Feeling overwhelmed and under appreciated...
Things have been rough lately. Im feeling run down and exhausted. I get up between 8 and 9 after going to bed between 3 and 4 in the morning. I make my sons bottle then get my daughters breakfast. After they eat i give them a bath then get them dressed and they play for awhile. Then my fiance gets out of bed, eats breakfast then sits on the couch to go on the computer or play the wii. Doesnt matter if he works that day or not, thats "his time to relax". Then he expects me to sit on the couch with him all day while the kids still need to be fed lunch, im trying to potty train my daughter, my son needs his diaper changed, then they both need a nap. But if i dont sit down with my fiance, he gets mad at me for not spending time with him even though he wont help me do any of the stuff that needs to be done. So then a fight between us starts, after which im blamed for ruining his day so he goes to work mad if he works that day or sits on the couch and ignores me and the kids all day. Then my daily cleaning begins. I have to clean the kids' messes, clean up my fiances messes (clothes on the floor, dishes on the tables, spitters and empty chew tins everywhere), do dishes, go up and down two flights of stairs to do laundry ( and god forbid I dont wash my fiances favorite shorts. all hell breaks if i do the wrong ones), hand wash atleast 3 loads of dishes, take out the garbage, clean the cat box and feed the cats.
In bewtween all this Im also supposed to go to the grocery store with two kids, getting in and out of a van with only one working door, and if i work that day ( at a job which my fiance hates because its bar, but im not a bartender, since i dont get very many hours, but what does he expect from a place thats only open 3 days a week?) I have to drive 1 mile out of town to bring the kids to daycare then drive all the way back through town to 1 mile out the opposite side of town to get to work ( of course then he complains that I use too much gas because of this. It's my van, why does it matter?)
Then it's dinner time, if im not working, and of course im expected to cook that on top trying to hold my teething son and entertain my daughter. And i have to make something he wants to eat otherwise he gets mad at me for feeding him "the same damn thing all the time". Nevermind if the kids dont want to eat pierogies and im trying to lose weight (if i dont eat something he gets on my case and says I'm trying to be anorexic). At bed time, I have to change both kids, tuck them both in, rock my son to sleep if hes crabby, then proceed to clean the days messes of toys and food on the floor. But when i try to do this Im again not spending time with him and another fight starts. Im ready to go to sleep about 11 but i cant go to bed because then Im trying to "spend all my free time sleeping" because thats the only thing I ever want to do. So i stay up until 2 then go lay down finally and almost fall asleep immediatley but then he starts poking me to wake up because he wants to "play". I finally get to sleep about 4 but have to get up between 5 and 5:30 to give my son a bottle and change his diaper. Then it starts over again.
Now Im not the type to complain constantly. I've had alot dealt to me in my life and Ive handled it pretty well. Some of it has made me a stronger person. But I dont feel like Im getting a fair hand. Ive lived like this for too long. I want some me time. I want to see my friends. I want to see my family. I want to be happy and smiling and enjoy watching my children grow up. I want a change...
In bewtween all this Im also supposed to go to the grocery store with two kids, getting in and out of a van with only one working door, and if i work that day ( at a job which my fiance hates because its bar, but im not a bartender, since i dont get very many hours, but what does he expect from a place thats only open 3 days a week?) I have to drive 1 mile out of town to bring the kids to daycare then drive all the way back through town to 1 mile out the opposite side of town to get to work ( of course then he complains that I use too much gas because of this. It's my van, why does it matter?)
Then it's dinner time, if im not working, and of course im expected to cook that on top trying to hold my teething son and entertain my daughter. And i have to make something he wants to eat otherwise he gets mad at me for feeding him "the same damn thing all the time". Nevermind if the kids dont want to eat pierogies and im trying to lose weight (if i dont eat something he gets on my case and says I'm trying to be anorexic). At bed time, I have to change both kids, tuck them both in, rock my son to sleep if hes crabby, then proceed to clean the days messes of toys and food on the floor. But when i try to do this Im again not spending time with him and another fight starts. Im ready to go to sleep about 11 but i cant go to bed because then Im trying to "spend all my free time sleeping" because thats the only thing I ever want to do. So i stay up until 2 then go lay down finally and almost fall asleep immediatley but then he starts poking me to wake up because he wants to "play". I finally get to sleep about 4 but have to get up between 5 and 5:30 to give my son a bottle and change his diaper. Then it starts over again.
Now Im not the type to complain constantly. I've had alot dealt to me in my life and Ive handled it pretty well. Some of it has made me a stronger person. But I dont feel like Im getting a fair hand. Ive lived like this for too long. I want some me time. I want to see my friends. I want to see my family. I want to be happy and smiling and enjoy watching my children grow up. I want a change...
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Replies
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I'm going to sound horrible saying this, but are you sure you really want to marry him? He has it made, with you at his beck and call. Those feelings you are feeling now aren't going to go away once you are married.
I feel for you! I can't imagine how stressed out you must be.0 -
one word: ex-fiance
marriage is a partnership - a lifetime one at that - you want a lifetime of this?0 -
Sounds like a lot of stress.0
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You can do it!0
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Double post0
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I'm going to sound horrible saying this, but are you sure you really want to marry him? He has it made, with you at his beck and call. Those feelings you are feeling now aren't going to go away once you are married.
I feel for you! I can't imagine how stressed out you must be.
Tried to find a like button but unfortunately MFP doesn't have one. This all day ^^^^0 -
Well, I can't really make any of this better - all I can say is I'm really sorry times are rough right now, and I hope they start looking up soon :flowerforyou:0
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Things have been rough lately. Im feeling run down and exhausted. I get up between 8 and 9 after going to bed between 3 and 4 in the morning. I make my sons bottle then get my daughters breakfast. After they eat i give them a bath then get them dressed and they play for awhile. Then my fiance gets out of bed, eats breakfast then sits on the couch to go on the computer or play the wii. Doesnt matter if he works that day or not, thats "his time to relax". Then he expects me to sit on the couch with him all day while the kids still need to be fed lunch, im trying to potty train my daughter, my son needs his diaper changed, then they both need a nap. But if i dont sit down with my fiance, he gets mad at me for not spending time with him even though he wont help me do any of the stuff that needs to be done. So then a fight between us starts, after which im blamed for ruining his day so he goes to work mad if he works that day or sits on the couch and ignores me and the kids all day. Then my daily cleaning begins. I have to clean the kids' messes, clean up my fiances messes (clothes on the floor, dishes on the tables, spitters and empty chew tins everywhere), do dishes, go up and down two flights of stairs to do laundry ( and god forbid I dont wash my fiances favorite shorts. all hell breaks if i do the wrong ones), hand wash atleast 3 loads of dishes, take out the garbage, clean the cat box and feed the cats.
In bewtween all this Im also supposed to go to the grocery store with two kids, getting in and out of a van with only one working door, and if i work that day ( at a job which my fiance hates because its bar, but im not a bartender, since i dont get very many hours, but what does he expect from a place thats only open 3 days a week?) I have to drive 1 mile out of town to bring the kids to daycare then drive all the way back through town to 1 mile out the opposite side of town to get to work ( of course then he complains that I use too much gas because of this. It's my van, why does it matter?)
Then it's dinner time, if im not working, and of course im expected to cook that on top trying to hold my teething son and entertain my daughter. And i have to make something he wants to eat otherwise he gets mad at me for feeding him "the same damn thing all the time". Nevermind if the kids dont want to eat pierogies and im trying to lose weight (if i dont eat something he gets on my case and says I'm trying to be anorexic). At bed time, I have to change both kids, tuck them both in, rock my son to sleep if hes crabby, then proceed to clean the days messes of toys and food on the floor. But when i try to do this Im again not spending time with him and another fight starts. Im ready to go to sleep about 11 but i cant go to bed because then Im trying to "spend all my free time sleeping" because thats the only thing I ever want to do. So i stay up until 2 then go lay down finally and almost fall asleep immediatley but then he starts poking me to wake up because he wants to "play". I finally get to sleep about 4 but have to get up between 5 and 5:30 to give my son a bottle and change his diaper. Then it starts over again.
Now Im not the type to complain constantly. I've had alot dealt to me in my life and Ive handled it pretty well. Some of it has made me a stronger person. But I dont feel like Im getting a fair hand. Ive lived like this for too long. I want some me time. I want to see my friends. I want to see my family. I want to be happy and smiling and enjoy watching my children grow up. I want a change...
If you want change .. then make it happen. Your finance needs to learn that you are not his mother...you are his 'partner'. Emphasis on PARTNER. As long as you enable him, he will act like this. Like any so called 'mother' .. you have to wein him...and in this case ... abruptly! Feeling run down and over stimulated with frustration will take it's toll .. on you and your ability to handle life on a day to day basis, not to mention your family. You need to remedy this!
Start by, standing up for yourself. He sounds like he has honed his skills on manipulation by controlling his environment and have you 'mother' him. HE will not grow up, until you give him the kick in the butt he so obviously requires. He needs to see that although he deserves to be loved and appreciated, he needs to reciprocate. Although he may be the one who works outside the home to bring in money, you work at making your family home such that it is.
If he is not 'man' enough to see that he is not helping but hindering your family home life, then perhaps it's time for a rude awakening.
Rest assured, this is not an unusual scenario .. you are not alone in your frustration. If you plan on continuing your life with this man, you have to stand back and taking inventory on what he 'brings to the table'... and so does he.
Good Luck!0 -
DTMFA :huh:
You AND your children deserve bettter.0 -
I'm going to sound horrible saying this, but are you sure you really want to marry him? He has it made, with you at his beck and call. Those feelings you are feeling now aren't going to go away once you are married.
I feel for you! I can't imagine how stressed out you must be.
^^^^^ Might not be what you wanted to hear, but I tend to agree. If he can not see the stress you are under now it's not likely to change. I wish you the very best here, you have a lot to take care of, I hope it all works out.0 -
I gotta say ... this post was probably written in the midst of frustration and exhaustion. However, if half of it is true and this is a lifestyle that is becoming the norm, my question for you is, "Why?"
Is this the life you want for yourself and your children? Is this how you want your children to view relationships? Is this how you view relationships?
As a young girl, was this the life you saw yourself living?
If the answers to these questions are, "No," then my suggestion is to reevaluate your choices.0 -
Double Post.0
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one word: ex-fiance
marriage is a partnership - a lifetime one at that - you want a lifetime of this?
This!
It sounds like you have 3 kids instead of 2 kids and a partner. Sheesh!!! How do you not suffocate him in his sleep? LOL
Seriously, have a serious conversation with him and tell him you are OVERWHELMED. On the days that he's off, he should be helping around the house and once the housework/laundry is done than I'm sure you could spare an hour to spend with him playing games or whatever.0 -
He needs to shape up or ship out. Is he the father? If so, he needs his a&* handed to him and needs to help out or get out. If he isn't, chances are he will never feel the need to help with them and you deserve someone who will treat the kids as their own. I think you need to seriously ponder if this is the man for you. He doesn't sound like he has much going for him to me. I wouldn't take it...he would be out the door!0
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You need to tell him to shape up or ship out,
How unfair of him to not help you with all this.
A relationship can only work if both people in it put in the effort..... he doesn't sound like he is helping, more like adding to the problems that already exist.
You deserve better than this....0 -
I only know what you wrote but he sounds like a poor excuse of a partner and I'd kick his sorry *kitten* to the curb. Why spend your life with someone who treats you that way? Sounds like life would be easier and less stressful without him and that's not the way it should be.0
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And his good points are??????? :noway:
The sooner he's out of your life the better. :flowerforyou:0 -
I see this so often. And I wonder how men like this are so successful at finding women. Then I hear other women say its because many look for someone to take care of. And then I understand why... and it all clicks.
Sorry for your life the way it is, but you are the captain of your own ship and so you must either steer it out of the storm, or accept it and just deal with it.
My vote is for steering it out of the storm, not being passive aggressive about it, and make your feelings known. If he continues to be a adult child, it's time to consider finding someone who you consider your equal, not your child.
But then again... I am chronically single so take what I have to say with a grain of salt
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He doesn't sound much like husband or father material to me
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I dont feel like Im getting a fair hand. Ive lived like this for too long. I want some me time. I want to see my friends. I want to see my family. I want to be happy and smiling and enjoy watching my children grow up. I want a change...
I'm not sure what kind of responses you were hoping to get, but let me just say this situation with your fiance wasn't "dealt" to you. Fiance's are a CHOICE.0 -
I know how hard it is to let go of someone who has the power to make you feel happier than you have ever felt... but when the negative firmly outweighs the joy, it is time to move on. I don't say this lightly, believe me! I am completely incapable of doing what I need to do this morning because I am upset that I have to make this choice and seem unable to do it.... So sorry to hear of your situation....0
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as a husband and a father of 2, I'm always pissed off by guys like your fiance. I think you know what you need to do and you're looking for support in making the move. Plain and simple, things won't get better until you unload the loser. Brutal words, I know, but I think that's what you need to hear. If what you describe is accurate, then there's no reason to continue dealing with him.0
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Gosh, I'm sorry. Since when is a man incapable of washing a few dishes? Or God forbid - wash his own damn shorts! Geez! Are you his future wife, or his domestic slave? He helps make the messes, and he can help clean them up! And like the other posters have said, he's got it made. He's got his little woman to look after the kids, make all the meals, and clean up after his lazy *kitten*. No. No no no. Drop his *kitten* before it gets worse! You deserve better, and your kids certainly deserve better. Besides, if you drop him and start a life on your own, nothing will change except you'll get more sleep and you'll have more time to yourself because you're not so busy cleaning up after him!0
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all you have to do is re-read what you wrote as if your daughter wrote it.... If that isn't a wake up call, I don't know what is.0
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i think you should re-read what you have written and imagine the advice you'd give if this was written by somebody else. we all go through tough times especially when children are small but if there are more bad days than good then you really have to ask yourself if it's what you all want. children are not stupid no matter how young, they are like little sponges soaking up emotions and experiences. maybe you and your partner need a fresh start, be that together or apart...his actions don't sound as if they come from a happy man either.0
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girl you deserve better than this... is it really love when all he does is complain and talk down to you.. and doesnt do anything with his children? what kind of father doesnt want to be involved? girl... if he is acting like this now it wont ever change and im sorry to say in my own opinion that you will be stuck in this rutt til the day your kids grow up and move on... and will you have enjoyed it? i am praying for you! and i hope new and wonderful things open up to you. dont forget you are your own person. and you can set your mind to anything and do it... Good Luck. and GREAT JOB Working so Hard.0
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I'm going to sound horrible saying this, but are you sure you really want to marry him? He has it made, with you at his beck and call. Those feelings you are feeling now aren't going to go away once you are married.
I feel for you! I can't imagine how stressed out you must be.
Tried to find a like button but unfortunately MFP doesn't have one. This all day ^^^^
I agree with this. If you have tried talking to him about it and he still "only" complains then it is time for you to reconsider if he is the right man for you. But we all can only tell you how we see it from what you have written and there is always more to it and never easy to end a relationship if you still love someone or have kids together.
I hope that he will turn around and help you or and most important, that you will do what is best for you and the kids.0 -
I'm going to sound horrible saying this, but are you sure you really want to marry him? He has it made, with you at his beck and call. Those feelings you are feeling now aren't going to go away once you are married.
I feel for you! I can't imagine how stressed out you must be.
This.
He has it made and he isn't going to change. Plain and simple.0 -
Double post. Sorry.0
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I'm going to sound horrible saying this, but are you sure you really want to marry him? He has it made, with you at his beck and call. Those feelings you are feeling now aren't going to go away once you are married.
I feel for you! I can't imagine how stressed out you must be.
This.
He has it made and he isn't going to change. Plain and simple.
all of this but i doubt the OP will do anything about it because as we all know from one thing or another, it's easier to complain about it then to do anything about it - BUT with that being said, i know once i FINALLY did soemthing about my now ex-husband i found an entirely new way to live and found the road that i was supposed to be on. if she stays on the road shes on now, then she's totally missing some fantastic opportunities.0
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