'You'd be more attractive if you were thinner'

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  • sarahp86
    sarahp86 Posts: 692 Member
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    Yes I get the "you're a beautiful girl but..."

    My mother told me I had a pretty face but because I had gained weight my pores had stretched so my skin wasn't nice anymore (thanks mam)

    My ex told me I was too fat for sex, I was 40lbs lighter back then! My self esteem hit rock bottom and I ate for comfort. He also used to tell me there was no point in putting on make up or getting dressed up because I was so fat it wouldn't make a difference.

    I met my current boyfriend 2 years ago and from day one he has told me I'm sexy and beautiful. He is overweight too following a car accident the year before I met him but I fancy the *kitten* off him. He makes me feel safe, he constantly makes me laugh, we never run out of things to say and he treats me like a goddess!

    We do have our off days but we are motivating each other to lose weight so one day we can get married and hopefully start a family and set our children a good example.

    People tell me all the time I have a pretty face but I ignore them now because I come home and he tells me I'm beautiful! He has really built up my confidence and I know we'll do this together! So ignore those horrible people!!
  • phoenix9115
    phoenix9115 Posts: 24
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    forme it was my own grandmother who said that to me my whole life..
  • monkeymouse74
    monkeymouse74 Posts: 288
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    It's true. I'm way more attractive when I'm thinner.

    Me too. If I dropped 20 more pounds I'd be pretty dang hot.

    Totally true. That's my one of my incentives to lose the weight.
  • cjpg
    cjpg Posts: 433 Member
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    First of all, you're a master at question-traps! Backing your man into a corner with no option but to dig down!

    My reply here is going to be a cliche one - Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It's all depends on the individual.

    To answer your question specifically, I've been told by many people that I should lose weight to look better. The fat covers your body and you lose your 'distinctive' cheek bones, jaw lines and general muscle tone which I believe adds a lot to general attractiveness.
    But I'm more on the side of I tell people they would look more attractive if the lost the excess weight. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a terrible and heartless person who wants to make people feel bad for being overweight (**spoiler** I"M OVERWEIGHT TOO! **GASP**), I just believe it to be true.

    It's one of my main reasons to lose weight as well - to 'feel' more attractive. Notice the emphasis on the word 'feel', because its all depends on the individual.
  • Anayalata
    Anayalata Posts: 391 Member
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    Real women have curves!

    I hate this saying with such a passion. While it's true that curvy women are mighty attractive, it's been skewed so badly that it's now used as an excuse for *obese* women to say that they're "curvy".

    Curves means that the shape of your body is naturally curvy, not that you have so much fat that your fat is curved. Accept what you are and either deal with it, or lose the weight. Seriously.

    *rant*
  • TheFitHooker
    TheFitHooker Posts: 3,358 Member
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    Yup! My husband and his mom both have told me "You have too pretty of a face to be so overweight."
  • Chevitz
    Chevitz Posts: 46
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    I used to get "oh you've got such a pretty face....."
    killed me everytime.

    ME TOO. I used to silently end their sentence in my head, "...but your body is horrid."

    They eat their words now though :smile:
  • Mybetterme
    Mybetterme Posts: 80 Member
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    Being more attractive to myself is my goal. Too me skinny is attractive it's what I.m attracted to also. Always have been. I feel sexier when I lose weight. Can't help it. So that is a motivator for me.
  • flygranny62
    flygranny62 Posts: 2
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    I get that pretty face thing a lot too.
  • TriforceRaven
    TriforceRaven Posts: 115 Member
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    I have a bunch of guys asking me out or hitting on me all the time. Some even very desperate ones! (one boy has been infatuated with me since 7th grade!). I can ask them how much they think I weigh and usually the answer is 130 or so. HAH! I wish! It's muscle though, so IDK. Anyway, I get much more boys than a friend of mine. She's super skinny, taller than most of the boys, and is very pretty, smart, funny, and kind. But not as many boys find her attractive. However, a shorter, curvier girl (me) gets hit on all the time, when I don't even WANT to date! (she's very open and wants a bf pretty badly). I'm not very feminine at all (besides my figure) and most of my friends are boys. Long story short, no. I've never been told something like that, but I HAVE been told that I'm very beautiful, the perfect shape, thin, but curvy ect. Now only if /I/ can learn to believe it!
  • flygranny62
    flygranny62 Posts: 2
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    85lbs!! That is great!! How long have you been doing this?
  • Kateinprogress
    Kateinprogress Posts: 38
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    I'm the opposite haha, when my boyfriend of 4.5 years and I broke up last month he told me I was more attractive 10 pounds ago (heavier) than I am now.. I don't agree with him, I think I look much fitter/ more toned now but I'm curious to know what other people think!
    edit: He meant when I was about 150 and 24%ish body fat, I'm 139 and 17% now.
  • mrsvatitagain
    mrsvatitagain Posts: 275 Member
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    Hahaha, be careful what you ask, you just might get an answer whether you like it or not. Just saying, not saying he was right or wrong, but you asked and dug deeper and deeper........
  • rhari
    rhari Posts: 7 Member
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    Family keeps telling me I'll find a husband when I finally lose the weight. v__v;

    I get the "you've got a cute face" and "You'd be so pretty if it weren't so hidden" and it's like, Argh just stop it. All the passive negativity makes me want to curl up on the couch for three days and eat tubs of Cookie dough ice cream. I'm still a lot sensitive about even trying to work out.
  • LindseyDD
    LindseyDD Posts: 160 Member
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    I have never been told this outright but I have seen it 100%!

    I am a teacher (Special Ed so I have aids in my classroom) and at the end of last school year (April) I told my coworkers that I was going to lose 50 pounds by the time school started in September - they all kinda did the "ok whatever" and I set to my goals.

    I have 1 male and 1 female aid and the male aid has never really paid any attention to me other than as a coworker never really talking outside of the classroom, not getting to know eachothers lives outside of work,, ZERO time spent trying to be friends (not that I cared I am married, but as a women I think we notice these things since we want people to find us attractive)

    Anyway, I was down exactly 50 pounds on the first day of school and I walked into the office and he turned the corner and his mouth literally dropped open - he walked over to me and said "OH MAN if you weren't married."

    Obviously he thinks I am more attractive now that I am thinner :-) and I have loved rubbing his reaction in his face ever since!
  • aricandoit2012
    aricandoit2012 Posts: 3
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    yes plenty of times but i got a good come back>>>"i can always lose weight but you can't lose that face",lol gets them everytime!!!!
  • ComeAroundSundown
    ComeAroundSundown Posts: 69 Member
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    I tell myself that all the time. To me, it doesn't matter if others find me attractive or not, because I don't find myself attractive at this weight. Nor did I find myself attractive at my starting weight. I can't be confident with this mindset. I did get it a few times from my grandmother though...when I was 12 years old.. :/
  • magicpal
    magicpal Posts: 1
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    haha this whole thread reminds me of this post i saw at overheardwhat.com



    Girl to friends: "I was just thinking how all together we're like the perfect woman. Haylz is just hot all over, Mel's got the awesome legs, I've got the great boobs. What have you got to offer Meagan?"

    Meagan: (Obviously offended) "Um, the face?"

    Girl: (Pauses to think) "No you don't have that."



    :smile:
  • 1953Judith
    1953Judith Posts: 325 Member
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    Many years ago when I was in my 20s and in great shape. I overheard a bunch of men in their 30s who had come in from a meeting out of town discussing me. They were saying that I'd be really a knockout if I would just smile more. It zinged me enough to come back to me as I read this thread. But even at the time I thought it was a hoot as we had just come out of a long intense meeting and I hadn't seen any of them smiling. Moreover, I didn't much care if they thought I was a knockout or not. I'm in my late 50s now and sometimes the age makes me invisible or irrelevant to some regardless of outward appearance. I get much more frustrated with that.
  • Di3012
    Di3012 Posts: 2,250 Member
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    Many years ago when I was in my 20s and in great shape. I overheard a bunch of men in their 30s who had come in from a meeting out of town discussing me. They were saying that I'd be really a knockout if I would just smile more. It zinged me enough to come back to me as I read this thread. But even at the time I thought it was a hoot as we had just come out of a long intense meeting and I hadn't seen any of them smiling. Moreover, I didn't much care if they thought I was a knockout or not. I'm in my late 50s now and sometimes the age makes me invisible or irrelevant to some regardless of outward appearance. I get much more frustrated with that.

    Ahh yes the invisibleness and irrelevancy because of age. I am with you on that one.

    I guess we will just have to make louder noises than other people to make ourselves heard hehe.

    I remember around nine or ten years ago, (I was 41 or 42 at the time), a young girl at work (23), used to enjoy making a comment or two about my and other people's ages if they were over 35. She would often describe herself as "I am only young, but..." or "well I am only young" - it got frustrating and annoying as basically, I can't speak for anybody else, but it used to make me feel like crap and I would end up feeling like an old woman the way she was going on!

    Well, she is now almost reaching that age whereby she used to go on about being "old" to other people. She now has crow's-feet around her eyes and wrinkles around her mouth where she smokes (I haven't seen her for a long while, my friend was in a meeting with her the other week and was talking about her). In other words, she is AGING :noway:

    You see, what goes around, comes around and when she gets to the point whereby she suddenly becomes invisible, inconsequential and irrelevant, I hope she remembers all those little snide comments she used to make, because they damn well hurt!

    By the way everybody, I do not wish these things on her at all, but going by what many other women have stated in the past when reaching a certain age regarding being invisible, there is a high possibility that she will go through the same experience and it is not nice - AT ALL!

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