11 Year old needs help

Bentley2718

As others have said, she won't starve if you stop bringing home crap for her to eat and present her with healthier options. Try to get her to help cook, that often helps with kids. Also try to find more healthy stuff she does like. Encourage her to be active any way you can. Swimming is good, but girls that age can be weird about bathing suites. Family walks, bike rides, maybe kid's yoga classes (or if she doesn't like other kids, adult classes even). If she likes animals, maybe you can get her to volunteer to walk dogs at a shelter a couple of times a week. Just some ideas.

Also, don't let the flat feet thing scare you too much. I was discouraged from a lot of activity as a kid because I have very very flat feet. Turns out, now that I'm not obese, my feet don't hurt nearly as bad, and I can do all sorts of stuff I was afraid to do as a kid. I even got the okay from a doctor to try running (something I was told NEVER to do as a child).

I agree with the person who said don't mention weight. She probably knows she's heavy, mentioning it won't help. Try to make changes that involve everyone in the household, that way she won't feel singled out.

BellydanceBliss

The way I got my son to walk with me is I simply invited him to walk with me. He jumped at the chance. Had I thought it would have been that easy I would have done that 2 ago. Dont put a lot of focus on it. My mother did that to me and it is why I am heavy now. I developed an eating disorder that spanned many years.

Contrarian

Wow. Childhood sure is different now than it was when i was growing up. I'm not judging, but it's strange to me. My grandparents died, and I coped. No one noticed or commented on my weight. (I was underweight)

I don't envy parents, these days. There is a potential to overthink everything and that would drive me crazy.

sailorsiren13

I have a picky one who has a texture thing and he is eating because if he doesn't eat dinner he doesn't eat anymore. He is my baby and i figured out i was catering to him and his wants not his needs. We also don't play cartoons but maybe if hes lucky once a week. We have quit eating fast food. We have a kinect, wii, swingset, and pool in the summer physical fitness and imagination is encouraged. Almost all of his temper tantrums have stopped now and our house is much calmer for everyone.

em1976

This quote 'I have to own the fact I let him be that way'.Yes there are issues aside from the eating but what you bring into the house can pave the way toward bad eating.If you bring the crap into the house she will eat it.Baby steps tackling each issue with a good start changing what you buy.I can understand she will have access to other foods but perhaps look into making homemade sugar free cookies,homemade chips etc and having them in the cupboard replacing the excess things you may normally buy.Yes you and the remainder of your family will have to forgo some junkfood for a bit but if you can make it into a family issue of removing the bad stuff and do some cooking days together of sweets that are good for you all perhaps she may come to like/try what you are making.Essentially you may be doing your best to help her but also unintentionally allowing her the food that she should not be eating.The cooking time may also help her open up a little more in regards to how she is feeling.

footballmom2000

I have an 11 year old son who was 15 lbs overweigh for football and was just carrying a little extra baby fat. He started eating a lot of salad, meat and whey protein shakes for breakfast to take the weigh off. He went from a 30 inch waist to 28 inch waist. He looks fit for 5ft 2in. The 15lbs difference made a BIG difference on the field as well. This was his 4th year of football and he made the All-Star team for our county. Now if he finds his jeans are getting tight, he just adjusts his eating habits to lose the weight. Hopes this help.

My other son is 6 yrs old and needs to easily lose 30-40 lbs (he is 4ft 6in)---> he was 115lbs at the begin of the new year. Since he loves fruits and carbs. He has always been a good eater but eats in excess (3-4 bananas at one sitting if he can get to the food) He has lost 6lbs since 1/2/12 just because I have the food hidden from him. It is still a constant struggle but it helped alot any additional ideas would be appreciated. I found keeping granola bars, fruit bars up high where he can't get to them without asking to be helpful. We have also decided as a family to elminate all unhealthy snacks (ice creams, chip, candy) from our home. He still gets treat like that just in small portions from the store. Hope this helps.

finding_my_way

This is such an important age and I still battle with how to handle it with my 16 year old. My tips would be:

1) do NOT buy junk, you buy the groceries, so YOU control what is in the house, make sure you have some yummy HEALTHY alternatives (low calorie popcorn, wheat instead of white bread, etc... little changes can make a big difference)

2) Talk to your daughter, this is crucial, she must know that health is a concern and while she is beautiful, you are concerned for her health, realistically she needs to know this

3) make her meals when you can, I pack my daughters lunch and make sure it's healthy

4) walk together and try out a new class together, tell her that you are nervous to go alone and need her support, there are some great zumba classes here for parents and kids up to 13

5) do NOT feel guilty about talking to your daughter about this in a positive manner, make sure you are delicate and do not use terms like "fat" or "obese", but concentrate on health issues

Just my two cents, good luck!!

kimiec

The one thing that stood out to me about your post is your daughter is ADHA and has a thing with texture when it comes to food. My son is ADHA and has the same problem he is now 18 and he tells me all the time mom in order for me to eat certain things I have to hide them in my food. It's not there fault they have this thing with texture it's just something some kids have when they ADHA. I think there are alot of good ideas on here but not having or hold certain food back from her isn't going to help I have and always will think this is the dumbest thing you can do it just makes you want it all the more, I am an adult and I want something sweet just about everyday. I think trying to find recipes that are what is considered junk foods can now be made healthier these days. But my number one suggestion is talk with your daughter about her feelings and ask her question if need be be direct don't make them yes/no question. I did this and still do this with my son and he tells me mom this is the best thing you could have ever done for me. I think being conserned about her weight is ok but to make much out of it will just make her feel worse the best thing is to help her see she is beautiful no matter what.

noxma

I would ignore the weight for now, and concentrate on other issues.
As someone else mentioned, grief counselling if she is having difficulty dealing with losing her great grandmothers.
If there has been a significant change in medication side effects, change the meds again. (ADHD meds can suppress appetite and delay growth).
Have you looked into SPD/SID? http://www.livestrong.com/article/490370-food-intolerance-in-sensory-integration-disorder/ - you may be able to find professional help with texture issues.
Encourage theatre. Even if it's not as active as you would like, it's important that she feels like she belongs somewhere.
Ask her to walk with you. Park really far from the doors whenever you can.
Good luck!

maryjay51

see if you can find her something that she likes to do that keeps her active ... there has to be something that would spark her interest .. and if she likes to eat nothing but c@@p then dont buy it .... we tend to use eating as a recreation..how many people can go to the movies without eating candy or popcorn for example

BeckyAnneGreenGables

If she's a theater kid, great. Our theater offers great classes for kids--they learn everything from building sets to selling tickets to putting on shows. The kids are moving nearly the whole time. How about setting up your own karaoke performances at home? Emphasize not just the singing but the way singers dance and move. What a tough age! She's just beginning to realize that what makes her tick may be very different from her friends.

I wouldn't mention weight at all. I'm 55 and can still remember my mom's many attempts to get me to lose weight. Every time she said something I headed downtown to buy another bag of chips or cookies.

missbis

Work out with her and eat well in front of her. Parents are the ultimate mentors and models. Good luck!

nazashi

I have a 11 year old so i know how difficult it can be! What i did was stopping to buy junk and i forced her (yes, forced) her to join a badminton class, which was convenience for her and my schedule..anyway, after few classes she really enjoys it now! I think as parents we just gotta do anything for their end benefit..

hagamivida

Go on walks with her as a family activity?

lacharp

I was overweight in middle school - I plumped up right as I hit puberty, but eventually my height caught up and my hormones leveled out and I thinned down a bit. My mom just encouraged me to exercise by doing stuff with me, like the old Jane Fonda workout videos or bike rides together, but we never really talked about my weight as an issue. She just kept encouraging me to be more active. Good luck!

Shriffee

A few years back I remember seeing a cookbook to sneak veggies into recipes. Maybe something worth looking into? When I was in middle school, I was quite chubby. It was a difficult time for me. My sister went through the same thing. We both developed some unhealthy eating habits to lose weight. I would advice being a good role model for her. Make healthy food choices and be active.

rollycollysmama

I know this isnt going to sound "pro-active" but why not invest in like a wii, or from what I hear now the other game thingers have "wii" like activities. get her a dance game and than like an american idol game or whatever. so she can practice singing and dancing. Tell her somthing like "I believe you could be an amazing singer, but you never see singers just standing on stage, so I thought you would like to practice your singing and dancing!!" Than IF she gets into, I know my fitness club offers teenzumba and stuff, and you can say somthing like, this will teach you even more moves on the stage, look at those women dancing all sexy, than go do it with her!
I will tell you I was just like your daughter at her age, I was about 20 lbs over weight, I wasnt growing as much as the other girls in class, except boobs, which I had enough to supply half the 7th grade, and leave me a good ammount left, which I got made fun of for. I was a theater girl, and I loved singng (and in the privicy of my own room, dancing) once I did my first production I KNEW i wanted to be an actress, but I knew actresses wernt over weight. Upon talking ot my mom about this, she made probably the biggest misatke ever, which was "help" me.
She put me on weight watchers, made me go every week and weigh in, and everything (I was 11.5 at this time) started MAKING me excersize infront of her (and the rest of my family) every night telling me to do 100 jumping jacks, 20 sit ups 10 push ups 20 crunches 20 leg lifts, so on and so fourth and my older **and much thinner** sisters tourtured me for it. started demanding I eat only "diet food" she fed me souly turkey breast and 10 baked tater tots every single night for a year. Took away my allouence so I wouldnt buy food (which I never did before she started ristricting my food) the more she forced it, the more "secret" eating I did, and the bigger I got. Which is where I am today.
so, in the end, I suggest being VERY descret. make this about her future of "preforming arts" or somthing, NEVER EVER mention "diet" and change the WHOLE families eating habbits, not just hers. Maybe start a family dance night, or family work out night where you all sit and play wii interactive games TOGETHER, and EVERYONE has to attend so she doesnt feel its about her. perhaps send her away this summer to an acting camp- my mom did this and it was SO MUCH FUN, learned alot about theater and they also had balanced meals, and LOADS of activities that kept us super active for 3 weeks!!

rollycollysmama

A few years back I remember seeing a cookbook to sneak veggies into recipes. Maybe something worth looking into? When I was in middle school, I was quite chubby. It was a difficult time for me. My sister went through the same thing. We both developed some unhealthy eating habits to lose weight. I would advice being a good role model for her. Make healthy food choices and be active.

This is the sneaky chef, and she is AMAZINNGGG!! I use her cook books every night, and now its a regular thing for me to sneak in a whole days worth of veggies and sometimes even fruit in one dinner! even in DESSERT! shes wonderful!!

ering

At 11 years old it is the parents who decide what they eat most of the time. Of course you can't control what the kid eats away from home as much, but at home it's up to you.
They can only eat what you have in the house, so don't buy junk. It's really easy! Try a new fruit and veggie every couple of days. She has to like something. But...don't deprive her of a treat occasionally. If you do she's more likely to "binge" on it when she does get her hands on it.
As far as wanting to sit on the couch, shut off the tv and game consoles! Unplug it, shut off the breaker to that room, whatever it takes. I guarantee the kid will find something else to do besides sit and stare at a blank screen. Buy her a bike, rollerblades, scooter, a dog. Anything that will get her outside to play.

BTW I do have 5 kids so I am speaking from experience. I also have a 12 year old who would rather sit than go play outside so I know how it can be.

Ris1432

Hi,

Nice to see your concern.

I am afraid I do not have any good advice here. I have been struggling with one of my daughters (now 15) since about the same age. I have tried so many things with her but nothing seems to work. I find it frustrating that she will say to me that she wants to look better, then choose to binge on anything she can get her hands on. At home we NEVER eat takeaway and have a look at my food diary to see the sort of food we eat each day. We have a very clean diet with the occasional treat.


Similar to your daughter, she lost 3 grandparents in a short period of time and it has bee tough on all of us. I have had her in therapy but she does not use any of the strategies suggested to her. She actually said to me she wishes she could just take a pill to lose weight. When I do get her to actually train with me she loves it and the way it makes her feel but she just cannot seem to motivate herself. I try to get her to train with me whenever I can. but our schedules don't always work.

A classic example of Lydia is netball last year. She assumed she would just make the team without turning up to any training. My husband and I both told her to go to training but she would not listen. She ended up in tears because she did not make the team and instead of learning from it she decided they just did not like her.

As for your daughter, I hope you have better luck than me. I have tried PT's, dieticians, naturopaths and therapists. All I can say is I have tried my best and ultimately, Lydia will be responsible for whatever happens to her.

Interestingly, my eldest daughter loves to run, eats right instictively and generally looks after herself. Lydia gets frustrated by the fact Lauren is in better shape than her but does not see the hard work put in. Both have had the same upbringing so maybe it is hard to battle nature.

Donna

Very true nature plays a big part in how we grow. I come from a family that is very heavy, complains about the weight but does nothing. My sister and I are perfect examples. Im of an athletic build, always enjoyed sports while my sister leads a sedentary life and hates sports so consequently is overweight. We were raised exactly the same, Mom made sure everything between us was equal down to foods we ate.
My advice is do not ever bring up the words fat or eating disorder even as a flippant remark. Trust me they will be the only ones from the conversation that are remembered. Try instead going on walks as a whole family after dinner each night. If you only bring good food into the house she will eat it if she is hungry (hunger is a wonderful motivator to try new things). Keep an eye on it though since if she is refusing to eat the good food she may find losing weight from not eating is easier (scary thought). Leading by example is always helpful. Try to include her in tracking her foods, if she sees how many calories she is consuming it might be the jolt she needs (certainly worked on me). What ever she chooses be supportive, and remember that she is her own person with her own thoughts and ideas, her choices are not a reflection of anything you are doing wrong as a parent.
Good luck and keep up the good work as a loving mom