Break up or make up?

Lsqueezy

Sounds toxic. I had a long relationship similar and while it was the hardest thing to do to leave, it was also the best decision in the end. Good Luck!

irunforfun

As someone who is coming out of a 10 year "mistake" because of a pregnancy that occurred during our engagement (miscarried). Looking back it was my sign to leave. Leave run. I sign my divorce decree March 2nd, and I can never get those 10 years I lost.

The good thing though? I'm happy and all three of our sons know it. That in itself makes the divorce worth it. You can't live your life like that.

dixiegirl2

Take it from someone who spent too many years in an abusive marriage "for the sake of the children" - RUN the other way as fast as you can. It will never get any better - no matter how many promises he makes. There are nice guys out there who would treat you like a princess. I know this because I have been married to one of these gems for 16 years. A big change from the crazy person I was married to before. Give your son a better future. You do not want him to grow up thinking it is alright to mistreat women because that is the way "Daddy does it".

juscallmeb

from what i read.. you already made your decision.
just be there for your son and make him and yourself a priority.

and just remember... actions speak louder than words. Do what you need to do for yourself.
Hope things work out for you.

mommymovingmountains

I am not a professional. I am a wife, a woman and a Mom with lots of life experience. I agree with all the others...I would leave and stay with your Mother as long as you can. Get back in school (if you aren't already), do all kinds of things to support a healthy and HAPPY life for yourself so you can be the best Mom you can be. I KNOW that is is so very hard to leave BUT please trust me when I say that you have the power to make your life wonderful RIGHT NOW. *Get a good therapist and go see them every week* if you can't afford one try to find reduced cost therapy or free therapy. One day you will either be happy that you took advice from people that have been there or you will wish you had.

ellekay22

Break up or make up? I say neither. Definitely get out of the same house.

Get counselling
1. for yourself to help you learn how valuable you are
2. as a couple because you'll need it whether you get back together or not (because you'll always have your son together)

Then decide.

Blessings,
Laura

Debbe2

You've gotten excellent feedback in answer to your question! I believe you already knew what you need to do and want confirmation that you are not a bad person for doing it. You are strong and your instinct that you should leave is a good instinct. Trust yourself and take action immediately. Good luck to you!

With all the threads and posts on MFP, yours is one I came back to to check in on you! Please get help and support and get the heck away from your baby's dad in order to begin a more emotionally healthy, satisfying and SAFE existence for you and your beautiful baby.. The relationship you described is abusive and troubled. Life need not be that way. You're young, get out and control your life. Move towards happiness, safety and a better reality. Move forward one step at a time, but move:-)

turningstar

Im sorry you have to deal with this , momma. None of us know the particulars of your relationship, besides what you have written, but if you are truly unhappy, you should leave. Hoping someone will change doesn't change them. Perhaps you could move in with your parents, or someone who cares about you and your son, and if you still want him in your lives, you could try counseling.

You need to thinking of your son, first and foremost. Staying in that toxic environment could cause him to grow up thinking that you are supposed to treat the woman you love like that. Where do you think abusive people learn that behavior? Stop the cycle NOW. If he really wants a family, he will grow up and make the change.

I really do wish you both well.

DaniellePF

:flowerforyou: I understand wanting to try your best to work things out when there is a child involved. However, in some situations it will be 100 times worse for the child than if you were to separate. I think this is that situation. Children as young as yours FEEL what is going on around them and it affects them more than you probably realize. Get you and your baby out of that relationship and that environment. Good luck.

dirtbikegirl5

If you were my daughter, I would step in and tell you to take your son and come and live with me. It will never change.
Your son will grow up believing that it is okay for a man to treat a woman like that.

seehawkmomma

As long as he is not hitting you or the baby I would say try to work together to a solution.

The kind of abuse she is describing can lead to more physical abuse. And if she truly wants to stay with him she should move out until he has changed to help prevent further abuse.


Just because he isnt physical with her(yet) doesnt mean what she is dealing with isnt harmful to her and her son.

Elizabeth_C34

Quite frankly, the advice about couple's counseling and leaving until he changes is poor. People have to change by their own free will. It won't happen if they don't want to do it even if you shove them into it, and that's the bottom line. If he hasn't made the changes by now, there's no point in waiting around for him to do so. She could be waiting her entire life away. Now, as far as her son is concerned, it would be best to get him into a stable and loving home even if Dad isn't around. I can tell you from experience as a child of a single mother that being with good people (grandparents, loving mother) and not having a dad around is a lot better than being around a craptastic father who is selfish, cruel, and neglectful.

My mom wasted years trying to "keep the peace" with my dad so he had the opportunity to come around, but he consistently neglected me, lied to me, and treated me like just a mistake he made. I'm now 27 years old and no longer speak to him at all. He's a toxic person in my life and ended up causing a lot of emotional damage to me and my siblings over the years.

Don't keep someone around who is going to hurt you or your son, verbally or in any other way. It's just not worth it.

wishingiwashis

That was my ex-husband when I was 18 and he was 20. The same situation but I got married when I was pregnant with our son. It finally got to the point where he threw me into a wall and dislocated my collar bone while our son slept beside me.
After I moved out he still wanted to get back together and kept reminding me of our son and how we belong together. It was very hard but it was for the best. I eventually found my husband after 3 years and he is my very best friend. Being with him showed me that what I had with my ex was lust and a love for a family for my son, not true love. My husband is wonderful to my oldest son and to our other two together. The best advice is to take your son and go, he doesn't need to witness this mental abuse and the father is obviously not mature enough to realize that he is losing the best thing that ever happened to him.
It took my ex about 4 years to realize what he lost out on and is now a decent weekend dad but nothing more but that is okay because my husband is an excellent dad to my oldest and has been for the past 15 years!
Put yourself first and the rest will follow, you deserve the best and so does your little boy! Good Luck!

NoExcuseTina

with just what you shared on here...LEAVE...as soon as physically possible (yesterday would be good)

these are signs of abuse and it will get worse (speaking from personal experience)

Moms3Kwa

YOU have to do what is best for you and your son. You are connected for life so hopefully regardless of what you decide to do you can co-parent. Good Luck!!! I hope you have a great support system with friends and family, it really helps!!!!