did you just say i was pregnant EXSUSE YOU?

MrsBlobs

I have to say...I've asked...and I was wrong. :embarassed:

I was so certain she was! We had been taking our children to the same class for months and I had noticed her extremely rounded belly and wondered....

Anyway, after about a three week hiatus when we all returned to the pool it had most definitely, absolutely undeniably got much bigger. Only pregnant tums do that and at that speed right??
Wrong.

When she said she wasn't pregnant my initial reaction was to apologise profusely and die inside of embarassment, my second reaction was to be concerned inwardly as I had NEVER seen such a pronounced belly in the first place without a baby being in there and I had NEVER seen it grow at such a rate where nowhere else on the woman had 'grown'. Was going to suggest she pop to the docs but I think I had said enough by that point.

Sorry swimming pool woman.

Hoppymom

20th class reunion 2 people asked me on the same night. They were both horrified that I said I wasn't pregnant. I weighed 162 that night. Was that enough to change my eating behavior? Nooooo, I had to put on another 105 pounds before I started this. In their defense...I was 102 pounds in high school and later carried much of my excess weight in my tummy. I also had a priest ask me once. " Are you pregnant or just getting fat?" EXCUSE ME!!!! I weighed 135 pounds and was 5 months pregnant with my fourth child. That still makes me angry when I think about it!!!! AAARRGGGHH. On top of that, 7 years later the church released the information that they had known for 15+ years that he was a pedophile. Epic Fail.

Lucia_Armstrong1973

I could never even come close to understanding something someone else is going through if i have never experienced it. Nor would i try or try to make light of it. Or tell someone, 'use it as a wake up call'.

But many of us did use things like that as a kickstart.

I did. My first husband told me one day that my belly was getting bigger than my butt! I lost 50 pounds after that ( and got rid of the husband too)!

rachelmorgan77

Never ask a woman if she's pregnant, if she wants you to know, she'll tell you.

And never ask a pregnant woman if she's having twins. With all the hormones racing through her body, you might get hurt. Seriously.

hypotrochoid

<snip>

I just don't get why people get so offended about it. More to the point it frustrates me how annoyed they get when somebody tries to innocently share in their celebration of being pregant.

In a nutshell, you WOULDN'T be reacting like this if you were pregnant would you??!??! You'd want to share.

</snip>

I have to disagree. My belly isn't public property, regardless of what's going on in it. And here's my story, which will probably get me slammed quite a bit, given the trend of this thread.

The only time I have been asked if I was pregnant was when I was pregnant. First off, it wasn't an easy pregnancy. I was constantly under threat to be put in the hospital. I was exhausted and it was painful to walk. Doing the dishes would lay me out for three days. I didn't even want my husband to touch me, let alone anyone else. So... I was probably 7 months along and I got this craving for cheese. I had to have it. I went to the effort of getting dressed, brushing my hair, putting on makeup and leaving the house (My mother raised me not to go into public in sweats, bless her). I was gazing at the variety of cheeses when this woman came up, put her hand on my belly and asked when I was due.

I snapped. I could feel the hormones bubbling up inside of me, along with my instinctive sarcasm and negativity (you can replace sarcasm and negativity with b*tchiness, if you like).

I burst into tears. Sobbing hysterically, I managed to blubber, "But I've been working so hard! My husband says that I'm looking so good, I've lost ever so much weight and I... I..."

Poor woman made a run for it. I'll bet she's never asked anyone since.

Do I feel bad? No. It's no one's business unless the woman chooses to share.

cessnaholly

bump

krisrpaz

This has happened to me twice.

The first time I was in 6th grade and this older girl I didn't know came over smiling really big and said, "Yeah, my friend wants me to ask you a question. Are you pregnant?" I was mortified. I of course told her I wasn't and she said, "Oh, ok" and she ran back to her friend and they kept looking at me and laughing.

The second time was a year after I had been married a person asked my brother-in-law how my baby was doing. He asked them, "What baby??" and they said they thought I was pregnant on my wedding day. Yes, I was fat on my wedding day. But the thing that made me mad the most was that I "saved myself" for my wedding and this is required in our religion. If I was indeed pregnant, it would not have been a public celebration, it would have been a quick shotgun wedding (involving Daddy's shotgun...) So she managed to call me fat and question my morals in one comment.

honeymama2

I have actually had people come up and rub my belly and say AWWWWW I"m so happy for you and I wasn't pregnant!! although in their defense, I have been trying to conceive for almost 2 yrs now and have had fertility issues for over 10 yrs and my waist isn't exactly small after 3 pregnancies and 10 surgeries but it still managed to hurt my feelings. I just remind myself that my body has been through ALOT and that I'm working on it (down 6lbs already about 12 more to go!!) !! keep your chin up, I think this can happen to anyone, especially after having a baby and having a mommy belly!! depending on the day, I look pregnant just due to swelling from montly cycles!!

Shanna_Inc86

I believe that sometimes in our skewed sense of self, we look at the actions of others in terms of how they make us feel and not the intention with which they're done. Unless, as someone already mentioned, the person knows the true answer to the question they're asking, what reason is there to presume malice was intended? If we're humiliated by someone else's innocent question, then it's because we find ourselves lacking in some way already. It's not the other person's fault.

Simply say, "I'm not," and move on. Ten to one that person will spend time thinking about their question and your response, and possibly reconsidering asking again. They will probably also feel bad having, presumably, made you feel bad. How you feel, however, is entirely up to you.

Thank you. You put it so much better than I did.

I just don't get why people get so offended about it. More to the point it frustrates me how annoyed they get when somebody tries to innocently share in their celebration of being pregant.

In a nutshell, you WOULDN'T be reacting like this if you were pregnant would you??!??! You'd want to share.

I also note that those who suffer from a bit of extra padding in the tummy area alone haven't freaked as much. It says a lot.

My use of sarcasm would be to try and lighten the mood when the "well wisher" realised what a boo-boo they'd just made. You can use sarcasm with a kind tone and not humiliate someone, you know.

And please note that when I used the term "you" I was not aiming my response directly at the OP and saying she was fat (ffs people!!!), just using "you" as opposed to the awfully old English term of "one" e.g. "when one is asked if they're pregnant..."

Anyway, if I got to the stage where someone asked me that and I wasn't pregnant, I'd take it on board and make sure it didn't happen again! I was getting there and nipped it in the bud before the question was asked.

Maybe it's a culture thing..... I certainly wouldn't be offended; I'd just use it as a big fat wake up call!

I had it happen to me AFTER my daughter was born....that was when I kicked it in the *kitten* to lose the rest of the baby weight. And then it happened AGAIN when I put weight back on...few months later, I started changing how I was eating and starting working out.

I think its funny how people complain on how rude society (as a whole) is nowadays, yet when people are trying to be nice they get blasted as well. I had a woman get offended because I DIDN'T ask how far along she was. I wasn't sure if she had gained weight or was pregnant.

Its all on how YOU perceive it.

I don't think its appropriate to touch a random stranger's belly LOL And when I was pregnant I worked with a woman who wanted to so bad but she wouldn't, she maintained personal space but she was soooo excited for me. She was SO excited when I told her one day she could touch the belly if she wanted lol

Dragonwolf

<snip>

I just don't get why people get so offended about it. More to the point it frustrates me how annoyed they get when somebody tries to innocently share in their celebration of being pregant.

In a nutshell, you WOULDN'T be reacting like this if you were pregnant would you??!??! You'd want to share.

</snip>

I have to disagree. My belly isn't public property, regardless of what's going on in it. And here's my story, which will probably get me slammed quite a bit, given the trend of this thread.

The only time I have been asked if I was pregnant was when I was pregnant. First off, it wasn't an easy pregnancy. I was constantly under threat to be put in the hospital. I was exhausted and it was painful to walk. Doing the dishes would lay me out for three days. I didn't even want my husband to touch me, let alone anyone else. So... I was probably 7 months along and I got this craving for cheese. I had to have it. I went to the effort of getting dressed, brushing my hair, putting on makeup and leaving the house (My mother raised me not to go into public in sweats, bless her). I was gazing at the variety of cheeses when this woman came up, put her hand on my belly and asked when I was due.

I snapped. I could feel the hormones bubbling up inside of me, along with my instinctive sarcasm and negativity (you can replace sarcasm and negativity with b*tchiness, if you like).

I burst into tears. Sobbing hysterically, I managed to blubber, "But I've been working so hard! My husband says that I'm looking so good, I've lost ever so much weight and I... I..."

Poor woman made a run for it. I'll bet she's never asked anyone since.

Do I feel bad? No. It's no one's business unless the woman chooses to share.

I think there's a difference between asking the question and physically touching someone. Touching someone (particularly a stranger) invades personal physical space and is just in general a bad idea unless you have a personal relationship with the other person that allows for such contact.

The question, on the other hand, is less obvious.

The thing people asking it need to remember is that it's no guarantee that the person is pregnant, nor is it a guarantee that the pregnancy (assuming one) is actually going well. All pregnancies are different, everyone reacts to them differently, even on just a hormone level, and not all of them go as smoothly as others. As such, the topic is a touchy one that is probably best left to be brought up by the (supposedly) pregnant person.

The thing the people being asked need to remember is that the vast majority of the time, the question is not out of malice, but an attempt to connect with you. It may seem rude, and it may even be hurtful if you're not (and particularly if you're not, but had a loss or have been unable to conceive), but you have to remember that it wasn't that person's intent. There's a term in psychology called "general attribution error," which is our tendency to consider mistakes made by others as character flaws (and judge them more harshly), vs our own mistakes as mistakes of context (and judge them less harshly). This is what makes us go "I thought for sure she was pregnant! Her ankles were swollen, she had the belly, and...." if we were to mistakenly ask that question, while if we were to receive it, we go "well, that person is such an *kitten* and is out to make me feel like a big, fat, cow!" even though that's not actually the case.

ElizabethRoad

You know very well that the question could upset someone very much. EVERYONE KNOWS THIS. If you choose to ask the question, knowing you could be upsetting someone, then you are a jerk. None of this other "wanting to share in your celebration" has anything to do with it. It's not your freaking business anyway so keep your mouth shut.

Lady_Senie

At the risk of sounding ungrateful, I didn't appreciate that question from random strangers even when I WAS pregnant. People that couldn't give two craps about me before would all of a sudden come up and start TOUCHING my belly and asking all these personal questions... I've always found the whole 'your belly is now public domain because there's a baby in it' thing quite disturbing and humiliating. I had to forcibly remove someone from my person once I popped at 6 months and REALLY started to show. Yet another reason I don't think I ever want another child. It's like "keep your f*cking hands off of me! Stay out of my personal space! I don't even know you!"

I'm sorry, but honestly, if some stranger started randomly patting and caressing my belly in public an I wasn't pregnant, it would be considered sexual assault, but because my son was in there, I was supposed to consider it cute?

As for the question, I tend to look people dead in the eye and say 'I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat.'. Then I glare at them until they skulk away in shame. I was taught that asking such a intimate question is the fastest way to get punched in the mouth. And all my co-workers think I'm crazy, 'cause I always preface the question just like that. "I want to ask you a question, but please don't punch me in the mouth if I'm wrong". Even then, I'll only ask if someone's told me or if she's just popped and it's REALLY obvious. If you're gonna ask something like that of someone you don't even know, then I feel it's my civic duty to make you think twice about asking it again of some other unsuspecting woman.

In conclusion, speaking as someone who's been on both sides of the coin. I'm firmly in the 'it's none of your business' corner.

galegetsthin

I have found though, that a lot of older (particularly southern) men are the ones who ask most often. They dont mean offense by it. They are happy for you and want to share in the good news. They dont realize that it could hurt someones feelings. I have had patients send me cards to apologize for asking it after I told them that I was not pregnant. They grew up in a time/region where it was okay to ask and just havent adapted to the culture around them.

b757

Amen.

I think it's easy for people who have never been 'fat' to judge the people who have been saying how hurt they are when this has happened to them. if you have NEVER been truly fat, like at least 50+ over weight, and even in some cases less, how do you know how you would truly feel if someone asked you if you were pregnant and you weren't? You have NO CLUE. Just like the men on here saying well...'take it as a wake up call". REALLY? And you can relate to that HOW????? When someone is fat they KNOW they are fat. If becoming thin and healthy were easy, we wouldn't have a world of overweight people. Our job isn't to remind people they are fat. That is something every fat person has to deal with on a daily basis, and hopefully they will want to get HEALTHY for themselves. Not the jerks telling them that they are fat. AND someone said they people don't usually say things to hurt others. That is so NOT true. People say things ALL the time to be hurtful on purpose. I'm not saying the the person that said that to the OP was being that way, but in most cases, people LIKE to be hurtful because it makes them feel better about themselves and whatever downfalls they have.

I could never even come close to understanding something someone else is going through if i have never experienced it. Nor would i try or try to make light of it. Or tell someone, 'use it as a wake up call'.

harrydresden

Being of the male persuasion and never likely to actually BE pregnant, I think it's a harmless comment that people only take the wrong way if a) they actually are overweight, and they are reminded of how damn blatant it is, b) they're fairly slender, but have gained weight recently, and have just been made aware of the gain.

People get offended and overreact because it upsets them and they view it as rude because it just brings the weight further into the light.

It's certainly not "rude": it's just pleasant, polite conversation unless it's done genuinely to hurt.

cxxviii

If someone thought I was pregnant that would make me want to lose my weight even more, lol. Would not bother me, but I'm not uptight about a lot of things, so that is just me.

I agree with all of this. Lots of uptight people in here.

I am not motivated by criticism, or insults, on the contrary. People who are depressed about their weight often eat to comfort themselves and numb the pain. Yes we all know that it's contradictory behavior and adds to the problem but that's what some people do anyway.

If you told an anorexic to eat because she was too skinny, would that just as easily solve that problem too?

red_hatorade

You know what is bad to? People asking you if you are having twins, when you aren't. They asked, I said no, and they proceeded to say how big I was. Thanks, *kitten*.

Being offended by that is not being uptight. People need to think before they speak, for real.

Christina1007

I was actually on a packed train and was standing next to this lady. She asked me if I wanted to sit down cause I'm pregnant. I AM NOT PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I raged at her. She apologised and told me that it was my fault as I was sticking my tummy out and because of my skirt.

The whole train journey I kept playing her words in my head "I'm pregnant" and the whole journey she felt like a fool. She better!!!

If you are not sure if someone is actually pregnant, dont f.....g offer them a seat!

MsTanya77

I did this to a co-worker one time and felt HORRIBLE afterward! I honestly thought she was pregnant! She had just gained ALOT of weight! OMG I was so embarrassed!!!

bonnynblithe04

Ugh! I feel for all, have been there too.

Setof2Keys

a few years ago i went shopping one night with my brother. Outside the store in the parking lot as we were leaving some guy probably in his 50's was standing by his truck (next to our car) with his labrador. The lab was very friendly and came right up to me and jumped to put his paws on my stomach. I thought it was cute he was being playful. The guy instantly yelled at the dog and said "No No!!! Down!! She's pregnant, you dont wanna hurt the baby!!!" I felt so upset/angry instantly.. My bother was right there and gave the guy a weird look and we just left.. In the car my bro said "did he actually just say that to you??" I said "yep, and all i thought i had was FAT! Who knew i was having a baby too!" Tried to joke about it to make myself feel better but it really bothered me. My bro thought the guy was rude as well.. One of the most crappy awkward moments ive ever had.

Why was that rude of him? He didn't want his dog to harm a pregnant woman. Do you think he really wanted to say get down off of that overweight woman? He was showing concern. I have been on the receiving end of the how far along are you and when are you due questions. The people asking weren't being rude, they were excited. It was my problem that I let myself get to the point that I looked pregnant, not theirs.

OMG You are my BFF!!! We know the golden rule here, if you don't like it...CHANGE IT!! I have been asked often when I worked at a (severly) mentally ill clinic and it was more motivation for me to get moving...

JennBrown83

too many pages of responses to read them all but I'm a little shocked by some of the responses, it might not be "any of their business" but people are prone to ask those kinds of questions, I really don't think anyone does it to be mean, they might honestly be curious. A few years ago I was visitng a friend and her son looked at me, smiled and pointed at my stomach and said "baby?" I was shocked of course but this mother was quite thin and his aunt was pregnant so for a five year old this was the only reference he had for someone having a big belly. I smiled a little sadly and told him no, there was no baby. He seemed a bit confused but I tired to explain that some people just have big bellies for whatever reason. Totally innocent question. People are curious and I don't think it's rude to ask someone who looks it if their pregnant. It wouldn't bother me but THAT'S ME! Everyone is different, everyone has different feelings/reactions to that kind of thing and honestly, I think everyone has a right to feel however they want about this subject. You might think it's "rude" no matter what, but someone else might not mind the question... deal with it!

Opinions are like armpits, everyone has them but the only ones that matter are your own!

Temporalia

There is one funny thing about it, thinking of it, is that sometimes, it's done so lightly that bf doesn't get it....looks at me getting flustered...gets it and asks me: did I heard what I heard? Example: this army surplus salesman suggests a coat that can be modified at each stage of pregnancy.

mcrowe1016

I think it's easy for people who have never been 'fat' to judge the people who have been saying how hurt they are when this has happened to them. if you have NEVER been truly fat, like at least 50+ over weight, and even in some cases less, how do you know how you would truly feel if someone asked you if you were pregnant and you weren't? You have NO CLUE. Just like the men on here saying well...'take it as a wake up call". REALLY? And you can relate to that HOW????? When someone is fat they KNOW they are fat. If becoming thin and healthy were easy, we wouldn't have a world of overweight people. Our job isn't to remind people they are fat. That is something every fat person has to deal with on a daily basis, and hopefully they will want to get HEALTHY for themselves. Not the jerks telling them that they are fat. AND someone said they people don't usually say things to hurt others. That is so NOT true. People say things ALL the time to be hurtful on purpose. I'm not saying the the person that said that to the OP was being that way, but in most cases, people LIKE to be hurtful because it makes them feel better about themselves and whatever downfalls they have.

I could never even come close to understanding something someone else is going through if i have never experienced it. Nor would i try or try to make light of it. Or tell someone, 'use it as a wake up call'.

1) I have been fat. Now do I have a right to judge?
2) The whole reason people are getting upset is because they feel "judged". This stranger is labeling me fat because they think I'm pregnant. Well, guess what? Stupid people exist and always will. You can't cure stupid, and you shouldn't give a crap about what strangers think of you.
3) A majority of the people asking probably had good intentions. A majority of the people on this thread stating that they had good intentions also have good intentions. What gives you the right to judge them?

In summary, life is hard. It is even harder if you are "fat" (even though not all the women who have had this experience were fat). If you let things like this get to you, its not going to get any easier.

NoAdditives

I have actually had the opposite, people NOT assuming I was pregnant when I really was. I'm sure it was just them being careful not to offend just in case, but it bummed me out big time. I was always so glad when it was really obvious that I was pregnant because I didn't feel fat anymore!

jennajava

I just don't get why people get so offended about it. More to the point it frustrates me how annoyed they get when somebody tries to innocently share in their celebration of being pregant.

In a nutshell, you WOULDN'T be reacting like this if you were pregnant would you??!??! You'd want to share.

I have been pregnant. It is not okay for you to be in my business if you do not know me.

anhancock10

I think unless its your family you should never ask personal questions unless that person talks about it first. Like for example what if you ask someone if they are pregnant and they had just had the baby and lost it? You never know people's situations and i have personally never asked someone even if i knew i think its rude. If they want to offer up the info thats different. And what i would say if asked would be" nope are you?"

ARDuBaie

We live in a society where people make assumptions all the time.

I am white, polite, and do things for charity, so I must be a Christian.

Not!

How about I have brown hair and light skin, so I must not have any Native American or black in me.

Not!

I am an older worker, so I will not be quick to catch on to computer concepts.

Not!

My point is this - just roll with it.

You could say something negative about the other person, but that reduces you to their level.

You could point out the assumption and make them back peddle, if that is what you want to do.

Or, do what I do - "Yeah, my litter of five are due in......" and then just go on and on and on and on and on. They will think twice about asking another person that question.

adlwilmot

too many pages of responses to read them all but I'm a little shocked by some of the responses, it might not be "any of their business" but people are prone to ask those kinds of questions, I really don't think anyone does it to be mean, they might honestly be curious. A few years ago I was visitng a friend and her son looked at me, smiled and pointed at my stomach and said "baby?" I was shocked of course but this mother was quite thin and his aunt was pregnant so for a five year old this was the only reference he had for someone having a big belly. I smiled a little sadly and told him no, there was no baby. He seemed a bit confused but I tired to explain that some people just have big bellies for whatever reason. Totally innocent question. People are curious and I don't think it's rude to ask someone who looks it if their pregnant. It wouldn't bother me but THAT'S ME! Everyone is different, everyone has different feelings/reactions to that kind of thing and honestly, I think everyone has a right to feel however they want about this subject. You might think it's "rude" no matter what, but someone else might not mind the question... deal with it!

Opinions are like armpits, everyone has them but the only ones that matter are your own!

Here, here!!

I would also like to clarify that I do not deem it acceptable tp go around touching random strangers' pregnant bellies. That is a big no-no. BUT, genuinely feeling the need to ask someone if they are pregnant, IS acceptable. I don't do it because I'm not at all interested, so it's not as though I'm trying to defend my own practices here.

Think about it. When you're walking your dog..... do fellow dog walkers sometimes stop for a chat? The ones on my walk do, and I'm only to happy to stand and chat talking about my new pup. Hell, I even stop to allow people WITHOUT dogs to give mine a stroke and ask questions about him (they wouldn't be stroking my baby though, admittedly!!!) It's the same with a bump. Humans talk, humans communicate, it's just who we are. It's called friendliness. Why get so uptight? Just move on.

And it IS a freaking "wake up call". End of.

EuphonyChloeH

I've only been asked once, and oddly enough it wasn't when I was my heaviest. I was in junior high and I had a belly on me, and these lil' elementary girls (who were deliberately being rude) came up and asked me if I was pregnant and giggled. I'm sure they grew up to be such sweet teenagers (*cough* NOT). What hurt more is that I was probably fourteen at the time, and what fourteen year old wants to be called pregnant!?!