SHOULD I TELL THE WIFE?? cheater

NeshBeMe

I'm not sure what advice you are wanting. You don't want to be told to walk away, which really is the most common sense answer. He has only done what YOU have allowed him to. No matter how you look at it, he's MARRIED and not to you. That should have been the moment YOU walked away because it should've told you he doesn't LOVE you the same. Regardless if he biologically conceived that child or adopted, that still makes the child 'HIS' child. You are making all types of excuses for your actions instead of facing the truth and walking away. Telling the wife will not make him be with you and honestly, why would you want him after he has done so much to hurt you? I could go on and on but it's clear none of this advice will even matter until you wake up from this fantasy.

dnnmccloud

Truthfully... why would you tell her? WHAT WOULD YOU TELL HER?? that you were hoping to have his first Baby and he divorce her? You should accept he was playing with you... he is married.. you ned to check his *kitten* if he does it again. You are beautiful.. make yourself available so incase someone who IS available comes along you are ready. Sorry he played with your feelings.. but honestly you never should have considered it.. HE IS MARRIED! you didnt need proof on that... he wasnt being wishy washy he was trying to get some side *kitten*!

So true...what she said...Awh...sorry

Elizabeth_C34

May of last year I found out my husband was cheating on me. I actually came here and wrote a long post about it. My youngest son hadn't even turned 1 yet when the cheating had began. Case was my husband up and left my two kids for this other woman. He attempted to come back a few months later saying that things weren't going to work out with this other woman because she was a liar (shocker) and that he wanted to try to make things work out because of our kids, yadda, yadda. I won't lie. I did try. I didn't think he tried very hard. I asked him to block the woman's number, to change his e-mail address, to end all relationship with her and he wouldn't. She persisted like hell as well. Eventually she left him. But she had the audacity to call me, crying, saying that my husband had ruined her life, was stalking her, calling up her relatives, following her, hacking her phone. She said that she had a long time boyfriend whom she had planned to marry and that my husband ruined their relationship. Like I would care about all this? Point is, she stooped to a very low point with that phone call and if you place that phone call you will as well. Love yourself, respect yourself and move on. And please, don't sleep with a married man. This goes to all women. Really, WHY would you do that to another human being, especially knowing that there are children involved. Maybe I'm just a good person but I don't understand this.

Yikes. I am glad you got this worked out. You are a much nicer person than I am. I'd have kicked him to the curb and sent his suitcase flying out the door.

pretty_ribbons

If I were married to someone and they cheated on me all of the time. I don't even know how I would react hearing of it several years down the road.
Do it.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way.....so many people seem to regard the person telling the truth as the one responsible for the pain. Would this many people really just prefer to never know it happened? It's mind-boggling! At the very least, people should want the truth simply to know that they need to get tested for STDs! Not saying anyone involved in this case has one, of course...just saying that married people have unprotected sex with their spouses and it is not fair for a person to do so believing it to be risk free when their partner may have infected him/herself elsewhere.

it is not a good idea to tell, trust me, but you are right, so many people DO seem to regard the person telling the truth as the one responsible for the pain, its not fair but that is the way it is, it is the reason its better for her to just walk away

TurtleCrush

WE ARE NOT SLEEPING TOGETHER!!!! WE MET AND HAVE BEEN DATING BEFORE THEY EVEN MET!!!! WE LIVE IN DIFFERENT STATES RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I know this isnt a topic really for MFP but i need advice... ive known an been inlove with someone for years... we have been dating on an off for 6 years... 2 years ago he got married to a girl he dated inbetween me and him dating... for the last 6 months he texts me, calls me, tells me he really loves me wants to divorce her, wishes i would have his first baby, ect... well i since im nosy... i found her on facebook and his mom also and i found out in my investigating that he ended up adopting her kid but they havent had any together... this girl doesnt work, the kid isnt his.. ect... but now he tells me hes going to try to work it out with her... MIND YOU this is the 3rd time he has done this wishy washy mess with me... well i have proof NOW... im considering airing his dirty laundry to his family and her... I know that its kinda childish and im not really looking to hurt anyone... BUT im sick of him hurting me... telling me 3 times he was going to leave her... 3 times he comes back to me... ive even known and loved this man longer. I want to tell her soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad.... but i dont wanna Fk up my Karma... any ideas how i can make this better ALL the way around? and please dont just say let it go.... if it was that easy.. i wouldnt be writing this lol thanks all

Put yourself in the wife's shoes....Would YOU want to know??? Do what is right and your Karma should be fine.

thecanface

He loves you! Fight for that love! You've already told the world, what's holding you back from telling the wife? It's not his child. Haters gonna hate. You take what you want, without regret.








That's what you wanna hear, right? Seriously, leave it alone.[/i

NO WAIT! but he loves her so much that he married someone else....right? oh yeah.

cleoleigh

I feel the same as the two people below... personally I would want to know.

I will say this...if you have a very close and open marriage...it is very unlikely that your spouse would be having some big affair behind you back with out you having some clue! When my husband was cheating it didn't take but a month or two for me to pick up on the clues...and out the door I tossed him!

If I were married to someone and they cheated on me all of the time. I don't even know how I would react hearing of it several years down the road.
Do it.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way.....so many people seem to regard the person telling the truth as the one responsible for the pain. Would this many people really just prefer to never know it happened? It's mind-boggling! At the very least, people should want the truth simply to know that they need to get tested for STDs! Not saying anyone involved in this case has one, of course...just saying that married people have unprotected sex with their spouses and it is not fair for a person to do so believing it to be risk free when their partner may have infected him/herself elsewhere.

I hope that if I am ever cheated on, someone has the decency to tell me. It would most certainly hurt, but that is nothing compared to the pain of finding out years later. I deserve to make informed decisions about my future, even if that involves pain in the short term.

shanolap

You should seek therapy. For some reason you have put more value on this person and his relationships than you've put (or have regard) for your own self.

sydanne33

Why would anyone get involved with a married man? If he can cheat on her, he can cheat on you. What makes you special?

TRUE!!!!!!

HMD7703

He loves you! Fight for that love! You've already told the world, what's holding you back from telling the wife? It's not his child. Haters gonna hate. You take what you want, without regret.








That's what you wanna hear, right? Seriously, leave it alone.[/i

NO WAIT! but he loves her so much that he married someone else....right? oh yeah.

Hahahaha!!!

Funny how many people feel bad for the OP.
SMDH

therealangd

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way.....so many people seem to regard the person telling the truth as the one responsible for the pain. Would this many people really just prefer to never know it happened?

She's not wanting to tell the wife out of some skewed sense of obligation. She's being vindictive. She's pissed off that he didn't choose her. If the OP had any sense of right or wrong she would have cut all ties to the married man after the first text or phone call or whatever.

beerbomber

Simple question, Simple Answer

NO

scs143

Ummm no. You should not tell her. You should never speak to him again and put all this BS behind you. Then you should thank your lucky stars you didn't marry that gem of a man. Why ruin her child's life, her life, and his? He can do on his own without your help.

Elizabeth_C34

If I were married to someone and they cheated on me all of the time. I don't even know how I would react hearing of it several years down the road.
Do it.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way.....so many people seem to regard the person telling the truth as the one responsible for the pain. Would this many people really just prefer to never know it happened? It's mind-boggling! At the very least, people should want the truth simply to know that they need to get tested for STDs! Not saying anyone involved in this case has one, of course...just saying that married people have unprotected sex with their spouses and it is not fair for a person to do so believing it to be risk free when their partner may have infected him/herself elsewhere.

I hope that if I am ever cheated on, someone has the decency to tell me. It would most certainly hurt, but that is nothing compared to the pain of finding out years later. I deserve to make informed decisions about my future, even if that involves pain in the short term.

As someone who has been cheated on by a fiance who lived with me, I can say that the wife likely already knows or suspects. Cheaters rarely hide it as well as they think they do especially from someone they live with (a wife, husband, etc.). The problem I have with the OP telling is that she's doing it for spite, not to help the wife at all. Given how childish her behavior and responses to this thread have been, I can imagine the phone call or email or text to the wife would be equally childish and likely downright mean.

WifeNMama

I wonder how many other women he's doing this to. How many other "first babies" he's trying to make. The man isn't worth the minute you took to wrote this post. Take the trash out. Cut him off, no explanation necessary. And don't contact his wife.

MrsObundles

I want to tell her soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad.... but i dont wanna Fk up my Karma... any ideas how i can make this better ALL the way around? and please dont just say let it go.... if it was that easy.. i wouldnt be writing this lol thanks all

Sounds to me like you've made up your mind and don't want true advice, just attention.

CraigG75

I would not tell her. Just cut that relationship loose.

CynthiaCollin

The only reason you want to tell her is to screw up HIS life because he f'ed you over. And you gave him permission to do it when you continued to be involved with him after he MARRIED someone else. You've made just as many mistakes here as he has, and airing his dirty laundry, as you put it, would just be one more mistake. You want a resolution to this situation? Stop seeing him. Stop talking to him. Stop having any kind of contact with him, his wife, his friends, his family, etc. Find some self-respect, and move on with your life.

Amen to that !

TiraDawn

You already know the answer to this. What you need to do is shut the proverbial door on his face and lose his number. He knows you'll always be his fall back and he is playing your emotional needs. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, started the club. Don't get any more involved than you are willing to accept fault for. My best advice. Tell him to leave you alone because a man who is willing to do this to his wife is never going to be good enough for you. the end.

cramernh

It DOES NOT MATTER that you claim to not have slept with him... Doesnt matter at all.

Once you FIRST discover the other side is cheating, and you are part of his cheating, you should have ended it right then and there. The fact you allowed a relationship to continue DOES make you just as guilty as this relationship-con-artist.

What are you going to gain by telling the REAL wife?
How do you know this numbnut hasnt had OTHER women stringing along, just as convinced as you on the side as well?

Im sorry, I dont have pity for you....
After the first time finding out, and kicking him to the curb, you would have my full support.
But, you are just as bad as he is...

If you have any sense of grace, respect and decency... you will drop him like a ton of bricks and make sure he never has contact with you again.

My first husband cheated on me, and I wanted nothing else but to rid that trailer trash from my life. And I had his entire troop on MY SIDE when they found out he cheated on me! Now THAT was awesome!

You.... need to do the right thing and dump that numbnut and be done with him permanently!