Anyone else feel weird being married...

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  • rdsxgrl28
    rdsxgrl28 Posts: 165 Member
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    Yeah, that's a bit weird. Why make a distinction? Do you think you can't speak to members of the opposite sex. If you want to give someone support, why does it matter if they are male or female?

    Most of my friends are male, so I can't really imagine feeling that it was a problem talking to men.

    I think a lot of it has to do with my wife being a therapist. Unfortunately she doesn't deal with people talking about how their mom didn't love them or anything that simple. It's a lot of horrible scenarios and a lot of husband's cheating on their wives. So that may be why I'm overly sensitive to it.

    Your last sentence says it all. Infidelity is HUGE, and next to the actual death of a loved on it is one of the most devastating things that can happen to you. She hears how people who took these vows simply disregarded the love of their spouse.
    So I would say just be honest, maybe show her the posts, talk about it & she will more than likely have no problem. If she does respect it. Is this an issue that you would want to make a bigger issue?

    I am in the had that done to them camp - believe me not a door you even want to crack.
  • lanerichardson
    lanerichardson Posts: 35
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    from one married guy to another i feel like if i am trying to be supportive in another persons struggle or success of their goals than there is nothing to worry about. i think that any and all support is good.
  • sevencallmemom
    sevencallmemom Posts: 505 Member
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    and commenting on a member of the opposite sex's success story posts?

    I admit, I love checking out the success story posts; they're so inspiring. There are some people who've had some amazing, life-altering changes. I'll always comment on a guy's post because, I'm a guy and we need to encourage one another, but if it's a girl I won't. Being married, I wouldn't want to give my wife any doubts. Am I being overly cautious or respectful?

    I think it's very respectful if you feel that is a boundary you need to keep and as a wife that's been through some ugly stuff in marriage, I have HUGE respect for you for that kind of consideration.
  • dukes418
    dukes418 Posts: 207 Member
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    I'm lucky I have a very secure marriage. My wife is well aware of my MFPs and that I often comment on both my male and female friend's progress. Heck, I'll pick up her Shape magazine and make comments about a woman's body and my wife is not phased by that in the same way I make comment on this site. If you're here to motivate and be motivated by the fitness progress of others then your comments will be tailored to that end goal. Likewise, if you're using this site as just another way to meet sketchy folks your comments will reflect your intentions. I mean come on, if you're constantly making comments about a man or woman's junk and it has nothing to do with a person's progress, then what are you REALLY hear for??? I'm always commenting on my female pal's abs when they post progress pics. Or I may say something like "I can see you're leaning out, good job." The moment I say something like "damn girl, your @$$ sure looks tight!" I would expect the person to bump me from their list of friends. Bottom line, there is a way you can/should comment and keep it on the level and not creep anybody out.
  • juliesummers
    juliesummers Posts: 738 Member
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    "Great job... you look incredible!" is a lot different from, "Great job, I want to take your panties off with my teeth."

    Haha you're awesome.
  • Lizzybugz
    Lizzybugz Posts: 26 Member
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    I am not married, but I do not accept friend requests from guys, but not because I am in a serious relationship and love my boyfriend.....I don't accept them because of the messages and comments that I have gotten in the past. Since I am not looking for anyone and this is not a dating site, I don't feel the need to add guys or accept their requests. That being said, I think this is something that you and your wife have to decide. It is perfectly normal for you to feel odd and not want to give your wife anything that might be taken out of context. I admire that and I practice that philosophy myself. If you are feeling weird about it, perhaps you should just have guy friends on mfp. I have found that for the purpose of getting in shape/weight loss/healthy diets, etc that I prefer to share that with my girl friends instead of other guys. Everyone is unique. What is okay for you might not be okay for someone else so talk about this with her and go from there! Don't feel guilty or judge yourself for feeling the way that you do!
  • cloud2011
    cloud2011 Posts: 898 Member
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    and commenting on a member of the opposite sex's success story posts?

    I admit, I love checking out the success story posts; they're so inspiring. There are some people who've had some amazing, life-altering changes. I'll always comment on a guy's post because, I'm a guy and we need to encourage one another, but if it's a girl I won't. Being married, I wouldn't want to give my wife any doubts. Am I being overly cautious or respectful?

    I think it's okay to comment, but completely understand your point of view and respect it. I think it's sweet that you think so much of your wife that you are respectful. Good for you.
  • natalie412
    natalie412 Posts: 1,039 Member
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    I think it is a little over cautious, but my husband and I are not the jealous types at all. We've been married 17 years. Better to err on the side of caution, I guess.
  • twocsmom
    twocsmom Posts: 120 Member
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    and commenting on a member of the opposite sex's success story posts?

    I admit, I love checking out the success story posts; they're so inspiring. There are some people who've had some amazing, life-altering changes. I'll always comment on a guy's post because, I'm a guy and we need to encourage one another, but if it's a girl I won't. Being married, I wouldn't want to give my wife any doubts. Am I being overly cautious or respectful?

    I think it's very respectful. :) If your wife is comfortable with you commenting I don't see anything wrong with it, but I admire you for your concern for her!
  • Crystal_Pistol
    Crystal_Pistol Posts: 750 Member
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    Yeah, that's a bit weird. Why make a distinction? Do you think you can't speak to members of the opposite sex. If you want to give someone support, why does it matter if they are male or female?

    Most of my friends are male, so I can't really imagine feeling that it was a problem talking to men.

    I think a lot of it has to do with my wife being a therapist. Unfortunately she doesn't deal with people talking about how their mom didn't love them or anything that simple. It's a lot of horrible scenarios and a lot of husband's cheating on their wives. So that may be why I'm overly sensitive to it.

    I'm a therapist. Work and Home are two domains that I try to NEVER link. My husband and I talk about men and women together. A great body on anybody takes work and it's totally cool to compliment (as long as you aren't trying to put panties in teeth as a previous poster noted).
  • Crystal_Pistol
    Crystal_Pistol Posts: 750 Member
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    Together 11 years, married for 7. :heart:
  • Trophyyf
    Trophyyf Posts: 218 Member
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    ????? My hubs is on MFP or should I say was (it wasn't for him) He sees how many male friends I have on MFP and he can see my post. I feel as long as you are not being secretive about any of your post it shouldn't be a big deal. MFP is on his iPhone but is my account. He can log on whenever he wants. He knows I'm not trying to mess up the rest of my life with him just because I might have said way to go to someone male or female that is doing a awesome job reaching their goals.

    If you feel weird about it it means there must already be trust issues. It couldn't have just started with MFP.
  • SueD66
    SueD66 Posts: 405 Member
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    no
  • gungho66
    gungho66 Posts: 284 Member
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    GREAT JOB EVERYONE! -EVERYONE ON HERE DESERVES A ROUND OF APPLUASE FOR TAKING A STEP TOWARDS BETTER HEALTH, TO CONGRATULATE SOMEONE FOR THAT EFFORT IS WHAT MOTIVATES US TO CONTINUE. IT'S NOTHING MORE THAN SUPPORT FOR ONE ANOTHER UNLESS YOU MAKE IT MORE.
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
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    No problem with it here.

    He has no problem with many of my MFP friends being male either. Many of my friends in real life are male too, though. It really just depends on your boundaries and where you set them. As long as you are open with your wife about saying, "WOW, look at this girl who lost XX lbs! That's so cool!" and letting her share in this stuff, I think you're fine.
  • fatty_to_fitty
    fatty_to_fitty Posts: 544 Member
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    I haven't read every reply so this may be repeating what someone had said but in response to the OP I am gobsmacked and I do not understand the threat to your marriage in posting or talking to females. Ever. On here in Real life, full stop. Talking not being a midnight support buddy sending emails or swapping numbers. But saying congratulations on a job well done.

    Q. If I am single and talk to guys am I inviting them all to come on to me? No I am having a conversation.

    So you think because single = up for it then married must = don't get involved in that game you may be showing willing or causing offence?

    Don't even get me started on what you should do if you are gay or bisexual! Walk around with your eyes shut and not talk to people maybe?
  • Barbara98
    Barbara98 Posts: 60 Member
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    My husband completely trust me talking to ANYONE. The thing is, is that we met on the internet 14 years ago. Like my husband says to people and myself is that " if he can't trust me then he don't want me" and that goes the same for him. We see jealous people all the time at a club we go to and it drives us crazy. If you can't trust your spouse 100% your always wondering and its not worth it. We have a pretty great relationship. My soul mate from 1200 miles away :heart:
  • rbear713
    rbear713 Posts: 220 Member
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    been with my wife for 18 and married 9 - she doesnt even give me grief about physically talking to and even flirting with any girls - the bottom line is she understands that I've made a commitment to her, and now to our children - we made a deal 9 years ago that said something about for better or for worse, richer or poorer, etc.... - she trusts me, and I trust her...period - no questions asked...

    Trust is the issue here - maybe you not trusting yourself. I agree with others here that if you are unsure you should let her see what you're up to - being supportive to others on MFP is almost as rewarding as being supported...words of praise should not ever be stifled....not for any reason...

    I bet if you just let her see a little of mfp you'll be wondering why you were ever so anxious about it - hell, she'll probably laugh at you for it (which is also a good thing for spouses to be able to do at/with each other without getting angry or defensive...)

    dont be afraid! if you cant tell your wife about it, who can you tell??
  • caseysray
    caseysray Posts: 57 Member
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    I think it's respectful and cautious. The best thing to do is figure out what you and your wife are comfortable with. If you are looking for motivation and finding inspiration in the posts - then I think that's great! I often look at the posts for motivation, and rarely comment. You just want to avoid anything that will cause strife between you and your wife.
  • missigus
    missigus Posts: 207 Member
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    I don't know maybe I should start a new thread on this, but it makes me wonder how many married guys- guys in general... out there just comment/ friend request on the hot girl photos and how many comment/friend request on the nondiscript gals or animal representative profile pics like mine. Some of you ladies (usually the attractive gals) have said you have had guy requests for friendship. Interestingly, I have had none...why? Cuz they can't see what I look like perhaps? Not trying to start trouble...I'm just curious.

    Back to the marriage question, I've been married 20 years, and I think I would not care if my hubby were friending a variety of people and commenting to different people about their success. I'd have an issue however if I noticed a trend in him just friending hot girls in tiny clothing, and only replying to them...not that I have issues with the "hot ladies" Not what I mean at all...But, just sayin' the hubby would have some explaining to do if those were the only people he sought out as friends.

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