SHOULD I TELL THE WIFE?? cheater

MrsObundles

I'm not sure what advice you are wanting. You don't want to be told to walk away, which really is the most common sense answer. He has only done what YOU have allowed him to. No matter how you look at it, he's MARRIED and not to you. That should have been the moment YOU walked away because it should've told you he doesn't LOVE you the same. Regardless if he biologically conceived that child or adopted, that still makes the child 'HIS' child. You are making all types of excuses for your actions instead of facing the truth and walking away. Telling the wife will not make him be with you and honestly, why would you want him after he has done so much to hurt you? I could go on and on but it's clear none of this advice will even matter until you wake up from this fantasy.

Exactly!

hamiltonba

If he adopted her child, then it IS his child! It is THEIR Child. If he is cheating on her w/you, he will cheat on you with someone else.

Rubie81

May of last year I found out my husband was cheating on me. I actually came here and wrote a long post about it. My youngest son hadn't even turned 1 yet when the cheating had began. Case was my husband up and left my two kids for this other woman. He attempted to come back a few months later saying that things weren't going to work out with this other woman because she was a liar (shocker) and that he wanted to try to make things work out because of our kids, yadda, yadda. I won't lie. I did try. I didn't think he tried very hard. I asked him to block the woman's number, to change his e-mail address, to end all relationship with her and he wouldn't. She persisted like hell as well. Eventually she left him. But she had the audacity to call me, crying, saying that my husband had ruined her life, was stalking her, calling up her relatives, following her, hacking her phone. She said that she had a long time boyfriend whom she had planned to marry and that my husband ruined their relationship. Like I would care about all this? Point is, she stooped to a very low point with that phone call and if you place that phone call you will as well. Love yourself, respect yourself and move on. And please, don't sleep with a married man. This goes to all women. Really, WHY would you do that to another human being, especially knowing that there are children involved. Maybe I'm just a good person but I don't understand this.

Yikes. I am glad you got this worked out. You are a much nicer person than I am. I'd have kicked him to the curb and sent his suitcase flying out the door.

Just to clarify, I'm not back with him. I just found it interesting that the girl felt the need to call me to complain about him. She knew I knew about the cheating so it wasn't to enlighten me.

luv_lea

Telling the wife would be...like you said, childish, and would do nothing but start drama. You should be thankful you dodged a guy who would obviously do such things, and MOVE ON.

AmyLRed

DRAMA. Dont endorse it, dont create more of it by contacting his mom and wife, who will likely get angry with you. Ignore him, tell him to get a life, dont give him the time of day. He isnt worth the energy you are spending on him, or the stress and heartache. I know that s not the answer you want, but focus on the positive things (and people) in your life right now. Delete his number, block him from facebook, whatever you have to do.

stcar

May of last year I found out my husband was cheating on me. I actually came here and wrote a long post about it. My youngest son hadn't even turned 1 yet when the cheating had began. Case was my husband up and left my two kids for this other woman. He attempted to come back a few months later saying that things weren't going to work out with this other woman because she was a liar (shocker) and that he wanted to try to make things work out because of our kids, yadda, yadda. I won't lie. I did try. I didn't think he tried very hard. I asked him to block the woman's number, to change his e-mail address, to end all relationship with her and he wouldn't. She persisted like hell as well. Eventually she left him. But she had the audacity to call me, crying, saying that my husband had ruined her life, was stalking her, calling up her relatives, following her, hacking her phone. She said that she had a long time boyfriend whom she had planned to marry and that my husband ruined their relationship. Like I would care about all this? Point is, she stooped to a very low point with that phone call and if you place that phone call you will as well. Love yourself, respect yourself and move on. And please, don't sleep with a married man. This goes to all women. Really, WHY would you do that to another human being, especially knowing that there are children involved. Maybe I'm just a good person but I don't understand this.

I couldn't agree more. Married equals off limits in every way. Forget about him and let it go. You'll feel better about yourself down the road.

RenaPink11

You are wanting to tell his family to hurt HIM? Seriously?!?!?!? it wouldn't hurt him as much as it would HURT INNOCENT PEOPLE including CHILDREN! Grow up, cut the ties, and move on!

christinajohnson

Respect yourself enough not to be involved with a guy who obviously has no respect for you.

1. He's not going to leave her.
2. He knows he has a decent chance of cheating on her with you.
3. He thinks you will give him whatever he wants.
4. Once he has what he wants from you, he will go back to her.
5. If he were truly into you, he wouldn't have married someone else.

skinnywithin

Let me ask you .....IF YOU HAD A DAUGHTER GOING THROUGH THIS WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO HER????

You know the answer to this and I think You were hoping someone would tell you differently..NOT GONNA HAPPEN !

KathyEarhart

As someone who has been cheated on by a fiance who lived with me, I can say that the wife likely already knows or suspects. Cheaters rarely hide it as well as they think they do especially from someone they live with (a wife, husband, etc.). The problem I have with the OP telling is that she's doing it for spite, not to help the wife at all. Given how childish her behavior and responses to this thread have been, I can imagine the phone call or email or text to the wife would be equally childish and likely downright mean.

Exactly. She knows deep in her gut, whether she admits it or not.

bikermike5094

You should tell the other woman and wait for that relationship to crash in flames. Then you should run away with your knight in shining armor to vegas and marry him, launch a 3 year custody battle to try to get the kids and live happily ever after.

RenaPink11

I'm not sure what advice you are wanting. You don't want to be told to walk away, which really is the most common sense answer. He has only done what YOU have allowed him to. No matter how you look at it, he's MARRIED and not to you. That should have been the moment YOU walked away because it should've told you he doesn't LOVE you the same. Regardless if he biologically conceived that child or adopted, that still makes the child 'HIS' child. You are making all types of excuses for your actions instead of facing the truth and walking away. Telling the wife will not make him be with you and honestly, why would you want him after he has done so much to hurt you? I could go on and on but it's clear none of this advice will even matter until you wake up from this fantasy.

Exactly!

Amen!

rainunrefined

Grow up. Life isn't a soap opera. This isn't just an "OMG" situation. This has the potential to do real damage. Be the adult in the situation and walk away.

This ^^^

For sure.. This.

adlwilmot

I haven't read the whole thread, so someone may have already said what I'm about to say.

Blow him out to his wife and get rid of the loser!!

If I were his wife I'd want to know what he'd been up to, and then I could make the decision as to whether I wanted to stay with the stinking rat or not. That's not ruining her life, that's doing her a favour.

He doesn't want you, he's using you. End of story.

Send the message, and forget you even met him. Don't make excuses for him. He's full of cr*p and you know it. A guy who loved you would not behave in this way.

DottieNewton

Sadly you have allowed yourself to be drawn into this mess--yes--YOU-- does it hurt?? of course..but, quit allowing it to happen. What would you get out of making more trouble in this relationship?? nothing!! You already know what you ought to do--when you said don;t say "Let it go"" that is exactly what you need to do--thank God you are not hooked up with this lying, two-timing low-life!! and get on with your life.

buccaneerdave1

I get the feeling you already know the right path to follow. You have to move on. As far as telling the wife you need to look to your own soul and realise that " a king can move a man ( or woman) but only that man is responsible for their soul" meaning that you are the only one responsible for your actions and at the end of the day you are goning to want to look in the mirror. focus on your life and let others do as they will.

onefitdiva

If you are looking for someone to tell you "go ahead be a vindictive bi*** but as long as you mean no harm, have at it"... you are looking in the wrong place. Are you freaking serious with this post??? Really? Go find a man who is NOT attached and or married. SMH.

cramernh

First time.... Shame on me.

Second time... Shame on you.

Third time.... Oh hell, nevermind.

PRICELESS


A Mastercard moment commercial waiting to happen!

mebuthalf

Lady, you deserve better. Move on!

I've been engaged 2x. Married my 2nd. I 'love'd' them both but each was a different kind of love. You might not find someone you love like him, but you will find someone you love differently and equally. (8years going strong)

Lyweeks

1.) Find Something Else to Occupy Your Time
It isn't easy to walk away when you love someone. When you are outside of it,it is easy to say walk away, dump him. You need to find something else to occupy your time. Start a new hobby or go on a vacation. The reason I say find something else and not someone else is because it does not sound like you are mentally ready for another relationship.

2.) He is not the one for you.
Many people find it exciting to cheat or live on the edge. They live for the attention and drama. He would do the same thing with you if he left his wife. Focus on yourself, possibly start a yoga class. Find your inner peace and let time do it's magic and help you to move on.

3.) Don't Tell His Wife
His wife has done nothing to you. In fact, the two of you have something in common and in a different circumstance you might even be friends. It might hurt him, and I think it would deserve him right...but why hurt her? Many times a big blow up, if they rebuild will only make their marriage stronger.