'You'd be more attractive if you were thinner'

flygranny62

85lbs!! That is great!! How long have you been doing this?

Kateinprogress

I'm the opposite haha, when my boyfriend of 4.5 years and I broke up last month he told me I was more attractive 10 pounds ago (heavier) than I am now.. I don't agree with him, I think I look much fitter/ more toned now but I'm curious to know what other people think!
edit: He meant when I was about 150 and 24%ish body fat, I'm 139 and 17% now.

mrsvatitagain

Hahaha, be careful what you ask, you just might get an answer whether you like it or not. Just saying, not saying he was right or wrong, but you asked and dug deeper and deeper........

rhari

Family keeps telling me I'll find a husband when I finally lose the weight. v__v;

I get the "you've got a cute face" and "You'd be so pretty if it weren't so hidden" and it's like, Argh just stop it. All the passive negativity makes me want to curl up on the couch for three days and eat tubs of Cookie dough ice cream. I'm still a lot sensitive about even trying to work out.

LindseyDD

I have never been told this outright but I have seen it 100%!

I am a teacher (Special Ed so I have aids in my classroom) and at the end of last school year (April) I told my coworkers that I was going to lose 50 pounds by the time school started in September - they all kinda did the "ok whatever" and I set to my goals.

I have 1 male and 1 female aid and the male aid has never really paid any attention to me other than as a coworker never really talking outside of the classroom, not getting to know eachothers lives outside of work,, ZERO time spent trying to be friends (not that I cared I am married, but as a women I think we notice these things since we want people to find us attractive)

Anyway, I was down exactly 50 pounds on the first day of school and I walked into the office and he turned the corner and his mouth literally dropped open - he walked over to me and said "OH MAN if you weren't married."

Obviously he thinks I am more attractive now that I am thinner :-) and I have loved rubbing his reaction in his face ever since!

aricandoit2012

yes plenty of times but i got a good come back>>>"i can always lose weight but you can't lose that face",lol gets them everytime!!!!

ComeAroundSundown

I tell myself that all the time. To me, it doesn't matter if others find me attractive or not, because I don't find myself attractive at this weight. Nor did I find myself attractive at my starting weight. I can't be confident with this mindset. I did get it a few times from my grandmother though...when I was 12 years old..

magicpal

haha this whole thread reminds me of this post i saw at overheardwhat.com



Girl to friends: "I was just thinking how all together we're like the perfect woman. Haylz is just hot all over, Mel's got the awesome legs, I've got the great boobs. What have you got to offer Meagan?"

Meagan: (Obviously offended) "Um, the face?"

Girl: (Pauses to think) "No you don't have that."

1953Judith

Many years ago when I was in my 20s and in great shape. I overheard a bunch of men in their 30s who had come in from a meeting out of town discussing me. They were saying that I'd be really a knockout if I would just smile more. It zinged me enough to come back to me as I read this thread. But even at the time I thought it was a hoot as we had just come out of a long intense meeting and I hadn't seen any of them smiling. Moreover, I didn't much care if they thought I was a knockout or not. I'm in my late 50s now and sometimes the age makes me invisible or irrelevant to some regardless of outward appearance. I get much more frustrated with that.

Di3012

Many years ago when I was in my 20s and in great shape. I overheard a bunch of men in their 30s who had come in from a meeting out of town discussing me. They were saying that I'd be really a knockout if I would just smile more. It zinged me enough to come back to me as I read this thread. But even at the time I thought it was a hoot as we had just come out of a long intense meeting and I hadn't seen any of them smiling. Moreover, I didn't much care if they thought I was a knockout or not. I'm in my late 50s now and sometimes the age makes me invisible or irrelevant to some regardless of outward appearance. I get much more frustrated with that.

Ahh yes the invisibleness and irrelevancy because of age. I am with you on that one.

I guess we will just have to make louder noises than other people to make ourselves heard hehe.

I remember around nine or ten years ago, (I was 41 or 42 at the time), a young girl at work (23), used to enjoy making a comment or two about my and other people's ages if they were over 35. She would often describe herself as "I am only young, but..." or "well I am only young" - it got frustrating and annoying as basically, I can't speak for anybody else, but it used to make me feel like crap and I would end up feeling like an old woman the way she was going on!

Well, she is now almost reaching that age whereby she used to go on about being "old" to other people. She now has crow's-feet around her eyes and wrinkles around her mouth where she smokes (I haven't seen her for a long while, my friend was in a meeting with her the other week and was talking about her). In other words, she is AGING :noway:

You see, what goes around, comes around and when she gets to the point whereby she suddenly becomes invisible, inconsequential and irrelevant, I hope she remembers all those little snide comments she used to make, because they damn well hurt!

By the way everybody, I do not wish these things on her at all, but going by what many other women have stated in the past when reaching a certain age regarding being invisible, there is a high possibility that she will go through the same experience and it is not nice - AT ALL!

Di3012

Real women have curves!

I hate this saying with such a passion. While it's true that curvy women are mighty attractive, it's been skewed so badly that it's now used as an excuse for *obese* women to say that they're "curvy".

Curves means that the shape of your body is naturally curvy, not that you have so much fat that your fat is curved. Accept what you are and either deal with it, or lose the weight. Seriously.

*rant*

Curvy fat - now that brings a strange vision to mind :laugh:

calvert6183

All that should matter is how you feel about yourself. I know many guys (I am one of them) thinks thin women are not attractive so he shouldn't speak for other men. There is so much more to beauty than one's weight. Don't ever get discouraged, go out and find someone who likes you for you are. I dont get discouraged about how most women only want to date a tall fit man, I just look for a woman who likes me for me. Make a change only if your are not happy with the way you look not based on someone else. I bet you look stunning the way you are now.

helenoftroy1

Obviously he thinks I am more attractive now that I am thinner :-) and I have loved rubbing his reaction in his face ever since!

Oh man I sooooo almost read reaction wrong!!!

thisisabbie

All that should matter is how you feel about yourself. I know many guys (I am one of them) thinks thin women are not attractive so he shouldn't speak for other men. There is so much more to beauty than one's weight. Don't ever get discouraged, go out and find someone who likes you for you are. I dont get discouraged about how most women only want to date a tall fit man, I just look for a woman who likes me for me. Make a change only if your are not happy with the way you look not based on someone else. I bet you look stunning the way you are now.

^^^This

MaximalLife

OMigod, have women really said that to you?? Pretty disgusting. I apologize!! not all women are like that, that's for sure!

To summarize without going into gory depth, yes women have said that to me often. It's one of the biggest reasons I started buckling down on my weight. Granted I was only about 40 lbs over but people equate 40 lbs over as the same as 200 lbs over. Once you get to a certain point it doesn't matter anymore.

Whenever people try to pass this off as a gender thing (meaning that women are so open about dating, but men are only interested in barbie) i have to laugh my *kitten* off because I have found it to be equal no matter what gender we're talking about.

Some people like to lie about what is really attractive, and they also like to be lied to about their own attractiveness.
I value truth.

I've know too many ladies who ditch Mr Right to go bed down some great looking guy who treated them like dirt.

We all know people like this, and some guys fall victim as well.
I want to be equally yoked, and my SO told it to me straight.

You are TOO FAT!
You are unattractive.

OUCH! The truth hurt, but it got me out of the problem and into the solution.
Anybody too thin skinned to accept reality can just stay in lah lah land with false compliments and a fake love that transcends mere physical beauty.

Yea, right....

monkeymouse74

Obviously he thinks I am more attractive now that I am thinner :-) and I have loved rubbing his reaction in his face ever since!

Oh man I sooooo almost read reaction wrong!!!

Hahahahaha!!!!!:laugh:

lucy1945

that's a horrid thing to say to someone!

i know i'd look better , physically, if i was thinner, but it wouldn't make me a better person. Being attractive includes a persons spirit, laughter, personality, soul, and heart...not just their looks...IMO.

twinmama1987

NO, but if anyone ever said that to me, they would be much pretty without a brand new black eye

auticus

OMigod, have women really said that to you?? Pretty disgusting. I apologize!! not all women are like that, that's for sure!

To summarize without going into gory depth, yes women have said that to me often. It's one of the biggest reasons I started buckling down on my weight. Granted I was only about 40 lbs over but people equate 40 lbs over as the same as 200 lbs over. Once you get to a certain point it doesn't matter anymore.

Whenever people try to pass this off as a gender thing (meaning that women are so open about dating, but men are only interested in barbie) i have to laugh my *kitten* off because I have found it to be equal no matter what gender we're talking about.

Some people like to lie about what is really attractive, and they also like to be lied to about their own attractiveness.
I value truth.

I've know too many ladies who ditch Mr Right to go bed down some great looking guy who treated them like dirt.

We all know people like this, and some guys fall victim as well.
I want to be equally yoked, and my SO told it to me straight.

You are TOO FAT!
You are unattractive.

OUCH! The truth hurt, but it got me out of the problem and into the solution.
Anybody too thin skinned to accept reality can just stay in lah lah land with false compliments and a fake love that transcends mere physical beauty.

Yea, right....

Yup. Truth is more important to me as well. And yeah I know a ton of women who are with guys that treat them like dirt, and in a couple cases they get beaten, but stay because the guy is "hot" and their gfs are jealous of them for having a "hot guy".

That's the world we live in. Relationships are about the total package, but physical appearance carries the lion's share of points. Mr. Right has to not only treat her right, but also look good too to truly be Mr Right. Otherwise he's "Mr Right to share my problems with but not sleep with"

"Auticus, you are just whining now."



I've noticed that as I've lost weight and gotten in better shape that I've had a lot more positive comments and more options. My personality and how I think has not changed an iota. I do internally rage against the culture we are in, where this is how it is, but I also realize that the rules are what they are.

_binary_jester_

I know it's the truth, hence why I am now watching what I eat and exercising. If someone is merely confirming what you know or suspect, what's the big deal?

auticus

I know it's the truth, hence why I am now watching what I eat and exercising. If someone is merely confirming what you know or suspect, what's the big deal?

If that question is directed at me I do not understand it entirely enough to answer it.

If someone is confirming that being thinner is more attractive, there is no big deal to me. It's the truth.

My deal comes from when people pretend or wear a mask and come across one way when in reality they are something else. Meaning "yeah I don't mind if you are overweight" when in fact they are, because it gives a false sense of security to others and in general is playing false.

_binary_jester_

I know it's the truth, hence why I am now watching what I eat and exercising. If someone is merely confirming what you know or suspect, what's the big deal?

If that question is directed at me I do not understand it entirely enough to answer it.

If someone is confirming that being thinner is more attractive, there is no big deal to me. It's the truth.

My deal comes from when people pretend or wear a mask and come across one way when in reality they are something else. Meaning "yeah I don't mind if you are overweight" when in fact they are, because it gives a false sense of security to others and in general is playing false.

No that was not directed at you or I would have quoted you (this sound more jerkish than intended).

Freedom4Brooke

I just have to throw my 2 cents in here.... loose weight for the right reasons, not to "hook a man'. I'm taking weight off to be healtier and have more energy, I already know i'm hot as hell at any weight
I was a Plus size/BBW model at 315lbs and attracted men by the dozens, Lawers, Musicians, Doctors, etc. I got fired for LOOSING TO MUCH WEIGHT go figure lmao.

Moral of my ramblings: be confident of yourself no matter what, loose weight because YOU want to be healthy, not because you're afraid of men's opinions

Plus Confidence is sexy

DonnaLFitz

Yes, I have. It annoyed me at the time. I don't think anyone should actually say it to another. But you can't prevent people from feeling it. There is a lot of shallowness in the world.

Everyone is attracted to physical beauty, whether in the opposite sex, in marketing ads, movies, or magazines.

Attractiveness is a physical characteristic. I believe I am not as attractive when I am heavy.

However, I am still lovable and beautiful and radiant and fun and worthwhile. I didn't lose weight to become my attractive to the opposite sex. I lost it so I could feel more beautiful and healthier and participate in more activities.

I honestly am not attracted to overweight men, either. My boyfriend is one of those lean-mean sugar-burning machines. He is not the most handsome man in the world, but we have so many common interests. We have fun together and laugh/scream at the world in many of the same ways.

sexforjaffacakes

Real women have curves!

I hate this saying with such a passion. While it's true that curvy women are mighty attractive, it's been skewed so badly that it's now used as an excuse for *obese* women to say that they're "curvy".

Curves means that the shape of your body is naturally curvy, not that you have so much fat that your fat is curved. Accept what you are and either deal with it, or lose the weight. Seriously.

*rant*

THIS! I've been saying this for years. When men say they like a curvy girl, they mean they prefer beyonce to kate moss.
Also hate really obese chicks that go on about how fantastic their massive tits are, and it's like no, you don't have fantastic tits, you're just massive all over.
Fair enough if you're happy being overweight, but stop being in denial about it.

Also, "real women have curves", that's just as insulting to naturally slim girls. If someone said "real women don't have fat bellies" you'd all be in uproar, but somehow it's okay to slag off girls how are naturally slim as opposed to curvy?

Please define "real" for me.

Neptunemonkey

Obviously he thinks I am more attractive now that I am thinner :-) and I have loved rubbing his reaction in his face ever since!

Oh man I sooooo almost read reaction wrong!!!

hahaaa me toooooo!!

sarina87

Yes I get the "you're a beautiful girl but..."

My mother told me I had a pretty face but because I had gained weight my pores had stretched so my skin wasn't nice anymore (thanks mam)

My ex told me I was too fat for sex, I was 40lbs lighter back then! My self esteem hit rock bottom and I ate for comfort. He also used to tell me there was no point in putting on make up or getting dressed up because I was so fat it wouldn't make a difference.

Yep, i have had the said to me by all of my ex bf's as well. Men are such A HOLES. But i will tell you something funny. I ran into my ex not so long ago and i found out that he has a baby with a crazy puerto rican gang member and now she is fat and abuses him. He was stressing to me how beautiful i am now and how hot his baby mama used to me and how much she changed.

I laughed and he called me incompasionate. I hit him with the biggest rant that could hit anybody and that was also building for 5 years. I told him, you deserve this and worse. After every insult you gave me about my weight, i stayed with you for 5 years. I was abused by you emotionally and physically and you loved it. And then the one day i moved on and you spit in my face at the bus station and made a scene. I wished you were dead and i hated you for taking 5 years and my h.s years away from me.

But I really did want you to find the hot smoking babe of your dreams and you wanna know why. I couldn't wait for you to come back to me and tell me how you destroyed her. you did find that hot girl, and you knocked her up and ruined her body and cheated on her (like you did me as well except the baby part), and lost all trust she had for you. Now you live in your car and her brothers in the gang wanna beat you to death. And the best part is that you caused this all on yourself, i love it, thats the erik i know. No i don't feel bad for you, i feel bad for your kid who has a discusting father that i knew you always would turn out to be. The best part about this is that you thought you would come here and convince me to go back with you. You disgust me and I want to see you suffer and you will never look at me, touch me, or get compassion from me ever. You destroy lives and you will die alone and diseased ridden. I hate you and you are dead to me. Go F-BOMB yourself.

He looked like he was going to cry and stormed out of the park. I walked home and my heart was still beating when i got there. One on the best moments of my life.

You should find out where your ex is now. Bad karma comes around in the victims favor

_binary_jester_

Yes I get the "you're a beautiful girl but..."

My mother told me I had a pretty face but because I had gained weight my pores had stretched so my skin wasn't nice anymore (thanks mam)

My ex told me I was too fat for sex, I was 40lbs lighter back then! My self esteem hit rock bottom and I ate for comfort. He also used to tell me there was no point in putting on make up or getting dressed up because I was so fat it wouldn't make a difference.

Yep, i have had the said to me by all of my ex bf's as well. Men are such A HOLES. But i will tell you something funny. I ran into my ex not so long ago and i found out that he has a baby with a crazy puerto rican gang member and now she is fat and abuses him. He was stressing to me how beautiful i am now and how hot his baby mama used to me and how much she changed.

I laughed and he called me incompasionate. I hit him with the biggest rant that could hit anybody and that was also building for 5 years. I told him, you deserve this and worse. After every insult you gave me about my weight, i stayed with you for 5 years. I was abused by you emotionally and physically and you loved it. And then the one day i moved on and you spit in my face at the bus station and made a scene. I wished you were dead and i hated you for taking 5 years and my h.s years away from me.

But I really did want you to find the hot smoking babe of your dreams and you wanna know why. I couldn't wait for you to come back to me and tell me how you destroyed her. you did find that hot girl, and you knocked her up and ruined her body and cheated on her (like you did me as well except the baby part), and lost all trust she had for you. Now you live in your car and her brothers in the gang wanna beat you to death. And the best part is that you caused this all on yourself, i love it, thats the erik i know. No i don't feel bad for you, i feel bad for your kid who has a discusting father that i knew you always would turn out to be. The best part about this is that you thought you would come here and convince me to go back with you. You disgust me and I want to see you suffer and you will never look at me, touch me, or get compassion from me ever. You destroy lives and you will die alone and diseased ridden. I hate you and you are dead to me. Go F-BOMB yourself.

He looked like he was going to cry and stormed out of the park. I walked home and my heart was still beating when i got there. One on the best moments of my life.

You should find out where your ex is now. Bad karma comes around in the victims favor

Bitter much?

Surprisingly not all guys are A HOLES.

sarina87

Yes I get the "you're a beautiful girl but..."

My mother told me I had a pretty face but because I had gained weight my pores had stretched so my skin wasn't nice anymore (thanks mam)

My ex told me I was too fat for sex, I was 40lbs lighter back then! My self esteem hit rock bottom and I ate for comfort. He also used to tell me there was no point in putting on make up or getting dressed up because I was so fat it wouldn't make a difference.

Yep, i have had the said to me by all of my ex bf's as well. Men are such A HOLES. But i will tell you something funny. I ran into my ex not so long ago and i found out that he has a baby with a crazy puerto rican gang member and now she is fat and abuses him. He was stressing to me how beautiful i am now and how hot his baby mama used to me and how much she changed.

I laughed and he called me incompasionate. I hit him with the biggest rant that could hit anybody and that was also building for 5 years. I told him, you deserve this and worse. After every insult you gave me about my weight, i stayed with you for 5 years. I was abused by you emotionally and physically and you loved it. And then the one day i moved on and you spit in my face at the bus station and made a scene. I wished you were dead and i hated you for taking 5 years and my h.s years away from me.

But I really did want you to find the hot smoking babe of your dreams and you wanna know why. I couldn't wait for you to come back to me and tell me how you destroyed her. you did find that hot girl, and you knocked her up and ruined her body and cheated on her (like you did me as well except the baby part), and lost all trust she had for you. Now you live in your car and her brothers in the gang wanna beat you to death. And the best part is that you caused this all on yourself, i love it, thats the erik i know. No i don't feel bad for you, i feel bad for your kid who has a discusting father that i knew you always would turn out to be. The best part about this is that you thought you would come here and convince me to go back with you. You disgust me and I want to see you suffer and you will never look at me, touch me, or get compassion from me ever. You destroy lives and you will die alone and diseased ridden. I hate you and you are dead to me. Go F-BOMB yourself.

He looked like he was going to cry and stormed out of the park. I walked home and my heart was still beating when i got there. One on the best moments of my life.

You should find out where your ex is now. Bad karma comes around in the victims favor

Bitter much?

Surprisingly not all guys are A HOLES.

I know, but guys around my city are

Mallory0418

Yeah I got that a lot. I love how people say that to a person like it's a compliment. *rolls eyes*

I went back to my hometown for the holidays and ran into a few people I used to know and they hardly recognized me. I'm getting friend requests on facebook from old "friends" now ALL THE TIME. Shallow much?