I usually want to fix things asap by talking about ,however it doesn't work that way. I have to accept some of his habits that I find annoying and he needs to do the same .
To Forgive: "when I give up my right to hurt you ..when you hurt me first "
So, To make a relacionship last forgiveness has to be constant act from both . Love is forgiving.
I recommend this book .." Marriable " by Hayle Dimarco0 -
What you are defining as "Effort" in my opinion is Respect. Respect should take zero effort, it is a natural, and mutual understanding that is earned. I do things with my wife that I wouldn't choose to do on my own , I do them because I love and respect her. It never feels like I'm being dragged into something, kicking and screaming. I do it for Her. Also, it is very hard for somebody to make somebody else happy. Happiness comes from within. I don't make an effort to make my wife happy. We are happy together.If I have to "work" on a relationship; it's not worth it. A relationship should feel natural, and not like work. Friendship, and communication are vital. Also, having both similiar, and seperate interests is a big plus. Common goals, and philosophy about life is also important. But, if starts to feel like a job, I'm moving on.
I think when we say work we mean effort - not like a job you hate effort where everything is a struggle and it's unnatural - but thinking the person and relationship is worth it to work through whatever compromises need to be made or hard times. Effort to consider them and their point of view. Effort to make another person happy. No relationship is without its ups and downs. If you aren't willing to make an effort then yes - move on - for both of you.
Yes - Respect - but some things also take effort. My husband likes backpacking. I don't - but I went a few times. Was I miserable? NO.I actually enjoyed myself because we were doing it together - but still, I would not choose to do this if it wasn't something I knew he enjoyed. I wasn't dragged kicking and screaming, I didn't go reluctantly, I didn't complain - I considered him and off we went. I just don't see the point in carrying around 40 pounds on my back when I could go hike all day without one and camp at a campground lol, so I would never do this unless I were with him. I'm sure he's done things he otherwise wouldn't do as well - like he is perpetually late, but I know he makes an effort to be on time for things involving me because I am punctual. idk - maybe that's not everyone's definition of effort. I don't mean it in a negative way.
Actually your definition of love and respect sounds much like my explanation of effort. We are just calling it different things is all.0 -
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Sex.
Oh, and communication.
^^This LOL
"It's easy to take your clothes off and have sex. People do it all of the time, but opening your soul to someone, letting them in your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, dreams....that's being naked."
This is where it starts. I'm a firm believer that love will conquer all.
I agree..that is truly being naked and vulnerable.0 -
What makes a relationship work?
When, after being kept up all night by their various snorts and nasal assaults coupled with various kicks to random body parts, you decide to not to place a cinderblock firmly on their face or Gorilla Glue their nostrils shut. That's true love and you know, deep down, that you'll make it through any of life's tribulations.
As cliche as it sounds, being "best friends" certainly makes life easy for us. (Oh, and the humping. Yeah.)0 -
I agree. I have to claim a bit of ignorance here though. I look at what some people deem a "relationship", and I am just amazed at some peoples definition. I have been lucky in relationships. But is it luck?
What you are defining as "Effort" in my opinion is Respect. Respect should take zero effort, it is a natural, and mutual understanding that is earned. I do things with my wife that I wouldn't choose to do on my own , I do them because I love and respect her. It never feels like I'm being dragged into something, kicking and screaming. I do it for Her. Also, it is very hard for somebody to make somebody else happy. Happiness comes from within. I don't make an effort to make my wife happy. We are happy together.If I have to "work" on a relationship; it's not worth it. A relationship should feel natural, and not like work. Friendship, and communication are vital. Also, having both similiar, and seperate interests is a big plus. Common goals, and philosophy about life is also important. But, if starts to feel like a job, I'm moving on.
I think when we say work we mean effort - not like a job you hate effort where everything is a struggle and it's unnatural - but thinking the person and relationship is worth it to work through whatever compromises need to be made or hard times. Effort to consider them and their point of view. Effort to make another person happy. No relationship is without its ups and downs. If you aren't willing to make an effort then yes - move on - for both of you.
Yes - Respect - but some things also take effort. My husband likes backpacking. I don't - but I went a few times. Was I miserable? NO.I actually enjoyed myself because we were doing it together - but still, I would not choose to do this if it wasn't something I knew he enjoyed. I wasn't dragged kicking and screaming, I didn't go reluctantly, I didn't complain - I considered him and off we went. I just don't see the point in carrying around 40 pounds on my back when I could go hike all day without one and camp at a campground lol, so I would never do this unless I were with him. I'm sure he's done things he otherwise wouldn't do as well - like he is perpetually late, but I know he makes an effort to be on time for things involving me because I am punctual. idk - maybe that's not everyone's definition of effort. I don't mean it in a negative way.
Actually your definition of love and respect sounds much like my explanation of effort. We are just calling it different things is all.0 -
Opening up.
Not keeping secrets.
Forget and forgive things in the past from previous relationships.
Sex.
Generally just having fun.
Not to pick fights just because you woke up on the wrong side of the bed.0 -
Love is about committment to each other. About respecting each other making sacrifices. It's putting the other person's needs first.
exactly!!0 -
Interesting subject!0
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My qualifications:
Married 12.5 years
3 kids
Married at 19(me) and 20(wifey)
Both from very damaged and broken homes (divorce, abuse, poverty, mental illness, and or suicide all existed in either one or both of our homes growing up).
I think what has kept us together is we try the best we can to always think how our actions effect the other. We both have sacrificed for the other and choose to honor that sacrifice by reciprcating it, without ever having to be asked. We are committed to each other and our family. We both love each other with a spirit of forgiveness. We are not afraid to be the first to say we are sorry after an argument. We have gotten to the point that we believe the other has our best interests at heart; regardless of the situation. This means we are not ever suspicious of the other person's motives. This allows us to trust each other more than you can realize. We have admitted that we have "thrown our lot" with the other and there is no going back. We have no choice but to work "us" out to a resolution. I hear of couples who have "grown apart" and I nearly cry. Nobody "grows apart" you simply grow. Where and how you grow is a choice. We have chosen to grow together. We are not the same people who married each other 12.5 years ago. Hell, I was in high school when we met and she was geting ready to go to college. We had no idea what we were going to be when we grew up. We just knew we wanted to grow up together.
I also am not wanting to get all religious on you; but the fact is I think my wife was the one God "meant" for me. I don't think it would be possible for us to behave the smae way we have and it "work out" if we had chosen other people. We "work" because we were made to "fit" together. So that said; a relationship works when you have chosen the right one.
Ask if you can love this person in a spirit of forgiveness?
Can you be more giving to this person than they are to you? (people preach marriage is equals, that's BS no relationship is truly equal; somebody always thinks they are putting more in, often both think they are...). Would being the "stronger" person in the relationshp bother you?
What would you be willing to give up for this person's happiness? For example I thought I wanted to work for the State Department in embassies over seas. I was excited about the prospect and mentioned it to my wife of 3 years and was crestfallen when she tearfully said it was a no-go. With her wants and needs for closeness to family here in the states she would be miserable over seas. There are some that would say I should have pushed to have a career that I had a natural affinity for. But doing so would have likely caused more strain than we could work through.. and we would have eventually "grown apart".
Just food for thought...0 -
I haven't read all of this thread. I won't pretend to be an expert. But I will tell you what I firmly believe to be the keys to all successful relationships.
1. Love
2. Honesty
3. Compromise
#1 is optional.0 -
I agree. I have to claim a bit of ignorance here though. I look at what some people deem a "relationship", and I am just amazed at some peoples definition. I have been lucky in relationships. But is it luck?
What you are defining as "Effort" in my opinion is Respect. Respect should take zero effort, it is a natural, and mutual understanding that is earned. I do things with my wife that I wouldn't choose to do on my own , I do them because I love and respect her. It never feels like I'm being dragged into something, kicking and screaming. I do it for Her. Also, it is very hard for somebody to make somebody else happy. Happiness comes from within. I don't make an effort to make my wife happy. We are happy together.If I have to "work" on a relationship; it's not worth it. A relationship should feel natural, and not like work. Friendship, and communication are vital. Also, having both similiar, and seperate interests is a big plus. Common goals, and philosophy about life is also important. But, if starts to feel like a job, I'm moving on.
I think when we say work we mean effort - not like a job you hate effort where everything is a struggle and it's unnatural - but thinking the person and relationship is worth it to work through whatever compromises need to be made or hard times. Effort to consider them and their point of view. Effort to make another person happy. No relationship is without its ups and downs. If you aren't willing to make an effort then yes - move on - for both of you.
Yes - Respect - but some things also take effort. My husband likes backpacking. I don't - but I went a few times. Was I miserable? NO.I actually enjoyed myself because we were doing it together - but still, I would not choose to do this if it wasn't something I knew he enjoyed. I wasn't dragged kicking and screaming, I didn't go reluctantly, I didn't complain - I considered him and off we went. I just don't see the point in carrying around 40 pounds on my back when I could go hike all day without one and camp at a campground lol, so I would never do this unless I were with him. I'm sure he's done things he otherwise wouldn't do as well - like he is perpetually late, but I know he makes an effort to be on time for things involving me because I am punctual. idk - maybe that's not everyone's definition of effort. I don't mean it in a negative way.
Actually your definition of love and respect sounds much like my explanation of effort. We are just calling it different things is all.
I prefer to call it blessed
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I just got a tattoo on my bicep that says this:
"You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly"!
This to me is the key to all relationships!0
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