Does anyone else struggle to feel sexy?

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  • CharityPearce
    CharityPearce Posts: 215
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    Here's my 2 cents. : ) I don't know if anyone feels sexy all the time. I sure don't. But I do believe I have sexy potential. I don't even know if I'd really want to feel sexy all the time... I mean seriously... there are plenty of people I'd be completely uncomfortable about if their first thought of me is... "hoo...sexy." There are days when I feel icky... and days when I feel just sweet, and days when I feel flat sexy.

    I agree with so many that sexy is an attitude. I have bounced around from 115 lbs to 165 lbs. Definitely I felt sexier at 115 lbs, but I'm always confident with who I am. I like myself, I think I'm pretty smart, and have some awesome qualities. Not perfect, of course. ; ) I did get more attention from guys when I was tan and tiny, it's true, but I get attention from men at 165 lbs also. I find it sad how much we focus on size and "sexiness". Not that I don't like to be small and sexy... but it's frustrating how many people (even women) paid soooo much attention to my size when I was small. There was positive attetion ("look how cute that tiny girl is!") and then there were the snide comments ("you look anorexic.") I so wasn't! When I was 115 lbs I still had an imperfect body. I'd already had all three of my boys and had the stretch marks and stretched out tummy to show for it. My boobies shrunk down to nearly nothing. I had every intention of getting implants, until I had several people tell me that small is fine! : ) I'll never forget the first time I took my clothes off for the guy I was dating at the time... His comment made me feel sooo good... "Oh my God... that body!" I never cared about my stretch marks or stretched out tummy again. At this point... I'm almost 41 years old, and I have never felt better about myself. I earned those stretchmarks, and the stretchy tummy and the lines that are starting to show up around my eyes. My body is only a very small part of my sexiness. And it's on its way to smokin hot! : ) I absolutely have sexy potential! And so do you! This is a great thread, by the way... so interesting to see how people feel about themselves.
  • Matt_Wild
    Matt_Wild Posts: 2,673 Member
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    I have seen a few men in the belly dancing classes. :P
    You'd make some new friends for sure. Good odds if you are straight. ;)

    Really?

    Hmmm LOL - yep straight so worth a look :laugh:

    In reality I think i'd piss a few people off and embarrass a lot not to come.
  • justaxletdown
    justaxletdown Posts: 76
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    I don't think I've ever felt sexy in my life. Awkward and weird though? Oh, yeah.
  • DizzyLinds
    DizzyLinds Posts: 856 Member
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    never have never will

    You will x
  • Topsking2010
    Topsking2010 Posts: 2,245 Member
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    Wow!! This is an interesting thread!!!
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
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    I don't think I have ever felt sexy in my life. Not as a UK size 10 in my 20s, certainly not as a 12/14 post children, and not now as a UK size 8. Everyone seems to expect me to be sexy because I am petit and have long blonde hair and am very curvy, Marilyn type figure but with bigger boobs, but I am not. I would feel completely ridiculous if I tried. I am a tom boy through and through.
  • ♥ChUbByCoyLe♥
    ♥ChUbByCoyLe♥ Posts: 267 Member
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    Im sexy and i know it!!!!

    I'll be singing this song all day now! :happy:

    Me too!!
  • scatgash
    scatgash Posts: 101 Member
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    The more weight I lose, the unhappier I feel.
    I see no difference between my size now and my size then when I look in the mirror, I don't think I'll ever feel sexy.
  • jz67
    jz67 Posts: 2
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    Sexy is a state of mind. If you believe you're sexy, others will have no other choice but to respect it. Start with your thoughts and then align your body with them. I used to think I was sexy at 115 pounds. I'm well over that and KNOW I'm sexy! That's with 3 kids and a husband. He knows I'm sexy, too! ;)

    This!
  • csklebar
    csklebar Posts: 23
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    I tell my husband almost every day how much I find him so sexy and attractive and I show him how much I love him as well. To feel sexy is your own state of mind. I have found in my 35 years on this earth that it is about confidence, it is about loving being with yourself no matter what and just being happy with what you have been given. I had serious birth defects with my mouth and face for 18 years of my life. I was voted ugliest girl in my high school and bullied so much. On top of that, my mother told me how much she hated my face because it reminded her of my biological father, whom she divorced 1 year after she had me. It took a long time to build up my self-esteem, but now I love feeling sexy. I found that my husband loves it when I feel sexy, confident and happy.

    ps: I am a big fan of buying really awesome lingerie outfits - surprising your hubby when he gets home wearing a great outfit and handing him his favourite cold bottle of import beer really can't get any sexier than that!
  • monroe61
    monroe61 Posts: 620 Member
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    I have never felt sexy...especially naked! I see myself and wonder how in hell my sexy husband can be attracted to that..yuck!
    To be honest I'm not sure if that will ever change "skinny" or not because of the lovely road map my children left me :)
  • iishnova
    iishnova Posts: 259 Member
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    Im sexy and i know it!!!!

    I'll be singing this song all day now! :happy:

    Me too!!

    lol me too. *dancedance*

    On topic though, I've never really felt sexy. When I was married my husband NEVER had a positive comment to say about my looks (plenty of negative though) and that might have something to do with it.

    My boobs were a DD before I hit high school, and as most of my friends weren't "developed" yet I felt really awkward about it and wore really baggy clothes all the time. By the time I accepted my fate (I was an H at the biggest, followed by a reduction two years after high school) and started trying to dress for my figure everyone was so used to my attire that they made comments that caused me to feel uncomfortable even dressing in just well fitting clothes.

    As I'm losing weight now I'm trying to see some sexy in myself, but I've always been self conscious so it's a hard battle to fight.
  • slay0r
    slay0r Posts: 669 Member
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    Yes, very much struggle.

    Even though I'm a completely different person after weight loss and I get the most incredible compliments etc etc, I still can't get past all of that and I still just see myself the same way.

    For example I've managed to get a girl to like me that I just find to be 10x out of my league in my head (from the past)

    All I could think about was not wanting to take my shirt off and how she wouldn't enjoy it as a result and she did take it off and from then on I just didn't enjoy it at all. Like someone said previously they lost their "focus" I was the same and I just couldn't be myself. Trying to get past that now since she keeps on calling me trying to get me to see her so there's got to be something in my head a little!

    I feel for you. I really really hope you can try to realise that she sees the good in you from the inside, and won't notice at all the 'outside' bits that you worry about. Don't let something good slip away because of who you feel you were.

    I am trying to come to terms with that :) I'm beginning to realise she must like me quite a bit to be contacting me, just need to get my head round it a bit, I'm sure with time it will improve. I won't let it slip away simply because she's awesome. I just hope there's a day where I lie there with someone and think..yeah I don't look bad and feel sexy. I get it a little occasionally I guess when I get new clothes or something (something a bit tighter than previously.) Maybe I just need to meet a few new people instead of the people I really know and guage their reactions, then I might feel a bit better about it!
  • scs143
    scs143 Posts: 2,190 Member
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    I tell my husband almost every day how much I find him so sexy and attractive and I show him how much I love him as well. To feel sexy is your own state of mind. I have found in my 35 years on this earth that it is about confidence, it is about loving being with yourself no matter what and just being happy with what you have been given. I had serious birth defects with my mouth and face for 18 years of my life. I was voted ugliest girl in my high school and bullied so much. On top of that, my mother told me how much she hated my face because it reminded her of my biological father, whom she divorced 1 year after she had me. It took a long time to build up my self-esteem, but now I love feeling sexy. I found that my husband loves it when I feel sexy, confident and happy.

    ps: I am a big fan of buying really awesome lingerie outfits - surprising your hubby when he gets home wearing a great outfit and handing him his favourite cold bottle of import beer really can't get any sexier than that!


    You are an inspiration!
  • demhareis
    demhareis Posts: 35
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    My feeling is this. A woman should wear something every day that makes her feel sexy. If it's a pair of red heels, a nice top or some racy under garments. I know I find it easier to feel sexy when I'm feeling fit and rim, but I could do it before my 50 lb loss too.


    I wear perfume. That's the one thing I can slip into that won't be ruined by my overweightedness.

    If one were to close one's eyes so they can't see the fat, then inhale deeply, all one can smell is sweet loveliness. Win.

    Marilyn Monroe said it best. When asked what she wore to bed, she replied, "Chanel No 5."
  • demhareis
    demhareis Posts: 35
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    What would be something you would love to hear from your spouse or partner; something beyond the usual support that instead cut through your insecurity and really delivered the message "Believe this: You are sexy to me"?

    I want to hear something about me that he finds sexy that has nothing to do with my weight.

    Frex, "Your voice turns me on!" or "Your hair is so soft." or "You smell like coconut."

    Stuff like that would be a reminder that I am not my fat and that I have other facets to myself that are okay.
  • nikki1anna
    nikki1anna Posts: 98
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    I have that issue now that I have all this extra baby weight on, but I felt sexy when I was pregnant, and even sexier before I got pregnant (hahaha... maybe that's what lead to the pregnancy ) and was at the best shape of my life. We will always pick flaws with our own bodies. We need to learn to love those flaws and move on. Each one of us is sexy and the more confidence we have, the sexier we are!! =) If you get into that mind set that its never enough there is always something wrong, that's when you can have problems like anorexia or bulimia. Need to look in the mirror every day and find something you love different about yourself every day! =)

    what she said, that's why it's good to set REALISTIC goals and appreciate your body !
  • Molly182
    Molly182 Posts: 406
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    The thing that sucks about this is that you're your own worst critic. I will see people twice the size of me and think they look amazing because they dress in a flattering way and they have confidence. I can think of ways I want to dress, but can never find what I want, or I just don't think I pull it off quite right and I have little confidence, so I feel terrible about myself, but see beauty in others. =(
  • demhareis
    demhareis Posts: 35
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    Ooh! I just thought of someone who's considered universally sexy and she's not a slender lass, not by a long shot.

    Two words for you:


    Nigella. Lawson.










    Suddenly I feel better.
  • russellma
    russellma Posts: 284 Member
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    I'm going to venture and say that we all get tempted to compare ourselves (or God forbid, our spouse or significant other) to others around and have to come to the conclusion that there will always be someone that ranks a little higher on the sexy chart, as viewed by our society.

    I suppose we could all just move to a society where our particular body type is the "in" thing!

    But, honestly, I think we're focusing on all the wrong things. For all the self-deprecation and comparing and trying to make ourselves a little higher on the "sexy" totem pole, it's not really making us any happier. Sexy people are cheated on everyday!

    We focus on looking attractive (which will most likely decline with time) instead of BEING an attractive person (which has great potential to increase over time, despite the wrinkles and love handles!)

    We focus on lust (which won't ever truly satisfy) instead of true love (which is what we all really want).

    So, although I think the majority of us can pick a part of us that we would classify as "unsexy", I'm trying to defy the messages that our society sends to us, and focus on BEING attractive with my attitudes and actions and being the kind of wife that would make any man think twice about taking the risk of losing. That's sexier and more satisfying by far than that little black dress! :wink:

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