Dr. Phil - Open Marriage

FitLink

If you want an "open" relationship, why get married? To me that's just playing games with lives and society. And what ever happened to morals?

I don't want to judge anybody, but isn't there some responsibility to live your life with some boundaries? You can call it morals, responsibility, integrity, or devotion.

If you choose to live under the term marriage, shouldn't that include being faithful and devoted to one person?

Where ever did you get the idea that you got to decide what is moral? If it doesn't harm the person or property of a non-consenting other, it ain't nobody's business what I do. I Suggesting people don't have boundaries just because their boundaries aren't the same as yours is pretty arrogant, if you ask me. What makes your boundaries better than mine? Seriously. Tell me why, if neither of us harms the person or property of a non-consenting other, is your version of morality better than mine? Why do you get to decide? What makes you so special?

dlyeates

I'm too jealous for this type of relationship. I refuse to share my husband with anyone. When I got married my vows were to my husband....no one else entered into those vows with us!!!

I also don't believe just because people are okay with it that it makes it right. There are many things in our society that aren't right but because people say it's okay then you are looked down upon for saying it's not right. I don't agree with this type of thinking.

MFPAddict

Yep, this thread will be closed soon.

nanodot

An open marriage means the two involved really aren't committed to each other.

Same wavelength.

Binary thinking. Why can't I be deeply committed to more than one person? That's like saying I can only love one of my kids.

That's completely different.

Why?

Love between you & your spouse is different to the love you share with your children, do you really need me to spell out why, to you?

Yes, because you are saying that "love is finite".

I can be in love with multiple adults. I can love multiple children as their parent. I can love people I just met who have sparkly happy souls and love them for the rest of my life even if I never see them again. I can love X deeply and truly, and love Y deeply and truly, and marry Y because we are more compatible on practical levels.

.
Love is a giving thing, it is big and deep and wide, and I am very good at it.

If you love your wife/husband the same way you love a person you just met, then there's something wrong.
It's a different love altogether.

Perhaps you are conflating love and intimacy?

Love means "I see you who for who you really are, and I accept all the wonderful and crappy things about you just as you are, and you bring me joy."

I certainly know my fiance better than I know one of those struck-by-lightning-loves (which are rare, too). We are intellectually and emotionally deeply intimate, we understand each other almost perfectly. We have well established trust and friendship.

I probably do love him more perfectly than I love most anyone else; but it is not a large or necessary distinction. Love just IS.

pinuplove

Yep, this thread will be closed soon.

But fun while it lasted!

Wileyjoe

I is the winner :flup:

Kandygirl

i couldn't do it. i cant share my man and the thought of being with someone other then him doesn't apeal to me. but hey, different strokes for different folks.

DieVixen

Me an my husband go to swingers clubs,we dont swap but we have brought another girl for me to have fun with. our realonship is more stable and happy than almost all the married people i know.
most of the couples ive met at these clubs are nice happy people.
you dont like it dont do it that simple

Jenncoc86

it takes different strokes

AmberJslimsAWAY

Differnt strokes. Who are you to judge?

paigemarie93

I'm too jealous for this type of relationship. I refuse to share my husband with anyone. When I got married my vows were to my husband....no one else entered into those vows with us!!!

I also don't believe just because people are okay with it that it makes it right. There are many things in our society that aren't right but because people say it's okay then you are looked down upon for saying it's not right. I don't agree with this type of thinking.

this, so much.

PaleoPath4Lyfe

If you want an "open" relationship, why get married? To me that's just playing games with lives and society. And what ever happened to morals?

I don't want to judge anybody, but isn't there some responsibility to live your life with some boundaries? You can call it morals, responsibility, integrity, or devotion.

If you choose to live under the term marriage, shouldn't that include being faithful and devoted to one person?

Where ever did you get the idea that you got to decide what is moral? If it doesn't harm the person or property of a non-consenting other, it ain't nobody's business what I do. I Suggesting people don't have boundaries just because their boundaries aren't the same as yours is pretty arrogant, if you ask me. What makes your boundaries better than mine? Seriously. Tell me why, if neither of us harms the person or property of a non-consenting other, is your version of morality better than mine? Why do you get to decide? What makes you so special?

Exactly!!!

I feel as long as I am involved in my community, abide by the man made laws of said community, try to love as God says we should (with an open heart and mind) and be welcoming of others into our lives for different reasons.

Live.

Love

Be Happy.

fbmandy55

Me an my husband go to swingers clubs,we dont swap but we have brought another girl for me to have fun with. our realonship is more stable and happy than almost all the married people i know.
most of the couples ive met at these clubs are nice happy people.
you dont like it dont do it that simple

AMEN!

rockerbabyy

Me an my husband go to swingers clubs,we dont swap but we have brought another girl for me to have fun with. our realonship is more stable and happy than almost all the married people i know.
most of the couples ive met at these clubs are nice happy people.
you dont like it dont do it that simple

good for you hubby and i dont go to clubs, but we've had some fun with other people before.

hdroddy

Yep, this thread will be closed soon.

:laugh:

Espressocycle

In theory, I wouldn't mind getting some on the side or my lady doing the same, but I don't know - without the emotional connection, I don't really enjoy sex as much.

FitLink

If you want an "open" relationship, why get married? To me that's just playing games with lives and society. And what ever happened to morals?

I don't want to judge anybody, but isn't there some responsibility to live your life with some boundaries? You can call it morals, responsibility, integrity, or devotion.

If you choose to live under the term marriage, shouldn't that include being faithful and devoted to one person?

Where ever did you get the idea that you got to decide what is moral? If it doesn't harm the person or property of a non-consenting other, it ain't nobody's business what I do. I Suggesting people don't have boundaries just because their boundaries aren't the same as yours is pretty arrogant, if you ask me. What makes your boundaries better than mine? Seriously. Tell me why, if neither of us harms the person or property of a non-consenting other, is your version of morality better than mine? Why do you get to decide? What makes you so special?

Exactly!!!

I feel as long as I am involved in my community, abide by the man made laws of said community, try to love as God says we should (with an open heart and mind) and be welcoming of others into our lives for different reasons.

Live.

Love

Be Happy.

Thank you. She won't reply. I promise you she thinks her "morals" and "boundaries" are self-evident and if I don't share them I lack "morals" and "boundaries" altogether. I just wish I understood why so many people get so upset about what other people do in private. I often wonder if they wish they could do the same things and are jealous because they can't bring themselves to do it so they don't want anyone else to either. Can't think of any other reason.

hdroddy

If you want an "open" relationship, why get married? To me that's just playing games with lives and society. And what ever happened to morals?

I don't want to judge anybody, but isn't there some responsibility to live your life with some boundaries? You can call it morals, responsibility, integrity, or devotion.

If you choose to live under the term marriage, shouldn't that include being faithful and devoted to one person?

Where ever did you get the idea that you got to decide what is moral? If it doesn't harm the person or property of a non-consenting other, it ain't nobody's business what I do. I Suggesting people don't have boundaries just because their boundaries aren't the same as yours is pretty arrogant, if you ask me. What makes your boundaries better than mine? Seriously. Tell me why, if neither of us harms the person or property of a non-consenting other, is your version of morality better than mine? Why do you get to decide? What makes you so special?

I do agree with this. An open marriage would never be for me, for many reasons. For many reasons, I believe it to be a bad idea. But neither I nor anyone else has the right to judge someone who does choose that, provided that they are breaking no laws and causing no harm to others. Only whatever higher power you happen to believe in has the power to do that. Each of us has made enough mistakes in our own lives that we have no basis upon which to stand in judgement of someone else's choices.

HollyRutledge

I didn't watch either but to each their own.

My husband asks if he can have a second wife all the time. I say if she cooks, cleans, takes care of the kids and him.... I am all for it!

I am muslim and its ok to have more than one wife, but that means he has to support both (or all) wives in every way according to Islam (financially, emotionally, physically, etc), and the duties of a husband are so heavy that it would be difficult to do. He also has to support any children that come along as well. But nowadays most muslim men love the first wife so much, and most of them are not rich, so they just keep one wife. If you notice it is usually sheikhs and such that have multiple wives, because they are rich and don't spend hours at work everyday so they can take care of their wives. Totally different perspective I know. But to me an "open marriage" is nothing more than sleeping around...no commitment...promiscuity. JMI

dlyeates

An open marriage means the two involved really aren't committed to each other.

Same wavelength.

Binary thinking. Why can't I be deeply committed to more than one person? That's like saying I can only love one of my kids.

Bingo

Different type of love. I would hope you don't love your kids the same way that you love your spouse. Love can be given to many people. Married love with the intimacy and deepness that is different than love to a child, love to a parent, love to a friend is on such a different level that I personally do NOT believe you can have that level of commitment to more than one person at a time.