Dr. Phil - Open Marriage

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  • livnlite
    livnlite Posts: 520
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    The term 'right or wrong' is all relative to the standards we abide by individually and collectively...not to mention 'legally'. This is what is often referred to as a 'moral compass'. It also depends where the 'moral compass' is centered. Most often, it is in relation to religion .. but not always. Whether or not you choose to be moralistic or opportunistic .. each is a choice, each comes with pro's and con's, not to mention consequences.

    In our society, the majority of our population is taught and expected to be monogamous from a very early age due to our religious origins on this continent (except for Muslims who are not neccessarily as monogamously based as Christians or Catholics, for instance) .. If you choose otherwise, it's like swimming against the current ... you have to deal with consequences that follow. I don't think humans are physiologically equipped to handle those repercussions easily.

    Life is complicated enough without having to delve into interpersonal and shared relationships. I wouldn't choose that way of life for anything...Just not for me.
  • HollyRutledge
    HollyRutledge Posts: 250 Member
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    The term 'right or wrong' is all relative to the standards we abide by individually and collectively...not to mention 'legally'. Whether or not you choose to be moralistic or opportunistic .. each is a choice, each comes with pro's and con's, not to mention consequences.

    In our society, the majority of our population is taught and expected to be monogamous from a very early age .. If you choose otherwise, it's like swimming against the current ... you have to deal with consequences that follow. I don't think humans are physiologically equipped to handle those repercussions easily.

    Life is complicated enough without having to delve into interpersonal and shared relationships. I wouldn't choose that way of life for anything...Just not for me.

    Awesome educated opinion...love it. Also, sometimes people are told they must obey "man's law" even if it trumps "God's law", which is what our parents (most of us anyway) taught us to obey since childhood.
  • paigemarie93
    paigemarie93 Posts: 778 Member
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    An open marriage means the two involved really aren't committed to each other.

    Same wavelength.

    Binary thinking. Why can't I be deeply committed to more than one person? That's like saying I can only love one of my kids.

    Bingo

    Different type of love. I would hope you don't love your kids the same way that you love your spouse. Love can be given to many people. Married love with the intimacy and deepness that is different than love to a child, love to a parent, love to a friend is on such a different level that I personally do NOT believe you can have that level of commitment to more than one person at a time.

    ^THANK YOU!
  • tyra47
    tyra47 Posts: 97
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    I do not see anything wrong with it. As long as everyone invoilved knows the rules and are consenting adults.
  • hdroddy
    hdroddy Posts: 122
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    The term 'right or wrong' is all relative to the standards we abide by individually and collectively...not to mention 'legally'. Whether or not you choose to be moralistic or opportunistic .. each is a choice, each comes with pro's and con's, not to mention consequences.

    In our society, the majority of our population is taught and expected to be monogamous from a very early age .. If you choose otherwise, it's like swimming against the current ... you have to deal with consequences that follow. I don't think humans are physiologically equipped to handle those repercussions easily.

    Life is complicated enough without having to delve into interpersonal and shared relationships. I wouldn't choose that way of life for anything...Just not for me.

    Very well said.
  • nanodot
    nanodot Posts: 154 Member
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    "I personally do NOT believe you can have that level of commitment to more than one person at a time."

    I accept that you can't. That's ok. Some people are just naturally monogamous.

    But I, actually, CAN.

    And it's awesome.
  • HollyRutledge
    HollyRutledge Posts: 250 Member
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    "I personally do NOT believe you can have that level of commitment to more than one person at a time."

    I accept that you can't. That's ok. Some people are just naturally monogamous.

    But I, actually, CAN.

    And it's awesome.


    I think you can, and as long as the others can too, it is fine....I just think there should be some form of responsibility. They should all get the same respect and treatment as the wife. Being a mistress is often subject to disrespect from all angles. Not right, but that's usually how it is.
  • genabug
    genabug Posts: 1,820 Member
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    hmmmmm...... sounds like an idea! My question is, how do you go about bringing the topic up!?
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,849 Member
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    hmmmmm...... sounds like an idea! My question is, how do you go about bringing the topic up!?

    That's a good question. My fiancé was the one that brought it up. NOTE: We're not in an open relationship, we have just had one girl to come and play. I'm way more comfortable having a girl than adding an extra male.
  • rockerbabyy
    rockerbabyy Posts: 2,258 Member
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    hmmmmm...... sounds like an idea! My question is, how do you go about bringing the topic up!?
    it was easy for me, im bisexual and my husband always wanted to see me with another woman. it kinda branched out from there, but there was always a discussion of that happening.
  • Captain_Tightpants
    Captain_Tightpants Posts: 2,215 Member
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    Just had a realization over lunch, all of the polyamorous/open relationship folk I know work hard for social causes, kids with autism, violence shelters, animal rights and such... and ask for very little in return. If I had to paint them all with a single description it would be "more generous and compassionate than usual".

    I think some people just have more love to go around in general.

    Maybe the world would be a nicer place if there were more people like that.
  • birdieintx
    birdieintx Posts: 298
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    An open marriage means the two involved really aren't committed to each other.

    Same wavelength.

    Binary thinking. Why can't I be deeply committed to more than one person? That's like saying I can only love one of my kids.

    Bingo

    Different type of love. I would hope you don't love your kids the same way that you love your spouse. Love can be given to many people. Married love with the intimacy and deepness that is different than love to a child, love to a parent, love to a friend is on such a different level that I personally do NOT believe you can have that level of commitment to more than one person at a time.

    And I believe that a person can. And I would never tell anyone it isn't possible to be monogamous. Obviously, for many people, it is and it is satisfying. And obviously from the varying opions on this thread it is possible to be happily nonmonogamous as well.
  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,874 Member
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    Just had a realization over lunch, all of the polyamorous/open relationship folk I know work hard for social causes, kids with autism, violence shelters, animal rights and such... and ask for very little in return. If I had to paint them all with a single description it would be "more generous and compassionate than usual".

    I think some people just have more love to go around in general.

    Maybe the world would be a nicer place if there were more people like that.

    I think I :heart: you.
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
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    Just had a realization over lunch, all of the polyamorous/open relationship folk I know work hard for social causes, kids with autism, violence shelters, animal rights and such... and ask for very little in return. If I had to paint them all with a single description it would be "more generous and compassionate than usual".

    I think some people just have more love to go around in general.

    Maybe the world would be a nicer place if there were more people like that.

    I think I :heart: you.

    Agreed. Even in the BDSM lifestlye, I find people are generally more accepting and friendly. More love to share!
  • Runningirl7284
    Runningirl7284 Posts: 274 Member
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    Why bother to get married then?

    Thank you!! Marriage means you will love honor and sleep with that one person the rest of your life.. If you dont get the commitement than dont get married! Ugh this world we live in these days I dont get it.. The idea of my husband touching and being inside another woman makes my skin crawl no i dont want you porking other woman than coming home to me no thanks..

    ^^^^ Exactly!!!
  • Matt_Wild
    Matt_Wild Posts: 2,673 Member
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    Marriage is the commitment between two people - to love, honor, and respect each other forsaking all others and this includes sexual intimacy. Sex is intimate. I'm not going to share my body with anyone outside my marriage. If I want to "spice things up" sexually - I will spice it up with my husband. My husband is of the exact same mindset - otherwise we wouldn't be married. We share with each other things we share with no one else and that includes our bodies. I'm not interested in a cheap thrill.

    Look up the marriage. You are looking at the christian/catholic view. Not all of us are religious.
  • Wileyjoe
    Wileyjoe Posts: 282
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    note to self:

    what happens in society, does not affect society. Check. :flup:
  • KimmieBrie
    KimmieBrie Posts: 825 Member
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    Marriage is the commitment between two people - to love, honor, and respect each other forsaking all others and this includes sexual intimacy. Sex is intimate. I'm not going to share my body with anyone outside my marriage. If I want to "spice things up" sexually - I will spice it up with my husband. My husband is of the exact same mindset - otherwise we wouldn't be married. We share with each other things we share with no one else and that includes our bodies. I'm not interested in a cheap thrill.

    Look up the marriage. You are looking at the christian/catholic view. Not all of us are religious.

    This is true - and you are right, that is my own definition of marriage... others have a different definition.

    I just think personally that those who say "it's just sex" and "it doesn't mean anything" are kidding themselves - it absolutely means something and if it weren't important/significant than you wouldn't do it. It's not "just sex" - in fact it's so important that you seek satisfaction outside your primary commitment. Why is admitting you prioritize sex so hard? Why is admitting you aren't capable of being fulfilled by one person so difficult? Lots of people are like that. Noones definition of love or marriage is exactly the same. I don't personally care, it's just not my thing, but call a spade a spade and don't try to sugarcoat it with a bunch of BS... that I can respect.
  • Yakisoba
    Yakisoba Posts: 719 Member
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    Just had a realization over lunch, all of the polyamorous/open relationship folk I know work hard for social causes, kids with autism, violence shelters, animal rights and such... and ask for very little in return. If I had to paint them all with a single description it would be "more generous and compassionate than usual".

    I think some people just have more love to go around in general.

    Maybe the world would be a nicer place if there were more people like that.

    I think I :heart: you.

    Agreed. Even in the BDSM lifestlye, I find people are generally more accepting and friendly. More love to share!

    A lot more trust goes into a proper BDSM relationship/lifestyle than a vanilla one.

    Of course.. this is the sub in me speaking, but it's true.
  • PaleoPath4Lyfe
    PaleoPath4Lyfe Posts: 3,161 Member
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    An open marriage means the two involved really aren't committed to each other.

    Same wavelength.

    Binary thinking. Why can't I be deeply committed to more than one person? That's like saying I can only love one of my kids.

    Bingo

    Different type of love. I would hope you don't love your kids the same way that you love your spouse. Love can be given to many people. Married love with the intimacy and deepness that is different than love to a child, love to a parent, love to a friend is on such a different level that I personally do NOT believe you can have that level of commitment to more than one person at a time.

    This is where I beg to differ.

    I see love as an unconditional act and you love each and every person the SAME.

    You are intertwining love, commitment and intimacy and they are in fact 2 separate things.

    I love my husband, sisters, brother, dad, uncles, aunts, etc ALL THE SAME. The level of commitment and intimacy in those relationships all differ because of the relationship I have with each one of them.

    I love unconditionally.

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