11 Year old needs help

BeckyAnneGreenGables

If she's a theater kid, great. Our theater offers great classes for kids--they learn everything from building sets to selling tickets to putting on shows. The kids are moving nearly the whole time. How about setting up your own karaoke performances at home? Emphasize not just the singing but the way singers dance and move. What a tough age! She's just beginning to realize that what makes her tick may be very different from her friends.

I wouldn't mention weight at all. I'm 55 and can still remember my mom's many attempts to get me to lose weight. Every time she said something I headed downtown to buy another bag of chips or cookies.

missbis

Work out with her and eat well in front of her. Parents are the ultimate mentors and models. Good luck!

nazashi

I have a 11 year old so i know how difficult it can be! What i did was stopping to buy junk and i forced her (yes, forced) her to join a badminton class, which was convenience for her and my schedule..anyway, after few classes she really enjoys it now! I think as parents we just gotta do anything for their end benefit..

hagamivida

Go on walks with her as a family activity?

lacharp

I was overweight in middle school - I plumped up right as I hit puberty, but eventually my height caught up and my hormones leveled out and I thinned down a bit. My mom just encouraged me to exercise by doing stuff with me, like the old Jane Fonda workout videos or bike rides together, but we never really talked about my weight as an issue. She just kept encouraging me to be more active. Good luck!

Shriffee

A few years back I remember seeing a cookbook to sneak veggies into recipes. Maybe something worth looking into? When I was in middle school, I was quite chubby. It was a difficult time for me. My sister went through the same thing. We both developed some unhealthy eating habits to lose weight. I would advice being a good role model for her. Make healthy food choices and be active.

rollycollysmama

I know this isnt going to sound "pro-active" but why not invest in like a wii, or from what I hear now the other game thingers have "wii" like activities. get her a dance game and than like an american idol game or whatever. so she can practice singing and dancing. Tell her somthing like "I believe you could be an amazing singer, but you never see singers just standing on stage, so I thought you would like to practice your singing and dancing!!" Than IF she gets into, I know my fitness club offers teenzumba and stuff, and you can say somthing like, this will teach you even more moves on the stage, look at those women dancing all sexy, than go do it with her!
I will tell you I was just like your daughter at her age, I was about 20 lbs over weight, I wasnt growing as much as the other girls in class, except boobs, which I had enough to supply half the 7th grade, and leave me a good ammount left, which I got made fun of for. I was a theater girl, and I loved singng (and in the privicy of my own room, dancing) once I did my first production I KNEW i wanted to be an actress, but I knew actresses wernt over weight. Upon talking ot my mom about this, she made probably the biggest misatke ever, which was "help" me.
She put me on weight watchers, made me go every week and weigh in, and everything (I was 11.5 at this time) started MAKING me excersize infront of her (and the rest of my family) every night telling me to do 100 jumping jacks, 20 sit ups 10 push ups 20 crunches 20 leg lifts, so on and so fourth and my older **and much thinner** sisters tourtured me for it. started demanding I eat only "diet food" she fed me souly turkey breast and 10 baked tater tots every single night for a year. Took away my allouence so I wouldnt buy food (which I never did before she started ristricting my food) the more she forced it, the more "secret" eating I did, and the bigger I got. Which is where I am today.
so, in the end, I suggest being VERY descret. make this about her future of "preforming arts" or somthing, NEVER EVER mention "diet" and change the WHOLE families eating habbits, not just hers. Maybe start a family dance night, or family work out night where you all sit and play wii interactive games TOGETHER, and EVERYONE has to attend so she doesnt feel its about her. perhaps send her away this summer to an acting camp- my mom did this and it was SO MUCH FUN, learned alot about theater and they also had balanced meals, and LOADS of activities that kept us super active for 3 weeks!!

rollycollysmama

A few years back I remember seeing a cookbook to sneak veggies into recipes. Maybe something worth looking into? When I was in middle school, I was quite chubby. It was a difficult time for me. My sister went through the same thing. We both developed some unhealthy eating habits to lose weight. I would advice being a good role model for her. Make healthy food choices and be active.

This is the sneaky chef, and she is AMAZINNGGG!! I use her cook books every night, and now its a regular thing for me to sneak in a whole days worth of veggies and sometimes even fruit in one dinner! even in DESSERT! shes wonderful!!

ering

At 11 years old it is the parents who decide what they eat most of the time. Of course you can't control what the kid eats away from home as much, but at home it's up to you.
They can only eat what you have in the house, so don't buy junk. It's really easy! Try a new fruit and veggie every couple of days. She has to like something. But...don't deprive her of a treat occasionally. If you do she's more likely to "binge" on it when she does get her hands on it.
As far as wanting to sit on the couch, shut off the tv and game consoles! Unplug it, shut off the breaker to that room, whatever it takes. I guarantee the kid will find something else to do besides sit and stare at a blank screen. Buy her a bike, rollerblades, scooter, a dog. Anything that will get her outside to play.

BTW I do have 5 kids so I am speaking from experience. I also have a 12 year old who would rather sit than go play outside so I know how it can be.

Ris1432

Hi,

Nice to see your concern.

I am afraid I do not have any good advice here. I have been struggling with one of my daughters (now 15) since about the same age. I have tried so many things with her but nothing seems to work. I find it frustrating that she will say to me that she wants to look better, then choose to binge on anything she can get her hands on. At home we NEVER eat takeaway and have a look at my food diary to see the sort of food we eat each day. We have a very clean diet with the occasional treat.


Similar to your daughter, she lost 3 grandparents in a short period of time and it has bee tough on all of us. I have had her in therapy but she does not use any of the strategies suggested to her. She actually said to me she wishes she could just take a pill to lose weight. When I do get her to actually train with me she loves it and the way it makes her feel but she just cannot seem to motivate herself. I try to get her to train with me whenever I can. but our schedules don't always work.

A classic example of Lydia is netball last year. She assumed she would just make the team without turning up to any training. My husband and I both told her to go to training but she would not listen. She ended up in tears because she did not make the team and instead of learning from it she decided they just did not like her.

As for your daughter, I hope you have better luck than me. I have tried PT's, dieticians, naturopaths and therapists. All I can say is I have tried my best and ultimately, Lydia will be responsible for whatever happens to her.

Interestingly, my eldest daughter loves to run, eats right instictively and generally looks after herself. Lydia gets frustrated by the fact Lauren is in better shape than her but does not see the hard work put in. Both have had the same upbringing so maybe it is hard to battle nature.

Donna

Very true nature plays a big part in how we grow. I come from a family that is very heavy, complains about the weight but does nothing. My sister and I are perfect examples. Im of an athletic build, always enjoyed sports while my sister leads a sedentary life and hates sports so consequently is overweight. We were raised exactly the same, Mom made sure everything between us was equal down to foods we ate.
My advice is do not ever bring up the words fat or eating disorder even as a flippant remark. Trust me they will be the only ones from the conversation that are remembered. Try instead going on walks as a whole family after dinner each night. If you only bring good food into the house she will eat it if she is hungry (hunger is a wonderful motivator to try new things). Keep an eye on it though since if she is refusing to eat the good food she may find losing weight from not eating is easier (scary thought). Leading by example is always helpful. Try to include her in tracking her foods, if she sees how many calories she is consuming it might be the jolt she needs (certainly worked on me). What ever she chooses be supportive, and remember that she is her own person with her own thoughts and ideas, her choices are not a reflection of anything you are doing wrong as a parent.
Good luck and keep up the good work as a loving mom

ChaseAlder

Buy Dance Central and/or Dance Central 2 for XBox Kinect. You can never tell you're working out when you're dancing to Lady Gaga.

lor007

hey everyone! My 11 year old daughter is having such a tough year...

She lost 2 Great Grandmothers over a period of 6 months and had her ADHD medication changed. she is Theater kid NOT a sport kid AT ALL... Cheerleading was the best we could get from her. She has flat feet and is overweight, although not by that much. She seems to be stalled in the height area and I see her watching the other girls her age grow taller and thinner.

My daugher is about 20 lbs overweight. She also has only one friend who is most definintely obese.

I worry constantly about her and dont know where to begin to help her without screwing with her head. Any ideas on how to get her off her butt and moving? she is very solitary and sedintary...and quite happy that way.

She also eats like cr*p... and has since birth (she was a preemie and has always had an aversion to textures) so she does not eat any fruits or veggies AT ALL (except for French Fries)

this child is so beautiful (literally has the face of a model) and can sing like an angel, I just worry that her weight will become more of an issue as she gets older adn I want her to be healthy!

any suggestions would be great

You say your daughter is 20 pounds overweight and your ticker shows you have 73 pounds left to lose. Is there any chance she could be following your example of eating/exercise patterns?

Also, why does it matter if she doesn't enjoy sports? If she enjoys theater, I would encourage her to be active in theater, not push her into cheerleading. I apologize if I seem judgmental, but I am having a really hard time understanding this. Maybe you should seek help from a doctor, nutritionist or counselor.

mrmanmeat

hey everyone! My 11 year old daughter is having such a tough year...

She lost 2 Great Grandmothers over a period of 6 months and had her ADHD medication changed. she is Theater kid NOT a sport kid AT ALL... Cheerleading was the best we could get from her. She has flat feet and is overweight, although not by that much. She seems to be stalled in the height area and I see her watching the other girls her age grow taller and thinner.

My daugher is about 20 lbs overweight. She also has only one friend who is most definintely obese.

I worry constantly about her and dont know where to begin to help her without screwing with her head. Any ideas on how to get her off her butt and moving? she is very solitary and sedintary...and quite happy that way.

She also eats like cr*p... and has since birth (she was a preemie and has always had an aversion to textures) so she does not eat any fruits or veggies AT ALL (except for French Fries)

this child is so beautiful (literally has the face of a model) and can sing like an angel, I just worry that her weight will become more of an issue as she gets older adn I want her to be healthy!

any suggestions would be great

I'm sorry, but it's time for you to be the parent. The kid NEEDS to eat veggies/fruits. Also, French Fries are NOT veggies.

Best of luck, I hope you're successful.

godricshollow

Go for walks together!

Or the dance games on the Wii and Kinect are really good for burning calories without actually feeling like a workout, you might even enjoy them too

If she likes chocolate milk, this is an awesome sneaky recipe http://www.greenkitchenstories.com/raw-chocolate-shake/ I have it when i want my chocolate fix haha, it is delicious!

Athena413

My mom: Eat your beans
Me age 12: I hate beans
Mom: well you can either eat it for dinner now or for break fast tomorrow
beans for dinner it is.

This.

She eats like crap because you let her. She doesn't buy groceries or prepare the meals, you do. If she doesn't like what's made for dinner, tough. If she gets hungry enough she'll eat it. She's old enough to learn to be appreciative of what she gets and not just get her way all the time.

As far as getting her off of her butt, maybe invest in a wii if you don't already have one and try having "family game nights" that revolve around games on the wii fit, Zumba, DDR, or something like that. Or if you have/want an xbox, there's always games on Kinect she could play to get her moving a little.

petreebird

The only thing I have to offer is my own experience with my son.
My son was your daughter, 5 years ago. We fought about foods, "I don't like that, I hate that" yadda yadda.

Fast forward 4 years. He decided we he turned 15 that he didn't like the way he looked. He started working out with weights, (this was partially because he found himself grounded from all electronics quite a bit :grumble: ) and I noticed he became more adventurous with food. Then he joined the wrestling team!! OMG I about died!!! He went from couch potato to athlete in less than 6 months. He lost 30 pounds and is now in his 2 year of JV wrestling at his school!!! He is very conscious about what he eats because he wants to "make weight" and works out with the team 6 days a week for 2 hours.

Don't despair, sometimes it just takes sometime to grow out of. Although when my son was your daughters age, i ran 3 miles a day and since he was too young to stay home, he grabbed a scooter and went with me...I told him I needed him to hold my water bottle. :laugh:

SLaw4215

I have a 13 year old that is obese. I let her start her own MFP account but that didn't work out so well. She wasn't into the food logging and there aren't many kids her age on here.

When I go grocery shopping I let her push the cart and select her own groceries for the week. We have an understanding that she needs to choose a fruit, and a snack (100 calorie pack) and we get light turkey and wrap bread and zero calorie Chrystal Light AND GUMMY MULTIVITAMINS!!!! There's something about that that lets her know that I trust her and because she is planning her own menu for the week its' easier to keep her on track. I am not a big fan of letting heavy kids eat from the school lunch program. In my town the average lunch is 850 calories. That doesn't leave much for breakfast and dinner and it's mostly crappy --pizza, sub par burgers, etc so who needs it!!!???!!!

My daughter is in middle school and plays the snare drum and she LOVES to draw. her online social live is more lively than her real life social life. She doesn't like to eat vegetables and thinks french fries and ranch dressing are their own food group. To that, I bought a Jack Lalane juicer last year. She likes feeding the fruit it the feed shaft and creating concoctions that are uniquely hers-- apple, grapes, pineapple are her favorites. I've personally juiced spinach, carrots, onions, sweet potatoes and so on and I swap the juice for the water used in things like Betty Crocker boxed potatoes. We called it Shrek casserole because of the odd green color from the spinach but it tasted perfectly cheesy like it would have and I got a pound of spinach into my family. Go MOM!!

I've also bought the Wii (although I think Kinects might be a better product today) and we have Zumba, Just Dance, Wii Fit, and some other games that require arms to be moving to a rythem etc.

I also gave her a puppy for Christmas. YES!!! this is a stretch but I'm teaching her responsibility and she has to take "Luna" for walks around the neighborhood every single night since it is HER dog and HER responsibility...etc etc.

Best of Luck

Jamie145

take all the "junk food" out of the house..u can limit the crap she eats ,yur the parent Maybe tell her as a FAMILY we all need to start eating healthy..start making low calorie meals and maybe go to her doc or a nutrionist to see how many cals she shud be eating a day..and maybe keep a food diary of what she eats..theres a lot of low cal snacks now a days..make her lunch for school..

inspirem

The hardest thing for a parent to admit is being our child's enabler. Having adhd makes this difficult situation even more strained. So what to do? Well, deny her foods that she likes and you could have a binge eater on your hands when she gets access to them, but let her have whatever she wants, when she wants it, she'll never learn control...so finding the balance is key, compromise might work best in this situation. For every unhealthy option she chooses to eat, let her know that she has to have 2 healthy options along with it! Eventually she'll learn to like some of the healthier options, especially if she has a say so in choosing! The same with exercise for evey hour she sits and watches tv, make her do a half hour of some physical activity... zumba dvd for kids might be fun...It takes a strong parent to deal with this difficult disease because many adhd children are so impulsive with little thought of consequences! I hope you find that balance, but don't give up or give in to her whims or tantrums either, she needs you to be firm, yet loving!

abellante_0205

there are drinks for children who are picky eaters, i can't remember the name of it, but she should drink that, and try to minimize the fast food. Go for walks, get her to play outside with friends!!!! Go get a Wii or XBOX kinect!!! Get her moving with games like that! She may actually enjoy it. Also dance classes if shes into theater, she may enjoy it. They don't have weight requirements for young kids.

supershiny

In general, encouraging what she is interested in (theater) is way better than forcing her into something she hates/dislikes (cheerleading/sports) as that will probably breed resentment and distrust. My suggestion? Buy her a Kinect or a Wii and some games and then play them with her.

However, you specifically mention that she is on ADHD meds, happiest when she is sedentary/solitary, and has an aversion to textures. As someone who has multiple people in her life with Asperger's, those are classic childhood symptoms of Asperger's. My boyfriend is an aspie and his childhood could be summed up with those three things as well. Not to say that she has it, but if she did, it may be of great help to get help dealing with it (usually in the form of an Asperger's specialist counselor/psychologist). People with Asperger's have minds that work a little differently than the rest of us (process informaiton differently) and normal methods of motivation and support aren't always effective. Being a kid with Asperger's can be tough, so I would encourage you to at least read up and make sure she doesn't have it.

Suziq2you

Maybe you could take a cooking class together? If french fries are her only veggie right now, make sure they are baked. Try adding sweet potato fries, zucchini fries, etc. If she won't eat a raw apple, try baking it with a bit of brown sugar and some raisins. Puree veggies for soups. Small, subtle changes work best. If texture is truly an issue telling her to eat or do without will not work.

syd1980

My son is 11 years old and is over weight. He isn't into sports either. So i don't push that issue right now,but come warmer weather it will be the park, riding bikes, and anything i can think to get him moving. So with that said we are focusing on healthier eating. One thing that has helped is packing his lunch. When kids are picky eaters they are not eating at school, then coming home and raiding the refrigerator. We sit down and plan out his breakfast,lunch and snacks for school. I log his food on here to help me keep up with his foods. He takes peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch. The jelly is sugar free, and 1 tbsp of peanut butter. Also 1 ounce serving of pringles. Supper time i cook healthy as i can. I have one rule, he has to taste what i make. Some he likes some he don't. I have also let him try some of the lean cuisine meals, and he now asks for them occasional. Also there is alot of 100 calories packs and popcorn that she may like.

Everyone will not agree with my choices, but it has helped us with learning better choices. My son can now pick up a box and know how to read labels. I wish you the best. It is mostly trial and error,but just keep trying.

ahinescapron

I was very overweight as a kid and nerdy too. Please, don't bring up the weight thing with her. I would have loved it if someone had just made it about having fun together, rather than berating me about what I put in my mouth. I like the idea of video games with movement, like dance games or going walking together. Make sure you limit (meaning have rules about a time limit) the time she has doing inactive stuff like watching TV, because she can easily veg for hours and snack while doing it. In terms of food, I would try to include her in your shopping if possible. Teach her how to read a label and why we pick some things over others. Help her pick out some healthy snacks that she is going to want to eat. Get her involved in any way you can, because it will not be that long until she has to know this stuff for herself.

Sauchie

My daughter and i have mommy /daughter dance offs

KareninCanada

Her having flat feet will leave out some options like running, soccer and so on... probably also skating. Have you looked into a theatre/dance/performance kind of class? Something that would combine her interest with a little more activity?

We have Wii games for our 7yo - DDR (the first one only - later versions have MTV videos that are not okay), Wii Fit Plus, and Ultimate Party Adventure. She plays on it a LOT, and breaks a sweat while just having fun.

I think at age 11, I'd be focusing on trying to establish good habits, teaching her about taking care of herself (the American Girl books about hair, skin, etc are great). She's coming up on some huge changes and it's hard to say what might happen. One of the girls in my old church put on a bunch of weight all of a sudden then literally grew almost a foot in one year. She went from a chubby little girl to a slim young lady over the course of what seemed like just a few months.

Achiever7

Jessica Seinfeld (Jerry's wife) has a cookbook called Deceptively Delicious, which has lots of ways to sneak veggies into kid favorites. It mostly involves making pureed veggies and adding them to things like pizza sauce or mac and cheese. I also would bet that if you served fruits and veggies as an appetizer when she is hungriest, she might munch a few bites down while she waits for dinner to be ready. Helps stave off the "I'm hungry" complaints.

I would also suggest a regularly scheduled family walk. I do this with my eight year old, mostly just on the weekends, but I'm hoping to make it 3 nights a week after the Spring time change...even it's just a 15 minute lap. For us, taking a walk through the neihborhood is a great way to spend time together, away from the household to do lists, and gives us a time to chat and relax. Everybody wins and it's making a good habit.

Good luck

Newf77

Theater and/or dance classes?

I do not want to sound rude, you are mom and should control what foods are mostly available to her.
Do not play the exercise/fitness angle. Find things she is interested in. As a former Thespian I would play the stage lover in her, stage fighting, fencing, stage movement.

lackie09

I know that when I was younger I did not have a good relationship with my mother... not saying you and your child dont have a good relationship.... We had nothing in common, my mother and I, and we barely talked until I asked her to do C25K with me and when we finish it up we are going to find a 5k to do together... you may wana try getting her to start something like that with you

soccerella

I would just like to comment on the flat feet thing. I have terribly flat feet and high heel pressure because of it. It never stopped me from playing sports...I played D1 soccer and lacrosse in college even, did dance, basketball, softball, etc growing up, and now run half marathons. Yes it will make things more difficult and she may have to really find some shoes that will work for her so she doesnt get injured, but it doesnt have to mean that she rules those things out.

Now if she simply doesnt like sports, thats one thing....i'm just saying that the flat feet issue shouldnt be the reason she doesnt participate