did you just say i was pregnant EXSUSE YOU?
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I think unless its your family you should never ask personal questions unless that person talks about it first. Like for example what if you ask someone if they are pregnant and they had just had the baby and lost it? You never know people's situations and i have personally never asked someone even if i knew i think its rude. If they want to offer up the info thats different. And what i would say if asked would be" nope are you?"
Definitely.
Family can also cross the line, too, though. It was devastating to be constantly bombarded with "When are you going to have a baby?" from family members when I was TTC.0 -
yup. even asked at one point if it were twins. at the risk of going to jail, i had to walk away, faster than i think that old bag thought possible0
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Or what if you ask a woman when she's due and she responds, "I'm not pregnant, and I can't conceive." Ouch. Open mouth, insert foot.0
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I just don't get why people get so offended about it. More to the point it frustrates me how annoyed they get when somebody tries to innocently share in their celebration of being pregant.
In a nutshell, you WOULDN'T be reacting like this if you were pregnant would you??!??! You'd want to share.
I have been pregnant. It is not okay for you to be in my business if you do not know me.
Get yourself a T-shirt made that says "Don't FU**ING talk to me unless I talk to you first!"
It would be a very very sad world if we all walked around not talking to those we do not know. How would we get to know people in the first place. We're humans, we're pack animals, it's not that much of an issue.
And I thought I was uptight! Eep.0 -
I've been on the other side of that once in my life and learned my lesson...
NEVER
EVER
EVER
EFFING EVER
Ask a woman how many weeks she is unless there's a baby coming out of her vagina, in which case you pretty much know that should be close to 40 anyway! So... again NEVER EVER ASK A WOMAN HOW FAR ALONG SHE IS!0 -
Yes they did, I said no, I'm just fat, thanks for noticing :-)0
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I made the mistake of calling a woman "sir" once.... I stopped saying "Good afternoon, find everything okay sir/ma'am?" Yeah.... >.>0
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It's called being polite, taking a interest in someone, being friendly... As long as they're not asking you how many weeks pregnant you are, when they know damn well you're NOT preganant, and just want to upset you by saying in a roundabout way that you're FAT, I don't see the issue. If they ARE being genuine, then what does that tell you? And if you don't recognise this problem yourself, then why are you on MFP?
My comeback would be "I'm not pregnant with a baby, I'm just storing fat for World War III. But let's be optimistic, that isn't going to happen, so thanks for pointing out that my fat stores hopefully won't be required. I'll do something about getting rid of them"
Very few people would say something to purposefully hurt you. They either genuinely think you're pregnant, or are too stupid to contemplate the fact it might be fat and not a baby, and engage their mouth before their brain.
Think about it, if you weren't "fat" they wouldn't be saying it. So who's the one with the problem? One they're actively looking to sort out? I've just shifted my "4 month bump" :-)
" I'm just storing fat for World War III "
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
I just don't get why people get so offended about it. More to the point it frustrates me how annoyed they get when somebody tries to innocently share in their celebration of being pregant.
In a nutshell, you WOULDN'T be reacting like this if you were pregnant would you??!??! You'd want to share.
I have been pregnant. It is not okay for you to be in my business if you do not know me.
Get yourself a T-shirt made that says "Don't FU**ING talk to me unless I talk to you first!"
It would be a very very sad world if we all walked around not talking to those we do not know. How would we get to know people in the first place. We're humans, we're pack animals, it's not that much of an issue.
And I thought I was uptight! Eep.
There is nothing wrong with talking to someone you don't know. There is something wrong with asking personal things of someone you don't know.0 -
too many pages of responses to read them all but I'm a little shocked by some of the responses, it might not be "any of their business" but people are prone to ask those kinds of questions, I really don't think anyone does it to be mean, they might honestly be curious. A few years ago I was visitng a friend and her son looked at me, smiled and pointed at my stomach and said "baby?" I was shocked of course but this mother was quite thin and his aunt was pregnant so for a five year old this was the only reference he had for someone having a big belly. I smiled a little sadly and told him no, there was no baby. He seemed a bit confused but I tired to explain that some people just have big bellies for whatever reason. Totally innocent question. People are curious and I don't think it's rude to ask someone who looks it if their pregnant. It wouldn't bother me but THAT'S ME! Everyone is different, everyone has different feelings/reactions to that kind of thing and honestly, I think everyone has a right to feel however they want about this subject. You might think it's "rude" no matter what, but someone else might not mind the question... deal with it!
Opinions are like armpits, everyone has them but the only ones that matter are your own!
Can I ask you if you have an STD? ...Oh wait, that's personal.0 -
I went to visit my grandpa in the hospital over this past summer, and when I got out of my car, one of those volunteers in the golf cart gave me a ride to the front, and asked me if I needed maternity!! I was so mortified!0
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I work in the medical field and once had a patient ask me if I was pregnant "because I looked pregnant", when I said no he asked me if I was sure, and proceeded to tell me he thought I was pregnant. Then he later (while I was doing his test) called me "Momma" and tried to touch my breast. Needless to say I made a formal complaint and another (male) sonographer has to do his tests! The guy was just way creepy!!!0
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Not only is it rude, it's tacky! Never ask a woman about her being pregnant and NEVER pat her belly without permission.0
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Of course, it depends on how its asked, if someone is genuinly just wondering if you are, its one thing, but if they ask in a rude way, then it is rude. I dont give rude people any attention.. when you get bothered by people who say things meanly, you give them power over your emotions. I've been asked this question when I was 140~ pounds! i didnt let it bother me and i still don't! when i see a lady i think is pregnant, i dont say anything unless she makes a comment on being pregnant, i dont want to be rude by inquiring. :happy:0
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I was asked at a wedding reception with martini in hand. So pissed and made me instantly depressed. Never never ask that question unless the person brings up their pregnancy first.0
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it hasnt' happened to me but it has to three of my friends, and my old boss--i've learned to never ask. i interviewed at a co, and the woman was 8 months pregnant and i STILL didn't ask.0
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I started a new medication that makes me really nauseated if I don't take it with food. A few times at work, I have rushed to the bathroom trying not to puke on my way out. Later, I heard whispers around the office "OMG, she must be pregnant", "she HAS put on some weight", "look at her belly", etc. I think what as most hurtful was that they DIDN'T just ask me and kept whispering and churning the rumor mill
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Having been pregnant three times now, having been skinny and still being overweight, here's my answer boiled down into one sentence: If you don't want people asking you if you're pregnant, don't look like you're pregnant.
And for those who are pregnant, by all means say something to a rude stranger who touches you without warning but be kind to the people who ask you questions. For most, pregnancy is an incredibly joyous time and others just want to share in your happiness. It'll be the same once you have your baby. Strangers from all walks of like will want to know how old your baby is, will want to share stories, etc. for all manner of different reasons. Humans are community based animals, we're used to living in tribes and villages and knowing everything about each other's lives. It's only recently (anthropologically speaking) that we've become so isolated from one another. So be nice.0 -
Whether it's rude or not, those comments WILL stay with the person to whom they were asked. I have only been asked this once (well, twice in one day), and it was recent, and I still think about it and try not to feel bad about myself when remembering.
In 2010, I lost 50 pounds. I was looking awesome at my 10-year high school reunion in March this year. I reacquainted myself with an old boyfriend at that reunion, and we have been together happily ever since. In that time, I have also gained about ten of my pounds back. I didn't really realize how obvious my weight gain was until the following happened:
I'm an 8th grade Spanish teacher, and one day when I was wearing a not-flattering empire-cut flowing dress, two different students in two of my classes asked me if I was pregnant. I ignored the kids, not wanting to say no because I was embarrassed. The second kid asked me daily for the next week if I was pregnant, and I managed to hold him off for awhile by just telling him it was none of his business. About a week and a half after first asking me if I was pregnant, this boy walks by me, poked me lightly in the gut, and says, "Hmm, getting chunky, huh?" WTF?!?!?!? I was one of those people who were just being made aware of how I looked, so it was painful and embarrassing.
Unless anyone has actually asked you the question, you really shouldn't even be commenting. Those who haven't been asked do not realize how hurtful it is, all rudeness or non-rudeness issues aside.0 -
Unless anyone has actually asked you the question, you really shouldn't even be commenting. Those who haven't been asked do not realize how hurtful it is, all rudeness or non-rudeness issues aside.
Very well said!0 -
Having been pregnant three times now, having been skinny and still being overweight, here's my answer boiled down into one sentence: If you don't want people asking you if you're pregnant, don't look like you're pregnant.
I have PCOS. I have never been pregnant and have been told it will be difficult to get pregnant, stay pregnant and have a healthy child. Can you imagine if I was trying to get pregnant and someone asked me if I was?
I have never been skinny. Ever. I steadily gained weight ever since my ovaries started pumping out hormones even though my parents frantically tried everything they could wasting thousands of dollars. Unless you have lived through this, you cannot begin to imagine the depression a child, teenager, or adult feels having been overweight their entire lives. You already feel like every person is judging you. To have someone ask if you are pregnant confirms that in your mind, depresses you further and makes you hate yourself even more for not being able to fix the problem.
Losing weight is very difficult for some. Why would anyone WANT to look pregnant?
People need to stop being so judgmental of others. If someone is fat, maybe they have a medical condition. If a child is screaming uncontrollably and the parent isn't doing anything about it, maybe the child is autistic. If a person says a rude comment or asks you a rude question, maybe they were not raised in a household that teaches manners.0 -
I have before by a customer at work. I know I have a pretty big belly, but it probably didn't help that that day I was wearing a hoodie with padded front pockets... The lady had already been rude to me before, so I think she knew I wasn't pregnant. I yelled at her that I was just fat.. ha0
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It's called being polite, taking a interest in someone, being friendly... As long as they're not asking you how many weeks pregnant you are, when they know damn well you're NOT preganant, and just want to upset you by saying in a roundabout way that you're FAT, I don't see the issue. If they ARE being genuine, then what does that tell you? And if you don't recognise this problem yourself, then why are you on MFP?
My comeback would be "I'm not pregnant with a baby, I'm just storing fat for World War III. But let's be optimistic, that isn't going to happen, so thanks for pointing out that my fat stores hopefully won't be required. I'll do something about getting rid of them"
Very few people would say something to purposefully hurt you. They either genuinely think you're pregnant, or are too stupid to contemplate the fact it might be fat and not a baby, and engage their mouth before their brain.
Think about it, if you weren't "fat" they wouldn't be saying it. So who's the one with the problem? One they're actively looking to sort out? I've just shifted my "4 month bump" :-)
This.
If you actually look pregnant (and be honest, if this is happening ALL the time you probably DO look pregnant), then it's not rude or unreasonable for someone else to ask you an innocent question or comment on it.
If you get upset about it, it's because you're just defensive about being big. That is not the other person's fault.
ps I myself don't comment unless I'm 100% sure. By the same token I also don't feel obligated to get up from a bus seat unless I'm once again 100% sure.
That might hurt their feelings too if they're not really preggo 0 -
Its NEVER ok to ask a woman if she's pregnant! Period. End of story.
I've been asked many times (by men only) if I'm pregnant. I'm not, I carry all my fat, bloating and digestive problems in my stomach.
Its hurtful, and insulting.
If the woman wants to talk about her pregnancy she can.0 -
This.
If you actually look pregnant (and be honest, if this is happening ALL the time you probably DO look pregnant), then it's not rude or unreasonable for someone else to ask you an innocent question or comment on it.
If you get upset about it, it's because you're just defensive about being big. That is not the other person's fault.
ps I myself don't comment unless I'm 100% sure. By the same token I also don't feel obligated to get up from a bus seat unless I'm once again 100% sure. That might hurt their feelings too if they're not really preggo
So, is it ok if I go up to ask a fat male an "innocent question" or "comment" ? ~ "Excuse me, are you fat? and how long have you been fat?"
Same *kitten* different pile !0 -
This.
If you actually look pregnant (and be honest, if this is happening ALL the time you probably DO look pregnant), then it's not rude or unreasonable for someone else to ask you an innocent question or comment on it.
If you get upset about it, it's because you're just defensive about being big. That is not the other person's fault.
ps I myself don't comment unless I'm 100% sure. By the same token I also don't feel obligated to get up from a bus seat unless I'm once again 100% sure. That might hurt their feelings too if they're not really preggo
So, is it ok if I go up to ask a fat male an "innocent question" or "comment" ? ~ "Excuse me, are you fat? and how long have you been fat?"
Same *kitten* different pile !
Sorry this is completely different. Bad analogy.0 -
Unless anyone has actually asked you the question, you really shouldn't even be commenting. Those who haven't been asked do not realize how hurtful it is, all rudeness or non-rudeness issues aside.
Very well said!
^ AMEN. Thank you!!0 -
YES. It has happened to me no matter what the weight. When I was overweight AND even a few weeks ago. And I'm a size 6 now! People are buttheads, and RUDE!0
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Unless anyone has actually asked you the question, you really shouldn't even be commenting. Those who haven't been asked do not realize how hurtful it is, all rudeness or non-rudeness issues aside.
Very well said!
^ AMEN. Thank you!!
Agreed. And again I stand on: can you imagine how hurtful it feels to have someone ask you that, when you're trying to conceive and can't? Or just lost a baby? Been there, in both situations. It wasn't any of their business.0 -
I never ask people, I just figure if they want it to be my business, then they'll tell me.
I've never had it happen to me, but it's happened to a few friends of mine.0
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