did you just say i was pregnant EXSUSE YOU?

seehawkmomma

I made the mistake ONCE to ask someone how far along she was. Only because I've been pregnant and she had the roundish appearance that I was fimilar with for 9 months. Low and behold she was not pregnant. It was horrifing for me. And I felt extremely bad. But I had good intent if that makes up for it.....

MelissaL582

This is why you don't ask anyone that question because you just never know. I've been asked this a few times in my adult life. One lady was A LOT bigger than me and she had the nerve to ask me. One other time was during the holidays last year before I started MFP, I was so embarrassed. The lady was quick to say "Oh, the coat you're wearing makes you look pregnant". *smh*

IndigoVA

Yes! In fact this happened to me several times after I had my daughter 5 years ago. You'd think the fact that I was pushing a baby in a stroller would have been a clue that no I wasn't pregnant! Oddly enough when I was pregnant with her, no one realized I was pregnant until the very last month because I gained weight all over. It wasn't until after she was born, and I started losing everywhere other than my belly that people started to ask.

cecilia0909

Yup- really hurt my feelings too. I was holding me 6 month old and thinking I was doing pretty well with weight loss. The lady asked if we were having another baby and I said no. She PATTED HER STOMACH and said, "Oh, it kinda looks like you are"

dargytaylor

i never ask....because I was asked when not pregnant also! at a gym to boot! (well, if you call curves a gym)

during my sign up process, the women asked when the baby was due?!? i was mortified........i am sure she saw the shock on my face, and I saw the embarassment on hers when I told her I was not pregnant, but here to exercise to get rid of my belly!

needless to say, the flowing yellow dress i was wearing went to goodwill, never to be worn by me again

MrsT99

Hello!

This happened to me when I was about 20, I think I was just in the overweight range at the time but I never had a disproportionately huge belly (never flat but not my big problem area compared to thunder thighs), I was wearing an empire line top that flowed down from my boobs so it covered my stomach completely, and I was leaning forward so it hung down. I was on my lunch break at the pub I used to work in at university and having lunch at the end of the bar and one of the customers came up and asked me if I was eating for 2.

I blushed bright red and told him that no I wasn't, but I'm never wearing this top again! He was quite mortified bless him sweet older man, both him and his wife were considerably more overweight than me genuine error it seems!

However later that day when I was moaning to my boyfriend (now husband) about it he decided to tell me he loved me for the first time lol. I wind him up by telling people the story of how he only said he loves me as someone thought I was preggo hehe.

On a separate point I've seen pregnant ladies on the train with a "baby on board" badge - genius idea to prevent the not being sure and not wanting to offend scenario....................

adlwilmot

I believe that sometimes in our skewed sense of self, we look at the actions of others in terms of how they make us feel and not the intention with which they're done. Unless, as someone already mentioned, the person knows the true answer to the question they're asking, what reason is there to presume malice was intended? If we're humiliated by someone else's innocent question, then it's because we find ourselves lacking in some way already. It's not the other person's fault.

Simply say, "I'm not," and move on. Ten to one that person will spend time thinking about their question and your response, and possibly reconsidering asking again. They will probably also feel bad having, presumably, made you feel bad. How you feel, however, is entirely up to you.

Thank you. You put it so much better than I did.

I just don't get why people get so offended about it. More to the point it frustrates me how annoyed they get when somebody tries to innocently share in their celebration of being pregant.

In a nutshell, you WOULDN'T be reacting like this if you were pregnant would you??!??! You'd want to share.

I also note that those who suffer from a bit of extra padding in the tummy area alone haven't freaked as much. It says a lot.

My use of sarcasm would be to try and lighten the mood when the "well wisher" realised what a boo-boo they'd just made. You can use sarcasm with a kind tone and not humiliate someone, you know.

And please note that when I used the term "you" I was not aiming my response directly at the OP and saying she was fat (ffs people!!!), just using "you" as opposed to the awfully old English term of "one" e.g. "when one is asked if they're pregnant..."

Anyway, if I got to the stage where someone asked me that and I wasn't pregnant, I'd take it on board and make sure it didn't happen again! I was getting there and nipped it in the bud before the question was asked.

Maybe it's a culture thing..... I certainly wouldn't be offended; I'd just use it as a big fat wake up call!

karinaes

I don't say anything even if the woman is painfully obviously pregnant. When I was in high school my teacher couldn't have kids and desperately wanted one. She was asked by a stranger how far along she was one day. I never seen a woman look so crushed. She was actually crying in class. That's when I decided that if pregnant woman want to talk about their pregnancy they can bring it up.

oh my.. that's so awful!

AmberMagdalena

I've been big my whole life, but I've been asked twice if I was pregnant. Once when I was working at a daycare, and one of babies was sleeping on my belly. When her mom came to pick her up, she said "no wonder she likes you so much, what are you having, a boy?" I was like "nope, just fat". and one time when I was living in Philadelphia, I was at this small Turkish store with my beau. This really loud guy came in and yelled across the store to us, "you prepared for that baby?" We whipped around and the guy yelled"You have to know what you're having by now!". My beau and I looked at each other and my beau replied "it's a girl". We laughed about it when we got to the car, but I NEVER wore that shirt again!!

b757

It has happened to me twice. The first time I was severely constipated. I mean severely, no joke. That problem runs in my family and I have inherited it, unfortunately. I actually had to see a doctor for it. I was very, very bloated looking. The lady was very, very apologetic. It was pretty hurtful, but obviously, the fat didn't help, but it had never happened before that. The second time I was at a fair at a stand with people displaying pro-life propaganda and I had acid reflux at that very moment. I touched my belly and this lady asked me how far along I was. I told her I wasn't, but she kept going on mumbling under her breath about "that stomach". Now THAT was rude. She didn't even apologize at all, just kept mumbling under her breath. And I could hear everything she was saying. I have to agree, when some people ask, they don't mean to be rude, they are just trying to make conversation, but some people are just nasty, period. It was a little hard for me to be embarrassed at that point because she was so rude and she was also very elderly, and the manner in which she was carrying on would be considered "senile". If you can't figure out that it's rude to insist someone looks pregnant after you ask and they are say they are not, that is when it is just plain rude.

galegetsthin

The first several times it happened to me, I was very offended. And on "fat days" I still get upset. One time, a man asked if it was a boy or girl. I responed with "its a meatloaf, Im just fat". But then, after talking to my grandma about it, she put it in perspective for me. If they thought i was fat, they wouldnt say anything. But they think that I am pregnant. Which means I dont really "look" fat. I have a belly. I have less of one than I had, and will have even less in the future. But because of my body type, thin arms, face and legs with all my weight centered to my extremely short waist, I DO look pregnant sometimes. I try to take it as a complement that it looks more likely that I am pregnant than just "fat".

galegetsthin

Sorry! double post!

tam120

my father in law asked me if my daughter was pregnant, I said no and jokingly, she's not allowed to get pregnant without my permission... (her son was only a year old at the time). I was a bit offended. Turns out she was pregnant and was afraid to tell me. I was so pissed.

jae6704

YES!!

At work earlier this year the manager started giving me weird looks all day....and then she patted my belly and asked how far along I was!! I was mortified!

This happened to me too by my bosses boss.

keiraev

My husband regularly gets asked if he's expecting twins

csklebar

Gave up my seat on the london underground one day to a woman, who looked at me weirdly, because I did think she was pregnant and it was a packed train. I stood up and was standing over her still when she sat down. She looked down and turned a bit red. Only then did I realise she wasn't pregnant. So now I'm a little more observant on when to offer my seat on a packed commuter train. However, on a side note and off topic, it really pisses me off when I'm sitting on a train and a really fat person gets on the train, sits next to you and half of them is on your seat as well. Just because you are skinnier, you have to put up with it and be squished against a wall and not say anything.

Lucia_Armstrong1973

I've had that said to me so many times it doesn't even bother me anymore. In fact, I feel more sorry for the people who ask, they are usually more mortified than I am. My answer is always, no I'm just fat. Its not any of their business if I'm working on it or not. That's my choice. I don't usually hold it against anyone, or consider them rude because honestly I do have a fat round belly. I just wonder why people take the risk in asking...

michedarnd

I don't say anything even if the woman is painfully obviously pregnant. When I was in high school my teacher couldn't have kids and desperately wanted one. She was asked by a stranger how far along she was one day. I never seen a woman look so crushed. She was actually crying in class. That's when I decided that if pregnant woman want to talk about their pregnancy they can bring it up.

EXACTLY! I've known people that have had multiple miscarriages -- some of them late and dangerous, and since bellies don't always insta-disappear (mine DEFINITELY didn't) after childbirth or loss, you could potentially DEVASTATE someone with that question.

Sublimely_Self_Righteousreused

All the time! I'm so embarassed.

Temporalia

YES!!

At work earlier this year the manager started giving me weird looks all day....and then she patted my belly and asked how far along I was!! I was mortified!

This happened to me, like I said, it happens so many times that I couldn't write it all down. But i've been patted by strangers, asked, given a seat in the bus (which I now take,telling myself that I might as well take the advantage, only if it's a younger man or woman), there was this horrible guy at the movie theater who kept insisting that the baby would love the movie (a premiere night where they make sure you don't have a camera) he said that they would check to make sure the baby wasn't filming. Product demonstrator giving me baby samples for my baby....and I pass, so many others...lowest weight to highest weight, it always happens.

(note: i'm round due to possible intolerances, so when my body reacts, my belly tends to get round for the time of the crisis, the rest of my body looks normal)