11 Year old needs help

madameduffay

I was going to suggest dance classes too. If she likes to entertain, you could ask her about joining as part of her "theatre" training.

CharlieBarleyMom

Get her interested in something. Does she have an interest in animals? Take her to the local shelter and see if she can (with you) volunteer to walk &/or feed the animals.

See if she's interested in joining Girl Scouts.

What does she do? If watch TV and play on the computer, you need to be the Mom and limit that time.

You cannot make her like something, but you can spark an interest in her that could go a long way to helping her future.

Edit: Take her horseback riding? Take her rollerskating? Take her iceskating? (YOU do something WITH her)

lisabstrong

As you are the mother, and likely you control the grocery shopping. Quit bringing crap into the house. The funny thing that when healthy choices are present... they will eventally eat it. Don't make a big deal about it. Just leave the apples on the counter. eventually they will get hungry enough to eat it. Kids don't starve themselves.

CharityEaton

The Book Deceptively Delicious by Jerry Seinfeld's wife has great tips on adding all kinds of pureed vegetables into your food. It is a very good cookbook with so many ideas.

My daughter is 9 and a bit on the chunky side...nothing major and she will most likely outgrow it but I still worry because she too eats like crap! We have the rule that everyone has to take one bite of everything on their plate....or it will be there for the next meal and it won't get warmed up...it will come right out of the fridge the second time.

It also helps us to have a "dessert" on the table so that if they eat a decent amount for dinner they are rewarded. Dessert is usually fresh fruit with some honey drizzled over it......they love it and it is still better than any other dessert.

wildkatt7

figure out ways within her interest without pushing weight loss. she has to love herself no matter what, or she could end up going the other way... also make small changes slowly... do not overhaul everything, otherwise it may backfire.... I only do things i enjoy and if I don't like it I don't do it or eat it... and it works...

Awake_Alive

My son HATES veggies and is pissed because that's all that's in the house now. Meh, too bad!

I did find something that works for him in that dept though...juicing! I can hide all kinds of veggies (spinach, kale, cabbage, carrots, cucumbers) behind a bit of orange and pineapple juice. He loves it, and has no idea that he's getting all the vitamins and minerals from veggies!

CMmrsfloyd

I have an extremely picky 4 year old and have been talking with other moms with similar issues (especially texture problems) - one of them recommended a book that has really been helping - it's called 'What's eating your child' - I just found it on Amazon.com for under $6 with free shipping. From reading the reviews, it's supposed to have some good nutritional info as well as strategies to deal with picky eaters and such. I'm hoping it helps. She seems to have found it very helpful so far.

JulesofWinsto

My mom: Eat your beans
Me age 12: I hate beans
Mom: well you can either eat it for dinner now or for break fast tomorrow
beans for dinner it is.

Practice some discipline. Also for her activity level, have you join a sport, rock climbing, karate, dance, larp, quiddicth anything.

This was my life too, and it worked for me!

tecallahan

I don't have a lot of advice... my daughter is 38 - but when she was 11-13 she was a chubby bunny. She was bigger than me -- tried to borrow my clothes and they didn't fit her. Back then, we didn't worry about obesity too much and I really didn't do anything special. Then she turned 14, shot up 4 or 5 inches, and suddenly she had a 19 inch waist! It was a transformation. She stayed very slim for several years -- until after she had a baby,.

So, I would say don't make a big deal of her weight, feed her healthy food and maybe encourage her to walk with you or do some other activity. But don't stress her into an eating disorder -- she might surprise you in a few years!

amykathleen2005

It is possible that she is going to grow into her weight when she has a growth spurt.

Asavitzk

I can't help much for the food aspect other than make a deal with her that she will try at least one bite of anything you put in front of her. If she likes it she can have more, if she doesn't then you won't push it on her. Then go on a chase for any and every kind of veggie you can find - everybody has at least one they like even if they don't know it yet.

As for the exercise though, +1 for the dance video games. DDR, Just Dance, etc... are all tons of fun and will get her moving. Trust me - 30 minutes of Just Dance on the Wii is a *great* workout. I suggest you do it with her too if she lets you since then it truly is a game and not thinly veiled exercise. Plus she gets to laugh at her mom dancing all goofy.

rbbrrmqn

How about having her help you in the kitchen, trying new healthy recipes she gets off sites like skinnytaste.com and chocolatecoveredkatie.com? The Sneaky Chef is a great resource, too.

Go out for walks with her. Shoot hoops together. Play tag and chase each other. Ride bikes together. Be active; dance to fast music.

If you are very concerned, I would speak to her doctor about your concerns. See if you can see a dietician for more ideas. Good luck.

rayleansout

I can tell you are hurintg. and i feel bad for you. Be strong!!

She is different - different is amazing, teach her this. Build her up every chance you get, put her in situations where she will succeed, maybe horseback lessons, something that can be truly hers. Give her the greatest gift a healthy ego and love for herself.
It is better than any medication or therpaist, candy bar, pizza soft drink, or whatever your poison.
You have to teach her, to love herself, and you must love yourself, this is how she will learn! She will be fine because your her mom and you will do whatever it takes to make her fine.

Dont feeding her crap and dont let junk come in the house, if she didnt eat, well ok, she will come around, by all means no matter what - "remain calm" no mater how crazy she gets. Go for runs together, long walks, get her involved in other things where she will meet kids outside of her school.

lesle1

http://www.girlsontherun.org/

rbryntes

My parents tried to force me to do sports, including cheerleading, and I was miserable. My mother harped on the tiny amount of excess weight I had maybe 20 pounds). I grew up believing that I was hideously fat and that I was useless because I liked theater and dance instead of sports.

I wish to this day my parents had let me take dance classes and theater classes, and didn't try to make me diet when I was just a curvy kid. Those two things alone have led to me a) having zero self-esteem and confidence, b) hate exercising to the point of it's being pathological, and c) have a completely skewed vision of the world.

I wish I had unqualified support for theater and dance that way my brother did for football and wrestling. I wish I had not learned to hate sports. I wish my parents hadn't put me on a diet when I was 12 and just hitting puberty.

Just my experiences.

XXXMinnieXXX

Buy a wii fit! Done wonders in our house! X

mattkellett

spend mom daughter time together, go for walks every night, have her start drinking water, and portion control. you are her mother, you need to be tough on her, you decide what she eats, reward with "unhealthy "foods once and a while.

in this generation its not always the food, it is the lack of MOVEMENT in comparison to us as kids.

thesameas

Definetly get her interested in cooking. Have her help you in the kitchen or even let her cook the family dinner by herself. She will feel proud of what she was acheived and be interested in eating something she put hard work into. Also cut the bad food out of your house. When my parents have junky food in the pantry my younger siblings will bug them about it all the time. But if it isn't in there, they don't really ask for it. Try assesing when she eats bad food, and see if there is a clear pattern. Such as, do you reward her for doing homework/eating dinner or other things with a treat? Or do you find after a bad day at school she comes home and munches on food? By finding out these patterns you can help work towards finding a solution, reward her with a trip to the park or a movie night, or even a boardgame. Break the connection between junk food and rewards, if this is the problem. If she is stress eating, or comfort eating, have a talk to her about her problems and see if there is a way you can work them out together. If school is stressing her out, mabye get her into a kids boxing class or something similar. It can be a good way to healthily relieve stress.

I had a major problem with stress/comfort eating when I was younger, especially in the first few years of highschool. My mum has always been unhealthy/overweight so she was never a good role model to me. She's still pretty young, and you can make a healthy impression on her by inviting her to join you in your activities, eating healthy food and snacks together. At this stage in her life you are one of her most importent role model figures, If you continue to engage her in your life style and excersise, you may find that she will begin to follow this example soon.

MadeOfMagic

I have been in that position as a kid, except my mom didn't care to do research and screwed my self esteem up, now I am working hard to get it back.
If it were me I would have loved to take some sort of fun class, maybe dancing/fencing/ice skating/kick-boxing/horse riding, just make sure it's an activity she likes (maybe one she likes to do in her free time but make it a daily/weekly thing). If she likes video games, get her Wii sports or something, just keep replacing the unhealthy stuff with better choices.

Also do something during the weekend that involves both of you, it's always a lot gruelling to work out if you're doing it with someone, maybe even have a friend of her join, go on a hike, bike ride, basketball, any activity that will get you moving for a while.

As for food, have her write down all the foods she could possibly think of that she likes, pick the healthy ones out of them and stock your fridge with them; for foods that are unhealthy replace with healthier choices-there is always a healthier alternative, if she likes chocolate bar than get some sort of yummy protein bar, etc. I used to be obsessed with chocolate and candy, but man I would trade those for yummy protein bar any day! Maybe the calories aren't better but at least she would getting better nutrition.
Also as another person said, you can always stock your house only with healthy food, than she has no choice and eventually she will eat it.

Another idea is give her something to look forward to, make a deal with that if she changes and sticks to her diet you will reward her somehow, maybe a movie ticket, concert, anything that she might like. Or tell her for every vegetable she eats she gets points of some sorts, and those points works towards getting her something that she wants. If my mom would have offered me a reward I would have dieted and exercised a LOOOOONG long time ago.

Anyway good luck, never stop supporting her and don't do/say anything that can mess with her self-esteem, that usually leads to worse things. If you daughter doesn't like to do a lot of things, than submerge her into new things that she hasn't tried

jhartram

How about a High School Musical game on some console? (I know there's at least one out for the wii...) And you can research the kids that are being "found" on Disney Channel... most of them dance too.

I agree with all the people who've said just stop getting the junk food... maybe you can find a healthier alternative for the things she likes with the same texture? But don't give her access to the crappy food.

I know this has to be really hard for you, because as a parent we (at least I) seem to love to beat ourselves up about our kid's problems and how to fix them. Hugs! I wish I had more/better advice. I'm on the site every day, if you ever just need to vent or anything please feel free to message me!

maidentl

I don't have a lot of advice... my daughter is 38 - but when she was 11-13 she was a chubby bunny. She was bigger than me -- tried to borrow my clothes and they didn't fit her. Back then, we didn't worry about obesity too much and I really didn't do anything special. Then she turned 14, shot up 4 or 5 inches, and suddenly she had a 19 inch waist! It was a transformation. She stayed very slim for several years -- until after she had a baby,.

So, I would say don't make a big deal of her weight, feed her healthy food and maybe encourage her to walk with you or do some other activity. But don't stress her into an eating disorder -- she might surprise you in a few years!

This is what people used to do. Now everyone freaks out that their kid is fat and the kids get issues. My son was chubby before puberty, too. Then they shoot up and even out. If you make a big deal out of it now, it could turn into a REAL weight problem. I'd be supportive of her interests and make healthy meals, have good snacks in the house and perhaps mention that you ALL are trying to eat better foods. No need to panic yet.

MadeOfMagic

deff don't let on that you know she is having a problem, my mom did and it screwed me up big time!

Story of my life! My mom screwed with me so bad, she used to always say "if you just lost a couple pounds you would be so pretty" or "you've such a pretty face" (implying I was overweight), that made me overeat so much more, not to mention my self-esteem was in shambles by the time I moved out... its one of many the reasons I don't speak to my mother anymore.

fisherlassie

My son was active and then he wasn't. It was like pulling teeth to get him to move. We eventually found out that he had an iron deficiency. He was also into computers and not into sports because of some bad experiences. Then we found aikido. He wanted to start a martial art because of bullying and I didn't like the idea because of the violence, (I was thinking karate - hitting and kicking.) I found out that aikido is all about defending yourself while protecting the attacker. It was invented by a guy that did martial arts and at some point it didn't fit with his philosophy. So anyway we heard good things about aikido and a particular instructor so he tried it and was hooked! He has been going strong for about a year and a half. he has gotten so much stronger and stretched up.

The main point is that if they find something they like there is no stopping them!! Just keep trying things and if she shows an interest jump on it!! All the while educating her about healthy choices. Good Luck. It is a worrying life being a parent.

MadeOfMagic

Also, since she doesn't like the texture of vegetables you can always make her fruit and veggies blended smoothies!

Taushina

Maybe start a family walk night and make the focus of the event be, family time and not exercise. If you have time, work your way up to 3, 4, 5 walks per week?!?!

ironanimal

Swimming is about the best sport for those not interested in sport at all I say this having worked as a Swimming Instructor with kids aged 5 months to 16 years old. Nearly all of them did no other sport, and those that did usually did gymnastics and the like.

ccmccoy09

I second The Sneaky Chef! You can also hide a lot of veggies in chili, red beans & rice, meatloaf, and soups. Start working on portion control now. The best general eating advice I ever got in my 20s I wish someone told me when I was 12: As long as you eat healthy most of the time, you can TASTE whatever you want. Cake? One bite. French fries? One bite.

For exercise, how about something you can do together that isn't exercise for the sake of exercise, like going for a walk or riding bikes, while you have some girl talk time? Even shopping at a fast pace is better than nothing. I was an artsy kid too, and I loved going to small music and arts festivals and walking around all day checking out the acts.

Someone else mentioned musical theater, which is a great way to get her dancing more. She'll probably have to take a dance class in order to qualify for dancing leads - even more exercise!

1953Judith

If you have a good pediatrician that you can enlist to provide some healthy lifestyle direction, he or she can provide some neutral guidance with the tone being that of general advice from a neutral party. I think we all benefit from nonjudgemental insight and hints and we move into new life phases. Our parents, on the other hand, inadvertently can push every button and paralyze us when they approach us about our weight and diet.

dragginfli

Here are a few ideas I have incorporated. Try veggie burgers, they are yummie and taste similar to a mcD patty. fries are great if they are baked. I have switched to Turkey Bacon. It is sooo good. It tastes best microwaved. Turkey sausage is really good too. I make homemade spagetti sauce and puree onions peppers mushrooms tomatoes, ect.. and hide them in the sauce. My kids have no idea. As far as activities there are a few you could try. I love metal detecting, it gets you out there walking and the thrill of finding treasures makes it addicting. Geocaching or Questing is cool too. You get a GPS and retrieve locations online to go to that bring you to a box with a stamp or trinket in it. Fun for the whole family. Look it up online, it is a little difficult to explain. Kayaking is great for the upper body if you ae near water. As far as her grownth goes, I did not sprout up until I was 13. If you have a Wii then there are alot of games to get you moving. Dancing games, Zumba, bowling. Hope this helps.

ccmccoy09

Now everyone freaks out that their kid is fat and the kids get issues. My son was chubby before puberty, too. Then they shoot up and even out. If you make a big deal out of it now, it could turn into a REAL weight problem. ...

This is also true. Sometimes the "weight gain" part of puberty kicks in before the "growth spurt" part. Some kids are just chunky until they're 13 or so, then the summer before 8th grade they suddenly lean out.

No harm in establishing healthy habits now though, especially with her not eating fruits and veggies now.