'You'd be more attractive if you were thinner'
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Why would it be a shock to you if someone said that you would look better if you lost weight? Isn't that why 99.9% of us on here? The words may sting but you got an honest answer. You got the answer to a question that you already knew the answer to. Come on man....0
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I've been told this a few times... and, quite honestly, it didn't bother me in the least. Why? Because I placed absolutely no value on the opinion of the people shallow enough to say it.
Attractiveness is a helluva a lot more than how one looks; it's attitude as well. My husband (whose usually brutally honest opinion I trust) has never ONCE told me I was unattractive, even when I was at my heaviest. He's seen me at my worst - almost 100 pounds heavier than I am now, post-surgery, red-eyed and crying in the midst of the futility of infertility treatments, you name it -- and has ALWAYS made me feel attractive and wanted.
You can tell all of those people who give you the "you'd be pretty, but.." to shove off. The people who really matter won't say it. They may want to motivate you to be healthier, but "thinner" doesn't always equal "healthier."
Looks aren't everything. This isn't a news flash, but *everyone* gets older. If the motivation to lose weight is only so that you can meet anyone else's definition of "attractive" except your own, then good luck with that.
I, for one, have no fear that the person I love most in the world would ever find me unattractive... because *I* find me attractive.0 -
Most people are not so unkind as to say such a thing.
99% merely think it.0 -
I also hate, "You have such a beautiful face" don't people realize these are insults. I would rather someone say "Your almost all gross" than the other.0
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And it works the same for you ladies as well.Why would it be a shock to you if someone said that you would look better if you lost weight? Isn't that why 99.9% of us on here? The words may sting but you got an honest answer. You got the answer to a question that you already knew the answer to. Come on man....
You don't see any obese Chippendale entertainers getting the attention of females - lol
No, being fit is attractive; fat is NOT to most people.
That's reality.0 -
My ex-husband said this to me almost every day.
My current husband says... "You are HAWT!... Kids, don't you think your mother is HAWT?"
Guess which one I like better?
Guess which one I spend more "quality" time with?
And, guess which one is going to get the in shape, hot, and sexy me?0 -
To me, it is just the truth, plain and simple. Think about it like this... If you watch any of the weight loss shows (biggest loser, etc) where a significant amount of weight is lost, you can't deny that most of the people on the show are "more attractive" than they were at the beginning of the show. It doesn't mean that they were not attractive people to begin with, but it does make a difference. Personally, I can look at pictures of myself when I weighed much less (although I was still a little overweight then) and see that I was more attractive. I know for a fact that I will be more attractive when I shed the rest of the weight. I wouldn't take it as an insult if someone told me that. It's just the truth. I know I need to lose weight, and I'm working on it slowly, but surely. Good luck to all of you in finding your "more attractive" self.
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You asked him to be "honest" with you. If you aren't prepared for an honest answer, then don't ask.
As a guy, I have learned that if a girl says, "be honest," that is my cue to shut up. Of course then she gets mad cause I wont answer. Hey. The whole question is a trap. The only way to win is to LIE, but even then you can't win, cause she knows your lying.
That is a stupid question. Don't ask me that. EVER!0 -
I used to get "oh you've got such a pretty face....."
killed me everytime.
Yup, same here. I really, really try to watch the stupid things I say (in regards to a lot of things, not just weight/looks) because of some of the not-so-nice "compliments" and other remarks I've gotten over the years.0 -
This probably isn't very helpful, but I've overheard someone saying about me, "--great body but look at her face."
At least weight you can control, right?
Is that you in your profile piccie? If so, whoever it was said that about you must be bloody blind!0 -
I've gotten this as well in not so many words. Being told i'm too fat to be photographed with. making the mistake of googling your own name to find blog posts about people discussing your weight and I have a strange face. Being told on a dating website that I would get more contacts if I would lie and say I was "average" weight by some of the ladies.
Ladies, you are not alone out there. Lotta people talk before they think. I always say "Honesty without compassion is nothing more than cruelty."0 -
My wife told me the same thing, but I didn't dump her.I dated a guy a couple of years ago who told me I would be prettier if I didn't have a "pooch" I said I'll show you a ****ing pooch, dumped him and then proceeded to lose 20 lbs.
No, I thanked her.
I value honesty.0 -
This probably isn't very helpful, but I've overheard someone saying about me, "--great body but look at her face."
At least weight you can control, right?
What??? You're beautiful!0 -
Sometimes I wonder if people are here looking for fat acceptance or fat loss.
The world can be cruel - yes, but let's keep it real.0 -
my ex said a really horrible thing that knocked me hugely when I ended things with him.. he said "I thought if I dropped my standards and went for a nice girl rather than a pretty one then I wouldn't get hurt"
now that's a kick in the teeth.0 -
Those comments sound familiar. "You look great from the neck up" or "you have a great personalit/sweet girl". That kills me everytime too.
It is always interesting to get the opposite sex's view point. It's healthy (if not a little bit painful). I enlightened one of my guy friends not too long ago. We were talking about dating and the singles scene ( I am married, some of my friends involved the conversation are not). The consensus among the girls was that they would not date an overweight man. Some of the guys were very surprised. I said, "Well you wouldn't date 'fat chicks', what makes you think women are any different?" Obesity, genetically, is a sign of an unhealthy mate. For women, looks are not number one on the list but it is definetly in the top 5.0 -
You don't see any obese Chippendale entertainers getting the attention of females - lol
You obviously missed Saturday Night Live's 'vintage years'
http://www.evtv1.com/player.aspx?itemnum=1422
LOL0 -
And it works the same for you ladies as well.Why would it be a shock to you if someone said that you would look better if you lost weight? Isn't that why 99.9% of us on here? The words may sting but you got an honest answer. You got the answer to a question that you already knew the answer to. Come on man....
You don't see any obese Chippendale entertainers getting the attention of females - lol
No, being fit is attractive; fat is NOT to most people.
That's reality.
This. Women don't like fat men. Men don't like fat women. That's why we are on this site and suffering through intense discomfort, pain, and injury to get thin again. Because to play the social game you have to look the part.
We may hate it. It may sound harsh. It *is* harsh. But it is the society that we live in, and no matter what we may say... most of us want to conform at least a little to society's rules so that we can play society's games.
It's no fun being the fat person who is never physically touched by anyone because of their weight.
When people tell me that "i'm a great guy but i don't date big guys" or "you're pretty cool to hang out with but i am attracted to athletic guys" or "you are a fat **** and i'm disgusted you even bothered talking to me", it all means the same thing. Some are nicer than others but it boils down to "fat people are not allowed on this ride".
Either do something about it, or accept it and move on. It's a nasty world. We all know this. That's why sites like these are so popular. I for one don't want to ride the fat person ride anymore.0 -
I was told that in high school when all of my friends were dating. "You have such a pretty face - you'd be so much prettier if you lost weight". Got that a few times. I was always the "pretty face" or the "cute one" or the one with the "beautiful eyes". Blah blah blah. didn't get a boyfriend till I was 19, and then I settled, because he was the first guy to come along and express interest in me! When I did end up losing weight, and got out of a long term relationship when I was 24, I dated like no tomorrow.
I was still overweight to a degree, but if you carry yourself confidently, there will always be SOMEone who will find you attractive.
Anyway, I guess if you ask a person a question, you might not like the answer. Sorry went off on a bit of a tangent.0 -
What a B@$t@rd! Don't worry, what goes around comes around.
The best revenge is to live well.0 -
Yes, I have been told this before and I felt terrible for a very long time after. I try to keep a smile on, but I have always struggled with my weight and my self esteem suffered for it.. I am now almost 39 years old and it has only been a few years that I realized I am more than just my weight regardless of what it is. Once I owned my body, I began to feel confident and actually did start losing weight because I started going out more and doingthings with friends not caring what others thought about my appearance. You always hear people say that you have to love yourself first, but it took me a very long time to realize that it was true. I am still single, but I have a great job, good friends, and I am still working on me 0
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Real women have curves!0
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I used to hear that all the time, but for me it's even worse when they say something like, "WOW! You must have been really hot ("good-looking", "pretty", etc.) when you were young!" (or "younger"). NICE! I *HATE* both of those! I also sometimes get the "stroke/slap" compliments (especially from family) that I call "backhanded" compliments, like "You look much better now (because before it was such a shame)! Now, when are you going to update your hairstyle, now that you've lost weight?" (Seriously!)0
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This. Women don't like fat men. Men don't like fat women. That's why we are on this site and suffering through intense discomfort, pain, and injury to get thin again. Because to play the social game you have to look the part.
We may hate it. It may sound harsh. It *is* harsh. But it is the society that we live in, and no matter what we may say... most of us want to conform at least a little to society's rules so that we can play society's games.
It's no fun being the fat person who is never physically touched by anyone because of their weight.
When people tell me that "i'm a great guy but i don't date big guys" or "you're pretty cool to hang out with but i am attracted to athletic guys" or "you are a fat **** and i'm disgusted you even bothered talking to me", it all means the same thing. Some are nicer than others but it boils down to "fat people are not allowed on this ride".
Either do something about it, or accept it and move on.
OMigod, have women really said that to you?? Pretty disgusting. I apologize!! not all women are like that, that's for sure!
We are all dealt with pretty bad blows to our self esteem based on our weight, if that is what we struggle with. And for sure, they are long lasting. Jeez, otherwise, why would I remember being called the "one with the pretty face" in high school (and I would look more hot if I lost weight?) - that was 20+ years ago!0 -
Real women have curves!
So TRUE! I LIKE!
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Someone always tells me this everyday "Oh you have such a pretty face" and I think to myself "but I have a disgusting looking body...I know
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You can let his response motivate you but no guy is worth it if he doesn't like you for the person you are regardless of how thin you are...very shallow. You are MUCH better off without him! Fact is looks change for everyone in 20 years are you going to be more or less attractive and by whose standards? Vanity isn't love or like.0
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This probably isn't very helpful, but I've overheard someone saying about me, "--great body but look at her face."
At least weight you can control, right?
WHAT?! You are not, repeat, NOT a "Butterface". YOU...ARE...BEAUTIFUL!0 -
And this is so true.What a B@$t@rd! Don't worry, what goes around comes around.
The best revenge is to live well.
And sometimes a good punch in the nose is nice too....0 -
For SURE!Real women have curves!
I do not like those muscled, cut up man-looking females.0
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