Ready to Say I DO?

Mocha02

This thread has so much views on marriage and I find it very interesting. It looks like there are some people who wait for a very long time and there are some people who are like after 2 years it's either a yes or no.

Very different outlooks indeed. I'm a one year gal, so I have them beat. :laugh: One year for the ring, the wedding within the next year. That being said, I have also turned down a few ... something seemed "off" and I wanted the mutual if either of us were sick, disfigured, etc that we would be there for each other forever.

Ha!

Daysednconfused

You always hear people say that marriage is nothing but a piece of paper and it's what's in your heart that matters, etc. etc. I am very happily married but I always felt that the previous statements were true...

Until last year when my friend passed away at 42 . My friend and her boyfriend were together for more than 12 years. She passed away of a stroke at a bridal shower. (Healthy as a horse, or so it seemed) Her family went crazy. At the funeral her bf was referred to over and over as "her friend", they never even mentioned his name! :noway: His two children were sitting in the front row by him and they were asked to move so that FAMILY could sit there... several of us put a stop to that and they remained seated in their places. They wanted to sell the house out from under him as his name was not on it (he paid the mortgage for those years though). All turned out ok in the end because they found her will. But it taught me that marriage is SOOOO much more than a piece of paper, it's protection for the one that you love:smooched: .

Good luck to you! I hope you get that ring!!!!

This brought tears to my eyes.

AwesomelyAmber

You always hear people say that marriage is nothing but a piece of paper and it's what's in your heart that matters, etc. etc. I am very happily married but I always felt that the previous statements were true...

Until last year when my friend passed away at 42 . My friend and her boyfriend were together for more than 12 years. She passed away of a stroke at a bridal shower. (Healthy as a horse, or so it seemed) Her family went crazy. At the funeral her bf was referred to over and over as "her friend", they never even mentioned his name! :noway: His two children were sitting in the front row by him and they were asked to move so that FAMILY could sit there... several of us put a stop to that and they remained seated in their places. They wanted to sell the house out from under him as his name was not on it (he paid the mortgage for those years though). All turned out ok in the end because they found her will. But it taught me that marriage is SOOOO much more than a piece of paper, it's protection for the one that you love:smooched: .

Good luck to you! I hope you get that ring!!!!

This brought tears to my eyes.

It was a very very sad thing to see unfold... seriously, made me look at the whole "marriage is nothing but a piece of paper" thing in a whole new light....

Snelllee

he knows how i feel....

I really think a lot of it is he came from a family that had virtually nothing and everything he has he has built for himself... his house/cares/toys etc. His bank accounts and savings. He has more than his parents and brothers have ever had. And i think he is worried that with the divorce rate and CT being a no fault state and everything is 50/50 that one day it won't work out and he'll get taken for everything he's worked so hard for.
I also think that we have been together the longest out of any of our friends witht he exception of 1 married couple and he doesn't feel the need to get married yet because everyone else is just dating.

I just need to figure out how long that is going to be OK with me... I want to be married before i have kids and i dont want to be in my 30s either which means i need to get engaged and married and prego in the next few years lol

Can't you get a prenup to ease his fears of you "taking" his stuff? Some people think that takes the romance out of a marriage, but I think it shows that you aren't in it for what you can "get" from him.

umachanxo

This going to be blunt because that's what I do ...

Color me skeptical. I am firmly entrenched in the "If he wanted to marry you, he'd have asked already" camp. Your first mistake was moving in with the guy.

If you want to get married, don't move in until you are at very least engaged and in the process of planning the wedding. I can't even count the number of women I know who have been living with their boyfriends for 5+ years and are still waiting desperately for a ring. Some even have the ring (I have one friend who has been "engaged" for 9 years) but can't get the guy to agree to a wedding date, which should tell them something.

You need to send this guy a message that says "If you want to wake up with me every day and go to sleep with me every night, buy me a ring, get down on one knee, and ask me properly to be your wife." If he doesn't want to do that, he's not just opening the door for you to walk out, he's kicking you down the front steps.

Wake up, ladies.

I find this a little bit presumptuous. Not all couples are the same, and not everyone has the same experience as you may have. I personally moved in with my now fiance 2 years ago. We are engaged, and the wedding is set for April 28, 2012. Everything is paid for and finalized for the wedding, and we're just as happy as we were 2 years ago.

So, I don't need to wake up. I just chose the right guy, and he and I are sure that we want to get married, that's all.

KayteeBear

//// We are engaged, and the wedding is set for April 28, 2012. ///

That's my 20th birthday. lol

sorani

I totally agree!!! Marriage is a commitment greater than any other...and the truth is..just as others have stated...if he wanted to marry you he probably wouldve asked by now...you need to decide the next move...S**T or get off the pot!!

Amanda0325

pretty much every member of my family asked when we are getting married this xmas lol.. think he got the hint? lol

My1985Freckles

Can't you get a prenup to ease his fears of you "taking" his stuff? Some people think that takes the romance out of a marriage, but I think it shows that you aren't in it for what you can "get" from him.

For me it isn't that a prenup takes the romance out of it. It's about what it represents. DOUBT. A Pre-nup says that I DOUBT we are going to be married in 50 years. I DOUBT we will be married in 25 years. I DOUBT we will be married in 10 years.... It's all about Doubt. If you have any doubts that your partner isn't in it for the long haul, then you should NOT be getting married. Just my opinion.

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dragonbait0126

is it just me?or a lot of these posts focused in getting a ring? its just a ring, material possesion isnt everything in this world. do you want the ring or the cmmitment, cause its two completly different things. want a ring? buy one? i dont know, ive been with my partner for 7 years, 8 this year, no plans on the table, why ruin something thats great with pressuring them to marry you? all situations are different though

good luck an hope it all pans out how you wanted

^^^THIS!!!! Thank you so much for saying this. My husband and I got married on our 12 year anniversary. We'd been living together for 11 years at the time. We lived as a married couple (including joint bank accounts, joint bills and insurance, etc). We referred to one another as husband and wife. We committed ourselves to one another and didn't need a ring or a piece of paper to show it. Our families saw us as married as well. When my dad passed away, we were not married but my husband was right there in the front pew with my mom, my brother and myself. I think when my husband proposed he surprised himself more than me since the ring was not purchased with the intent of being an engagement ring but just something he thought I would like for Christmas. Marriage is not about the ring or the piece of paper. It's about knowing that the other person loves and supports you unconditionally and is committed to you and only you. Does anyone really need a piece of jewelry or paper to tell them that the other person in their life is there for good? For me, the fact that my husband told me years ago (and has said it a countless number of times since) that he adores me, will always be there to support and hold me, and loves me more than life itself is far more important than the paper in my file box or the ring on my hand.

Veganniee

You always hear people say that marriage is nothing but a piece of paper and it's what's in your heart that matters, etc. etc. I am very happily married but I always felt that the previous statements were true...

Until last year when my friend passed away at 42 . My friend and her boyfriend were together for more than 12 years. She passed away of a stroke at a bridal shower. (Healthy as a horse, or so it seemed) Her family went crazy. At the funeral her bf was referred to over and over as "her friend", they never even mentioned his name! :noway: His two children were sitting in the front row by him and they were asked to move so that FAMILY could sit there... several of us put a stop to that and they remained seated in their places. They wanted to sell the house out from under him as his name was not on it (he paid the mortgage for those years though). All turned out ok in the end because they found her will. But it taught me that marriage is SOOOO much more than a piece of paper, it's protection for the one that you love:smooched: .

Good luck to you! I hope you get that ring!!!!

I agree with you completely, but.......... A friend died at 30 leaving a husband and 3 boys under 7. Her husband was told by her family that they had lost a daughter and sister and their loss was greater because he could always find another wife.... Unbelieveable! Presumably they were saying a new wife could just slip into the role of replacing her as a mother to her sons....

Marriage can solve some of the more practical issues, but it can't solve a crappy family....

BritFitB

No! I seriously hope I never get married. I think over years, the institution of marriage has diminished to just being a union of property and a business transaction, sadly. The divorce rates doesn't really contribute to it either. I can't vouch for every woman, but having your own identity is much more important than having a ring. Besides, all good things come in time.