'You'd be more attractive if you were thinner'

Vodkha

Has anyone ever been told this before?

I was dating a guy for awhile but things didnt work out (nothing to do with my weight) and we are still friends. I asked him if I could ask him a question that he would answer honestly. He said ok and then I asked him how fat he thinks I am. He answered 'a bit' and I said that isnt an answer. I then asked him how much he thinks I weigh by looking at me. He said he didn't know, but that I was thinner than when we first met. I then asked if he thought people could still consider me attractive how I am now. He replied 'you'd be more attractive if you were thinner.' So I said well...if I am thinner now than I was when we met, and you think I'd be more attractive if I lost some weight, does that mean you werent that attracted to me when we first met? He said no, that he was attracted to me. *Disclaimer to say that I do not judge my worth by my weight, nor do I judge my worth by how I am seen by others* I was just curious about it and since he would be honest with me, I asked.

I have fallen off the wagon a bit since I got really sick a week or so back, and I think I more or less asked because I knew what the answers to my questions would be, and I think I thought maybe it would help me kick my *kitten* back at it.

christine24t

I've never been told that but if someone were to tell me that, I'd be upset. But you asked his opinion and he answered how he felt so I suppose it is what it is. Most people would look better if they were thinner - don't think you're alone in that!! I know I'd look better if I was thinner too.

Is knowing that helping you? Or is it making you more upset now?

Vodkha

No, I pretty much accept that fact that right now, I wouldn't be too attractive to the opposite sex lol. It isn't really upsetting me because I know it's true. I just need to get back on track with this for myself, and to show everyone I can do it. I previously lost almost 100lbs so I KNOW I can do it, I just don't know why I keep stalling!

helenoftroy1

I used to get "oh you've got such a pretty face....."
killed me everytime.

pretty_ribbons

no one has said that to me but i think people think it, i think it about myself all the time

Sunshine_Girlie

Yes! I get that quite a bit to be honest. My first time working out at a gym, I was in high school [Senior year] and my trainer told me flat out, "You're so cute now, but man, you'll be smokin' by the time we finish up here." Seriously?

A lot of guys that I know find me 'attractive', but they don't like that I'm not skinny. Will they say that out right? Nope, but they might as well. I do know that when I had lost the weight the first time, they had no problem telling me how beautiful they thought I was.

xSophia19

been told this a few times. whether they mean it or not is another thing! lads have the decency to joke around too much around here.

corrieville

My dad told me if I lost another 40 pounds I would be fighting the men off.... My reply back to that was I have never had an issue of guys not finding me attractive. I am currently dating a guy who is extremely thin and he thinks I am sexy just as I am. I want a man who will love *kitten* I am now and when I am thin.

speedycakes

I've been told that a few times in diffrent forms. Such as "you'd be pretty hot if you lost weight"- some ****head guy in my high school class. "You do look good but you would look better if you lost a little weight'-My Ex. "You have a really pretty face you just need to lose weight. Then you will be more attractive."-A friend in high school.

So glad i'm done with High school. That killed my Esteem. Now i'm on a never ending quest to be thin enough to be hot/pretty/attractive. It's kinda sad actually.

christine24t

No, I pretty much accept that fact that right now, I wouldn't be too attractive to the opposite sex lol. It isn't really upsetting me because I know it's true. I just need to get back on track with this for myself, and to show everyone I can do it. I previously lost almost 100lbs so I KNOW I can do it, I just don't know why I keep stalling!

I personally think if you base your weight loss after that, that you're going to be attractive, you're setting yourself up to fail, because you're basing your weight loss over making others happy. You should do it for another reason, like lowering your cholesterol, fitting back into your skinniest jeans, or having a normal BMI. Once I started losing weight for me, it worked. All the others times I was doing it to be attractive to guys. When they didn't notice me even then, the weight came back on.
You can do it!! If you did it before, you are soooo capable of doing it again!

sexforjaffacakes

I had a friend once who told me I was pretty all the time.

We were 100% honest with each other though, and one day my weight came up in conversation.
And she said that she thinks I'm beautiful now, but honestly if I lost weight I'd be the most beautiful person she'd ever seen.

That always stuck with me. It didn't make me feel bad, what I got from that was that I'm pretty and I'd be perfect if I had the body to match. She wasn't saying that I wasn't attractive, just that I could be more attractive.

And it's true! We're all beautiful here, but of course we want our bodies to look nice too, there's nothing wrong with that. You can have a nice body AND a nice face, you can look good with either or, but look fantastic with both.

Saying youd be pretty if you lost weight is a different story though.

Di3012

Has anyone ever been told this before?

I was dating a guy for awhile but things didnt work out (nothing to do with my weight) and we are still friends. I asked him if I could ask him a question that he would answer honestly. He said ok and then I asked him how fat he thinks I am. He answered 'a bit' and I said that isnt an answer. I then asked him how much he thinks I weigh by looking at me. He said he didn't know, but that I was thinner than when we first met. I then asked if he thought people could still consider me attractive how I am now. He replied 'you'd be more attractive if you were thinner.' So I said well...if I am thinner now than I was when we met, and you think I'd be more attractive if I lost some weight, does that mean you werent that attracted to me when we first met? He said no, that he was attracted to me. *Disclaimer to say that I do not judge my worth by my weight, nor do I judge my worth by how I am seen by others* I was just curious about it and since he would be honest with me, I asked.

I have fallen off the wagon a bit since I got really sick a week or so back, and I think I more or less asked because I knew what the answers to my questions would be, and I think I thought maybe it would help me kick my *kitten* back at it.

Some blokes like skinny girls, some blokes like larger females, some don't mind, it definitely depends on the male concerned and there are no hard and fast rules.

I knew a girl many years back whose boyfriend liked super-skinny girls, she was 5' 6" tall and weighed no more than 140lbs, but he kept on and on at her to lose more weight, but she found it extremely difficult.

I wouldn't mind, but she was nowhere near overweight - AT ALL!

lgwhizz

My dear gran gives what I call a stroke and a slap.

She says something nice like "oh hen, your dress is lovely, such a nice shape...." this is the stroke (as in affectionately giving your face a stroke) but follows it up with something like "if only you were a wee bit thinner." and theres the slap!

I love her very much but she does it every time!!! Lol. Ive learned to live with it, but that and other comments make me feel rubbish.

This one ive said above actually happened on Christmas day, my reply to her was "gran its not the dress that has a nice shape, its my lovely body filling it!"

Hurts every time though. x

Vodkha

No, I am losing weight to be healthier, to feel better about myself, etc...

No, I pretty much accept that fact that right now, I wouldn't be too attractive to the opposite sex lol. It isn't really upsetting me because I know it's true. I just need to get back on track with this for myself, and to show everyone I can do it. I previously lost almost 100lbs so I KNOW I can do it, I just don't know why I keep stalling!

I personally think if you base your weight loss after that, that you're going to be attractive, you're setting yourself up to fail, because you're basing your weight loss over making others happy. You should do it for another reason, like lowering your cholesterol, fitting back into your skinniest jeans, or having a normal BMI. Once I started losing weight for me, it worked. All the others times I was doing it to be attractive to guys. When they didn't notice me even then, the weight came back on.
You can do it!! If you did it before, you are soooo capable of doing it again!

katyejean

I was told that, but it was a personal trainer from a gym, trying to get me to spend my money and work with him. I really wish I would have listened to him and start my journey then, but I can't rewind.

ddran143

I use to not like that either.

tmarie2715

This probably isn't very helpful, but I've overheard someone saying about me, "--great body but look at her face."

At least weight you can control, right?

xMissy6x

My mum said that to me only a few weeks ago I dont consider myself fat, but I do have some to loose. I found it de motivating and rude.

MommyTKD

Two thoughts went through my brain at lightning speed... 1) It's not about what other people find attractive, it's about how you want to look FOR YOU... and 2) beauty is only skin deep. Clearly we see and judge each other by what's on the outside but if you're happy with who you are, it's just a matter of making your outside reflect it. If you're not finding YOURSELF attractive, then no matter what you do on the outside, it won't matter til you fix that. Be the person you want to be and you'll find the right person to be with. Find what you DO like about yourself and then reward yourself with a healthier you. You're already doing that by being here! And I think you're great!

RubysMama23

I used to get "oh you've got such a pretty face....."
killed me everytime.

I actually had an ex boyfriend say this to me when we were very seriously involved. And when I started to cry, he got confused.. I would say it's just because he's a dude but I don't think all dudes are like this. Some actually have emotions unlike this douche I speak of.
Look at me go now!!! :laugh:

lmbame905

A guy I used to see pretty casually told me once( after I told him I was 135 lbs prior to the birth of my first child), "I bet you used to be really hot!!"

mlmcquinn

For some people, "You'd be more attractive if you were thinner" is exactly the point. I know a variety of woman who first started over eating as a defense mechanism because they were in too many bad relationships and they thought if they put on weight, men would leave them alone. Just another thing that makes you realize that it often isn't about the food.

It isn't like people are only jerks about weight though. In high school, I ran track and was thin, muscular, and so healthy I glowed. A guy in my class told me, "If you had a bag over your head, you'd be awesome." Yeah, high school is the best years of your life

auticus

I've been told this many many times.

adjones5

I dated a guy a couple of years ago who told me I would be prettier if I didn't have a "pooch" I said I'll show you a ****ing pooch, dumped him and then proceeded to lose 20 lbs.

norma67

I have been told this many times in my life.
Which is part of the reason I think I don't see myself as others do.
I still hide inside of bulky clothes even at work
But slowly I am finding that those statements that I heard growing up are not true.

xmandadollx

One of my best friends told me that if I lost weight I would be the hottest one in our group of friends. She told me while we were getting ready to go out and when we were in front of the mirror doing our hair and makeup. We have always had a very honest relationship and honestly, I took it as a very big compliment considering that I had a very gorgeous group of friends that were all beautiful and fit. To me, knowing that she thought that me being overweight was the only thing keeping me from being the hottest one was flattering. I do not judge people by their looks and my friends don't judge me based on my looks either. It was just an honest opinion and it made me feel good. Weight is something that I can control

mussmom

This probably isn't very helpful, but I've overheard someone saying about me, "--great body but look at her face."

At least weight you can control, right?

Are you kidding me? You're gorgeous!

SafireBleu

This probably isn't very helpful, but I've overheard someone saying about me, "--great body but look at her face."

At least weight you can control, right?

No way someone told you that? You are beautiful! Don't let that get you down. You are BEAUTIFUL!

I was always told, "you have such a pretty face if you would lose some weight you'd be beautiful." I saw my aunt this summer and one of the first things she said to me was, " You used to be so beautiful but you got so fat." I could have died.

Nikkiray32

No one had the nerve to say it to my face. However; their is a significant difference in the way I am treated now compared to when I was " thinner" at my healthy weight. Then, I was always asked out on dates, even if I wasn't being nice to the guy. Women always befriended me easily. I was always asked my opinion on issues even if I had no idea what the person was asking. The past 5-6 years, when I have put on significant weight I see a huge difference in the way people treat me. It's not easy to keep female friends( even though most of the women I have met were over weight), men ask me out, but always seem to be " still looking" or say they like my "confidence" not specifically my body,and some people don't take what I say seriously. When they really get to know me ( when no one else has time for them) they say, " your such a good mom, your so nice, you're really smart". I guess in brutal honestly, we do judge others by their outer appearance as if it tells if a person is going to be disciplined or successful in life. I am not saying it's fair or acceptable; it's just been my experience. Since I haven't always been this size, I know the diffference in the treatment.

Nikkiray32

Sorry about all the typos.

Shausil82

I've been told that a TON of times. Guys didn't even look at me until college, and even when they did, I was only a rebound, a game, or a bet that one guy lost. I've never been the girl that a guy truly loved or cared about. My weight has always been the issue. I've always been too large to be the girlfriend. I been told that I have the face, but, I don't have the body.

I'm 30+ pounds lighter now, and extremely close to my goal...guys still won't touch me because I'm not skinny. And I still get that sentence " You'd be more attractive if you were thinner.."
Gimmie a freakin break. I was 240 pounds in high school. I'm 29 years old now and I weight 153 pounds.

Sorry for being bitter, lol...I was recently (today) dumped by a guy I loved.