SHOULD I TELL THE WIFE?? cheater

askme12

Change your number.

kapeluza

Actually THIS is how I see this going down.





(the OP being the blonde chick in the picture)

krista010105

IM GONNA GIVE YOU A VIEW FROM THE OPPOSITE SIDE

I was the cheater. I cheated on my husband almost 5 years ago with my highschool sweetheart. it wasnt a sexualy relationship for the most part. it was mainly an emotional affair. my husband showed me absolutely no love what so ever and i would go to his apartment to have someone to watch movies with and have dinner with since i never got it from my husband. was going on for months. my husband had no idea.

i left my husband for a week and in that week he had found my hidden diary that had stuff written about this guy. so he found out.

in a way i felt relieved that it was out in the open.

we got back together and have worked on our marriage now we are completely faithful to each other though it has been rough.

ANYONE THAT CHEATS NEEDS TO COME CLEAN. AND ANYONE THAT IS BEING CHEATED ON DESERVES TO KNOW.
you may not be the only woman he is messing around with and his wife deserves to know if she needs to get her self tested for any STD's and deserves to have the right to make her choice to be with someone that loves her or with someone that says they love her but doesnt mean it. my husband was very upset to find out that there were other people that knew of my affair but none of them had the guts to tell him. even his own mom didnt tell him.

you need to tell her. not only for your sake so you can feel better but for her sake too. if she is with him and he has gotten an std from some other woman then she gets pregnant with a baby either his or later on with someone else if they divorce and she doesnt know she has an std it can be passed to her baby.

do the right thing. the truth always will set you free.

adlwilmot

I haven't read the whole thread, so someone may have already said what I'm about to say.

Blow him out to his wife and get rid of the loser!!

If I were his wife I'd want to know what he'd been up to, and then I could make the decision as to whether I wanted to stay with the stinking rat or not. That's not ruining her life, that's doing her a favour.

He doesn't want you, he's using you. End of story.

Send the message, and forget you even met him. Don't make excuses for him. He's full of cr*p and you know it. A guy who loved you would not behave in this way.

REALLY??? This is your answer to her?? Maybe you should've read the entire thread because this is NOT what people have been saying. Heck, you must have not read HER entire original post for that matter. It's a shame that FEMALES (and I didn't say WOMEN on purpose) will stoop to the level of messing w/ a MALE (once again, avoiding the word MAN) that they knew was married, had a family, not available and when they don't get what they want or he doesn't leave his family, they want to tell the wife. There's enough SINGLE men in this world that MARRIED ones can truly be avoided, REGARDLESS if you slept w/ him first.

Yep, that's my answer to her and I'm sticking to it. I DID read her entire inital post and my answer still stands. I have now read the entire thread and several other people are of the same opinion, plus at no point did I say "Everyone else has already told you this..." So I'm not exactly sure where you shock horror at my response comes from. What exactly is so surprising?

Now I've read the immature, illogical responses she's put on here I'm ashamed to have spent any time responding. She's clearly a sandwich short of a picnic which explains rather brilliantly why she's in this situation to start with.

Because she made the CHOICE to be with a married man, she should tell the wife???? Hmmm...that's a wonderful idea. NOT. She was not blind-sided and in the dark about this. She KNEW. What's surprising is MFP is for 18 and older people and to tell someone that KNOWING cheated w/ a married man that she should tell his wife is dang sure not an ADULT decision. Ever heard of the 'BLOCK' feature on a cell phone? It really works wonders.

I'm an adult and I'm in a relationship. If my other half was cheating on my I'd want to know about it. Or shall we all just sit back and laugh at the poor naive wifey who potentially has no idea her wonderful husband is cheating on her. Should she not have the chance to be in a loving, trusting relationship with a man that's not an absolute rat bag? I sure as hell know that I would prefer to be afforded that chance and not left to rot with a stinker. That's my view and that's what I'm sticking to. So don't insinuate that I'm childish or stupid.

PLUS, she clearly does not want to block his calls and I am quite aware of how to block a call, thank you!

Edited: Whether or not she knew he was married when she got with him - and in her mind's eye he was her's all along as they'd been together 4 years before wifey came into the picture - the wife should still know what a rat her husband is. The fact she already knew is totally irrelevant. I agree that telling her out of spite is wrong, but telling her so she can make her own decisions on the situation is right as far as I'm concerned.

havingitall

When I first read this, I thought the OP was very young. When I looked at her profile and realized that she is 28, I was amazed that this post even existed.Drama is saved for the very young.

Put your big girl panties on, admit you acted foolish and get on with your life.

Lizzy_Sunflower

JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
[/quote]
lol..
[/quote]

:laugh:

10kaday

I don't have time to read what everyone said here. #1 Why even talk to a man that talks to another woman behind his wifes back? What if he becomes your man? Think about this. Now your gonna always wonder if he will do that to you? Sure, you may say no way. But one day he gets distant and you wonder what is up. hmmmmm. he did it once he'll do it again! #2 Shame on YOU for talking to another wife's man like this. Once a man gets married forget him! Go look for singles and stop thinking about this dude. There are plenty of great men in this world. You just gotta look in the right place!!!!

odusgolp

I.....just...don't care enough to reply....

We will have forgotten all about this post by tomorrow but you will be working through the consequences of your actions - not us.

If those are your abs, ROCK ON!

Yeah... that was off topic... *shrug*

skinnywithin

Actually THIS is how I see this going down.





(the OP being the blonde chick in the picture)

WINNER !!!! WINNER !!! WINNER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Justjoshin

You just made page 35 of my new book

bakebunny

You are apparently a Drama Queen, with a need for an audience. Grow up and get a real life, without a married man.

You want to pay him back for hurting you? Then shut him out. Without you to listen to his tales of woe, he just might need to talk to his wife about how he feels.

Pams_Shadow

You just made page 35 of my new book

Ouch... I just blew soup out of my nose on this one! I need this book... can I get a blank copy though?

hamiltonba

But it IS his baby now.

LivLovLrn

I don't understand why you would continue to want to have anything to do with a man who treats you that way. I don't see any good in you telling her, it is not her fault he is such a creep. Do whatever you have to to get away from HIM and leave her alone, she will be miserable enough when she figures out what a ashbite he is

Jeff92se

Relationship with married man = no no.

Find a single man that's better than him. It shouldn't be difficult.

NeshBeMe

I haven't read the whole thread, so someone may have already said what I'm about to say.

Blow him out to his wife and get rid of the loser!!

If I were his wife I'd want to know what he'd been up to, and then I could make the decision as to whether I wanted to stay with the stinking rat or not. That's not ruining her life, that's doing her a favour.

He doesn't want you, he's using you. End of story.

Send the message, and forget you even met him. Don't make excuses for him. He's full of cr*p and you know it. A guy who loved you would not behave in this way.

REALLY??? This is your answer to her?? Maybe you should've read the entire thread because this is NOT what people have been saying. Heck, you must have not read HER entire original post for that matter. It's a shame that FEMALES (and I didn't say WOMEN on purpose) will stoop to the level of messing w/ a MALE (once again, avoiding the word MAN) that they knew was married, had a family, not available and when they don't get what they want or he doesn't leave his family, they want to tell the wife. There's enough SINGLE men in this world that MARRIED ones can truly be avoided, REGARDLESS if you slept w/ him first.

Yep, that's my answer to her and I'm sticking to it. I DID read her entire inital post and my answer still stands. I have now read the entire thread and several other people are of the same opinion, plus at no point did I say "Everyone else has already told you this..." So I'm not exactly sure where you shock horror at my response comes from. What exactly is so surprising?

Now I've read the immature, illogical responses she's put on here I'm ashamed to have spent any time responding. She's clearly a sandwich short of a picnic which explains rather brilliantly why she's in this situation to start with.

Because she made the CHOICE to be with a married man, she should tell the wife???? Hmmm...that's a wonderful idea. NOT. She was not blind-sided and in the dark about this. She KNEW. What's surprising is MFP is for 18 and older people and to tell someone that KNOWING cheated w/ a married man that she should tell his wife is dang sure not an ADULT decision. Ever heard of the 'BLOCK' feature on a cell phone? It really works wonders.

I'm an adult and I'm in a relationship. If my other half was cheating on my I'd want to know about it. Or shall we all just sit back and laugh at the poor naive wifey who potentially has no idea her wonderful husband is cheating on her. Should she not have the chance to be in a loving, trusting relationship with a man that's not an absolute rat bag? I sure as hell know that I would prefer to be afforded that chance and not left to rot with a stinker. That's my view and that's what I'm sticking to. So don't insinuate that I'm childish or stupid.

PLUS, she clearly does not want to block his calls and I am quite aware of how to block a call, thank you!

Edited: Whether or not she knew he was married when she got with him - and in her mind's eye he was her's all along as they'd been together 4 years before wifey came into the picture - the wife should still know what a rat her husband is. The fact she already knew is totally irrelevant. I agree that telling her out of spite is wrong, but telling her so she can make her own decisions on the situation is right as far as I'm concerned.

Who's to say the wife doesn't already know? My ex-husband cheated and I knew before it was brought to my attention. If you're in-tune w/ your relationship, your intuition will kick in. And honestly, do you think her telling the wife will make her sleep better at night? Matter of fact, who will be sleeping? The married man, but probably in another woman's bed. If you felt I was INSINUATING anything about you, that's your problem not mine. Oh, and you are MORE than about the block calls. I'm always willing to help a MFP!!

i_love_vinegar

I think people are being really rude and too hard on you.

I have never been in your situation, but I can only feel your pain. He has been calling you telling you this stuff, knowing you still love him and I'm sure there is more to this than a couple paragraphs could ever explain.

I do not think that your age plays much role in this, because a new experience is a new experience is a new experience...
I do believe you have/had good intentions, which is why you are unsure whether to air his dirty laundry or not.

Some people say it is better to not tell the wife because you will become a home wrecker and it will hurt the wife's feelings tremendously.

However, I disagree. Even just today I was reading a post (on a different site) about a young woman who was in a bad relationship. I did not read her entire post because I was searching for a specific line that I Googled. I came across a response to this young woman by a woman who warned her to get out. She said she was married to a man who never treated her well, and eventually left her for a "younger model." Her husband and her worked in the same place for 6 years, and it was not until after the divorce that she found out that he had been flirting with young coworkers and one had even complained about sexual harassment. According to her, she wished people would have told her, but they "didn't want to rock the boat." She married him hoping to have children, and divorced when it was too late.

I think the fact he has done this three times and does not care who he hurts shows...you would be doing this woman a favor EVEN IF SHE DOESNT INITIALLY THINK SO. Yes, two years is a lot of time gone to waste, but it is a lot better than six or seven...or even two and a half.

I know it is easier said than done, but I know that you know he is never going to truly love you. If he loved you, he wouldn't be married to another woman. If he loved you, you gave him three chances to leave. Even when he was married and raising a child, you were there wasting your youth waiting for him *in case* he decided he wanted you...like second choice.

I think it was courageous of you to put this online, even though a lot of the responses were insulting. Good luck!! I hope you find someone who sees you as a priority, not a choice.

ncvamomof3

Smh

ktbug82

Why would you tell her? You just need to accept that you're his #2, and he doesn't really care about you. Have his actions not already said enough? He married HER. He adopted HER kid. He lives with HER. Even though you say you can't let it go- that's exactly what you need to do. You can't put all of the blame on him. Yes, he is wrong for continuing his relationship with you even though he is married, but you should know by now. You're how old? Get it through your mind that he chose her. Airing his dirty laundry just shows how insecure you are. You said you aren't sleeping with him... soooo what is there to tell?

AlsDonkBoxSquat

WE ARE NOT SLEEPING TOGETHER!!!! WE MET AND HAVE BEEN DATING BEFORE THEY EVEN MET!!!! WE LIVE IN DIFFERENT STATES RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


at he ended up adopting her kid . . . the kid isnt his

but now he tells me hes going to try to work it out with her... im considering airing his dirty laundry to his family and her...

I know that its kinda childish and im not really looking to hurt anyone... BUT im sick of him hurting me...

To me this does not equal good intentions at any point in time over the past 2 years. This indicates to me someone who is making excuses for their actions. Not just that but is hurting and so spiteful that they want someone else to hurt and doesn't care who they are hurting, and only concerned with the consequences coming back on them. This is not the person I want calling me telling me that my husband is having an emotional or any other kind of affair. If someone came up to me and told me for no other reason than their own self satisfaction that they'd been having an emotional affair with my hubs I'd either laugh in their face or rip off their arm and beat them with the bloody stump depending on the type of day I'm having. Let's be real here, her intentions are not altruistic.