For the guys ... is ignoring the best way?

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  • djsysstem
    djsysstem Posts: 115 Member
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    Interesting topic, just in time for my situation. So this girl is giving me every bit of a hint that she likes me by giving me compliments on helping her with projects, calls me dear, sweety, and all those beautiful things. I say it right back and appreciate it all. She already has a fiance, but doesn't wear her ring and doesn't know if she should marry him or not. We practically became good, if not best friends over 9 months and I didn't give her any ideas about getting together before yesterday. We text each other, meet up once a week to talk and stuff, but not something you would call a date.

    So, I confessed to her that I like her and want to hang out more, and she right there (by TXT) told me that she appreciates everything I've done for her, but we're nothing more than friends. Now she has been extremely nice to me, as I have been to her, I knew about her situation with fiance and suggested what she could do if she doesn't love him enough to marry.

    Does she like me and should i chase after her or give it up and be best pals? Or move on to someone else?
  • mattpusateri
    mattpusateri Posts: 10 Member
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    Just be direct.

    Guys can reading being ignored in many ways, not many of them good. Instead, be straightforward, but casual. I agree with the other guys who said that we tend to be clueless and miss a lot of hints from women. We also waste a lot of our brainpower thinking about stuff like football, video games, and poker and often don't catch the little subtle hints women may be sprinkling in front of us.

    Suggest grabbing a drink, or going out to shoot pool, or getting Thai food sometime. Something fun where you can laugh and have a little fun without the weight of big expectations. Somewhere along the way, you can hit the switch and turn on flirt mode...


    Good luck...
  • duharvalgt
    duharvalgt Posts: 320
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    To a certain extent "absence makes the heart grow fonder": but in my case it didn't, I didn't know my ex liked me until she told me so. Most times I just thought she was ignoring me
  • timmymon
    timmymon Posts: 304 Member
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    i hate when people play games...If you like somebody go for it! It makes everything much easier and natural when you actually do hangout. If somebody ignores me I just stop trying and completely lose interest
  • Smuterella
    Smuterella Posts: 1,623 Member
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    He knows I like him ... that is not as issue.

    Then what's the issue?

    Sometimes he seems interested ... other times he doesn't. It seems the more I talk to him, the more he backs off. The more I back off, the more he talks to me. So then my friends told me to just ignore him ... and I'm clueless. My thinking is if I ignore him, he'll think I'm no longer interested. I'm so confused.

    Ohhh - If he is backing off when you give him your attention, he is probably not the guy for you, sweetie. You should back off yourself, and start looking for other relationship possibilities.

    What is that horrid but oh so true phrase "He's just not that into you"

    If he knows you like him and hasn't made a move yet then I think you need to write it off.
  • danibabs
    danibabs Posts: 298 Member
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    I told my guy I liked him. He said he didn't want to ruin our friendship. I started to move on (wasn't ignoring him but stopped trying to impress him/flirting). A month later we were dating - he made the first move - and we've been together since. Just my personal experience.
  • KimmieBrie
    KimmieBrie Posts: 825 Member
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    Honestly don't flat out ignore a guy. But don't make it so easy and available. That is definitely when I become uninterested in a girl. If she is too easy it makes it seem like she's desperate.

    What the heck is so easy and available? What's too easy to you? If a man thinks a direct approach - meaning - saying something like " I'm interested in getting to know you better, how about dinner?" is easy or desperate - then they've got some twisted view of things probably from playing too many games.

    If a woman is semi-stalking a man - txting & calling all day, following them around, showing up on purpose where they know that man will be - well that's another story...
  • raige123
    raige123 Posts: 352
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    I am a woman not a guy, so pardon me posting please. But I have a lot of adult nephews (6) and live by a fire station where I know the men very well, so they ask me about women and what's up with us or "what our deal is"..... They hate games, they also hate clingy women who text every 30 seconds. From what I can gather from them, be natural but be direct....once.... if there is no reply then he is not interested. But don't play with him to see if he will come running, I know men who have figured this tactic out and avoid the woman on purpose, finding the chase me thing a bit lame. Sorry if that was blunt. I am not always the best at getting a point across subtly. :ohwell:

    Actually ... this made a lot of sense! And brutal honesty is the only way to be! :)
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    I can tell you, if I'd ignored my husband, acted busier than I was, brushed him off, etc. we would NOT be together. That said, I wasn't needy or clingy in our early relationship. I made it clear I was interested, touched base about once a week early on, but wasn't pushy/clingy/needy. A lot depends on the personality, if he's a "chaiser," then he might respond to "playing hard to get," but a lot of guys aren't. I'd say make your interest known, and see how he responds. If you know he's shy, you'll likely need to be more forward than with less shy guys.
  • chauncyrenayCHANGED
    chauncyrenayCHANGED Posts: 788 Member
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    Flirt a little, let him know you brought your trunks to the pool party, then back off and see if he responds.

    Agree.
  • angiemartin78
    angiemartin78 Posts: 475 Member
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    Here's the thing, when you're in your 30s, if a guy's not mature enough to put the games aside, he's not worth your time. I say, walk up to him say something like, "Hi. I think you're interesting and I want to get to know you better. Do you want to get together for some coffee or something?" Guys like instructions.

    ^^^Love it...Especially the instructions part!
  • Okieace
    Okieace Posts: 56
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    If you ignore him how is he suppose to know you are interested? Maybe by letting him know you will catch his attention. Women are treasures, they should be respected, pursued, fought for, and valued. You need to find a guy willing to pursue you and fight for you. But he isn't likely to put in the effort if you don't catch his attention and drop him hints.
  • grapenutSF
    grapenutSF Posts: 648 Member
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    Everyone's different, of course, but I'd say it depends on age and maturity level. Directness without neediness is generally appreciated in adulthood.
  • PepeGreggerton
    PepeGreggerton Posts: 986 Member
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    For me personally, I prefer direct approach with no game playing. I would assume that if you are playing games now, it will continue, and that would turn me off.

    ^This, I don't chase. I don't play games.
  • nilesbollinger
    nilesbollinger Posts: 86 Member
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    Direct is best IMO.
  • Chagama
    Chagama Posts: 543 Member
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    If being ignored means a girl likes me, then I guess all the girls back in High School must have really liked me.
  • bigjeffyc105_deleted
    bigjeffyc105_deleted Posts: 64
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    I would just talk to him, communication is key and if you don't have that you can't have anything..
  • Hollhollholly
    Hollhollholly Posts: 8
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    My friends going through the same sort of thing, she's always the first to talk to him. I think waiting for him to initiate talking won't kill anyone and might help you figure out if he's willing to make the effort but don't outright ignore him if he does lol
  • YouAreTheShit
    YouAreTheShit Posts: 510 Member
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    Anything put a direct comment is pointless. The passive approach will only produce marginal results, if any. Be straight up...
  • Pir8Rav
    Pir8Rav Posts: 36 Member
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    Go with the direct approach - cuts the bull**** raises your self-worth value and you get what you want or at least its on the table and you've you drawn a line in the sand.

    Doesn't work when fishing though.

    Fish never jump in the boat - they like the games.

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