did you just say i was pregnant EXSUSE YOU?
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I made the mistake ONCE to ask someone how far along she was. Only because I've been pregnant and she had the roundish appearance that I was fimilar with for 9 months. Low and behold she was not pregnant. It was horrifing for me. And I felt extremely bad. But I had good intent if that makes up for it.....0
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This is why you don't ask anyone that question because you just never know. I've been asked this a few times in my adult life. One lady was A LOT bigger than me and she had the nerve to ask me. One other time was during the holidays last year before I started MFP, I was so embarrassed. The lady was quick to say "Oh, the coat you're wearing makes you look pregnant". *smh*0
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Yes! In fact this happened to me several times after I had my daughter 5 years ago. You'd think the fact that I was pushing a baby in a stroller would have been a clue that no I wasn't pregnant! Oddly enough when I was pregnant with her, no one realized I was pregnant until the very last month because I gained weight all over. It wasn't until after she was born, and I started losing everywhere other than my belly that people started to ask.0
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Yup- really hurt my feelings too. I was holding me 6 month old and thinking I was doing pretty well with weight loss. The lady asked if we were having another baby and I said no. She PATTED HER STOMACH and said, "Oh, it kinda looks like you are"0
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i never ask....because I was asked when not pregnant also! at a gym to boot! (well, if you call curves a gym)
during my sign up process, the women asked when the baby was due?!? i was mortified........i am sure she saw the shock on my face, and I saw the embarassment on hers when I told her I was not pregnant, but here to exercise to get rid of my belly!
needless to say, the flowing yellow dress i was wearing went to goodwill, never to be worn by me again
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Hello!
This happened to me when I was about 20, I think I was just in the overweight range at the time but I never had a disproportionately huge belly (never flat but not my big problem area compared to thunder thighs), I was wearing an empire line top that flowed down from my boobs so it covered my stomach completely, and I was leaning forward so it hung down. I was on my lunch break at the pub I used to work in at university and having lunch at the end of the bar and one of the customers came up and asked me if I was eating for 2.
I blushed bright red and told him that no I wasn't, but I'm never wearing this top again! He was quite mortified bless him sweet older man, both him and his wife were considerably more overweight than me genuine error it seems!
However later that day when I was moaning to my boyfriend (now husband) about it he decided to tell me he loved me for the first time lol. I wind him up by telling people the story of how he only said he loves me as someone thought I was preggo hehe.
On a separate point I've seen pregnant ladies on the train with a "baby on board" badge - genius idea to prevent the not being sure and not wanting to offend scenario....................0 -
I believe that sometimes in our skewed sense of self, we look at the actions of others in terms of how they make us feel and not the intention with which they're done. Unless, as someone already mentioned, the person knows the true answer to the question they're asking, what reason is there to presume malice was intended? If we're humiliated by someone else's innocent question, then it's because we find ourselves lacking in some way already. It's not the other person's fault.
Simply say, "I'm not," and move on. Ten to one that person will spend time thinking about their question and your response, and possibly reconsidering asking again. They will probably also feel bad having, presumably, made you feel bad. How you feel, however, is entirely up to you.
Thank you. You put it so much better than I did.
I just don't get why people get so offended about it. More to the point it frustrates me how annoyed they get when somebody tries to innocently share in their celebration of being pregant.
In a nutshell, you WOULDN'T be reacting like this if you were pregnant would you??!??! You'd want to share.
I also note that those who suffer from a bit of extra padding in the tummy area alone haven't freaked as much. It says a lot.
My use of sarcasm would be to try and lighten the mood when the "well wisher" realised what a boo-boo they'd just made. You can use sarcasm with a kind tone and not humiliate someone, you know.
And please note that when I used the term "you" I was not aiming my response directly at the OP and saying she was fat (ffs people!!!), just using "you" as opposed to the awfully old English term of "one" e.g. "when one is asked if they're pregnant..."
Anyway, if I got to the stage where someone asked me that and I wasn't pregnant, I'd take it on board and make sure it didn't happen again! I was getting there and nipped it in the bud before the question was asked.
Maybe it's a culture thing..... I certainly wouldn't be offended; I'd just use it as a big fat wake up call!0 -
oh my.. that's so awful!I don't say anything even if the woman is painfully obviously pregnant. When I was in high school my teacher couldn't have kids and desperately wanted one. She was asked by a stranger how far along she was one day. I never seen a woman look so crushed. She was actually crying in class. That's when I decided that if pregnant woman want to talk about their pregnancy they can bring it up.
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I've been big my whole life, but I've been asked twice if I was pregnant. Once when I was working at a daycare, and one of babies was sleeping on my belly. When her mom came to pick her up, she said "no wonder she likes you so much, what are you having, a boy?" I was like "nope, just fat". and one time when I was living in Philadelphia, I was at this small Turkish store with my beau. This really loud guy came in and yelled across the store to us, "you prepared for that baby?" We whipped around and the guy yelled"You have to know what you're having by now!". My beau and I looked at each other and my beau replied "it's a girl". We laughed about it when we got to the car, but I NEVER wore that shirt again!!0
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It has happened to me twice. The first time I was severely constipated. I mean severely, no joke. That problem runs in my family and I have inherited it, unfortunately. I actually had to see a doctor for it. I was very, very bloated looking. The lady was very, very apologetic. It was pretty hurtful, but obviously, the fat didn't help, but it had never happened before that. The second time I was at a fair at a stand with people displaying pro-life propaganda and I had acid reflux at that very moment. I touched my belly and this lady asked me how far along I was. I told her I wasn't, but she kept going on mumbling under her breath about "that stomach". Now THAT was rude. She didn't even apologize at all, just kept mumbling under her breath. And I could hear everything she was saying. I have to agree, when some people ask, they don't mean to be rude, they are just trying to make conversation, but some people are just nasty, period. It was a little hard for me to be embarrassed at that point because she was so rude and she was also very elderly, and the manner in which she was carrying on would be considered "senile". If you can't figure out that it's rude to insist someone looks pregnant after you ask and they are say they are not, that is when it is just plain rude.0
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The first several times it happened to me, I was very offended. And on "fat days" I still get upset. One time, a man asked if it was a boy or girl. I responed with "its a meatloaf, Im just fat". But then, after talking to my grandma about it, she put it in perspective for me. If they thought i was fat, they wouldnt say anything. But they think that I am pregnant. Which means I dont really "look" fat. I have a belly. I have less of one than I had, and will have even less in the future. But because of my body type, thin arms, face and legs with all my weight centered to my extremely short waist, I DO look pregnant sometimes. I try to take it as a complement that it looks more likely that I am pregnant than just "fat".0
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Sorry! double post!0
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my father in law asked me if my daughter was pregnant, I said no and jokingly, she's not allowed to get pregnant without my permission... (her son was only a year old at the time). I was a bit offended. Turns out she was pregnant and was afraid to tell me. I was so pissed.0
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This happened to me too by my bosses boss.YES!!
At work earlier this year the manager started giving me weird looks all day....and then she patted my belly and asked how far along I was!! I was mortified!0 -
My husband regularly gets asked if he's expecting twins
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Gave up my seat on the london underground one day to a woman, who looked at me weirdly, because I did think she was pregnant and it was a packed train. I stood up and was standing over her still when she sat down. She looked down and turned a bit red. Only then did I realise she wasn't pregnant. So now I'm a little more observant on when to offer my seat on a packed commuter train. However, on a side note and off topic, it really pisses me off when I'm sitting on a train and a really fat person gets on the train, sits next to you and half of them is on your seat as well. Just because you are skinnier, you have to put up with it and be squished against a wall and not say anything.0
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I've had that said to me so many times it doesn't even bother me anymore. In fact, I feel more sorry for the people who ask, they are usually more mortified than I am. My answer is always, no I'm just fat. Its not any of their business if I'm working on it or not. That's my choice. I don't usually hold it against anyone, or consider them rude because honestly I do have a fat round belly. I just wonder why people take the risk in asking...0
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I don't say anything even if the woman is painfully obviously pregnant. When I was in high school my teacher couldn't have kids and desperately wanted one. She was asked by a stranger how far along she was one day. I never seen a woman look so crushed. She was actually crying in class. That's when I decided that if pregnant woman want to talk about their pregnancy they can bring it up.
EXACTLY! I've known people that have had multiple miscarriages -- some of them late and dangerous, and since bellies don't always insta-disappear (mine DEFINITELY didn't) after childbirth or loss, you could potentially DEVASTATE someone with that question.0 -
All the time! I'm so embarassed.0
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YES!!
At work earlier this year the manager started giving me weird looks all day....and then she patted my belly and asked how far along I was!! I was mortified!
This happened to me, like I said, it happens so many times that I couldn't write it all down. But i've been patted by strangers, asked, given a seat in the bus (which I now take,telling myself that I might as well take the advantage, only if it's a younger man or woman), there was this horrible guy at the movie theater who kept insisting that the baby would love the movie (a premiere night where they make sure you don't have a camera) he said that they would check to make sure the baby wasn't filming. Product demonstrator giving me baby samples for my baby....and I pass, so many others...lowest weight to highest weight, it always happens.
(note: i'm round due to possible intolerances, so when my body reacts, my belly tends to get round for the time of the crisis, the rest of my body looks normal)0 -
I think it's easy for people who have never been 'fat' to judge the people who have been saying how hurt they are when this has happened to them. if you have NEVER been truly fat, like at least 50+ over weight, and even in some cases less, how do you know how you would truly feel if someone asked you if you were pregnant and you weren't? You have NO CLUE. Just like the men on here saying well...'take it as a wake up call". REALLY? And you can relate to that HOW????? When someone is fat they KNOW they are fat. If becoming thin and healthy were easy, we wouldn't have a world of overweight people. Our job isn't to remind people they are fat. That is something every fat person has to deal with on a daily basis, and hopefully they will want to get HEALTHY for themselves. Not the jerks telling them that they are fat. AND someone said they people don't usually say things to hurt others. That is so NOT true. People say things ALL the time to be hurtful on purpose. I'm not saying the the person that said that to the OP was being that way, but in most cases, people LIKE to be hurtful because it makes them feel better about themselves and whatever downfalls they have.
I could never even come close to understanding something someone else is going through if i have never experienced it. Nor would i try or try to make light of it. Or tell someone, 'use it as a wake up call'.0 -
To herstrawberri: Way to go on the loss!!! That is amazing! and inspires me to keep going!0
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I understand that it's humiliating to the person being asked and the person asking. It is difficult because babies are such an exciting thing, and if you’re excited people want to be excited for you and with you. There are times when it is intentionally hurtful, but most of the time it’s just plain is said without thought. Since I’ve been dating DH he’s said that to one person, she was young and definitely not pregnant she just carried her weight in her belly, they were both mortified. She was our friend’s cousin, they were in the wedding and he was her escort down the aisle at the wedding. I gave him the look and told him, “now you know better, you don’t congratulate anyone on a pregnancy unless the 1) tell you or 2) are holding a new born.” He said, “We just didn’t have anything to talk about, she was nervous, and I was trying to chat her up before we went down the aisle. I honestly thought she was early in her pregnancy and that talking about something so exciting would get her to loosen up.” I asked, “yeah, so how’s that work out for you?” The thing is, his intention definitely wasn’t to hurt her, he was being an idiot and she was wearing a very unflattering dress.0
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Even if you were pregnant, it's still rude. I don't see how it's any random stranger's business.
Yeah, when I was pregnant some random man at a gas station touched my stomach and said "How far along are we?" WE????
Don't touch me dude.
And I have been asked three times if I was pregnant when I was not. HORRIBLE. Don't ever do that to anyone. I literally choked the last woman who asked me. Got my hands around her throat and shook her! and she didn't understand why I was so upset, because she was "happy" for me that I was pregnant, and thought I should be happy too!!
She didn't get it.....I was NOT pregnant.
Three times!!!!!! sheesh, don't people know better?0 -
Ugh. My husband does this to women. Yes, its embarrassing. He just loves pregnant women so much that he gets excited and starts asking about their babies. I don't think he has gotten busted by a non pregnant woman though. I keep telling him its gonna happen. I was so small when I was pregnant most people couldn't tell until I was at term. Guess he's getting his fill of women who look pregnant.
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Hey, it's even worse when they say it...
AND YOU'RE A MAN!
At least with you it might have been innocent.
With me?
PURE RIDICULE!
But that's what got me off my rear and into the gym - lost 64 lbs - no longer pregnant...lol
I got that A LOT from my friends and family. Looking back, I am glad I did and I have to admit... I do it to my brothers from time to time now since they did it to me then :-) (Bad, I know but still...)0 -
At work earlier this year the manager started giving me weird looks all day....and then she patted my belly and asked how far along I was!! I was mortified!
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I hate when people pat my belly WHEN I'm pregnant! Now that's rude!!!0 -
I could never even come close to understanding something someone else is going through if i have never experienced it. Nor would i try or try to make light of it. Or tell someone, 'use it as a wake up call'.
But many of us did use things like that as a kickstart.0 -
I would like to add, that when it happened to me, I was 138 pounds at 5'7". I have a sway back and my pelvis tilts forward, so I'll never have a figure like a board. On the plus side, it make my booty look better.))))
Also, when I was pregnant, people asked if I was having twins. Also rude.0 -
This has happened to me more times than I care to admit. My first response to "when are you due?" was "oh, about 3 years ago..."
However, I used to work in a nursing home, and some of my residents would ask me that over and over, because they had Alzheimer's and didn't remember asking me before. :ohwell:0
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