'You'd be more attractive if you were thinner'

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  • mlmcquinn
    mlmcquinn Posts: 41
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    For some people, "You'd be more attractive if you were thinner" is exactly the point. I know a variety of woman who first started over eating as a defense mechanism because they were in too many bad relationships and they thought if they put on weight, men would leave them alone. Just another thing that makes you realize that it often isn't about the food.

    It isn't like people are only jerks about weight though. In high school, I ran track and was thin, muscular, and so healthy I glowed. A guy in my class told me, "If you had a bag over your head, you'd be awesome." Yeah, high school is the best years of your life :/
  • auticus
    auticus Posts: 1,051 Member
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    I've been told this many many times.
  • adjones5
    adjones5 Posts: 938 Member
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    I dated a guy a couple of years ago who told me I would be prettier if I didn't have a "pooch" I said I'll show you a ****ing pooch, dumped him and then proceeded to lose 20 lbs.
  • norma67
    norma67 Posts: 255 Member
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    I have been told this many times in my life.
    Which is part of the reason I think I don't see myself as others do.
    I still hide inside of bulky clothes even at work
    But slowly I am finding that those statements that I heard growing up are not true.
  • xmandadollx
    xmandadollx Posts: 69 Member
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    One of my best friends told me that if I lost weight I would be the hottest one in our group of friends. She told me while we were getting ready to go out and when we were in front of the mirror doing our hair and makeup. We have always had a very honest relationship and honestly, I took it as a very big compliment considering that I had a very gorgeous group of friends that were all beautiful and fit. To me, knowing that she thought that me being overweight was the only thing keeping me from being the hottest one was flattering. I do not judge people by their looks and my friends don't judge me based on my looks either. It was just an honest opinion and it made me feel good. Weight is something that I can control :)
  • mussmom
    mussmom Posts: 362 Member
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    This probably isn't very helpful, but I've overheard someone saying about me, "--great body but look at her face."

    At least weight you can control, right?

    Are you kidding me? You're gorgeous!
  • SafireBleu
    SafireBleu Posts: 881 Member
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    This probably isn't very helpful, but I've overheard someone saying about me, "--great body but look at her face."

    At least weight you can control, right?
    No way someone told you that? You are beautiful! Don't let that get you down. You are BEAUTIFUL!

    I was always told, "you have such a pretty face if you would lose some weight you'd be beautiful." I saw my aunt this summer and one of the first things she said to me was, " You used to be so beautiful but you got so fat." I could have died.
  • Nikkiray32
    Nikkiray32 Posts: 123
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    No one had the nerve to say it to my face. However; their is a significant difference in the way I am treated now compared to when I was " thinner" at my healthy weight. Then, I was always asked out on dates, even if I wasn't being nice to the guy. Women always befriended me easily. I was always asked my opinion on issues even if I had no idea what the person was asking. The past 5-6 years, when I have put on significant weight I see a huge difference in the way people treat me. It's not easy to keep female friends( even though most of the women I have met were over weight), men ask me out, but always seem to be " still looking" or say they like my "confidence" not specifically my body,and some people don't take what I say seriously. When they really get to know me ( when no one else has time for them) they say, " your such a good mom, your so nice, you're really smart". I guess in brutal honestly, we do judge others by their outer appearance as if it tells if a person is going to be disciplined or successful in life. I am not saying it's fair or acceptable; it's just been my experience. Since I haven't always been this size, I know the diffference in the treatment.
  • Nikkiray32
    Nikkiray32 Posts: 123
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    Sorry about all the typos.
  • Shausil82
    Shausil82 Posts: 218 Member
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    I've been told that a TON of times. Guys didn't even look at me until college, and even when they did, I was only a rebound, a game, or a bet that one guy lost. I've never been the girl that a guy truly loved or cared about. My weight has always been the issue. I've always been too large to be the girlfriend. I been told that I have the face, but, I don't have the body.

    I'm 30+ pounds lighter now, and extremely close to my goal...guys still won't touch me because I'm not skinny. And I still get that sentence " You'd be more attractive if you were thinner.."
    Gimmie a freakin break. I was 240 pounds in high school. I'm 29 years old now and I weight 153 pounds.

    Sorry for being bitter, lol...I was recently (today) dumped by a guy I loved.
  • LeanerBeef
    LeanerBeef Posts: 1,432 Member
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    Why would it be a shock to you if someone said that you would look better if you lost weight? Isn't that why 99.9% of us on here? The words may sting but you got an honest answer. You got the answer to a question that you already knew the answer to. Come on man....
  • IrishHarpy1
    IrishHarpy1 Posts: 399 Member
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    I've been told this a few times... and, quite honestly, it didn't bother me in the least. Why? Because I placed absolutely no value on the opinion of the people shallow enough to say it.

    Attractiveness is a helluva a lot more than how one looks; it's attitude as well. My husband (whose usually brutally honest opinion I trust) has never ONCE told me I was unattractive, even when I was at my heaviest. He's seen me at my worst - almost 100 pounds heavier than I am now, post-surgery, red-eyed and crying in the midst of the futility of infertility treatments, you name it -- and has ALWAYS made me feel attractive and wanted.

    You can tell all of those people who give you the "you'd be pretty, but.." to shove off. The people who really matter won't say it. They may want to motivate you to be healthier, but "thinner" doesn't always equal "healthier."

    Looks aren't everything. This isn't a news flash, but *everyone* gets older. If the motivation to lose weight is only so that you can meet anyone else's definition of "attractive" except your own, then good luck with that.

    I, for one, have no fear that the person I love most in the world would ever find me unattractive... because *I* find me attractive.
  • MaximalLife
    MaximalLife Posts: 2,447 Member
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    Most people are not so unkind as to say such a thing.

    99% merely think it.
  • anna_lisa
    anna_lisa Posts: 486 Member
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    I also hate, "You have such a beautiful face" don't people realize these are insults. I would rather someone say "Your almost all gross" than the other.
  • MaximalLife
    MaximalLife Posts: 2,447 Member
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    Why would it be a shock to you if someone said that you would look better if you lost weight? Isn't that why 99.9% of us on here? The words may sting but you got an honest answer. You got the answer to a question that you already knew the answer to. Come on man....
    And it works the same for you ladies as well.
    You don't see any obese Chippendale entertainers getting the attention of females - lol

    No, being fit is attractive; fat is NOT to most people.
    That's reality.
  • girllimberlost
    girllimberlost Posts: 28
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    My ex-husband said this to me almost every day.

    My current husband says... "You are HAWT!... Kids, don't you think your mother is HAWT?"

    Guess which one I like better?
    Guess which one I spend more "quality" time with?

    And, guess which one is going to get the in shape, hot, and sexy me?
  • madisonrl
    madisonrl Posts: 2
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    To me, it is just the truth, plain and simple. Think about it like this... If you watch any of the weight loss shows (biggest loser, etc) where a significant amount of weight is lost, you can't deny that most of the people on the show are "more attractive" than they were at the beginning of the show. It doesn't mean that they were not attractive people to begin with, but it does make a difference. Personally, I can look at pictures of myself when I weighed much less (although I was still a little overweight then) and see that I was more attractive. I know for a fact that I will be more attractive when I shed the rest of the weight. I wouldn't take it as an insult if someone told me that. It's just the truth. I know I need to lose weight, and I'm working on it slowly, but surely. Good luck to all of you in finding your "more attractive" self. :)
  • KC5ZRQ
    KC5ZRQ Posts: 21 Member
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    You asked him to be "honest" with you. If you aren't prepared for an honest answer, then don't ask.

    As a guy, I have learned that if a girl says, "be honest," that is my cue to shut up. Of course then she gets mad cause I wont answer. Hey. The whole question is a trap. The only way to win is to LIE, but even then you can't win, cause she knows your lying.

    That is a stupid question. Don't ask me that. EVER!
  • Leigh2778
    Leigh2778 Posts: 57 Member
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    I used to get "oh you've got such a pretty face....."
    killed me everytime.

    Yup, same here. I really, really try to watch the stupid things I say (in regards to a lot of things, not just weight/looks) because of some of the not-so-nice "compliments" and other remarks I've gotten over the years.
  • Di3012
    Di3012 Posts: 2,250 Member
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    This probably isn't very helpful, but I've overheard someone saying about me, "--great body but look at her face."

    At least weight you can control, right?

    Is that you in your profile piccie? If so, whoever it was said that about you must be bloody blind!

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