Biting my tongue at seeing overweight children

Sweetrayray80

Saw a situation similar to this a few weeks ago. Mom and son walking through the grocery store. Boy was about 9 and extremely large. The mom asked him if he would "like one of those yummy Healthy Choice meals". The child shouted "No, I want uncrustables!", and stomped his foot. The mother immediately walked to the freezer and grabbed what he wanted, the largest box. I was disturbed by this. I made a comment to my older daughter that I just didn't understand how a parent could let a child get that big. My daughter was quiet for a few minutes and I realized she was pissed at me. I asked her what was wrong. She said, "you raised me not to judge people, and if you had of being paying attention then you would have realized the boy was autistic!" She has more experience with autism than I do. She has a cousin on her Dad's side who is severe autistic and he loves her dearly. She then explained to me that there are days when the only thing her aunt can get her cousin to eat is frozen chicken nuggets. I forgot about this. I know frozen chicken nuggets! The alternative is a feeding tube. I learned my leason, taught to me by my own child! We all have moments that we judge, just watch how far you take it!

firedragon064

It's none of your business!
I have a sister she gained so much weight because of her medication and other complication.
It breaks my heart when I see how some people look at her or treat her badly.

Improvised

Seriously...if Im in Target..and my 6 yr old who is 43lbs wants a donut and it keeps him from screaming for the hour Im in the store...by God..hes getting a stinking donut! lol

LOL!!! I have a 2 year old so I totally get that!

Some parents remove their children from such situations immediately rather than allowing them to learn that temper tantrums in public will get them what they want.

some children blah blah blah.. yeah you try taking a 2 year old to the post office while you wait in line to mail a package and they continue to run for the door and want to play... they scream and holler and throw fits do you lose your place in line to leave and mail the package later or do you take the sucker that the post office employee offers to calm him down?? hmmm, I take the sucker and it usually it works so the hell with you saying you can immediately leave when it comes to temper tantrums and let's see how it works out for you

\My 3 year is better educated then that.
He dont throw tantrums in public places and he listens to me when I explain to him that he needs to settle down and he can have something healthier when we get home.
Its all in how we raise and educate our children in how its appropriate to behave.
If you wanna let your children walk all over you, thats your problem.

You obviously do not have a child with ADHD. Children are different. My two children are polar oposites of eachother. My dauther is calm, cool, collected. At 18 months old I knew I could take her to a funeral and her not tip the casket over. My son... well lets just say he's the demon child from hell who would not only have tipped the casket over but jumped into it and pretended it was a truck. You pick your battles, dude.

You always have an excuse.
In everything you post. Lol.

Actually, I have ADHD and I never acted like that.

BeeElMarvin

I'm sorry that the sight of fat people makes you sick to your stomach. The sight of uneducated mouth breathers having children also disgusts me.

Thank you for motivating me to write my congressman to pass a law taking away the children of mouth breathing cretins. Those poor children. Being raised to be intellectually devoid and emotionally raised to be cruel and vapid individuals...

O.o

You use the word "vapid" rather often. Was it on your Webster's word of the day calendar or something?

Hmm. Where else did I use the word "vapid"?

To be honest, I cant be totally sure. I *want* to say it was the "what do men want" topic..... But, I have read quite a few. I only remember because I thought it witty.

hmmm - a stalker, me thinks

kschhr

I was a fat child, and I'm the one everyone is arguing with.
Would I have understood at the time? No.
Do I wish someone had said SOMETHING to my parents to make it clear that they were feeding me the wrong foods? YES.

I would hope that we can agree that a random stranger making a comment would not have done anything to help. Also, the gov't has had guidelines around for decades, and most people that are able to drive and raise kids know what is healthy and what is not. No amount of being told what to do will make someone do anything.

Like the old saying says, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink."

Of course. I'm all for keeping our mouths shut when it isn't our business. But I do agree that people WON'T always take the advice, which IMO, is basically why I think they need the threat of their children going to another home is almost necessary.


By the way, I appreciate that even though we may not agree, you aren't bashing. I feel like you're the only one who can have an actual discussion about something here. It's like I'm being bullied by the majority of posters here, everyone laughing together at my "ignorance". So thank you.

PaulaDDN

I'm with you, i feel the same when i got to a restaurant and there's a lot of obese people there, that makes me feel i don't even want to eat.... ever. I'm not judging them, I'm just saying what i feel

mlemonroe2

My daughter has fairly severe ADHD. I have managed to keep her under control without ever giving her a doughnut. All children are different. Some take more motivation than others. And I dont get upset when I see a child with a doughnut. I get upset when I see a child who is FAT (not husky, not chubby, not big headed, not big for his age, just plain old fat) eating one with a buggy full of other crap while clutching a 20oz coca-cola and is visibly dirty and neglected. I am not above bribery with my girl. I, as a parent, have the right to decide what I think is best. I instead bribe her with a trip to the playground, or a new frisbee, or her choice of a movie at home. I think that using food as a motivator in any form is not a good idea. It instills the idea that when we are good we get food, when we are sad we get food, when we are angry we eat. I would rather her understand that releasing physical energy or doing something (non food related) that just you want to do is a great way to deal with emotion. I was an emotional eater, and as a result, I was an emotional fatty. I have had to retrain every fiber of my being to understand that the benefits and joy I will get from a round of putt putt or a good new pair of running shoes or even a bubble bath, far outweigh the benefits of a doughnut.

well said.

taramaureen

You obviously do not have a child with ADHD. Children are different. My two children are polar oposites of eachother. My dauther is calm, cool, collected. At 18 months old I knew I could take her to a funeral and her not tip the casket over. My son... well lets just say he's the demon child from hell who would not only have tipped the casket over but jumped into it and pretended it was a truck. You pick your battles, dude.
[/quote]


My daughter has fairly severe ADHD. I have managed to keep her under control without ever giving her a doughnut. All children are different. Some take more motivation than others. And I dont get upset when I see a child with a doughnut. I get upset when I see a child who is FAT (not husky, not chubby, not big headed, not big for his age, just plain old fat) eating one with a buggy full of other crap while clutching a 20oz coca-cola and is visibly dirty and neglected. I am not above bribery with my girl. I, as a parent, have the right to decide what I think is best. I instead bribe her with a trip to the playground, or a new frisbee, or her choice of a movie at home. I think that using food as a motivator in any form is not a good idea. It instills the idea that when we are good we get food, when we are sad we get food, when we are angry we eat. I would rather her understand that releasing physical energy or doing something (non food related) that just you want to do is a great way to deal with emotion. I was an emotional eater, and as a result, I was an emotional fatty. I have had to retrain every fiber of my being to understand that the benefits and joy I will get from a round of putt putt or a good new pair of running shoes or even a bubble bath, far outweigh the benefits of a doughnut.
[/quote]


I dont' think using food as a motivator is a good idea either (if I said it, please point it out to me). I was adressing the fact that that poster said "you have to teach your kids not to walk all over you" and that you have to "educate" them not to have a tantrum, using her 3 year old as an example.

My point was if you have children you KNOW that children are very different from eachother. So a kid having a tantrum may or may not have "good" discipline at home. You don't know what's going on with the kid screaming in front of you or if the parent's stratagy for dealing with it works or not. Again, you pick your battles in many cases.

CouchSpud

I was a chubby child on a healthy diet. We wouldn't have fast food (there was no such thing). All food was prepared at home and most of it grown in the own garden. I started swimming of the age of 5 and had training sessions three times a week, plus the occasional competition at the weekend. We never were told to eat all up. If we weren't hungry any longer, we could leave the food - the dog would always have it. I played outside, run around till it was dark, went hiking in the mountains and build little caves near the river... we would have the occasional treat but not constantly and not in big quantity....

Guess as so often, we have to realise, that things don;t always are what they look like... epic fail.

As for the OP - people that look at you in disgust don;t encourage you to lose any weight, you know?! Actually, when you are fat, you can't win. You eat a burger and everyone thinks there you go again - look at the fat one stuffing their face. You eat a salad and what you get is *ha look at the fat one trying to be on a diet*

katcod1522

Saw a situation similar to this a few weeks ago. Mom and son walking through the grocery store. Boy was about 9 and extremely large. The mom asked him if he would "like one of those yummy Healthy Choice meals". The child shouted "No, I want uncrustables!", and stomped his foot. The mother immediately walked to the freezer and grabbed what he wanted, the largest box. I was disturbed by this. I made a comment to my older daughter that I just didn't understand how a parent could let a child get that big. My daughter was quiet for a few minutes and I realized she was pissed at me. I asked her what was wrong. She said, "you raised me not to judge people, and if you had of being paying attention then you would have realized the boy was autistic!" She has more experience with autism than I do. She has a cousin on her Dad's side who is severe autistic and he loves her dearly. She then explained to me that there are days when the only thing her aunt can get her cousin to eat is frozen chicken nuggets. I forgot about this. I know frozen chicken nuggets! The alternative is a feeding tube. I learned my leason, taught to me by my own child! We all have moments that we judge, just watch how far you take it!

so far you have made the most sense here. Kudos to you..and your daughter for raising you right

b757

Let me tell ya something... LOL! I'd have had the same thoughts! Don't feel bad. Everybody judges everybody. I'm sure big people judge fit people all the time.... "...look at her, she thinks she's all that because she can wear a size 0, pshhhhhhh, she ain't got nothing on my lovely lady LUMPS!"

It is a SHAME that parents teach their kids to NOT have self control. That kid probably sensed your "disapproval" and made that face because she's been taught, "Eat up, honey! The more the better! Nevermind if you develop juvenile diabetes or are teased by kids, because you can squash them!"

**IF anybody is offended by what I say, that's too bad. I would think most of us MFP's are ALL for children's health.

I feel the same way. It is human nature to judge sometimes, and I don't think you need counseling. If you had voiced your opinion that would be different. You must have had a moment, where you thought, holy ****, when people eat this way and raise a family to eat the same way it has negative consequences. No wonder you couldn't hold your own food down, with the snorting? Honestly, I would have felt the same if I had saw exactly the same thing. However, if I see a child who is overweight just out and about, I don't think too much of it usually. Some kids do grow into it when they are older. I actually had someone come up to me when my son was an infant and say "oh my gosh, what a chubby baby". Someone I didn't even know. Talk about rude, and now he is super skinny and I can't even find jeans that are long enough to fit him because the next size up is always too big for his waist. People in general, not just kids, can have medical issues that make them overweight so I try not to judge but when someone is snorting and sitting next to you shoveling high fat food in their face, child or adult, it's not hard to see why you thought that way.

dp1228

Seriously...if Im in Target..and my 6 yr old who is 43lbs wants a donut and it keeps him from screaming for the hour Im in the store...by God..hes getting a stinking donut! lol

LOL!!! I have a 2 year old so I totally get that!

Some parents remove their children from such situations immediately rather than allowing them to learn that temper tantrums in public will get them what they want.

some children blah blah blah.. yeah you try taking a 2 year old to the post office while you wait in line to mail a package and they continue to run for the door and want to play... they scream and holler and throw fits do you lose your place in line to leave and mail the package later or do you take the sucker that the post office employee offers to calm him down?? hmmm, I take the sucker and it usually it works so the hell with you saying you can immediately leave when it comes to temper tantrums and let's see how it works out for you

\My 3 year is better educated then that.
He dont throw tantrums in public places and he listens to me when I explain to him that he needs to settle down and he can have something healthier when we get home.
Its all in how we raise and educate our children in how its appropriate to behave.
If you wanna let your children walk all over you, thats your problem.

Amen! If my kids throw tantrums over donuts, there is NO stinkin' way they are getting them!

You know what my mom did if I dared throw a tantrum over something like donuts? Spank the crap outta me. Take a wild guess how many tantrums I threw :laugh: Caribbean parents don't play that game at ALL. especially the Jamaicans :bigsmile:

taramaureen

Seriously...if Im in Target..and my 6 yr old who is 43lbs wants a donut and it keeps him from screaming for the hour Im in the store...by God..hes getting a stinking donut! lol

LOL!!! I have a 2 year old so I totally get that!

Some parents remove their children from such situations immediately rather than allowing them to learn that temper tantrums in public will get them what they want.

some children blah blah blah.. yeah you try taking a 2 year old to the post office while you wait in line to mail a package and they continue to run for the door and want to play... they scream and holler and throw fits do you lose your place in line to leave and mail the package later or do you take the sucker that the post office employee offers to calm him down?? hmmm, I take the sucker and it usually it works so the hell with you saying you can immediately leave when it comes to temper tantrums and let's see how it works out for you

\My 3 year is better educated then that.
He dont throw tantrums in public places and he listens to me when I explain to him that he needs to settle down and he can have something healthier when we get home.
Its all in how we raise and educate our children in how its appropriate to behave.
If you wanna let your children walk all over you, thats your problem.

You obviously do not have a child with ADHD. Children are different. My two children are polar oposites of eachother. My dauther is calm, cool, collected. At 18 months old I knew I could take her to a funeral and her not tip the casket over. My son... well lets just say he's the demon child from hell who would not only have tipped the casket over but jumped into it and pretended it was a truck. You pick your battles, dude.

You always have an excuse.
In everything you post. Lol.

Excuse for what exactly? Did I say I gave my child food to motivate them? NO, I said that you *obviously* haven't dealt with a special needs child, every child is different. I don't think there's anything to argue about here HA!

FearAnLoathing

I like how judgey people can be since a good number of the people on this site have or had weight issues themselves.
If you need to bite your tounge when you see an overweight child maybe you should bite a little harder to not be such a judgemental ****
next time.

Yes! Thank you for saying this! For all of you that were overweight as kids and think its a good idea to remove kids from parents....what if that had been you?? How would you have felt being taken away from your parents?

I was a fat child, and I'm the one everyone is arguing with.
Would I have understood at the time? No.
Do I wish someone had said SOMETHING to my parents to make it clear that they were feeding me the wrong foods? YES.

So you wish someone had told your parents that the very sight of you made them want to puke,or would you have preffered to have been put in foster homes?

How about instead of turning my words into something I did NOT say, just read them for what they are? I wish my parents were made aware, yes. I wish that if they had been made aware and did not change what they were doing that I would have been put into a better home where this would not have happened, yes. My brother is over 400lbs and has knee problems due to him being overweight as a young child. I think parents should be held responsible for their child's health problems (WEIGHT-RELATED, before anyone flips out at this statement)

I didnt turn your words into anything,and trust me if you had been put into another home the odd are slim to none that you would have been put into a better one. I mean really foster homes are known for being great invorments for children:huh:

CharityEaton

Wow...sadly I can tell by reading these comments exactly who has children and who does not.

I have three kids...10-17....all went through a chunky stage, all were taught how to eat healthy, as best as I knew...and my ignorance took a while to be corrected. Please give parents a break...yes many have bad habits and do contribute to obesity in children, but it's not on purpose.

I always made sure my kids had three full meals a day, with vegetables, very little processed food, and we sit down together for most dinners. However 2 years ago, both my older two kids were going through puberty and both were growing like crazy, and both looked a little chubby. Since then, my son (17) has streched into his body and doesn't look an ounce overweight. My younger daughter who is 10 is just getting to her chunky stage...this has more to do with lowered outdoor activity than it does with her diet.


This^^^^^ so true! You just do your best ...and even that is not good enough and you still screw up and mess your kid up for life!!!
My favorite quote: "do the best with what you know at the time."


I have in the past year changed our family's diet for the better, and it hasn't helped in the weight department for my kids at all...some weight fluctuation is just going to happen as they grow. Some kids never have an issue at all.

What scares me after reading this, is how would I be judged (albeit silently) if I took my younger (now slightly chunky) daughter on a day out, and we stopped at McDonalds for a quick lunch???

Come on...I don't care what's in that stuff...I love it once in a while...and we are all alive.

To the original poster....I hope you are able to come to grips that things are rarely what they seem before you have your own children. Or you will drive yourself insane wondering what people think of you. And as for that family at the cafe...I am so glad some parents still find time to indulge their children in a dinner out and family time.

I have to say I agree with you. Parents are judged for doing what they think is best. Parenting is not easy and you can't change mistakes you can only learn from them. It is so easy for someone who doesn't have kids to judge. As a parent YOU do YOUR best and that is all YOU can do.

Totally agree! no matter what you do you will still mess up!

taramaureen

Seriously...if Im in Target..and my 6 yr old who is 43lbs wants a donut and it keeps him from screaming for the hour Im in the store...by God..hes getting a stinking donut! lol

LOL!!! I have a 2 year old so I totally get that!

Some parents remove their children from such situations immediately rather than allowing them to learn that temper tantrums in public will get them what they want.

some children blah blah blah.. yeah you try taking a 2 year old to the post office while you wait in line to mail a package and they continue to run for the door and want to play... they scream and holler and throw fits do you lose your place in line to leave and mail the package later or do you take the sucker that the post office employee offers to calm him down?? hmmm, I take the sucker and it usually it works so the hell with you saying you can immediately leave when it comes to temper tantrums and let's see how it works out for you

\My 3 year is better educated then that.
He dont throw tantrums in public places and he listens to me when I explain to him that he needs to settle down and he can have something healthier when we get home.
Its all in how we raise and educate our children in how its appropriate to behave.
If you wanna let your children walk all over you, thats your problem.

You obviously do not have a child with ADHD. Children are different. My two children are polar oposites of eachother. My dauther is calm, cool, collected. At 18 months old I knew I could take her to a funeral and her not tip the casket over. My son... well lets just say he's the demon child from hell who would not only have tipped the casket over but jumped into it and pretended it was a truck. You pick your battles, dude.

You always have an excuse.
In everything you post. Lol.

Actually, I have ADHD and I never acted like that.

Riiiiight because every child is going to act just.like.you.

DietingMommy08

My daughter has fairly severe ADHD. I have managed to keep her under control without ever giving her a doughnut. All children are different. Some take more motivation than others. And I dont get upset when I see a child with a doughnut. I get upset when I see a child who is FAT (not husky, not chubby, not big headed, not big for his age, just plain old fat) eating one with a buggy full of other crap while clutching a 20oz coca-cola and is visibly dirty and neglected. I am not above bribery with my girl. I, as a parent, have the right to decide what I think is best. I instead bribe her with a trip to the playground, or a new frisbee, or her choice of a movie at home. I think that using food as a motivator in any form is not a good idea. It instills the idea that when we are good we get food, when we are sad we get food, when we are angry we eat. I would rather her understand that releasing physical energy or doing something (non food related) that just you want to do is a great way to deal with emotion. I was an emotional eater, and as a result, I was an emotional fatty. I have had to retrain every fiber of my being to understand that the benefits and joy I will get from a round of putt putt or a good new pair of running shoes or even a bubble bath, far outweigh the benefits of a doughnut.

I completely agree!!!

taramaureen

Saw a situation similar to this a few weeks ago. Mom and son walking through the grocery store. Boy was about 9 and extremely large. The mom asked him if he would "like one of those yummy Healthy Choice meals". The child shouted "No, I want uncrustables!", and stomped his foot. The mother immediately walked to the freezer and grabbed what he wanted, the largest box. I was disturbed by this. I made a comment to my older daughter that I just didn't understand how a parent could let a child get that big. My daughter was quiet for a few minutes and I realized she was pissed at me. I asked her what was wrong. She said, "you raised me not to judge people, and if you had of being paying attention then you would have realized the boy was autistic!" She has more experience with autism than I do. She has a cousin on her Dad's side who is severe autistic and he loves her dearly. She then explained to me that there are days when the only thing her aunt can get her cousin to eat is frozen chicken nuggets. I forgot about this. I know frozen chicken nuggets! The alternative is a feeding tube. I learned my leason, taught to me by my own child! We all have moments that we judge, just watch how far you take it!

Love this post, another example of how you just never know...

kschhr

I like how judgey people can be since a good number of the people on this site have or had weight issues themselves.
If you need to bite your tounge when you see an overweight child maybe you should bite a little harder to not be such a judgemental ****
next time.

Yes! Thank you for saying this! For all of you that were overweight as kids and think its a good idea to remove kids from parents....what if that had been you?? How would you have felt being taken away from your parents?

I was a fat child, and I'm the one everyone is arguing with.
Would I have understood at the time? No.
Do I wish someone had said SOMETHING to my parents to make it clear that they were feeding me the wrong foods? YES.

So you wish someone had told your parents that the very sight of you made them want to puke,or would you have preffered to have been put in foster homes?

How about instead of turning my words into something I did NOT say, just read them for what they are? I wish my parents were made aware, yes. I wish that if they had been made aware and did not change what they were doing that I would have been put into a better home where this would not have happened, yes. My brother is over 400lbs and has knee problems due to him being overweight as a young child. I think parents should be held responsible for their child's health problems (WEIGHT-RELATED, before anyone flips out at this statement)

I didnt turn your words into anything,and trust me if you had been put into another home the odd are slim to none that you would have been put into a better one. I mean really foster homes are known for being great invorments for children:huh:

The foster care system is an entirely new conversation that I'm not about to get into, because I'm aware that it's complete crap. As I have stated. If I was writing up a proposal, my ideas would be more thought out. I am done with this conversation because it's getting to be extremely annoying at this point. I have my opinions, you have yours.

CoryIda

I didn't read the rest of the posts, just the OP, but I have to add my personal story and opinion...

My son, who is 9 years old, is overweight. He has been for a couple of years, and the fact is that, although he does occasionally have junk food, it is pretty rare since it isn't something we have in our home and I don't give him fast food (pretty much ever) or even eat out at a restaurant more than a handful of times a year (and even then, I usually don't let him get fries). He likes when he gets to cheat with junk food, but he also loves veggies (especially broccoli and pretty much any green salad), fruits, and other healthy foods.
The only beverages he has access to on a daily basis are water and milk (and, when my husband can sneak it in, some 100% fruit juice, although I try to limit that as much as possible because it's better just to eat a piece of fruit). Although my son would love to sit in front of a screen for hours if allowed, I am pretty good about making sure he does active things frequently.

On the other hand, our neighbors have two extremely skinny kids around the same age as my son. They eat entire (large size) bags of chips in one sitting and basically live off of canned and/or frozen meals, very few of which include veggies (even canned veggies). They drink soda daily (Mt Dew is a favorite) and spend a good chunk of their free time in front of a screen while their parents smoke in the house.

So, who is healthier? The overweight kid who eats primarily nutritious, well-balanced meals and gets moderate exercise, or the skinny kids who eat nothing but junk food and live in front of the TV?

The fact is, my child is getting the nutrients his mind and growing body need and their children aren't, yet if you saw them in a group and didn't know this about them, you would probably assume that I am a terrible parent for causing my son to be overweight and wouldn't think twice about how the skinny kids' parents are raising them.

As parents, we have a responsibility to nourish our children's bodies - to provide them with quality nutrition, healthy activities, and a home that teaches good health habits (including portion control).

A parent ordering deep fried junk for their skinny child is every bit as bad as a parent ordering deep fried junk for their chubby child - regardless of the size of the child, you aren't taking care of them when you fill their bodies with junk and, when a child is already overweight, you are just exasperating the problem (but even if they're skinny, you aren't giving their bodies what they need to grow and develop in a healthy manner).