parent versus school

godblessourhome

my son forgot his coat this morning.

it is cold here. c o l d. see-the-frost-when-you-breathe cold. son wanted to wear a short-sleeve shirt and i made him put a long-sleeve. he was really upset and it threw the rhythm of our whole morning off so i didn't notice that he wasn't wearing a coat until he climbed out of the car at the school. i was mad, but it was too late to do anything about it (it's a 20 minute drive each way).

the school called and asked me to bring him a coat. i said 'no!'

i told them to have him miss recess and do his homework during recess time, or have him attend recess without a coat and be cold to learn why he needs a coat. the school is appalled. they said they would not do either and would give him a coat from the lost and found to borrow, but to please make sure he had his own coat tomorrow.

as a parent, it is hard to teach your child responsibility. i don't want to be callous, but i also don't want to enable bad decisions. so what do you think? is this a teaching moment or is the school right in being compassionate?

would you bring the coat?


**if you disagree, please do so nicely. i am not a bad person or a bad mom just because you would do things differently.

carolann_22

How old? Age 8 and up, I TOTALLY agree with you. That's old enough to know it's cold and that you need a coat. Under 8, I would probably bring him the coat.

EmCarroll1990

I don't think from your story that it remotely resembles a bad mom, so no worries there. Boys are troublesome and will do whatever it takes to "look cool", my little brother used to do this all the time. You should have stuck with your gut and made him go outside. It's not so cool when you've got frostbite.

mgmlap

Dude...I totally agree. My mom did that to me. Even if a kid is 5-6...they know that if its cold...put another layer on. I do think schools coddle the children way to much nowadays.

My oldest is a sophomore in high school..and the amount of chances these kids get to turn homework in is unbelievable. In my day..(ha..no I didnt walk uphill both ways in snow)....if you didnt have your homework..no second chances..you got a "missing assignment" mark..

byHISstrength

I think you made the right decision. We shouldn't be rewarded for wrong behavior. Way to go Mom!

_binary_jester_

I totally get what you are saying and actually I agree with your sentiments. What I also see is the school being forced to act in local parentis, they have a one-set policy.

You did this to teach your kid responsibility. Another parent would say no because they can't be bothered to go down to the school.

ajbeans

I don't know... how old is he? Mine are 5 and almost-4. At their age, I kind of feel like if they forget something like that, it's my responsibility to fix it, because they're still learning. Still not sure I would drive 20 minutes, but I wouldn't be upset about the lost-and-found coat. But if he's old enough to know better and he deliberately refused to wear a coat, then no, I wouldn't even worry about it, and I would insist that he stay in from recess as a consequence for not wearing it. I'm not really sure why the school wouldn't honor your request to have him stay in though. Seems like common sense to me that if the parent asks for the child to stay in, he stays in.

nallbaby10

I wouldnt have either...depending on age and reason for forgetting it. Doesnt make you a bad parent at all, actually good for you for being a good parent and teaching responsibility!

Kimmer2011

Mom's Logical Consequences 1, School's Enabling 0. Yet Mom still lost this round. Sorry the school didn't support you!

tam120

While I agree that it's a teaching moment.... learn to be responsible for yourself and your stuff, I can also see the school's point. To have a child indoors during recess requires supervision, who would that responsibility fall to? This is probably the only time during the day that the teacher has to regroup (I think I'd pull my hair out if I had to spend day in, day out with children, let alone not getting any break during the day). And if it's cold enough that you can see your breath a child should not be outside without a coat, if I were responsible for another person's child I would definitely not allow that child outdoors without a coat.

NKF92879

As a teacher, I TOTALLY agree with you. Kids need to learn that actions have consequences.

KimmieBrie

I totally get what you are saying and actually I agree with your sentiments. What I also see is the school being forced to act in local parentis, they have a one-set policy.

You did this to teach your kid responsibility. Another parent would say no because they can't be bothered to go down to the school.

^^^ This. Unfortunately, too many lax parents expect the schools to "parent" their children as well as be a teaching institution.
The school should have honored your request to keep him in (not send him out to freeze - schools are liable now for every little thing). Missing recess with friends would have taught him a lesson.

AnninStPaul

While I agree that it's a teaching moment.... learn to be responsible for yourself and your stuff, I can also see the school's point. To have a child indoors during recess requires supervision, who would that responsibility fall to? This is probably the only time during the day that the teacher has to regroup (I think I'd pull my hair out if I had to spend day in, day out with children, let alone not getting any break during the day). And if it's cold enough that you can see your breath a child should not be outside without a coat, if I were responsible for another person's child I would definitely not allow that child outdoors without a coat.

Agreed - which I assume is why the school had him borrow a coat from the lost and found rather than have him sit inside.

NaomiLyn15

Another reason why I hate the way that public schools are going. There are consequences to every action, and kids need to learn that. I wish that the school would have supported your discipline techniques. If he had broken a rule at school I am sure that he would have lost privelages to go outside during recess, so I hate that they won't honor your wishes. Things have changed so much since I was a kid. I can remember in elementary school when I was grounded at home, a note went with me to school and I didn't get to do recess. They kept me in to work on school work. Its terrible that parents don't have any control any longer. But, I do applaud you for trying to set boundaries and teach him consequences.

cmgehrke

yess it depends on how old your child is...but also, when your child is eating lunch or out to recess his teacher is eating planning, and copying...who is supposed to supervise your child?

albinogorilla

bring the coat.

the school can't send him out in the cold with no coat, so if he gets frostbite you can come back and sue them

there are other social repercussions to making him sit inside while his friends leave and go out to play that come into play

yes, it feels like tough love, but don't expect the school to teach your kid a lesson for you.

singingchick1515

I'm a teacher and I agree with you! but I also know that schools are always trying to cover their butts for everything that happens, so that's probably why they wanted you to bring the coat.

MelanieAG05

I have a 5 year old son who has just started school in August last year............only to discover he is a total scatter brain! Fortunately is showing signs of being quite clever/intelligent however he forgets/loses everything. We have been through numerous hats/gloves/scarves/water bottles/homework diaries etc etc

Or maybe that is just boys!

I wouldn't beat yourself up about it - parenting is tough enough!

cygnetpro

I'm a school psychologist AND a mom. I completely believe in natural consequences. He will survive the day, miss playing with his friends, and my guess is that he will NOT forget his coat tomorrow! :-)

My kids have to get theri agendas signed every day. They were told (with parents present) in Sept that it is THEIR responsibility to get the parents to sign it. The first couple of weeks I reminded them, but also warned that my reminders would stop (my kiddos are elem age). Well, each of them have forgotten once or twice early on ,and missed a recess because of it. With both of them, it only took a time or two, and now they NEVER forget to ask me. My daughter even got out of bed to get her agenda for me to sign the other night, when it occurred to her. If I had kept reminding them every day, they would never have taken that very reasonable responsibility onto themselves.

mo_is_here

I 100% totally agree with what you are saying and I would have done the same thing. But I also undersatnd the school's point of view as well. But I dont see why they couldn't let him stay inside and do homeowrk or some other activity, unless there was noone to keep an eye on him?

I am a tough love kind of parent and make my kids 'live and learn' but noting to the extreme. Kids need to know that all of their actions have consequences.

cessnaholly

I think you did the right thing.

Kid forgets something, kid gets consequences. It is too bad really that the school doesn't follow through with what you asked - a seemingly reasonable request. Maybe they didn't have enough staff to leave him inside? Of course, he could sit in the main office or something. Who knows what their issue is - but I'd want to know what it was. It was awesome that they called you first. Too bad they didn't support you.

So now kid learns it is ok to leave coat at home - school will just give him another one and he still gets to go out and play.