Dr. Phil - Open Marriage

auticus

I honestly don't care what people do in their own home. If two people want to be together and bang others and it's ok with them, all the power to them.

fitnessyeoja

Why bother to get married then?

^^^^^^^^^^ this

evansproudmama

Why bother to get married then?

Thank you!! Marriage means you will love honor and sleep with that one person the rest of your life.. If you dont get the commitement than dont get married! Ugh this world we live in these days I dont get it.. The idea of my husband touching and being inside another woman makes my skin crawl no i dont want you porking other woman than coming home to me no thanks..

messyinthekitchen

I could never. And I don't believe it is real love. But they do and they are happy so I don't see a problem. It's just not my cup of tea.

gordonfitch

Sometime things are wrong.

Just because other people are okay with it doesn't make it right.

Here's the deal, when you make marriage vows you basically promise to do life together, be a team, to be faithful to each other for life, richer and poorer/ sickness and health etc.

That's what marriage is.

Living in an 'open marriage' is a legitimate lifestyle, it's just not a marriage. And if you want to live that way, just don't take the vows.

BrettPGH

I guess if you have no ability to connect on a soul level.........this might be possible.........but how very sad........

And some people would say that having vanilla sex with the same person for your whole life is sad, boring and pathetic. I bet you wouldn't feel very good if you heard someone say that about your relationship.

Lindz2323

Why bother to get married then?

Thank you!! Marriage means you will love honor and sleep with that one person the rest of your life.. If you dont get the commitement than dont get married! Ugh this world we live in these days I dont get it.. The idea of my husband touching and being inside another woman makes my skin crawl no i dont want you porking other woman than coming home to me no thanks..

I agree!

MFPAddict

Why bother to get married then?

Thank you!! Marriage means you will love honor and sleep with that one person the rest of your life.. If you dont get the commitement than dont get married! Ugh this world we live in these days I dont get it.. The idea of my husband touching and being inside another woman makes my skin crawl no i dont want you porking other woman than coming home to me no thanks..

That is what marriage means to YOU. I might not agree with the lifestyles of others, but it doesn't mean their lifestyle is wrong.

Bikini27

Open or not, there are always rules on how you relate to each other ergo - relationship. It's when you step out of the rules or expectations of that relationship that causes problems. Example - in monogamy, if you kiss someone else = cheating. In the example given - sex in the marrital bed = cheating.

How to keep everyone 'happy'; that's a totally different topic because, well, you can't. Each person is really - truly ever responsible for their own happiness. Your life is about you, my life is about me. I react to you, you react to me. HOW we choose to react, well, there's the key.

Yes, I do understand that my actions may directly impact someone else and thus cause positive or negative emotions. But your response may be different than someone else's. I can slap one friend in the butt and get a 'how you doin?' and do the exact same thing to another and get a slap in the face.

Open marriages, just like monogamy, are not for everyone.

Well said, sir.

shamr0ck

If everyone involved is a consenting adult, it's nobody else's business. I've had friends who successfully pursued this lifestyle.

woou

If husband, wifey and children are okay with it, then that's fine.

DannyMussels

I think I'd rather see people do this, then the man or woman sneak around behind the other ones back.

I've been known to bend the rules now and again.

loridianehood

couldnt have said it better to tiggerrick

Jipples

We have a couple we're good friends with that are swingers and it works out great for them. The only problem is trying to find a suitable couple.....you're essentially dating them and instead of 2' there's 4 people involved and they all have to feel groovy.

Ladyiianae

Oh HELL no...aside from "Does not share well", I also earn the gold star for "Does not play well with others".

:laugh:

JediMaster_intraining

Won't ever happen with me. I feel like marriage is between two people who want to only share their intimate feelings with each other.

But I can understand how that would work for them...however, no condoms required seems a little risky. If for some strange reason this EVER happened to me that would be a requirement if my man was allowed to have sex with someone else!

JennW130

not for me, but whatever creams their twinkie.

NightOwl1

Why bother to get married then?

Thank you!! Marriage means you will love honor and sleep with that one person the rest of your life.. If you dont get the commitement than dont get married! Ugh this world we live in these days I dont get it.. The idea of my husband touching and being inside another woman makes my skin crawl no i dont want you porking other woman than coming home to me no thanks..

There's nothing in the vow of marriage about sleeping with only one person. It's only part of the vow of marriage if that's the commitment you make to one another. Marriage is about commitment to each other that runs much greater than sex. Not to mention a legal commitment. So there's plenty of reason to marry someone even if both parties agree that they want to be intimate with other people.

And lets not pretend like polygamy is something new. Back in biblical times, it was common for men to have multiple wives. So it's not exactly new or shocking.

Like I said in my other post, it's certainly something that's not for most people (myself included), but as long as all people involved are consenting, I don't think their lifestyle is any less valid than mine.

tiffastar

From personal experience, it doesn't work out. I think I lied to myself thinking it would work if we just followed the "rules" but it doesn't. Someone always gets hurt; and as a woman, I started to feel unworthy of my husband's love and respect.

LATeagno

I think it could work in some situations, but not mine. I'm not jealous usually, but I would be if I knew my hubby was out fu****g someone else. That's just me, though.

Mariposa187

To each their own... I do NOT share my husband is ALLLLL mine! Maybe i'm just stingy. It might work for some people. It keeps things interesting and spices up their life? Its becoming more common or at least less taboo.

amymeenieminymo

I have mixed feelings on this. I do sometimes wonder if humans were not meant to mate for life with one person. Think about all of your past relationships, you cannot ever compare one relationship and your feelings for that person to another because you feel differently about each person. You loved each person for different reasons, and often each person brings out something different in your own personality.

To go by the thought that one person can fulfill all of our emotional, mental, physical and spiritual needs seems a little short sighted. Also, given the rate of infidelity in so-called committed relationships kind of points to the fact that we have difficulty sticking to just one person. That's not to say that our society should be in open relationships simply because we cannot keep it in our pants, but I would say most people would be lying if they said they have always been happy in their relationship, never daydreamed about being with someone else even if on a fantasy level.

That all being said, I am happily married and I have never ever cheated in a relationship. If my husband came home tomorrow and announced that he would like our marriage to be open, I would burst into tears and probably have a heart attack. I just sometimes wonder what the world would be like if being in open relationships were the norm and the only thing we knew.

jhartram

I guess if you have no ability to connect on a soul level.........this might be possible.........but how very sad........

They may connect on a soul level. We have no way of knowing that from a talk show. But my husband and I are in an open relationship, and the reason I'm okay with it is because we DO connect on a soul level. We don't need to talk to know the other person's emotions, usually, although we both turn to each other when feelings need to be discussed. I'm okay with it because I know for a fact that he's coming home to me, and one of the rules is that I have to meet anyone he wants to bring into the relationship and approve. It isn't sad for us, it's an expansion of our hearts and our fun! =D

kimoRUN

Why bother to get married then?

For the tax break???



Now what fish bowl do I put my keys in again?

MFPAddict

If my wife ever suggested we give an open marriage a try, I have several lovely ladies on my friends list that would come to mind.

phil6707

there is a very important difference between loving someone and having sex needs, which American often have trouble to understand.

some people need a sex life their wife cannot offer (or that their husband cannot offer)
A marriage works when both parties are fully satisfied and in some case, it means external pure physical relation.

Having sex with someone is a physical act that is very different that making love. It is definitively not for everyone, but it does not mean it is wrong either.

Elizabeth_M

LIke others have said, whatever turns their crank, floats their boat - keeps their marriage alive. I could personally never do that, but that's me. That's the beauty of people, we are all different.

I try to go through life NOT judging, whether it be by race, gender, sexual orientation, job status, or, even, what people do in the bedroom.

What I figure is, if they don't affect me or anyone else in a negative way, then go right ahead.

BondBomb

I wouldn't mine being a second wife. If I were first I might have more jealousy issues.

pinuplove

I don't watch Dr. Phil, though I suspect if they got on the show they have far deeper issues than an open marriage.

As others have said, open marriages are far more common than you may think. Most couples are very discreet about it, both because well, it's none of your business, but also to avoid some of the snap judgements I've seen here. Every couple has boundaries. Some boundaries just encompass more than others. It has NOTHING to do with a lack of love, commitment, or perceived morals.

Caitie1986

I was always taught that if you have to keep your relationship secret you probably shouldn't be in it. Some people may really be happy in open marriages, but I would venture to say that there are more hurt feelings and bruised egos in that scenario than in a monogamous marriage (which I am currently thoroughly enjoying). Marriage/relationships shouldn't be about sex. It has to be about knowing the other person and being special/intimate with them on an entirely different level. There's no way I could have the emotional and spiritual connection that I do with my husband now if either of us were intimate with other people.