Ready to Say I DO?

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  • CakeFit21
    CakeFit21 Posts: 2,521 Member
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    Personally, I would NEVER wait even 2 years.

    I asked my husband after two weeks of dating and we eloped 3 months later with $10 rings, (mine said "Mexico" on the inside). I didn't get an actual engagement ring until years later. That was all 10 years ago.

    Of course, I'm a catch. He would have been a fool to drag it out, and I would have been a fool to stay.
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
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    Can he get away with just buying you a really fancy ring and throwing an extravagant party?
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
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    Get a move on it :heart: !!!!

    My husband and I met on a Memorial Day weekend, we were engaged by July and married that September :) Wouldn't have done it any other way!
  • Tropical_Turtle
    Tropical_Turtle Posts: 2,236 Member
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    This going to be blunt because that's what I do ...

    Color me skeptical. I am firmly entrenched in the "If he wanted to marry you, he'd have asked already" camp. Your first mistake was moving in with the guy.

    If you want to get married, don't move in until you are at very least engaged and in the process of planning the wedding. I can't even count the number of women I know who have been living with their boyfriends for 5+ years and are still waiting desperately for a ring. Some even have the ring (I have one friend who has been "engaged" for 9 years) but can't get the guy to agree to a wedding date, which should tell them something.

    You need to send this guy a message that says "If you want to wake up with me every day and go to sleep with me every night, buy me a ring, get down on one knee, and ask me properly to be your wife." If he doesn't want to do that, he's not just opening the door for you to walk out, he's kicking you down the front steps.

    Wake up, ladies.

    I hate to say it - but I TOTALLY agree!!!!
  • bbygrl5
    bbygrl5 Posts: 964 Member
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    2 years is my personal cut off. I wouldn't be ready myself much before then, afterall, if you're going to spend your life with someone, a little bit of getting to really know someone is in order, lol, but if you don't know everything you need to know by then, well... are you/him ever going to know?? Just my opinion. ;)

    *ETA: Married over 10 years to my husband, Dated 2 years, Engaged for a year.

    *ETA 2: Okay, I keep thinking more about this, lol. Again, this is just from my personal experience I'm drawing from. I love my husband, he's one of the good ones and sometimes I don't think I deserve him. That being said, we both admitted to getting married too young. I was only 22 when we married. He was 26. My advice to you (I didn't check your age) is to not get married too young no matter what. Our culture pushes young marriage, but there is plenty of time to find that special someone if that's what you want from life. It can be difficult to grow together in a marriage if you don't have a firm grasp on who you are before marrying. I certainly didn't know who the hell I was at only 22, lol.
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
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    Anyone here been with your bf/gf/significant other for an extended period of time and ready for that question?! Will be together with my bf for 7 years in March and I'm dying for a ring... but don't know if it is anywhere in sight for the near future lol..

    My sister in law dated her fiance for 10 years before they got engaged. Don't push it if he's not ready. If you don't want to wait, then it's time to make some decisions about the relationship.
  • CourteneyLove
    CourteneyLove Posts: 246 Member
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    i literally just had a dream about getting married, but that's as close as i'll get for awhile considering i'm single and 22. :P
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
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    This going to be blunt because that's what I do ...

    Color me skeptical. I am firmly entrenched in the "If he wanted to marry you, he'd have asked already" camp. Your first mistake was moving in with the guy.

    If you want to get married, don't move in until you are at very least engaged and in the process of planning the wedding. I can't even count the number of women I know who have been living with their boyfriends for 5+ years and are still waiting desperately for a ring. Some even have the ring (I have one friend who has been "engaged" for 9 years) but can't get the guy to agree to a wedding date, which should tell them something.

    You need to send this guy a message that says "If you want to wake up with me every day and go to sleep with me every night, buy me a ring, get down on one knee, and ask me properly to be your wife." If he doesn't want to do that, he's not just opening the door for you to walk out, he's kicking you down the front steps.

    Wake up, ladies.

    UGH. This may work for some, but it did not for us. My husband and I got an apartment together before we got married, and boy am I glad we did. You REALLY don't know someone until you live with them day in and day out. We worked out a lot of our cohabitation issues before we got married, which made the marriage so much better. I can't imagine how stressful it would have been to plan a wedding and work through that stuff. Every couple goes through issues with cohabitation also, even if they wait to move in until they are married. The nice thing about doing it before is that you know if you can work through things or not before you make those vows.
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
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    UGH. This may work for some, but it did not for us. My husband and I got an apartment together before we got married, and boy am I glad we did. You REALLY don't know someone until you live with them day in and day out. We worked out a lot of our cohabitation issues before we got married, which made the marriage so much better.

    You could have worked out your cohabitation issues after you got married, too.
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
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    UGH. This may work for some, but it did not for us. My husband and I got an apartment together before we got married, and boy am I glad we did. You REALLY don't know someone until you live with them day in and day out. We worked out a lot of our cohabitation issues before we got married, which made the marriage so much better.

    You could have worked out your cohabitation issues after you got married, too.

    And what if it didn't work out? Then we'd have to divorce, get lawyers involved, separate property. No thanks. We worked it out before, and it was a huge relief for both of us.
  • Pollywog39
    Pollywog39 Posts: 1,730 Member
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    If you want to get married, don't move in until you are at very least engaged and in the process of planning the wedding. I can't even count the number of women I know who have been living with their boyfriends for 5+ years and are still waiting desperately for a ring. Some even have the ring (I have one friend who has been "engaged" for 9 years) but can't get the guy to agree to a wedding date, which should tell them something.


    Wake up, ladies.

    Well, sometimes it's the LADY! My daughter has been engaged for about 10 years - been with this guy for 12 - and SHE is the one reluctant to marry! They have a 4-yr-old son, they live together, they seem like they're just fine together........but when I bring up marriage to her, she gives me the business and will NOT explain!!!

    So................it's a Mom's worry, and I don't necessarily like this arrangement, but it's her life, and she has control (obviously, as he'd marry her tomorrow!!)

    :grumble: :grumble: :grumble: :grumble:
  • Articeluvsmemphis
    Articeluvsmemphis Posts: 1,987 Member
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    Hope you guys get hitched :)

    7yrs. is quite a long time. surely you've talked about it ?
  • heresmyinsidevoice
    heresmyinsidevoice Posts: 311 Member
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    The whole idea of marriage - I don't know. It's a pretty pretentious idea to me. It doesn't take any commitment to slap a couple rings on and sign a piece of paper. Having children with someone, does. And I'm real *kitten* at picking 'em. I think I've quit while I'm ahead. Also, that whole saying that men say, you know, "Why buy the milk when you can get the cow for free?" - frankly enough, I believe I am now part of the, "Why buy a whole pig when all you want is a little sausage?" club.
  • maab_connor
    maab_connor Posts: 3,927 Member
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    Here's a novel idea - why aren't you asking him? Why haven't you had this conversation before? Maybe he never wants to get married in general, so that would be something worth noting, especially if marriage is something you want.

    I just don't understand this idea that women have to wait around for an effing ring. If YOU want to get married, then ask HIM about it. And I find it even more crazy that so many people choose to get married because of "timing". "Oh, we've been together for X amount of years it must be time." "Oh I'm almost 30, it must be time."

    This is coming from someone who has been with someone for nearly 7 years. We are happy and I knew early on that neither one of us would want to get married for quite a long time, if ever (in general, not just with one another). After a couple years, I would assume adults would have had that conversation at some point. I don't believe in the idea that "Oh if he hasn't asked you yet, he's an *kitten*!!" You're an adult too, you should have had the conversation a few years ago, especially before moving in together.

    ETA: And why is there the assumption that everyone in the world wants to get married anyway if they get into a relationship? And yes, I find it insulting that people, especially women, assume that if you've been with someone for a few years you're an idiot if he hasn't asked you to marry him. Give me a break. I have other more important and interesting things going on in my life than sitting around hoping for a damn ring someday.

    THIS!

    one: unless you have some religious preferance otherwise, or need the tax break, i don't see a reason to get married. it's not "more permanent" it's not "harder to leave" it's not "deeper commitment" it's a legal contract. plain and simple.

    and two: if you feel like you NEED to get married, then why wait for him to ask? it is 2011, nearly 2012, and the sexual revolution was 40 years ago.
  • sarahkatara
    sarahkatara Posts: 826 Member
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    Anyone here been with your bf/gf/significant other for an extended period of time and ready for that question?! Will be together with my bf for 7 years in March and I'm dying for a ring... but don't know if it is anywhere in sight for the near future lol..

    definitely talk with each other explicitly about it. my fiancee and i were together about 15 months when he popped the question. we're having a long engagement obviously (which i didn't want but he does). the "when" question has created a lot of tension between us and it sounds like you need to have that discussion before it gets to a point where you resent him or vice-versa.
    good luck!
  • mkmacf
    mkmacf Posts: 101
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    Totally agree!
  • _GlaDOS_
    _GlaDOS_ Posts: 1,520 Member
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    Here's a novel idea - why aren't you asking him? Why haven't you had this conversation before? Maybe he never wants to get married in general, so that would be something worth noting, especially if marriage is something you want.

    I just don't understand this idea that women have to wait around for an effing ring. If YOU want to get married, then ask HIM about it. And I find it even more crazy that so many people choose to get married because of "timing". "Oh, we've been together for X amount of years it must be time." "Oh I'm almost 30, it must be time."

    This is coming from someone who has been with someone for nearly 7 years. We are happy and I knew early on that neither one of us would want to get married for quite a long time, if ever (in general, not just with one another). After a couple years, I would assume adults would have had that conversation at some point. I don't believe in the idea that "Oh if he hasn't asked you yet, he's an *kitten*!!" You're an adult too, you should have had the conversation a few years ago, especially before moving in together.

    ETA: And why is there the assumption that everyone in the world wants to get married anyway if they get into a relationship? And yes, I find it insulting that people, especially women, assume that if you've been with someone for a few years you're an idiot if he hasn't asked you to marry him. Give me a break. I have other more important and interesting things going on in my life than sitting around hoping for a damn ring someday.

    THIS!

    one: unless you have some religious preferance otherwise, or need the tax break, i don't see a reason to get married. it's not "more permanent" it's not "harder to leave" it's not "deeper commitment" it's a legal contract. plain and simple.

    and two: if you feel like you NEED to get married, then why wait for him to ask? it is 2011, nearly 2012, and the sexual revolution was 40 years ago.

    :drinker:
  • Amanda0325
    Amanda0325 Posts: 245 Member
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    Here's a novel idea - why aren't you asking him? Why haven't you had this conversation before? Maybe he never wants to get married in general, so that would be something worth noting, especially if marriage is something you want.

    I just don't understand this idea that women have to wait around for an effing ring. If YOU want to get married, then ask HIM about it. And I find it even more crazy that so many people choose to get married because of "timing". "Oh, we've been together for X amount of years it must be time." "Oh I'm almost 30, it must be time."

    This is coming from someone who has been with someone for nearly 7 years. We are happy and I knew early on that neither one of us would want to get married for quite a long time, if ever (in general, not just with one another). After a couple years, I would assume adults would have had that conversation at some point. I don't believe in the idea that "Oh if he hasn't asked you yet, he's an *kitten*!!" You're an adult too, you should have had the conversation a few years ago, especially before moving in together.

    ETA: And why is there the assumption that everyone in the world wants to get married anyway if they get into a relationship? And yes, I find it insulting that people, especially women, assume that if you've been with someone for a few years you're an idiot if he hasn't asked you to marry him. Give me a break. I have other more important and interesting things going on in my life than sitting around hoping for a damn ring someday.

    THIS!

    one: unless you have some religious preferance otherwise, or need the tax break, i don't see a reason to get married. it's not "more permanent" it's not "harder to leave" it's not "deeper commitment" it's a legal contract. plain and simple.

    and two: if you feel like you NEED to get married, then why wait for him to ask? it is 2011, nearly 2012, and the sexual revolution was 40 years ago.

    LOL thanks.
  • Chiquita_Banana
    Chiquita_Banana Posts: 500
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    maybe he's waiting for the right time, i was with my husband for 7 years before he proposed... we were young when we started dating so when he proposed i was 24, and we went through a lot with finishing up school, my mother's death and his mother's death, so for him it was just timing... now we're married 4 years with 3 year old twins and another coming in febuary =)
  • My1985Freckles
    My1985Freckles Posts: 1,039 Member
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    im sorry probably gonna get yelled at for this but i have heard this a lot on here lately. why is he not proposing? after 7 years i would think you would both know if you are the "one". does he want to get married?

    Typically they say if the subject of marraige/proposal hasn't come up by year 2 that your relationship is doomed.

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