Feeling overwhelmed and under appreciated...

Jeneba

I know how hard it is to let go of someone who has the power to make you feel happier than you have ever felt... but when the negative firmly outweighs the joy, it is time to move on. I don't say this lightly, believe me! I am completely incapable of doing what I need to do this morning because I am upset that I have to make this choice and seem unable to do it.... So sorry to hear of your situation....

rjt1000

as a husband and a father of 2, I'm always pissed off by guys like your fiance. I think you know what you need to do and you're looking for support in making the move. Plain and simple, things won't get better until you unload the loser. Brutal words, I know, but I think that's what you need to hear. If what you describe is accurate, then there's no reason to continue dealing with him.

shellyc7182

Gosh, I'm sorry. Since when is a man incapable of washing a few dishes? Or God forbid - wash his own damn shorts! Geez! Are you his future wife, or his domestic slave? He helps make the messes, and he can help clean them up! And like the other posters have said, he's got it made. He's got his little woman to look after the kids, make all the meals, and clean up after his lazy *kitten*. No. No no no. Drop his *kitten* before it gets worse! You deserve better, and your kids certainly deserve better. Besides, if you drop him and start a life on your own, nothing will change except you'll get more sleep and you'll have more time to yourself because you're not so busy cleaning up after him!

AwesomelyAmber

all you have to do is re-read what you wrote as if your daughter wrote it.... If that isn't a wake up call, I don't know what is.

darjeeling

i think you should re-read what you have written and imagine the advice you'd give if this was written by somebody else. we all go through tough times especially when children are small but if there are more bad days than good then you really have to ask yourself if it's what you all want. children are not stupid no matter how young, they are like little sponges soaking up emotions and experiences. maybe you and your partner need a fresh start, be that together or apart...his actions don't sound as if they come from a happy man either.

XxIrishRoverxX

girl you deserve better than this... is it really love when all he does is complain and talk down to you.. and doesnt do anything with his children? what kind of father doesnt want to be involved? girl... if he is acting like this now it wont ever change and im sorry to say in my own opinion that you will be stuck in this rutt til the day your kids grow up and move on... and will you have enjoyed it? i am praying for you! and i hope new and wonderful things open up to you. dont forget you are your own person. and you can set your mind to anything and do it... Good Luck. and GREAT JOB Working so Hard.

chrissi_k

I'm going to sound horrible saying this, but are you sure you really want to marry him? He has it made, with you at his beck and call. Those feelings you are feeling now aren't going to go away once you are married.

I feel for you! I can't imagine how stressed out you must be.

Tried to find a like button but unfortunately MFP doesn't have one. This all day ^^^^

I agree with this. If you have tried talking to him about it and he still "only" complains then it is time for you to reconsider if he is the right man for you. But we all can only tell you how we see it from what you have written and there is always more to it and never easy to end a relationship if you still love someone or have kids together.

I hope that he will turn around and help you or and most important, that you will do what is best for you and the kids.

chevy88grl

I'm going to sound horrible saying this, but are you sure you really want to marry him? He has it made, with you at his beck and call. Those feelings you are feeling now aren't going to go away once you are married.

I feel for you! I can't imagine how stressed out you must be.

This.

He has it made and he isn't going to change. Plain and simple.

chevy88grl

Double post. Sorry.

april_beth

I'm going to sound horrible saying this, but are you sure you really want to marry him? He has it made, with you at his beck and call. Those feelings you are feeling now aren't going to go away once you are married.

I feel for you! I can't imagine how stressed out you must be.

This.

He has it made and he isn't going to change. Plain and simple.

all of this but i doubt the OP will do anything about it because as we all know from one thing or another, it's easier to complain about it then to do anything about it - BUT with that being said, i know once i FINALLY did soemthing about my now ex-husband i found an entirely new way to live and found the road that i was supposed to be on. if she stays on the road shes on now, then she's totally missing some fantastic opportunities.

oneIT

I do dishes, clean, laundry, and take care of kids. So when you coming to Florida? Lol

I hope you realize how much he doesn't do and never will do.

ruby_red_rose

I am so sorry to hear that you are dealing with so much stress. Like everyone else suggests, have a talk with him to see if he is willing to change. In addition, can you also enlist help from friends and family? Is there someone who you trust who can take care of the kids for a few hours a couple of times a week so that you can get a little break?

Best of luck. Hang in there. I really hope things get better for you soon.

JNettie73

Oh my goodness my dear, I am stressed out by just reading your post. I could not imagine living it. I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this. You must see a special quality in him for you to stick with him.

But honestly, you are doing way too much. Much more than you should. Your finance really needs to step up to the plate and help you out. YOU are not his maid and should not being doing all you are for him. There is no reason for you to have to clean up after him while he sits on the couch. He is an adult and should begin to act like one. He can get off the couch to help you with the children, do the dishes, clean up his chew things (have no clue what those are), do some laundry and make YOU a meal. I don't mean to come across harsh but from your post, I feel like he is taking advantage of your good nature.

If you want things to change for the better, I suggest you tell him exactly how you feel. Let him know that you need him to help you and that you cannot do it alone. Marriage is a partnership not a dictatorship. You should not be made to feel like you have to do everything.

I think you need to sit down and think about what everyone has told you on here. I think there is some really good advice. I know it is difficult but I think you really need to think about what everyone is saying to you.

Best of luck to you hun. I hope things work out and you get the help that you deserve. (((Hugs))) :flowerforyou:

erin_zuk

It makes me so sad to hear about women (or sometimes men!) who are going through situations like this

I wish I had better advice, but really it just makes me never want to get married or have kids! it sounds horrifying!!!

AlayshaJ

As a person that has one through this VERy recently, ITS CALLED TRAINING. Men need to be trained. Every single time he wasnt doing his part, I told him. Sure he got mad at me, but so what. I can be mad at him all day or he can be mad at me all day. I would rather him be mad at me then have a negative vibe in my body all the time. I told my husband what was up. If I thought he needed to do something, I told him. If he ignores you and the kids when he is mad, leave him with the kids. Go shopping alone. He can take care of them. He is mad at you- not your kids. Once you are gone, he will play with them. If he gets mad at you for that, tell him that is not your problem. Its his problem. He chose to have kids, so he has to take care of them. You are just being a door mat and he will continue to treat yyou as such until you stand up for yourself. If my husban

Tennessee2019

I might also sound like a horrible person, but I've been in your shoes. The only difference is, I married the guy & divorced him a year later. You don't have to make THAT same mistake.
You said it yourself "I don't feel like I'm getting a fair hand." You're not & I think/know that you would be unhappy for the rest of your life if you marry him.
Marriage is a 2-way street, but the road you are on is a 1-way street that is leading to a dead end. The only detour you can take is to GET OUT NOW.
If you are complaining now - it's only going to get worse after you marry him. You also said what you want - "I want some me time. I want to see my friends. I want to see my family. I want to be happy and smiling and enjoy watching my children grow up. I want a change."
You said "I've had alot dealt to me in my life and Ive handled it pretty well. Some of it has made me a stronger person." Well, you need to be that strong person - think of yourself & your kids.
Start fresh in 2012, without him.

philOHIO

Unless I missed it... are you staying with this guy because he is the father of your children? I don't see any other reason to stick with the guy. And if you had two kids by him and still weren't married, that should have given you the clue that he isn't interested in a 50/50 relationship... he wants a maid. Ex-fiance is right, you deserve someone who LOVES you, and RESPECTS you. This guy does neither, sounds controlling/abusive.

KimmieBrie

It makes me so sad to hear about women (or sometimes men!) who are going through situations like this

I wish I had better advice, but really it just makes me never want to get married or have kids! it sounds horrifying!!!

Don't let it put you off marriage - marriage can be wonderful!!!! My husband is nothing like what's being described by the OP.
There are good men out there!!!

And I disagree about training.... seriously, give me a break.... is he a dog a child or a MAN? Do you want a true partner in life or another baby? Misery or happiness? Togetherness or loneliness even when he's there?

The choice is yours.

killagb

angee1126

:frown:
I'm sorry you're going through this.....but I read all the posts and everybody has already said what i want to say......you do deserve much better than that! Think of your kids and yourself because all he's thinking of is himself!!!