11 Year old needs help

jadedone

I was a chubby kid, and I was active. I played softball, rode my bike, when swimming, played outside, played video games, (I really liked my powerpad -- yup I am in my 30s.), I was a flag girl. I hated running and I hate gym class for that. But as soon as gym class changed from running around the track to learning how to play football, volleyball, and field hockey I thought it was fun. After the running part was over with. None of this really mattered. I never got smaller. My parents didn't try to get me to lose weight. They encouraged high self-esteem. Sure, they cold have done a better job about encouraging better eating habits and reducing junk food at home.

Her weight gain may be a sign of something or nothing at all. The most important thing you can do now is help her become more active in stuff she likes. Encourage here to take classes or lessons or join a rec team. Lead by example and eat the right foods, and encourage her to do the same: keeping her plate colorful and loaded with fruits and veggies.

Most importantly, help her get comfortable in her own skin. No matter if she has a little or a lot. It is great she is in theater, this can help with self-esteem and confidence. Many women struggle their entire lives with self-esteem because someone told them they weren't good enough as they are now, and this can lead to weight gain and all kinds of destructive behaviors in the future.

So even though, I have some pounds to lose, I am confident in myself and my self-worth, no matter what the scale says. And that has provided a lifetime of benefit for me.

peach05

I agree with a lot of the suggestions; make exercise fun, go on walks with her, teach portion control, put healthy things into less healthy items..

But, IMO, if she's already learning to stuff her feelings with food she might benefit from some counseling. Long term emotional eating can be very destructive. A counselor, particularly one that deals with grief can help her figure out some emotional outlets as well like journaling and just "talking motions through".

Good luck!

rbryntes

Swimming is about the best sport for those not interested in sport at all I say this having worked as a Swimming Instructor with kids aged 5 months to 16 years old. Nearly all of them did no other sport, and those that did usually did gymnastics and the like.

I'm sure you're a fine swimming instructor.

Among the sports I hate (which is most of them), swimming is my worst nightmare. I would say not all who dislike sports would like swimming.

ShrinkingChelle

My mom: Eat your beans
Me age 12: I hate beans
Mom: well you can either eat it for dinner now or for break fast tomorrow
beans for dinner it is.

Ive been doing this to my god daughter since she was 3, and now 5 if shes full she says im done auntie Ill put it in the fridge for later which she doesnt have to do but shows that she knows if she doesnt eat her veggies one meal she knows shes having it for the next.

I know its harder to train a preteen, but stick with it. I like the idea of letting her pick out the vegetables, might make her feel like she has a little say.

SofaKingRad

I swear, all kids love to eat like crap. I saw that there is a kids workout video from Shawn T (beachbody). My daughter is 5 and wants to do it. But, your daughter sounds a little too old for it.

dakitten2

Lots of good ideas. I think trying to find something you both would like to do together would be fun, like joining a gym or YMCA. Anything to get her up and moving.

Also, she is at an age when some kids are a little chubby. I was that way in 7th and 8th grade. The summer between 8th grade and high school, all of a sudden my body started changing and I dropped 20 pounds that summer without even trying.

Also eliminate bad foods in the house if she cant do portion control. Send her to school with a healthy lunch perhaps. School lunches can be bad calorie wise unless they have a healthy food portion like my children's school did. Make sure you are preparing healthy meals and maybe get her involved in the preparation.

LindaLouLu

Hi,

I noticed the same thing starting with my older children, so I signed everyone up for the YMCA. We all (everyone except the dog) head to the gym 5 days a week for an hour. Before even the first visit. I made it clear what was expected (This place costs good money, if I don't see you shucking your buns at some -ANY- activity, I will make sure that the NEXT visit you will sit out while the rest of us do something fun and pointless-The pool-) It's worked out pretty good for us. After going for the last 6 months we've only had 2 sit out incidents. 1 for each child.
I also banned all "junk" from the fridge & cupboards. I do the shopping, they eat what I buy. If they don't like it, they're more than welcome to wait for the next meal, but guess what?! That one's good for you too.
I have 2 of 3 incredibly picky eaters. They refuse fruits and veggies at every turn. So I starting cutting, shredding and chopping and hiding them in meals. What? That green stuff? Nope that's not spinach, it's Oregano!!
I see lots of great ideas floating around your thread. I'm sure something will work for you. I wish you the very very best of luck!!

ironanimal

Swimming is about the best sport for those not interested in sport at all I say this having worked as a Swimming Instructor with kids aged 5 months to 16 years old. Nearly all of them did no other sport, and those that did usually did gymnastics and the like.

I'm sure you're a fine swimming instructor.

Among the sports I hate (which is most of them), swimming is my worst nightmare. I would say not all who dislike sports would like swimming.

I've helped more than a few people get over a fear of water. I also worked with adult non-swimmers and people with disabilities, as well as amateur club competition level and EVERYONE is worried to start with. With a good instructor, you can really learn to love it. Maybe not everyone who dislikes sports will like, but every person I've ever taught has.

Edit; Forgot to add that if it's not a fear and just an aversion to getting your hair wet, well, you are beyond help :P

littlemsmuffet

I was 175 lbs by 12 y/o. I was 5'4" at the time, so I was quite the McFatty! What you are saying about your daughter is reminiscent of what people said about me so that's why I'm posting.

First major piece of advice: do NOT tell her she is "big-boned" unless you have the medical tests to prove it. That's what people always said to me but it didn't make sense at all - how does a skinny, consistently underweight kid suddenly shoot up 80 lbs in bone density? Within a year? That's what I wondered anyway so, yeah, don't say that.

But seriously...

The most important thing is for you to communicate that you love her the same whether she is fat or thin. You need to tell her that you are afraid her health will decline because of her eating habits. If her health declines, you might lose her and that would be sad and frightening and you love her too much for that. Encourage her to count calories. When I was starting out, the prospect of a salad vs. french fries was daunting (french fries, hands down!). Instead of telling her to "make healthy food choices", encourage her to eat less of the food she likes. That will serve her better in the long run. If she usually gets a combo #6 at McD's, encourage her to get a kid's meal (still 400 calories with a diet soda). She will soon learn that some foods are more filling than others. And definitely get her body composition tested as accurately as you can afford. If there is one thing I wish my parents had done for me, that's it. To know one's actual metabolically-active tissue and calories? Brilliant! I think those are good places to start. Don't worry about exercise yet...it might increase her appetite anyway. She will naturally start the "if I burn x calories I can eat x calories" and if you are worried about eating disorders, that's just as risky as restricting. Discourage ED's from the get-go, that's the most you can do.

Stefanie7125

I have heard that the dancing games on the wii are good for kids and get them up and moving without realizing it. I have a friend with a 4 year old that loves to play Just dance and will try to do the dances with us when we play. It is fun for all!

^^^^This!!! my daughter is 11 also and I worry about her health, she really isn't overweight, but I know she prefers junk food over healthy stuff and I can't control everything she eats. We got an Xbox for Christmas and we both dance, play soccer, do the adventure game, etc. There are lots of fun games that get us up and moving!!! (and she doesn't realize she's exercising!)

GeneaCindy

If she is spending a lot of time on the couch, or in front of the computer, any group activity would be better. Youth group, acting/drama classes, art classes. Something to get her out of the house, moving, and around other kids. I also like the idea of family time being active - skating, swimming, whatever your family can manage.

If you do the Wii stuff, let her see you (or the whole family) trying it. If she is anything like my kid, she will laugh a lot watching you trying to master the moves. It will make the workout seem like fun. Invite her friend over - they could both have fun.

Try sneaking fruits and veggies into a smoothie. Kids' appetites and tastes change over time. My son likes things now that he wouldn't go near when he was 11. Frankly, I'm not against a bribe to get a kid to try a new veg or fruit - we used $1 Matchbox cars successfully . (BTW, that's how we potty trained him too) :laugh:

Kids are smart, so be careful. You don't want to make the word "health" code for "you're overweight." My sister and I still laugh about how when my mom will see one of us she will say either, "You look great." Or, "Gee, your hair looks nice." The nice hair comment means we are still fat, or fatter, than the last time she saw us.

Best of luck to you!

khk2010

Get her active doing fun things that she loves. Take her to fun classes and acitvities. Don't put her on a diet or make her feel less because she is heavier. Have lots of yummy fruit and veggies she'll eat around. Also wi fit and dance are great.

catic

She is 11, your going to have to take control of what she is eating as the parent. What about enrolling in some healthy cooking classes with her. YOu guys get to do something together and learn that some veggies may taste yummy if cooked right!

2) get her into some type of activity, dance, running, the gym. Try to encourage she walks with you every night, or something. Children learn by observing their parents. If your active and your spouse is active, she will learn the behavour also.

loserforlife

stop buying junk food and it will not be there for her to eat. Buy fruit and veggies



bump

si_puedo

a theater kid.....ok, maybe ballet....it's very theatrical isn't it? i'm not sure since i'm not in it, but maybe....

MaximalLife

Get a hold of this now before her peers begin the cruel process of ripping apart her self-esteem.
And they will!
As a parent of 5 kids, I refuse to allow any of them to experience the terrible sector of being the "fat kid".

That's a pain from which we never recover.
You are the parent.
Take hold of this situation. It's all on you.

Here is what I do.
No junk food, and we eat healthy.

Further, I make the kids do daily exercise in addition to activities that get them moving.
On school nights, no internet, no vid games.

Simple deal.

AlmstHvn

You've gotten some really good advice for foods and exercise options. I wanted to talk something else you mentioned...

If she was really close to her grandparents, and you aren't doing this already, I highly recommend a support group for grieving children. The one locally here is Fernside, but if you Google "child grief support" with your city, odds are you'll turn something up in your area.. and a lot of them are free. After Katie's father died, we went for several months. They were phenomenal in helping kids resolve some of their questions, hurts, frustrations, etc. after losing someone close to them. While the children were in their group-play/sessions, their caretakers also had sessions... not just how to parent a child suffering through loss, but coping with your own loss, as well. I can't speak highly enough about them.

aregensb

I feel like I had a similar experience growing up, though I was active. I played softball, basketball, volleyball, and cheerleading. However, around the 5th grade (about 11 or so) I really started gaining weight. Admittedly, I did eat quite a bit but I was active and still overweight.

In 7th grade, after being a chubby little kid for ages ~10-12, I suddenly shot up like a bean pole. Suddenly I wasn't overweight anymore. And I'm now 5'10".

Then in high school, I started running cross country and doing track and field. And I also participated in our school's theatrical productions, both in plays and as crew. I was in pretty decent shape throughout high school.

My point is that her body could be preparing itself for a growth spurt. Until (and if) she gains that height, I would recommend trying to get her interested in healthier foods (you do have control over some of what she eats as you provide it) by asking her to cook with you. Maybe you could go to a pick your own veggies/fruits farm (try http://www.localharvest.org/ to find one) so she can see where these foods come from. Also, try to get her interested in less run-of-the-mill athletic activities. Maybe she would be interested in martial art or fencing or something that is not a team sport. I was one of the fat kids on sports teams for a couple years and I can tell you, it's no fun when the coach doesn't really play you. Ask her what athletic activity she really wants to do and maybe she'll stick with it.

Best of luck!

Edit: and for the love of god, please don't harp on her weight. My parents did that and it really hurt my feelings as a young child. Emphasis on HEALTH, not on "you're fat, I'm putting you on a diet."

And one more thing: don't be afraid to tell her that if she doesn't eat her veggies, she won't get anything else. My parents did this and I'm glad they did. My siblings and I are not picky eaters at all... my mom made us try EVERYTHING for at least a few bites. In fact, I'm probably the pickiest of the kids in my family since I'm not the hugest fan of fish and shellfish. However, I do still eat fish because it is healthy and I'm learning to like it. Shellfish... well there are just some things people don't like. :laugh:

SerenityRabit

...She is at the age where if YOU don't whip her into shape, something the OTHER KIDS will say will destroy her for life.
I would know, after being bullied for so long about being overweight, I obtained a eating disoder at age 12.
You just need to be straight up with her.

Zsangel

Well I didn't actually read ALL of these suggestions so I'm not sure if this has already been suggesten, but maybe try starting a vegetable garden together? She may be mor inclined to eat vegetables if she grows them herself and is proud of what she has accomplished? Make eating healthy fun for her

Bentley2718

As others have said, she won't starve if you stop bringing home crap for her to eat and present her with healthier options. Try to get her to help cook, that often helps with kids. Also try to find more healthy stuff she does like. Encourage her to be active any way you can. Swimming is good, but girls that age can be weird about bathing suites. Family walks, bike rides, maybe kid's yoga classes (or if she doesn't like other kids, adult classes even). If she likes animals, maybe you can get her to volunteer to walk dogs at a shelter a couple of times a week. Just some ideas.

Also, don't let the flat feet thing scare you too much. I was discouraged from a lot of activity as a kid because I have very very flat feet. Turns out, now that I'm not obese, my feet don't hurt nearly as bad, and I can do all sorts of stuff I was afraid to do as a kid. I even got the okay from a doctor to try running (something I was told NEVER to do as a child).

I agree with the person who said don't mention weight. She probably knows she's heavy, mentioning it won't help. Try to make changes that involve everyone in the household, that way she won't feel singled out.

BellydanceBliss

The way I got my son to walk with me is I simply invited him to walk with me. He jumped at the chance. Had I thought it would have been that easy I would have done that 2 ago. Dont put a lot of focus on it. My mother did that to me and it is why I am heavy now. I developed an eating disorder that spanned many years.

Contrarian

Wow. Childhood sure is different now than it was when i was growing up. I'm not judging, but it's strange to me. My grandparents died, and I coped. No one noticed or commented on my weight. (I was underweight)

I don't envy parents, these days. There is a potential to overthink everything and that would drive me crazy.

sailorsiren13

I have a picky one who has a texture thing and he is eating because if he doesn't eat dinner he doesn't eat anymore. He is my baby and i figured out i was catering to him and his wants not his needs. We also don't play cartoons but maybe if hes lucky once a week. We have quit eating fast food. We have a kinect, wii, swingset, and pool in the summer physical fitness and imagination is encouraged. Almost all of his temper tantrums have stopped now and our house is much calmer for everyone.

em1976

This quote 'I have to own the fact I let him be that way'.Yes there are issues aside from the eating but what you bring into the house can pave the way toward bad eating.If you bring the crap into the house she will eat it.Baby steps tackling each issue with a good start changing what you buy.I can understand she will have access to other foods but perhaps look into making homemade sugar free cookies,homemade chips etc and having them in the cupboard replacing the excess things you may normally buy.Yes you and the remainder of your family will have to forgo some junkfood for a bit but if you can make it into a family issue of removing the bad stuff and do some cooking days together of sweets that are good for you all perhaps she may come to like/try what you are making.Essentially you may be doing your best to help her but also unintentionally allowing her the food that she should not be eating.The cooking time may also help her open up a little more in regards to how she is feeling.

footballmom2000

I have an 11 year old son who was 15 lbs overweigh for football and was just carrying a little extra baby fat. He started eating a lot of salad, meat and whey protein shakes for breakfast to take the weigh off. He went from a 30 inch waist to 28 inch waist. He looks fit for 5ft 2in. The 15lbs difference made a BIG difference on the field as well. This was his 4th year of football and he made the All-Star team for our county. Now if he finds his jeans are getting tight, he just adjusts his eating habits to lose the weight. Hopes this help.

My other son is 6 yrs old and needs to easily lose 30-40 lbs (he is 4ft 6in)---> he was 115lbs at the begin of the new year. Since he loves fruits and carbs. He has always been a good eater but eats in excess (3-4 bananas at one sitting if he can get to the food) He has lost 6lbs since 1/2/12 just because I have the food hidden from him. It is still a constant struggle but it helped alot any additional ideas would be appreciated. I found keeping granola bars, fruit bars up high where he can't get to them without asking to be helpful. We have also decided as a family to elminate all unhealthy snacks (ice creams, chip, candy) from our home. He still gets treat like that just in small portions from the store. Hope this helps.

finding_my_way

This is such an important age and I still battle with how to handle it with my 16 year old. My tips would be:

1) do NOT buy junk, you buy the groceries, so YOU control what is in the house, make sure you have some yummy HEALTHY alternatives (low calorie popcorn, wheat instead of white bread, etc... little changes can make a big difference)

2) Talk to your daughter, this is crucial, she must know that health is a concern and while she is beautiful, you are concerned for her health, realistically she needs to know this

3) make her meals when you can, I pack my daughters lunch and make sure it's healthy

4) walk together and try out a new class together, tell her that you are nervous to go alone and need her support, there are some great zumba classes here for parents and kids up to 13

5) do NOT feel guilty about talking to your daughter about this in a positive manner, make sure you are delicate and do not use terms like "fat" or "obese", but concentrate on health issues

Just my two cents, good luck!!

kimiec

The one thing that stood out to me about your post is your daughter is ADHA and has a thing with texture when it comes to food. My son is ADHA and has the same problem he is now 18 and he tells me all the time mom in order for me to eat certain things I have to hide them in my food. It's not there fault they have this thing with texture it's just something some kids have when they ADHA. I think there are alot of good ideas on here but not having or hold certain food back from her isn't going to help I have and always will think this is the dumbest thing you can do it just makes you want it all the more, I am an adult and I want something sweet just about everyday. I think trying to find recipes that are what is considered junk foods can now be made healthier these days. But my number one suggestion is talk with your daughter about her feelings and ask her question if need be be direct don't make them yes/no question. I did this and still do this with my son and he tells me mom this is the best thing you could have ever done for me. I think being conserned about her weight is ok but to make much out of it will just make her feel worse the best thing is to help her see she is beautiful no matter what.

noxma

I would ignore the weight for now, and concentrate on other issues.
As someone else mentioned, grief counselling if she is having difficulty dealing with losing her great grandmothers.
If there has been a significant change in medication side effects, change the meds again. (ADHD meds can suppress appetite and delay growth).
Have you looked into SPD/SID? http://www.livestrong.com/article/490370-food-intolerance-in-sensory-integration-disorder/ - you may be able to find professional help with texture issues.
Encourage theatre. Even if it's not as active as you would like, it's important that she feels like she belongs somewhere.
Ask her to walk with you. Park really far from the doors whenever you can.
Good luck!

maryjay51

see if you can find her something that she likes to do that keeps her active ... there has to be something that would spark her interest .. and if she likes to eat nothing but c@@p then dont buy it .... we tend to use eating as a recreation..how many people can go to the movies without eating candy or popcorn for example