11 Year old needs help

jadedone

I was a chubby kid, and I was active. I played softball, rode my bike, when swimming, played outside, played video games, (I really liked my powerpad -- yup I am in my 30s.), I was a flag girl. I hated running and I hate gym class for that. But as soon as gym class changed from running around the track to learning how to play football, volleyball, and field hockey I thought it was fun. After the running part was over with. None of this really mattered. I never got smaller. My parents didn't try to get me to lose weight. They encouraged high self-esteem. Sure, they cold have done a better job about encouraging better eating habits and reducing junk food at home.

Her weight gain may be a sign of something or nothing at all. The most important thing you can do now is help her become more active in stuff she likes. Encourage here to take classes or lessons or join a rec team. Lead by example and eat the right foods, and encourage her to do the same: keeping her plate colorful and loaded with fruits and veggies.

Most importantly, help her get comfortable in her own skin. No matter if she has a little or a lot. It is great she is in theater, this can help with self-esteem and confidence. Many women struggle their entire lives with self-esteem because someone told them they weren't good enough as they are now, and this can lead to weight gain and all kinds of destructive behaviors in the future.

So even though, I have some pounds to lose, I am confident in myself and my self-worth, no matter what the scale says. And that has provided a lifetime of benefit for me.

peach05

I agree with a lot of the suggestions; make exercise fun, go on walks with her, teach portion control, put healthy things into less healthy items..

But, IMO, if she's already learning to stuff her feelings with food she might benefit from some counseling. Long term emotional eating can be very destructive. A counselor, particularly one that deals with grief can help her figure out some emotional outlets as well like journaling and just "talking motions through".

Good luck!

rbryntes

Swimming is about the best sport for those not interested in sport at all I say this having worked as a Swimming Instructor with kids aged 5 months to 16 years old. Nearly all of them did no other sport, and those that did usually did gymnastics and the like.

I'm sure you're a fine swimming instructor.

Among the sports I hate (which is most of them), swimming is my worst nightmare. I would say not all who dislike sports would like swimming.

ShrinkingChelle

My mom: Eat your beans
Me age 12: I hate beans
Mom: well you can either eat it for dinner now or for break fast tomorrow
beans for dinner it is.

Ive been doing this to my god daughter since she was 3, and now 5 if shes full she says im done auntie Ill put it in the fridge for later which she doesnt have to do but shows that she knows if she doesnt eat her veggies one meal she knows shes having it for the next.

I know its harder to train a preteen, but stick with it. I like the idea of letting her pick out the vegetables, might make her feel like she has a little say.

SofaKingRad

I swear, all kids love to eat like crap. I saw that there is a kids workout video from Shawn T (beachbody). My daughter is 5 and wants to do it. But, your daughter sounds a little too old for it.

dakitten2

Lots of good ideas. I think trying to find something you both would like to do together would be fun, like joining a gym or YMCA. Anything to get her up and moving.

Also, she is at an age when some kids are a little chubby. I was that way in 7th and 8th grade. The summer between 8th grade and high school, all of a sudden my body started changing and I dropped 20 pounds that summer without even trying.

Also eliminate bad foods in the house if she cant do portion control. Send her to school with a healthy lunch perhaps. School lunches can be bad calorie wise unless they have a healthy food portion like my children's school did. Make sure you are preparing healthy meals and maybe get her involved in the preparation.

LindaLouLu

Hi,

I noticed the same thing starting with my older children, so I signed everyone up for the YMCA. We all (everyone except the dog) head to the gym 5 days a week for an hour. Before even the first visit. I made it clear what was expected (This place costs good money, if I don't see you shucking your buns at some -ANY- activity, I will make sure that the NEXT visit you will sit out while the rest of us do something fun and pointless-The pool-) It's worked out pretty good for us. After going for the last 6 months we've only had 2 sit out incidents. 1 for each child.
I also banned all "junk" from the fridge & cupboards. I do the shopping, they eat what I buy. If they don't like it, they're more than welcome to wait for the next meal, but guess what?! That one's good for you too.
I have 2 of 3 incredibly picky eaters. They refuse fruits and veggies at every turn. So I starting cutting, shredding and chopping and hiding them in meals. What? That green stuff? Nope that's not spinach, it's Oregano!!
I see lots of great ideas floating around your thread. I'm sure something will work for you. I wish you the very very best of luck!!

ironanimal

Swimming is about the best sport for those not interested in sport at all I say this having worked as a Swimming Instructor with kids aged 5 months to 16 years old. Nearly all of them did no other sport, and those that did usually did gymnastics and the like.

I'm sure you're a fine swimming instructor.

Among the sports I hate (which is most of them), swimming is my worst nightmare. I would say not all who dislike sports would like swimming.

I've helped more than a few people get over a fear of water. I also worked with adult non-swimmers and people with disabilities, as well as amateur club competition level and EVERYONE is worried to start with. With a good instructor, you can really learn to love it. Maybe not everyone who dislikes sports will like, but every person I've ever taught has.

Edit; Forgot to add that if it's not a fear and just an aversion to getting your hair wet, well, you are beyond help :P

littlemsmuffet

I was 175 lbs by 12 y/o. I was 5'4" at the time, so I was quite the McFatty! What you are saying about your daughter is reminiscent of what people said about me so that's why I'm posting.

First major piece of advice: do NOT tell her she is "big-boned" unless you have the medical tests to prove it. That's what people always said to me but it didn't make sense at all - how does a skinny, consistently underweight kid suddenly shoot up 80 lbs in bone density? Within a year? That's what I wondered anyway so, yeah, don't say that.

But seriously...

The most important thing is for you to communicate that you love her the same whether she is fat or thin. You need to tell her that you are afraid her health will decline because of her eating habits. If her health declines, you might lose her and that would be sad and frightening and you love her too much for that. Encourage her to count calories. When I was starting out, the prospect of a salad vs. french fries was daunting (french fries, hands down!). Instead of telling her to "make healthy food choices", encourage her to eat less of the food she likes. That will serve her better in the long run. If she usually gets a combo #6 at McD's, encourage her to get a kid's meal (still 400 calories with a diet soda). She will soon learn that some foods are more filling than others. And definitely get her body composition tested as accurately as you can afford. If there is one thing I wish my parents had done for me, that's it. To know one's actual metabolically-active tissue and calories? Brilliant! I think those are good places to start. Don't worry about exercise yet...it might increase her appetite anyway. She will naturally start the "if I burn x calories I can eat x calories" and if you are worried about eating disorders, that's just as risky as restricting. Discourage ED's from the get-go, that's the most you can do.

Stefanie7125

I have heard that the dancing games on the wii are good for kids and get them up and moving without realizing it. I have a friend with a 4 year old that loves to play Just dance and will try to do the dances with us when we play. It is fun for all!

^^^^This!!! my daughter is 11 also and I worry about her health, she really isn't overweight, but I know she prefers junk food over healthy stuff and I can't control everything she eats. We got an Xbox for Christmas and we both dance, play soccer, do the adventure game, etc. There are lots of fun games that get us up and moving!!! (and she doesn't realize she's exercising!)

GeneaCindy

If she is spending a lot of time on the couch, or in front of the computer, any group activity would be better. Youth group, acting/drama classes, art classes. Something to get her out of the house, moving, and around other kids. I also like the idea of family time being active - skating, swimming, whatever your family can manage.

If you do the Wii stuff, let her see you (or the whole family) trying it. If she is anything like my kid, she will laugh a lot watching you trying to master the moves. It will make the workout seem like fun. Invite her friend over - they could both have fun.

Try sneaking fruits and veggies into a smoothie. Kids' appetites and tastes change over time. My son likes things now that he wouldn't go near when he was 11. Frankly, I'm not against a bribe to get a kid to try a new veg or fruit - we used $1 Matchbox cars successfully . (BTW, that's how we potty trained him too) :laugh:

Kids are smart, so be careful. You don't want to make the word "health" code for "you're overweight." My sister and I still laugh about how when my mom will see one of us she will say either, "You look great." Or, "Gee, your hair looks nice." The nice hair comment means we are still fat, or fatter, than the last time she saw us.

Best of luck to you!

khk2010

Get her active doing fun things that she loves. Take her to fun classes and acitvities. Don't put her on a diet or make her feel less because she is heavier. Have lots of yummy fruit and veggies she'll eat around. Also wi fit and dance are great.

catic

She is 11, your going to have to take control of what she is eating as the parent. What about enrolling in some healthy cooking classes with her. YOu guys get to do something together and learn that some veggies may taste yummy if cooked right!

2) get her into some type of activity, dance, running, the gym. Try to encourage she walks with you every night, or something. Children learn by observing their parents. If your active and your spouse is active, she will learn the behavour also.

loserforlife

stop buying junk food and it will not be there for her to eat. Buy fruit and veggies



bump

si_puedo

a theater kid.....ok, maybe ballet....it's very theatrical isn't it? i'm not sure since i'm not in it, but maybe....

MaximalLife

Get a hold of this now before her peers begin the cruel process of ripping apart her self-esteem.
And they will!
As a parent of 5 kids, I refuse to allow any of them to experience the terrible sector of being the "fat kid".

That's a pain from which we never recover.
You are the parent.
Take hold of this situation. It's all on you.

Here is what I do.
No junk food, and we eat healthy.

Further, I make the kids do daily exercise in addition to activities that get them moving.
On school nights, no internet, no vid games.

Simple deal.

AlmstHvn

You've gotten some really good advice for foods and exercise options. I wanted to talk something else you mentioned...

If she was really close to her grandparents, and you aren't doing this already, I highly recommend a support group for grieving children. The one locally here is Fernside, but if you Google "child grief support" with your city, odds are you'll turn something up in your area.. and a lot of them are free. After Katie's father died, we went for several months. They were phenomenal in helping kids resolve some of their questions, hurts, frustrations, etc. after losing someone close to them. While the children were in their group-play/sessions, their caretakers also had sessions... not just how to parent a child suffering through loss, but coping with your own loss, as well. I can't speak highly enough about them.

aregensb

I feel like I had a similar experience growing up, though I was active. I played softball, basketball, volleyball, and cheerleading. However, around the 5th grade (about 11 or so) I really started gaining weight. Admittedly, I did eat quite a bit but I was active and still overweight.

In 7th grade, after being a chubby little kid for ages ~10-12, I suddenly shot up like a bean pole. Suddenly I wasn't overweight anymore. And I'm now 5'10".

Then in high school, I started running cross country and doing track and field. And I also participated in our school's theatrical productions, both in plays and as crew. I was in pretty decent shape throughout high school.

My point is that her body could be preparing itself for a growth spurt. Until (and if) she gains that height, I would recommend trying to get her interested in healthier foods (you do have control over some of what she eats as you provide it) by asking her to cook with you. Maybe you could go to a pick your own veggies/fruits farm (try http://www.localharvest.org/ to find one) so she can see where these foods come from. Also, try to get her interested in less run-of-the-mill athletic activities. Maybe she would be interested in martial art or fencing or something that is not a team sport. I was one of the fat kids on sports teams for a couple years and I can tell you, it's no fun when the coach doesn't really play you. Ask her what athletic activity she really wants to do and maybe she'll stick with it.

Best of luck!

Edit: and for the love of god, please don't harp on her weight. My parents did that and it really hurt my feelings as a young child. Emphasis on HEALTH, not on "you're fat, I'm putting you on a diet."

And one more thing: don't be afraid to tell her that if she doesn't eat her veggies, she won't get anything else. My parents did this and I'm glad they did. My siblings and I are not picky eaters at all... my mom made us try EVERYTHING for at least a few bites. In fact, I'm probably the pickiest of the kids in my family since I'm not the hugest fan of fish and shellfish. However, I do still eat fish because it is healthy and I'm learning to like it. Shellfish... well there are just some things people don't like. :laugh:

SerenityRabit

...She is at the age where if YOU don't whip her into shape, something the OTHER KIDS will say will destroy her for life.
I would know, after being bullied for so long about being overweight, I obtained a eating disoder at age 12.
You just need to be straight up with her.

Zsangel

Well I didn't actually read ALL of these suggestions so I'm not sure if this has already been suggesten, but maybe try starting a vegetable garden together? She may be mor inclined to eat vegetables if she grows them herself and is proud of what she has accomplished? Make eating healthy fun for her