For the perpetually single

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  • Shausil82
    Shausil82 Posts: 218 Member
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    I've been single my whole life. I've never had a serious relationship because guys don't find me attractive.
  • findingfit23
    findingfit23 Posts: 846 Member
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    I have been single for a long time, longer then I would like to admit. I was in a long terrible relationship that ended very badly. I was damaged goods at that point. But I took time to do me. I went to college, got a degree. Got a real job, bought a house. Now I’m focused on this weightloss/fitness/healthy living thing.

    Not everyone needs a partner to define them. I don’t go home and feel lonely, I’m grateful for the peace and quiet, the ability to make my own schedule and not concern others. Not saying I want to live like this forever, but for now it has been great!
  • ErinBeth7
    ErinBeth7 Posts: 1,625 Member
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    I have a friend who was from relationship to relationship. When she wasn't in one, she was almost depressed and did wild things. In her case, she's better off with a bf. She is insecure with herself and feels most comfortable in a relationship. A lot of my friends are in a relationships as well. One of my best friends just ended one and says she will stay single until she graduates....we"ll see. Anyway, I have been single the majority of my life and got out of a relationship a few months ago which was a complete surprise to me. The breakup came out of nowhere...those are the worst. When I'm in a relationship taking care of my self falls to the bottom of my list. My friends list drops and I get caught up, but not crazy girlfriend like. I think being single is good for me. I can do so much more, I aspire for so much more when I'm just me.
  • kerriberry74
    kerriberry74 Posts: 62 Member
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    I've had times where I question whether there is something wrong with me because i'm terminally single- my longest 'relationship' was about 8 mos (he lived 3 hrs. away & traveled for work- I rarely got to see him!), can a fling be that long, because that may be a better term.... I call my best friend- married w/3 boys at home and try and have an actual conversation. It usually doesn't take long before one of the boys starts going after one of the others & she has to get off the phone to break them up. This usually makes me feel better about my singlehood.

    In the nearly 20 years i've known my friend, she was single for exactly 3 days between her ex-bf and her current husband (her ex-husband had been her childhood sweetheart). While her current husband is still crazy about her, sometimes I think she was drawn to him more for what he represented to her- security (he's very smart & successful & she had a less than stellar upbringing). We took a girls trip recently & she mentioned how she thinks being with him has made her needy. Considering the short time that she was single tells me that her being needy is not something recent (just a different kind of needy- financial now instead of emotional).

    I've found that when I compare lives, I like being single, independent. I'm beholden to no one- I don't have to check with anyone else if I want to go out to do even the smallest of outings, or check a calender to make sure there is no other activity planned. I don't have to answer to anyone but myself. If the right guy comes along, great, but i'm not going to settle for someone who is only so-so just to be with someone. It just isn't worth it to me. Flawed for being single? Nah... I don't think so.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
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    I've been single my whole life. I've never had a serious relationship because guys don't find me attractive.

    Looking at your pictures,I do. :flowerforyou:
  • auticus
    auticus Posts: 1,051 Member
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    I've been single my whole life. I've never had a serious relationship because guys don't find me attractive.

    I find that doubtful.
  • Shausil82
    Shausil82 Posts: 218 Member
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    @Carl01-Thank you. My body is what guys don't find attractive.


    @auticus- It's true. I've been told by guys that guys don't seriously date fat girls, they just **** them. Another guy said that I get uglier every year.
  • auticus
    auticus Posts: 1,051 Member
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    @Carl01-Thank you. My body is what guys don't find attractive.


    @auticus- It's true. I've been told by guys that guys don't seriously date fat girls, they just **** them. Another guy said that I get uglier every year.

    Women don't date fat guys either. =) You look like you've taken care of the fat part. And from your pictures you aren't ugly. That's just this man's opinion though.
  • Shausil82
    Shausil82 Posts: 218 Member
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    @Carl01-Thank you. My body is what guys don't find attractive.


    @auticus- It's true. I've been told by guys that guys don't seriously date fat girls, they just **** them. Another guy said that I get uglier every year.

    Women don't date fat guys either. =) You look like you've taken care of the fat part. And from your pictures you aren't ugly. That's just this man's opinion though.

    I would date a chubby man. I like a guy who has a little cushion on his belly. I'm definitely trying to take care of the fat part. My tummy is still very large, but I think half of it is excess skin.
    Thank you for the compliments,you're very nice.
  • catshark209
    catshark209 Posts: 1,133 Member
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    After my ex husband I dated a bit. It was horrible. I've already mentioned the eternal penis pics I'd get from men I met on match and eharmony. It was either their erect penises or they wanted to marry me.
    They couldn't understand why I wouldn't leave my son with my parents to leave on a booty call weekend with them nor would they understand why I just couldn't drop everything and run ( I take care of my elderly parents ). Either I was too thin or too fat. Yeah I got the "too fat" a few times cuz I didn't have the 25" waist I do now.
    It was horrendous.
    Now I sorta know you, Auticus, from here more than maybe most and I think you're a wonderful man. There is nothing wrong with being single for a long time. Just don't settle. It'll happen.
  • auticus
    auticus Posts: 1,051 Member
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    I know there's nothing wrong with it =) I just like to hear others' opinions on it. It seems I am surrounded by people in my personal life who feel if you aren't habitually dating then you are a lesser form of hominid.
  • AllanMisner
    AllanMisner Posts: 4,140 Member
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    I started out life thinkin that I had to have someone. That resulted in my getting married at 21 and on my second divorce when I was 31. If you think being perpetually single is an issue, you should try being on your second strike. Anyway, I've had girlfriends over the years, some for longer than others. I've been single for a year and a half. It has allowed me to accomplish a lot of things (double my income, reduce my living expenses, travel the world, etc.).

    Now, I've come to a single recognition: I won't settle. Anyone that thinks that's a problem can just move on. It wouldn't have worked out anyway.

    I happen to think long-term bf/gf relationships are better than marriage. Too often in a marriage, people let themselves go. They can, because the barrier to break up is so high. When you're in a bf/gf relationship, there is a better committment, since you know they can dump you, but each day choose not to. That is a powerful incentive to be better for them.
  • missbethea
    missbethea Posts: 280 Member
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    I know there's nothing wrong with it =) I just like to hear others' opinions on it. It seems I am surrounded by people in my personal life who feel if you aren't habitually dating then you are a lesser form of hominid.

    I have a friend who is like this! She's married, though.

    She often says to me 'You know the reason you're still single is because of _____".

    Once it was: You're not fat enough or thin enough. Because apparently being only "kind of fat" was unattractive?

    I often have wanted to say to people, "I'm single because unlike you I did not settle for the first guy to come along and feed me a bunch of meaningless lines."
  • PoeRaven
    PoeRaven Posts: 433 Member
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    1. I do not believe that being single makes one "defective." I do not believe that any people are defective. :noway:
    2. I do believe that there is "someone" for everyone. :heart:
    3. Thinking about #2, I also believe that not everyone has met their "someone" yet or that it is quite possible they have and did not recognize the connection. If this is the case, I have strong belief that their paths will cross again. :love:
    4. I believe that some people may not meet their "someone" until later in life. :ohwell:
    5. I believe a single person can have a happy life. :happy:
    6. I believe a person in a committed relationship can have an extraordinarily happy life. :bigsmile:
    7. I love your word NERDERY and am stealing it. :flowerforyou:
  • Katefab26
    Katefab26 Posts: 865
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    I've never had a serious relationship. Sometimes it really bothers me, I'm not going to lie, but most of the time I realize it's just because there is still a lot that I want to get accomplished, such as earning my DMA in voice performance, and it will be extremely hard to do that if I'm in a serious relationship or married. I have a friend who had to give up going to Italy for a summer voice program because she was married -- I don't really want that to be me.
  • felice03
    felice03 Posts: 2,732 Member
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    Yeah to priorities. That's one thing with me as well, I have two kids (16 & 14) and I have to do my duty as a parent to see them grown and responsible people, which sometimes means sacrificing things that I want.


    i wish my ex-husband thought this way lol.
  • cbear017
    cbear017 Posts: 345 Member
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    I think people who jump from relationship to relationship are defective. It's ok to be alone to really get to know yourself, figure out what you want and figure out the things you are willing to accept and not accept. I don't think anyone should settle just for the sake of not being single.

    Amen! It's called serial monogamy and I did not want to fall into that pattern. Since my last relationship ended I made the express choice to remain single for a year. That year is almost up and I don't know that I want it to end...lol.

    As my mom always says anyone can get married, heck, I could have been married several times by now but I refuse to make the wrong decision when it comes to my 'partner' for life.
  • PoeRaven
    PoeRaven Posts: 433 Member
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    I think people who jump from relationship to relationship are defective. It's ok to be alone to really get to know yourself, figure out what you want and figure out the things you are willing to accept and not accept. I don't think anyone should settle just for the sake of not being single.

    This is really great advice! I too spent several years alone and in those years I learned a lot about myself. I alos learned that being in a one-sided relationship is not acceptable. After around 5 years of singleness, I met and married my best friend. That was 22 years ago. :love:
  • Pollywog39
    Pollywog39 Posts: 1,730 Member
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    I am 57 yrs old. I've been on my own for about 11 years, divorced for 7. My marriage was a mess........I married my high-school sweetheart, kinda knowing in the back of my head that this would never work.

    We were married for a long time - over 25 years. He was chemically dependent (still is), and the marriage got more and more insane as years went by. Why did I stay so long? Our kids, my faith, my codependency.......so many reasons. But when I finally had enough, it was time to get OUT.

    I am not that interested in marrying again. My life is so peaceful and wonderful.........no rage, no insanity, no care-taking. Living alone has great advantages - no one to clean up after, no extra laundry, I can have cereal for dinner if I want, I don't have to share the remote :wink: I have many friends - both male and female. I have two wonderful, adult daughters, and an awesome grandson. If my life is "defective" now, I sure as hell don't know what it was before!!!

    I have not really dated - have male friends I "hang out" with, and that's enough right now. I am loving my freedom too much to put a damper on it.
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
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    I'm new to dating.

    So far I have encountered a couple of divorced guys (but have been single for a long time since) and a guy who's always been single except for a couple of 2 year relationships. Since we're in our 30s, it doesn't make me think they're defective but it makes me curious so I'll ask questions.

    I was married for 10 years. I feel that might be scary for guys I'm meeting.

    Regardless, we all have our stories. If you've just not met the right person, well much respect to you for not settling. I find alot of married folks end up miserable for settling. My next guy will rock my world in every single possible way.

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