Am I fat?

QueenJayJay

Ugh, I hesitated before posting that. It was hard to put that out there for scrutiny. *shudder*

I totally know what you mean. I've weighed around 115 lbs for the majority of my life, until I had a baby. I'm still convinced I'm a size zero and xsmall.

QueenJayJay

I wish my Hubby wasn't asleep, but I know what he'd say. The middle. He likes curves

Yes! I can tell from his actions (wink, wink) that I'm hotter now to him than I ever was when I was teeny-weeny.

linzirussell

well im 5'10 and i used to be 282 and now im about 170 but i feel fatter than ever lol. everyone around me looks nice and i look horrible. i have some friends who are classified as obese and i find myself looking at them wishing i was the same size as them. i suppose in reality im smaller than them but in my head its a totally different story

kittenmitton

I still see myself as fat, even after losing 90 pounds (I weigh ~115 now). I know I'm smaller because I wear smaller sizes, but I still feel huuuuuge =/ I will be the first to admit I have an ED though and yes, I'm in treatment.

twinmama1987

I dont feel 'fat' but i dont feel thin either. I am at a point in my weight loss, where i dont know where i stand yet. I guess until I get under 135 i will feel this way. 134 is my cut off for over weight. (i am 5 ft 1) .. I am 147 now .

simplyblessed5

I've suffered from an ED for years but it mainly focuses on me. I never look at others and judge how skinny or fat they are. I'm only critical about myself. I've been as small as a girls size 14 and still thought I needed to lose.

And no honey, you are not fat!

Graciecny

I totally know what you mean. I've weighed around 115 lbs for the majority of my life, until I had a baby. I'm still convinced I'm a size zero and xsmall.

I was never a size zero or xs, but I was a happy 6 medium, without effort. Eat anything, never work out, had a metabolism to kill for.

Then I turned 35 and had a child. My wonderful metabolism deserted me. Two kids later, and I've gained the weight of my youngest child (7 year old!). LOL! As far as how you see people, I don't judge. When I do comment to the hub-ster about another person, my perception of my weight is apparently that I am heavier than I am. He has asked me to point out someone who is my size, and I invariably choose someone he perceives as being much heavier than me. It is weird how the mind works.

FWIW, I hate the way I look, and I AM fat. No doubt about it. If I looked like the size 16 in the image from earlier in the thread, I'd be absolutely content. But I'm a size 16W petite, and the way stuff is arranged isn't pretty at ALL. Much of it has to do with distribution of weight, I guess. I've seen others posting they are nearly the same height and weight as me, but my shape is atrocious, whereas they look faboo! ~shrug~

I do hope that when I lose weight my perception of myself changes appropriately. I don't want to lose weight only to still view myself as I am now.

lyddsmom

Eating disorders/image distortion disorders really do a number on you and affect you for years. I struggled with this from my teenage years into my young adult years. Even when my eating became more normal, I continued to see myself as fat. Counseling and working with a dietitian can help you get a better grip on what is healthy. Good luck and don't be ashamed to get help. As you can see from the comments many of us have struggled with the same thing.

57rainbows

Eating disorders are about a skewed view of one's self, not of health in general. That is to say, if someone has an eating disorder and thinks he/she is fat, it's because they have trouble seeing themselves accurately not because they think everyone over 100lbs is fat. So no, people with eating disorders don't necessarily go around thinking everyone else in the world is fat too; in fact many of them think they are much fatter and less attractive than everyone else. Hence the *disorder*. It's a complicated and very difficult disease - not to mention deadly.



Of course not all eating disorders have to do with weight or appearance at all. Mine was related to stress, control, depression, and coping - I didn't care about my or anyone else's weight and I hated it if people noticed I lost weight. I didn't have body dysmorphic disorder, in which people see themselves incorrectly, but I did have an unhealthy relationship with food that resulted in me starving myself for a few days at a time.

Never assume (-:

auroranflash

Kinda OT, but the checker girl at the grocery store yesterday totally popped off with "Are you pregnant?!"

I think my eyes got large when I looked at her. "No.... why?"

"Oh, I thought you were holding your belly!"

I had my wallet up and I was holding that. Talk about smashing someone's day (at least for the next hour, I got over it after that). I've been taking good care of myself, exercising, and lost weight, and I felt like someone just launched a brick at me.

Girls are super sensitive. Moral of the story: Asking someone if they're pregnant is NEVER A GOOD IDEA! :grumble:

piari

Er... I have no idea if I have an eating disorder or not, but I'm 5'5.5" and I currently weigh 104 pounds. My lowest weight was 101 pounds. At that weight, I felt like I looked exactly the same as I did at my initial weight of 116 pounds. Now, I feel huge compared to when I was at 101, even though I probably don't look any different. I know I'm not fat and I've never been truly fat; I just "feel" fat. Most other people look great to me. I can easily recognize when someone is huge or tiny. Any problem I might have is not clouding my vision of others, just of myself.

karley511

I completely understand this. It doesn't matter what size I am I always think I'm fat. I can't seem to see myself thinner than anyone. My husband just does not get it. He will tell me you are so much smaller than that person. I am 5'11" and weighed 137 all through high school and I thought I was huge because all the other girls wore size 0, my sister a 00, and I wore a 6. I was 250 at my heaviest and I WAS huge but even though I've lost 60 pounds I still see myself as huge.

Don't know if this makes sense for some of you it's just how I feel.

thepetiterunner

I think Fat is a state of mind, as well as a physical state, for some people.

I've had friends who have a hard time seeing themselves as they are, even after losing weight. I have days where I struggle to accurately see myself as well and I'm not what most people here would probably consider "fat" (i.e. I'm pretty fitness oriented, I work out regularly, eat well, have a healthy BMI, a decently good body fat %). But again, these aren't things I consider when I see myself in the mirror.

It's a lot about your perspective and not necessarily reality.

binkxo3

I am 5’8 about 165-170 I feel huge. Everyone who knows I am working out yells at me. They all say the same thing “If you lose anymore weight you will disappear. Uh thanks for trying to be nice and all but you haven’t seen me naked. I may “Look thin” when I am clothed, but when the clothes come off I will make you vomit. I hate when people feel the need to step up and say something when they don’t know what you are thinking/feeling.

How ever, back to the OP, when I was younger I had an ED. It wasn’t huge or blown out of proportion, and I would like to technically call it OCD RE Food, Instead. I counted calories to the T. I worked out 50% of the calories I ate daily. I ate Fruits and Veggies, on a low calorie diet (about 900) I never saw anyone as fat. It wasn’t them I was worried about, it was me. I have always carried my weight differently than my friends and I stopped caring after a while. Which made it worse, now I am a cow and trying to fix that.

Mandykinz2008

Eating disorders are extremely complicated and hard to explain. In High School I was an active anorexic and at 70 pounds could have sworn I was still obese. After inpatient treatment for that I ended up bulimic in college. Treatment for that. As someone who's been through the system twice and lived with EDs as long as I can remember, no, there is no judgement passed on someone's size. Eating Disorders in general have nothing to do with food to begin with..it's just an outlet. EDs are extremely selfish diseases, and the only person whose size matters, is your own. I thought my friends were thin and I was obese and I looked like a walking skeleton. Eating Disordered people don't tend to pass judgement on others, they know logically what they see is wrong, but it's a very hard thing to overcome. All just a state of mind..

jcstanton

Got this from Facebook

I am larger (always has been) than the "National Average"

I agree with an earlier poster who said that they should've posted the height of these models. The middle is what I'd like to look like, but at 5'4" I'd probably have to wear a size 6 or 8 to look like that. If I wore a size 12 at my height, I'd look more like the model on the right. IMO, the one on the left looks a little underweight. The one in the middle looks the most healthy to me.

Swampstar

I'm 5'7" and up until a year ago I was 120lbs. In my head I looked huge, to everyone else I was just bones. Everyone compares themselves to others, but when we obsess about it that's when it becomes a problem. I was borderline body dysmorphia, never officially diagnosed because my weight never dropped low enough, I was however taken off of a nursing placement because I was working in an ED unit and was slimmer than some of the people in there.

I'm currently fluctuating between 148lbs and 154lbs and according to my mother 'now have a shape'. I hate it and want to be back down to 120lbs. I know though that mine is obsessive, and always will be.

Other peoples weight however doesn't bother me. I have a friend who is anorexic (unfortunately not in recovery yet) and she agrees that EDs only make you care about yourself. It doesn't matter how big or small anyone else is, or how other people perceive you, it's the image in your head and in the mirror that you obsess about, all day and all night.

Hambone23

I watched this rather interesting movie called "Disfigured" about a morbidly obese woman in a fat acceptance group who isn't actually happy being fat and an anorexic woman she becomes friends with. (There's a cameo from a Biggest Loser winner in it, I do believe.) It's an interesting watch for a variety of reasons.

But per the OP's question, there's a poignant point in the movie where the anorexic woman tells her obese friend that when she sees herself in a mirror, she thinks she looks gross. The obese woman sort of sits up and asks, "Is that what you think when you see me? That I'm gross?" And ashamedly, but truthfully, the anorexic woman answers, "Yes."

Granted, it's a movie. But that popped to mind when I read this thread. Interesting movie about weight issues.

binkxo3

"I agree with an earlier poster who said that they should've posted the height of these models. The middle is what I'd like to look like, but at 5'4" I'd probably have to wear a size 6 or 8 to look like that. If I wore a size 12 at my height, I'd look more like the model on the right. IMO, the one on the left looks a little underweight. The one in the middle looks the most healthy to me."


I agree with you completely!! I am 5'8, and weight 170 my figure is definitively more the model on the right, but I wear a Size 11/12/13

astrasburger

I had a friend who had suffered from an eating disorder (medically declared and dealt with) in high school before we met. She and i were same height and similar build when we met in college (5'8/5'9 approx 135 - 140 lbs) and she was an obsessive exerciser. She would always comment towards me that hated that we wore the same size but i didn't work out. There were a lot of jealousy issues on her hand...but all out of my control. Because it was a control thing for her. I was happy with being me...and she was not. That was the jealousy part.

It was something i always felt guilty about...like i felt i should make her feel better...but until they "heal" themselves from the inside out...nothing is ever fixed.