did you just say i was pregnant EXSUSE YOU?

herstrawberri

I think it's easy for people who have never been 'fat' to judge the people who have been saying how hurt they are when this has happened to them. if you have NEVER been truly fat, like at least 50+ over weight, and even in some cases less, how do you know how you would truly feel if someone asked you if you were pregnant and you weren't? You have NO CLUE. Just like the men on here saying well...'take it as a wake up call". REALLY? And you can relate to that HOW????? When someone is fat they KNOW they are fat. If becoming thin and healthy were easy, we wouldn't have a world of overweight people. Our job isn't to remind people they are fat. That is something every fat person has to deal with on a daily basis, and hopefully they will want to get HEALTHY for themselves. Not the jerks telling them that they are fat. AND someone said they people don't usually say things to hurt others. That is so NOT true. People say things ALL the time to be hurtful on purpose. I'm not saying the the person that said that to the OP was being that way, but in most cases, people LIKE to be hurtful because it makes them feel better about themselves and whatever downfalls they have.

I could never even come close to understanding something someone else is going through if i have never experienced it. Nor would i try or try to make light of it. Or tell someone, 'use it as a wake up call'.

galegetsthin

To herstrawberri: Way to go on the loss!!! That is amazing! and inspires me to keep going!

AlsDonkBoxSquat

I understand that it's humiliating to the person being asked and the person asking. It is difficult because babies are such an exciting thing, and if you’re excited people want to be excited for you and with you. There are times when it is intentionally hurtful, but most of the time it’s just plain is said without thought. Since I’ve been dating DH he’s said that to one person, she was young and definitely not pregnant she just carried her weight in her belly, they were both mortified. She was our friend’s cousin, they were in the wedding and he was her escort down the aisle at the wedding. I gave him the look and told him, “now you know better, you don’t congratulate anyone on a pregnancy unless the 1) tell you or 2) are holding a new born.” He said, “We just didn’t have anything to talk about, she was nervous, and I was trying to chat her up before we went down the aisle. I honestly thought she was early in her pregnancy and that talking about something so exciting would get her to loosen up.” I asked, “yeah, so how’s that work out for you?” The thing is, his intention definitely wasn’t to hurt her, he was being an idiot and she was wearing a very unflattering dress.

cxxviii

Even if you were pregnant, it's still rude. I don't see how it's any random stranger's business.

Yeah, when I was pregnant some random man at a gas station touched my stomach and said "How far along are we?" WE????

Don't touch me dude.

And I have been asked three times if I was pregnant when I was not. HORRIBLE. Don't ever do that to anyone. I literally choked the last woman who asked me. Got my hands around her throat and shook her! and she didn't understand why I was so upset, because she was "happy" for me that I was pregnant, and thought I should be happy too!!

She didn't get it.....I was NOT pregnant.

Three times!!!!!! sheesh, don't people know better?

turningstar

Ugh. My husband does this to women. Yes, its embarrassing. He just loves pregnant women so much that he gets excited and starts asking about their babies. I don't think he has gotten busted by a non pregnant woman though. I keep telling him its gonna happen. I was so small when I was pregnant most people couldn't tell until I was at term. Guess he's getting his fill of women who look pregnant.

Umpire57

Hey, it's even worse when they say it...

AND YOU'RE A MAN!
At least with you it might have been innocent.
With me?
PURE RIDICULE!

But that's what got me off my rear and into the gym - lost 64 lbs - no longer pregnant...lol

I got that A LOT from my friends and family. Looking back, I am glad I did and I have to admit... I do it to my brothers from time to time now since they did it to me then :-) (Bad, I know but still...)

Lucia_Armstrong1973

At work earlier this year the manager started giving me weird looks all day....and then she patted my belly and asked how far along I was!! I was mortified!
[/quote]


I hate when people pat my belly WHEN I'm pregnant! Now that's rude!!!

Umpire57

I could never even come close to understanding something someone else is going through if i have never experienced it. Nor would i try or try to make light of it. Or tell someone, 'use it as a wake up call'.

But many of us did use things like that as a kickstart.

cxxviii

I would like to add, that when it happened to me, I was 138 pounds at 5'7". I have a sway back and my pelvis tilts forward, so I'll never have a figure like a board. On the plus side, it make my booty look better. ))))

Also, when I was pregnant, people asked if I was having twins. Also rude.

DanceWithAlice

This has happened to me more times than I care to admit. My first response to "when are you due?" was "oh, about 3 years ago..."

However, I used to work in a nursing home, and some of my residents would ask me that over and over, because they had Alzheimer's and didn't remember asking me before. :ohwell:

MrsBlobs

I have to say...I've asked...and I was wrong. :embarassed:

I was so certain she was! We had been taking our children to the same class for months and I had noticed her extremely rounded belly and wondered....

Anyway, after about a three week hiatus when we all returned to the pool it had most definitely, absolutely undeniably got much bigger. Only pregnant tums do that and at that speed right??
Wrong.

When she said she wasn't pregnant my initial reaction was to apologise profusely and die inside of embarassment, my second reaction was to be concerned inwardly as I had NEVER seen such a pronounced belly in the first place without a baby being in there and I had NEVER seen it grow at such a rate where nowhere else on the woman had 'grown'. Was going to suggest she pop to the docs but I think I had said enough by that point.

Sorry swimming pool woman.

Hoppymom

20th class reunion 2 people asked me on the same night. They were both horrified that I said I wasn't pregnant. I weighed 162 that night. Was that enough to change my eating behavior? Nooooo, I had to put on another 105 pounds before I started this. In their defense...I was 102 pounds in high school and later carried much of my excess weight in my tummy. I also had a priest ask me once. " Are you pregnant or just getting fat?" EXCUSE ME!!!! I weighed 135 pounds and was 5 months pregnant with my fourth child. That still makes me angry when I think about it!!!! AAARRGGGHH. On top of that, 7 years later the church released the information that they had known for 15+ years that he was a pedophile. Epic Fail.

Lucia_Armstrong1973

I could never even come close to understanding something someone else is going through if i have never experienced it. Nor would i try or try to make light of it. Or tell someone, 'use it as a wake up call'.

But many of us did use things like that as a kickstart.

I did. My first husband told me one day that my belly was getting bigger than my butt! I lost 50 pounds after that ( and got rid of the husband too)!

rachelmorgan77

Never ask a woman if she's pregnant, if she wants you to know, she'll tell you.

And never ask a pregnant woman if she's having twins. With all the hormones racing through her body, you might get hurt. Seriously.

hypotrochoid

<snip>

I just don't get why people get so offended about it. More to the point it frustrates me how annoyed they get when somebody tries to innocently share in their celebration of being pregant.

In a nutshell, you WOULDN'T be reacting like this if you were pregnant would you??!??! You'd want to share.

</snip>

I have to disagree. My belly isn't public property, regardless of what's going on in it. And here's my story, which will probably get me slammed quite a bit, given the trend of this thread.

The only time I have been asked if I was pregnant was when I was pregnant. First off, it wasn't an easy pregnancy. I was constantly under threat to be put in the hospital. I was exhausted and it was painful to walk. Doing the dishes would lay me out for three days. I didn't even want my husband to touch me, let alone anyone else. So... I was probably 7 months along and I got this craving for cheese. I had to have it. I went to the effort of getting dressed, brushing my hair, putting on makeup and leaving the house (My mother raised me not to go into public in sweats, bless her). I was gazing at the variety of cheeses when this woman came up, put her hand on my belly and asked when I was due.

I snapped. I could feel the hormones bubbling up inside of me, along with my instinctive sarcasm and negativity (you can replace sarcasm and negativity with b*tchiness, if you like).

I burst into tears. Sobbing hysterically, I managed to blubber, "But I've been working so hard! My husband says that I'm looking so good, I've lost ever so much weight and I... I..."

Poor woman made a run for it. I'll bet she's never asked anyone since.

Do I feel bad? No. It's no one's business unless the woman chooses to share.

cessnaholly

bump

krisrpaz

This has happened to me twice.

The first time I was in 6th grade and this older girl I didn't know came over smiling really big and said, "Yeah, my friend wants me to ask you a question. Are you pregnant?" I was mortified. I of course told her I wasn't and she said, "Oh, ok" and she ran back to her friend and they kept looking at me and laughing.

The second time was a year after I had been married a person asked my brother-in-law how my baby was doing. He asked them, "What baby??" and they said they thought I was pregnant on my wedding day. Yes, I was fat on my wedding day. But the thing that made me mad the most was that I "saved myself" for my wedding and this is required in our religion. If I was indeed pregnant, it would not have been a public celebration, it would have been a quick shotgun wedding (involving Daddy's shotgun...) So she managed to call me fat and question my morals in one comment.

honeymama2

I have actually had people come up and rub my belly and say AWWWWW I"m so happy for you and I wasn't pregnant!! although in their defense, I have been trying to conceive for almost 2 yrs now and have had fertility issues for over 10 yrs and my waist isn't exactly small after 3 pregnancies and 10 surgeries but it still managed to hurt my feelings. I just remind myself that my body has been through ALOT and that I'm working on it (down 6lbs already about 12 more to go!!) !! keep your chin up, I think this can happen to anyone, especially after having a baby and having a mommy belly!! depending on the day, I look pregnant just due to swelling from montly cycles!!

Shanna_Inc86

I believe that sometimes in our skewed sense of self, we look at the actions of others in terms of how they make us feel and not the intention with which they're done. Unless, as someone already mentioned, the person knows the true answer to the question they're asking, what reason is there to presume malice was intended? If we're humiliated by someone else's innocent question, then it's because we find ourselves lacking in some way already. It's not the other person's fault.

Simply say, "I'm not," and move on. Ten to one that person will spend time thinking about their question and your response, and possibly reconsidering asking again. They will probably also feel bad having, presumably, made you feel bad. How you feel, however, is entirely up to you.

Thank you. You put it so much better than I did.

I just don't get why people get so offended about it. More to the point it frustrates me how annoyed they get when somebody tries to innocently share in their celebration of being pregant.

In a nutshell, you WOULDN'T be reacting like this if you were pregnant would you??!??! You'd want to share.

I also note that those who suffer from a bit of extra padding in the tummy area alone haven't freaked as much. It says a lot.

My use of sarcasm would be to try and lighten the mood when the "well wisher" realised what a boo-boo they'd just made. You can use sarcasm with a kind tone and not humiliate someone, you know.

And please note that when I used the term "you" I was not aiming my response directly at the OP and saying she was fat (ffs people!!!), just using "you" as opposed to the awfully old English term of "one" e.g. "when one is asked if they're pregnant..."

Anyway, if I got to the stage where someone asked me that and I wasn't pregnant, I'd take it on board and make sure it didn't happen again! I was getting there and nipped it in the bud before the question was asked.

Maybe it's a culture thing..... I certainly wouldn't be offended; I'd just use it as a big fat wake up call!

I had it happen to me AFTER my daughter was born....that was when I kicked it in the *kitten* to lose the rest of the baby weight. And then it happened AGAIN when I put weight back on...few months later, I started changing how I was eating and starting working out.

I think its funny how people complain on how rude society (as a whole) is nowadays, yet when people are trying to be nice they get blasted as well. I had a woman get offended because I DIDN'T ask how far along she was. I wasn't sure if she had gained weight or was pregnant.

Its all on how YOU perceive it.

I don't think its appropriate to touch a random stranger's belly LOL And when I was pregnant I worked with a woman who wanted to so bad but she wouldn't, she maintained personal space but she was soooo excited for me. She was SO excited when I told her one day she could touch the belly if she wanted lol

Dragonwolf

<snip>

I just don't get why people get so offended about it. More to the point it frustrates me how annoyed they get when somebody tries to innocently share in their celebration of being pregant.

In a nutshell, you WOULDN'T be reacting like this if you were pregnant would you??!??! You'd want to share.

</snip>

I have to disagree. My belly isn't public property, regardless of what's going on in it. And here's my story, which will probably get me slammed quite a bit, given the trend of this thread.

The only time I have been asked if I was pregnant was when I was pregnant. First off, it wasn't an easy pregnancy. I was constantly under threat to be put in the hospital. I was exhausted and it was painful to walk. Doing the dishes would lay me out for three days. I didn't even want my husband to touch me, let alone anyone else. So... I was probably 7 months along and I got this craving for cheese. I had to have it. I went to the effort of getting dressed, brushing my hair, putting on makeup and leaving the house (My mother raised me not to go into public in sweats, bless her). I was gazing at the variety of cheeses when this woman came up, put her hand on my belly and asked when I was due.

I snapped. I could feel the hormones bubbling up inside of me, along with my instinctive sarcasm and negativity (you can replace sarcasm and negativity with b*tchiness, if you like).

I burst into tears. Sobbing hysterically, I managed to blubber, "But I've been working so hard! My husband says that I'm looking so good, I've lost ever so much weight and I... I..."

Poor woman made a run for it. I'll bet she's never asked anyone since.

Do I feel bad? No. It's no one's business unless the woman chooses to share.

I think there's a difference between asking the question and physically touching someone. Touching someone (particularly a stranger) invades personal physical space and is just in general a bad idea unless you have a personal relationship with the other person that allows for such contact.

The question, on the other hand, is less obvious.

The thing people asking it need to remember is that it's no guarantee that the person is pregnant, nor is it a guarantee that the pregnancy (assuming one) is actually going well. All pregnancies are different, everyone reacts to them differently, even on just a hormone level, and not all of them go as smoothly as others. As such, the topic is a touchy one that is probably best left to be brought up by the (supposedly) pregnant person.

The thing the people being asked need to remember is that the vast majority of the time, the question is not out of malice, but an attempt to connect with you. It may seem rude, and it may even be hurtful if you're not (and particularly if you're not, but had a loss or have been unable to conceive), but you have to remember that it wasn't that person's intent. There's a term in psychology called "general attribution error," which is our tendency to consider mistakes made by others as character flaws (and judge them more harshly), vs our own mistakes as mistakes of context (and judge them less harshly). This is what makes us go "I thought for sure she was pregnant! Her ankles were swollen, she had the belly, and...." if we were to mistakenly ask that question, while if we were to receive it, we go "well, that person is such an *kitten* and is out to make me feel like a big, fat, cow!" even though that's not actually the case.