did you just say i was pregnant EXSUSE YOU?

plainjoe81

My wife did that to a girl at a high school reunion once, she felt horrible about saying it. In her defense though, the style of shirt the former classmate was wearing looked like a maternity shirt and really was the inspiration for the question. Is there any chance you were wearing the same shirt, or style of shirt each time you were asked this question?

wildhehr2

I've been asked several times when I was due, and never when I was pregnant. It's humiliating. I know I'm fat. I'm working on it...but once you've had kids, it's really tough to lose the gut. Still working on it....but it's still rude to be asked.

tonid2011

I'm sorry you had to experience this - I've been there.

In my instance I was with a then boyfriend at a restaurant & the waitress was clearly flirting with him - that doesn't typically bother me and maybe she could sense her playfullness had no effect on me so she dug a little deeper ... shifted her attention to me & asked how far along I was.

Before I could even respond the then boyfriend had blurted out... "Oh, she's not pregnant, that's just how she looks."

My guess is that the ending to this story is pretty obvious.

shydaisi

My mom said something once to someone who she thought looked obviously pregnant (like due within a month or so), and, come to find out, she had just had a still birth that week at 38 weeks. My mom has never, ever said anything to anyone else since unless they made a comment first. She shared the story with me when I was in my late teens and for that reason have always followed the same philosophy.

I have never been asked, but I have been worried before that someone would ask. I would have been mortified.

julietsingleton

He had it done about 6 years ago! I would have thought it would have happened by now if it was going to!

julietsingleton

I had my mother in law ask "when's it due?" when she knew full well i could not be pregnant because my husband has had "the snip"! I was so angry with her because when i lost 3 stone, she didn't say a word, but when i had put a little bit back on, she felt the need to be a COW!

You could actually get pregnant after that. I have a cousin whose mom's tubes were tied and daddy was snipped. It can still happen.

He had it done about 6 years ago! I would have thought it would have happened by now if it was going to!

jennajava

Even if you were pregnant, it's still rude. I don't see how it's any random stranger's business.

^This. It's like people lose brain matter when they see a pregnant woman (or a woman they think is pregnant). Nut jobs come out of the woodworks and rub your belly like you're Buddha, etc. I even had one woman randomly ask if I would LIFT MY SHIRT for her to see my belly. wtf really?

Kind of goes along the lines with people saying, "So when are you guys gonna have a baby?" or "When are you going to have another?" You NEVER know if someone is TTC and can't.

keiraev

Oh yeh been there a couple of times at work- one occasion my belly wasn't even sticking out it was the way my jumper was sat! Comments like that just spurred me on to lose the weight to be honest- but you're right its damned rude I can't even IMAGINE even saying that to someone especially someone I didn't even know!

trlyblssd79

I knew I had to do something when I went to work ( I work at a daycare) and one of the children asked me if I had a baby in my tummy : /

jennajava

It's called being polite, taking a interest in someone, being friendly...

It is never a random person's business whether or not I am pregnant.

Articeluvsmemphis

I don't think it's rude. People carry their weight in different places, and if you look pregnant some people truly want to be happy for you and congratulate you. If someone thought I was pregnant that would make me want to lose my weight even more, lol. Would not bother me, but I'm not uptight about a lot of things, so that is just me.

galegetsthin

I have a job where I am in contact with a lot of older men. I get asked ALL the time when I am due, if I know if its a boy or girl yet, my favorite though is "You must only have a few weeks left". I am very short waisted though and have slender appendages, so when I sit down I can see the error. I just let them know that I am not pregnant and am actively trying to lose weight. I try to take it as a complement that they think I am pregnant and not just fat. It means the rest of me doesnt look fat!

mfp_1

***************************
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/8730106.stm
Is that woman pregnant or fat?

Some commuters don't give up their seats for pregnant women because they fear offending someone who is just overweight, it has emerged. Here, expectant mothers give tips on how to tell the difference.

[... more ...]
***************************

Elf_Princess1210

Has anyone ever turned around to you and asked how many weeks pregnant you were and u you were not even pregnant just a bit over weight? This has happened to me about 4 times this year its so rude of people to randomley ask you how many weeks pregnant you are wen your not even pregnant? Like dont you think maybe its just fat? what have been your come backs in regards to this or am i the only one

Once. I was working in a nursing home, and during my morning medication pass I had an old lady with Alzheimer's rub my belly and ask me if I was getting a lot of morning sickness, because I looked thin (I was 250lbs at 5'2" at the time). I didn't get upset, because she thought I was her daughter that day and was worried about me and her grandkid (she went on to say that I needed to eat more small meals because she wanted us to be healthy) *chuckle*. My feelings don't get hurt easily after working with Alzheimer's patients for 10 years.

I usually got called fatass, fat*****, or wide load. I would rather people ask me if i were pregnant. Although, once I moved to Tennessee from Washington DC no one calls me those names anymore. Of course, there are a lot of people my size or bigger down here, so they're more plus size friendly.

Elf_Princess1210

duplicate, sorry. Hit enter twice

dissonancesquared

something like this happened to me several years ago... i was in my early 20s, healthy weight/bmi (though i tend to carry literally all my weight in my stomach which can be unflattering if i don't dress carefully) having a cigarette and these two teenaged girls walked passed, and one said loudly to the other "omg i thought you weren't supposed to smoke when you're pregnant" and they walked off giggling. i was absolutely mortified. thats malice. i think in your case they were just trying to be nice

Temporalia

I've had that question asked too many time to tell them all. When i'm thinner, it happens once or twice a year, when i'm around my actual weight, it's almost monthly.

My best come back line was:not pregnant, just fat. The clerk at the garage could never serve me again and would purposely hide when she saw me. (and I was at my lowest weight by that time).

As for politeness, if I don't see a head coming out of there, I ain't asking. Just saying.

PAnn1

Debswebby, even though it hurt, I think your response to the question was handled extremely well.

SafireBleu

I was at a party once and my friends dad said, "Anna stand with your friends so I can take a picture of the 3 pregnant girls at the party" I told him I was 4 mths pregnant even though I was there with my 6 mth old. I figured ehhh he was old and didn't know better.

Articeluvsmemphis

***************************
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/8730106.stm
Is that woman pregnant or fat?

Some commuters don't give up their seats for pregnant women because they fear offending someone who is just overweight, it has emerged. Here, expectant mothers give tips on how to tell the difference.

[... more ...]
***************************

WOW! they really needed to put this is an article? this is hilarious, poor truly pregnant women, haha

GorillaNJ

***************************
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/8730106.stm
Is that woman pregnant or fat?

Some commuters don't give up their seats for pregnant women because they fear offending someone who is just overweight, it has emerged. Here, expectant mothers give tips on how to tell the difference.

[... more ...]
***************************

Nice.... I actually do some of those... but at some point staring at a girl examining her ankles and breathing patterns might get me slapped! hand on the belly is a big give away for me... also is if she gets on the train looking actively for a seat.

lik_11

My wife did that to a girl at a high school reunion once, she felt horrible about saying it. In her defense though, the style of shirt the former classmate was wearing looked like a maternity shirt and really was the inspiration for the question. Is there any chance you were wearing the same shirt, or style of shirt each time you were asked this question?

I've only been asked one time & I've never worn the shirt I had on again! It was a cute shirt, but it was very flowy- NEVER again.

mleoni092708

This happened to my Mom recently-but she made the boo-boo. She is the sweetest woman on earth and wanted to die when she realized what she had done.

Family friends of my husbands have 2 adult daughters. My mom doesn't know them by face, just by me talking about them. I had told her one of them was pregnant. She works at bingo and recognized our friend's mother and that she was there with her adult daughter. She walked over and patted her large belly and asked how the baby was doing. She replied "Actually I'm not pregnant, my sister is. I have a serious illness and that's why my belly is so bloated."

No words to describe it-my poor Mom... I think she stammered some kind of apology and ran for the hills.

leomom72

its only happened to me when i WAS pregnant..and i was so excited about it, i told everyone..LoL...

b00b0084

It's called being polite, taking a interest in someone, being friendly... As long as they're not asking you how many weeks pregnant you are, when they know damn well you're NOT preganant, and just want to upset you by saying in a roundabout way that you're FAT, I don't see the issue. If they ARE being genuine, then what does that tell you? And if you don't recognise this problem yourself, then why are you on MFP?

My comeback would be "I'm not pregnant with a baby, I'm just storing fat for World War III. But let's be optimistic, that isn't going to happen, so thanks for pointing out that my fat stores hopefully won't be required. I'll do something about getting rid of them"

Very few people would say something to purposefully hurt you. They either genuinely think you're pregnant, or are too stupid to contemplate the fact it might be fat and not a baby, and engage their mouth before their brain.

Think about it, if you weren't "fat" they wouldn't be saying it. So who's the one with the problem? One they're actively looking to sort out? I've just shifted my "4 month bump" :-)

It'd still be none of their business if I was pregnant.

It may not be anyone's business, but being pregnant is a beautiful blessing and people want to acknowledge they know you are pregnant. I know when I was pregnant I loved it when people asked me mainly because I didn't think I looked pregnant.

k2quiere

I believe that sometimes in our skewed sense of self, we look at the actions of others in terms of how they make us feel and not the intention with which they're done. Unless, as someone already mentioned, the person knows the true answer to the question they're asking, what reason is there to presume malice was intended? If we're humiliated by someone else's innocent question, then it's because we find ourselves lacking in some way already. It's not the other person's fault.

Simply say, "I'm not," and move on. Ten to one that person will spend time thinking about their question and your response, and possibly reconsidering asking again. They will probably also feel bad having, presumably, made you feel bad. How you feel, however, is entirely up to you.

Jacquibennett

This clearly is a bone of contention with some people! What a debate.
Personally I would never ask someone how far along they are unless they had themselves actually told me they were pregnant.
Surprisingly, considering I have spent a lot of time in my life overweight, I have never had this happen to me. Never have my family said anything of the sort, possibly because most of them have there own food bumps so I'd just say mine was due the same time as theirs! Lol.
I can see the view of those saying that perhaps the other person was just showing an interest in you, however there are plenty of other things they could have said if that were the case. If those people were just trying to be polite please please can you strike up a conversation about the weather next time? Much safer, shouldn't offend, and hopefully you will make a new friend who, when you are pregnant, you will tell without them needing to ask!!
Right....I think that solves everything, lol, :happy:

oeys

A couple of weeks ago I was told that I must be "the eighth pregnant woman" that this salesman dealt with that day in the supermarket. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. Was terrified he's ask how far gone I was coz I just can't think quick enough for answers! Thing was though, I had just passed my smallish 5 month old to my husband. You'd think some people would cop on!!

Hambone23

That's an awful feeling to have someone say that to you. I'm so sorry you had to experience that.

About the topic in general, I think these days people should be more than aware that you don't ask a woman if she's pregnant. It's like asking a woman what she weighs. (I loved the Dave Barry quote! Wise man.) It's a tacit sort of protocol.

I mean I had a co-worker that was a lesbian. It was obvious to me after a while (and I could care less what her sexual orientation is), but I'm not going to out her by commenting on it. If she wants to tell me, that's awesome. But until then, it's not my business.

Anyway, what I'm saying is I agree with those people who say it's not their business. Personally, I would find it extremely intrusive to have someone ask me something like that or to want to see or touch my belly even if I /were/ pregnant. But that's who I am. Some people don't care about that kind of thing. It comes down to personality to a certain extent. Also, it's /very/ generational. What we'd consider impolite is absolutely acceptable to a certain generation when such things were expected of women.

seehawkmomma

I made the mistake ONCE to ask someone how far along she was. Only because I've been pregnant and she had the roundish appearance that I was fimilar with for 9 months. Low and behold she was not pregnant. It was horrifing for me. And I felt extremely bad. But I had good intent if that makes up for it.....