did you just say i was pregnant EXSUSE YOU?

ElizabethRoad

You know very well that the question could upset someone very much. EVERYONE KNOWS THIS. If you choose to ask the question, knowing you could be upsetting someone, then you are a jerk. None of this other "wanting to share in your celebration" has anything to do with it. It's not your freaking business anyway so keep your mouth shut.

Lady_Senie

At the risk of sounding ungrateful, I didn't appreciate that question from random strangers even when I WAS pregnant. People that couldn't give two craps about me before would all of a sudden come up and start TOUCHING my belly and asking all these personal questions... I've always found the whole 'your belly is now public domain because there's a baby in it' thing quite disturbing and humiliating. I had to forcibly remove someone from my person once I popped at 6 months and REALLY started to show. Yet another reason I don't think I ever want another child. It's like "keep your f*cking hands off of me! Stay out of my personal space! I don't even know you!"

I'm sorry, but honestly, if some stranger started randomly patting and caressing my belly in public an I wasn't pregnant, it would be considered sexual assault, but because my son was in there, I was supposed to consider it cute?

As for the question, I tend to look people dead in the eye and say 'I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat.'. Then I glare at them until they skulk away in shame. I was taught that asking such a intimate question is the fastest way to get punched in the mouth. And all my co-workers think I'm crazy, 'cause I always preface the question just like that. "I want to ask you a question, but please don't punch me in the mouth if I'm wrong". Even then, I'll only ask if someone's told me or if she's just popped and it's REALLY obvious. If you're gonna ask something like that of someone you don't even know, then I feel it's my civic duty to make you think twice about asking it again of some other unsuspecting woman.

In conclusion, speaking as someone who's been on both sides of the coin. I'm firmly in the 'it's none of your business' corner.

galegetsthin

I have found though, that a lot of older (particularly southern) men are the ones who ask most often. They dont mean offense by it. They are happy for you and want to share in the good news. They dont realize that it could hurt someones feelings. I have had patients send me cards to apologize for asking it after I told them that I was not pregnant. They grew up in a time/region where it was okay to ask and just havent adapted to the culture around them.

b757

Amen.

I think it's easy for people who have never been 'fat' to judge the people who have been saying how hurt they are when this has happened to them. if you have NEVER been truly fat, like at least 50+ over weight, and even in some cases less, how do you know how you would truly feel if someone asked you if you were pregnant and you weren't? You have NO CLUE. Just like the men on here saying well...'take it as a wake up call". REALLY? And you can relate to that HOW????? When someone is fat they KNOW they are fat. If becoming thin and healthy were easy, we wouldn't have a world of overweight people. Our job isn't to remind people they are fat. That is something every fat person has to deal with on a daily basis, and hopefully they will want to get HEALTHY for themselves. Not the jerks telling them that they are fat. AND someone said they people don't usually say things to hurt others. That is so NOT true. People say things ALL the time to be hurtful on purpose. I'm not saying the the person that said that to the OP was being that way, but in most cases, people LIKE to be hurtful because it makes them feel better about themselves and whatever downfalls they have.

I could never even come close to understanding something someone else is going through if i have never experienced it. Nor would i try or try to make light of it. Or tell someone, 'use it as a wake up call'.

harrydresden

Being of the male persuasion and never likely to actually BE pregnant, I think it's a harmless comment that people only take the wrong way if a) they actually are overweight, and they are reminded of how damn blatant it is, b) they're fairly slender, but have gained weight recently, and have just been made aware of the gain.

People get offended and overreact because it upsets them and they view it as rude because it just brings the weight further into the light.

It's certainly not "rude": it's just pleasant, polite conversation unless it's done genuinely to hurt.

cxxviii

If someone thought I was pregnant that would make me want to lose my weight even more, lol. Would not bother me, but I'm not uptight about a lot of things, so that is just me.

I agree with all of this. Lots of uptight people in here.

I am not motivated by criticism, or insults, on the contrary. People who are depressed about their weight often eat to comfort themselves and numb the pain. Yes we all know that it's contradictory behavior and adds to the problem but that's what some people do anyway.

If you told an anorexic to eat because she was too skinny, would that just as easily solve that problem too?

red_hatorade

You know what is bad to? People asking you if you are having twins, when you aren't. They asked, I said no, and they proceeded to say how big I was. Thanks, *kitten*.

Being offended by that is not being uptight. People need to think before they speak, for real.

Christina1007

I was actually on a packed train and was standing next to this lady. She asked me if I wanted to sit down cause I'm pregnant. I AM NOT PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I raged at her. She apologised and told me that it was my fault as I was sticking my tummy out and because of my skirt.

The whole train journey I kept playing her words in my head "I'm pregnant" and the whole journey she felt like a fool. She better!!!

If you are not sure if someone is actually pregnant, dont f.....g offer them a seat!

MsTanya77

I did this to a co-worker one time and felt HORRIBLE afterward! I honestly thought she was pregnant! She had just gained ALOT of weight! OMG I was so embarrassed!!!

bonnynblithe04

Ugh! I feel for all, have been there too.

Setof2Keys

a few years ago i went shopping one night with my brother. Outside the store in the parking lot as we were leaving some guy probably in his 50's was standing by his truck (next to our car) with his labrador. The lab was very friendly and came right up to me and jumped to put his paws on my stomach. I thought it was cute he was being playful. The guy instantly yelled at the dog and said "No No!!! Down!! She's pregnant, you dont wanna hurt the baby!!!" I felt so upset/angry instantly.. My bother was right there and gave the guy a weird look and we just left.. In the car my bro said "did he actually just say that to you??" I said "yep, and all i thought i had was FAT! Who knew i was having a baby too!" Tried to joke about it to make myself feel better but it really bothered me. My bro thought the guy was rude as well.. One of the most crappy awkward moments ive ever had.

Why was that rude of him? He didn't want his dog to harm a pregnant woman. Do you think he really wanted to say get down off of that overweight woman? He was showing concern. I have been on the receiving end of the how far along are you and when are you due questions. The people asking weren't being rude, they were excited. It was my problem that I let myself get to the point that I looked pregnant, not theirs.

OMG You are my BFF!!! We know the golden rule here, if you don't like it...CHANGE IT!! I have been asked often when I worked at a (severly) mentally ill clinic and it was more motivation for me to get moving...

JennBrown83

too many pages of responses to read them all but I'm a little shocked by some of the responses, it might not be "any of their business" but people are prone to ask those kinds of questions, I really don't think anyone does it to be mean, they might honestly be curious. A few years ago I was visitng a friend and her son looked at me, smiled and pointed at my stomach and said "baby?" I was shocked of course but this mother was quite thin and his aunt was pregnant so for a five year old this was the only reference he had for someone having a big belly. I smiled a little sadly and told him no, there was no baby. He seemed a bit confused but I tired to explain that some people just have big bellies for whatever reason. Totally innocent question. People are curious and I don't think it's rude to ask someone who looks it if their pregnant. It wouldn't bother me but THAT'S ME! Everyone is different, everyone has different feelings/reactions to that kind of thing and honestly, I think everyone has a right to feel however they want about this subject. You might think it's "rude" no matter what, but someone else might not mind the question... deal with it!

Opinions are like armpits, everyone has them but the only ones that matter are your own!

Temporalia

There is one funny thing about it, thinking of it, is that sometimes, it's done so lightly that bf doesn't get it....looks at me getting flustered...gets it and asks me: did I heard what I heard? Example: this army surplus salesman suggests a coat that can be modified at each stage of pregnancy.

mcrowe1016

I think it's easy for people who have never been 'fat' to judge the people who have been saying how hurt they are when this has happened to them. if you have NEVER been truly fat, like at least 50+ over weight, and even in some cases less, how do you know how you would truly feel if someone asked you if you were pregnant and you weren't? You have NO CLUE. Just like the men on here saying well...'take it as a wake up call". REALLY? And you can relate to that HOW????? When someone is fat they KNOW they are fat. If becoming thin and healthy were easy, we wouldn't have a world of overweight people. Our job isn't to remind people they are fat. That is something every fat person has to deal with on a daily basis, and hopefully they will want to get HEALTHY for themselves. Not the jerks telling them that they are fat. AND someone said they people don't usually say things to hurt others. That is so NOT true. People say things ALL the time to be hurtful on purpose. I'm not saying the the person that said that to the OP was being that way, but in most cases, people LIKE to be hurtful because it makes them feel better about themselves and whatever downfalls they have.

I could never even come close to understanding something someone else is going through if i have never experienced it. Nor would i try or try to make light of it. Or tell someone, 'use it as a wake up call'.

1) I have been fat. Now do I have a right to judge?
2) The whole reason people are getting upset is because they feel "judged". This stranger is labeling me fat because they think I'm pregnant. Well, guess what? Stupid people exist and always will. You can't cure stupid, and you shouldn't give a crap about what strangers think of you.
3) A majority of the people asking probably had good intentions. A majority of the people on this thread stating that they had good intentions also have good intentions. What gives you the right to judge them?

In summary, life is hard. It is even harder if you are "fat" (even though not all the women who have had this experience were fat). If you let things like this get to you, its not going to get any easier.

NoAdditives

I have actually had the opposite, people NOT assuming I was pregnant when I really was. I'm sure it was just them being careful not to offend just in case, but it bummed me out big time. I was always so glad when it was really obvious that I was pregnant because I didn't feel fat anymore!

jennajava

I just don't get why people get so offended about it. More to the point it frustrates me how annoyed they get when somebody tries to innocently share in their celebration of being pregant.

In a nutshell, you WOULDN'T be reacting like this if you were pregnant would you??!??! You'd want to share.

I have been pregnant. It is not okay for you to be in my business if you do not know me.

anhancock10

I think unless its your family you should never ask personal questions unless that person talks about it first. Like for example what if you ask someone if they are pregnant and they had just had the baby and lost it? You never know people's situations and i have personally never asked someone even if i knew i think its rude. If they want to offer up the info thats different. And what i would say if asked would be" nope are you?"

ARDuBaie

We live in a society where people make assumptions all the time.

I am white, polite, and do things for charity, so I must be a Christian.

Not!

How about I have brown hair and light skin, so I must not have any Native American or black in me.

Not!

I am an older worker, so I will not be quick to catch on to computer concepts.

Not!

My point is this - just roll with it.

You could say something negative about the other person, but that reduces you to their level.

You could point out the assumption and make them back peddle, if that is what you want to do.

Or, do what I do - "Yeah, my litter of five are due in......" and then just go on and on and on and on and on. They will think twice about asking another person that question.

adlwilmot

too many pages of responses to read them all but I'm a little shocked by some of the responses, it might not be "any of their business" but people are prone to ask those kinds of questions, I really don't think anyone does it to be mean, they might honestly be curious. A few years ago I was visitng a friend and her son looked at me, smiled and pointed at my stomach and said "baby?" I was shocked of course but this mother was quite thin and his aunt was pregnant so for a five year old this was the only reference he had for someone having a big belly. I smiled a little sadly and told him no, there was no baby. He seemed a bit confused but I tired to explain that some people just have big bellies for whatever reason. Totally innocent question. People are curious and I don't think it's rude to ask someone who looks it if their pregnant. It wouldn't bother me but THAT'S ME! Everyone is different, everyone has different feelings/reactions to that kind of thing and honestly, I think everyone has a right to feel however they want about this subject. You might think it's "rude" no matter what, but someone else might not mind the question... deal with it!

Opinions are like armpits, everyone has them but the only ones that matter are your own!

Here, here!!

I would also like to clarify that I do not deem it acceptable tp go around touching random strangers' pregnant bellies. That is a big no-no. BUT, genuinely feeling the need to ask someone if they are pregnant, IS acceptable. I don't do it because I'm not at all interested, so it's not as though I'm trying to defend my own practices here.

Think about it. When you're walking your dog..... do fellow dog walkers sometimes stop for a chat? The ones on my walk do, and I'm only to happy to stand and chat talking about my new pup. Hell, I even stop to allow people WITHOUT dogs to give mine a stroke and ask questions about him (they wouldn't be stroking my baby though, admittedly!!!) It's the same with a bump. Humans talk, humans communicate, it's just who we are. It's called friendliness. Why get so uptight? Just move on.

And it IS a freaking "wake up call". End of.

EuphonyChloeH

I've only been asked once, and oddly enough it wasn't when I was my heaviest. I was in junior high and I had a belly on me, and these lil' elementary girls (who were deliberately being rude) came up and asked me if I was pregnant and giggled. I'm sure they grew up to be such sweet teenagers (*cough* NOT). What hurt more is that I was probably fourteen at the time, and what fourteen year old wants to be called pregnant!?!