To all the "nice guys"

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  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    I've posted on other threads that asked the question "what are you looking for in a woman?". But then a few women got offended by the answer when I said I expect them to be taking care of themselves. Spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially. Measured by weight, integrity, responsibility, credit score, etc.

    They told me I was being a jerk. But my reply is inevitably this: I expect this level from myself. Why should I expect any less from a spouse/partner? I want a partner who wants someone like me, someone who is taking care of himself in the ways I've mentioned.

    I agree with you completely. This is a website where people are allegedly dedicated to changing their lives by improving their health and physical appearance, yet it is full of women who go ballistic if a man has the nerve to admit he'd prefer a woman who cares about her appearance and makes an effort to maintain it.

    The other stuff about taking care of yourself spiritually, emotionally, and financially is true, as well. To me, it all comes back to discipline and self-respect. If you're a person who works hard at all of these things, it's unlikely you're going to be able to maintain a healthy relationship with someone who doesn't. And it's about differences in basic values, not so much "Oh, you gained 10 pounds, and now you're disgusting to me."
  • oldbaptistadam
    oldbaptistadam Posts: 62
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    The worst thing about being a "nice guy" is that they often get stuck in the friend zone. The woman wants them to be around for when she needs them, but is going to be attracted to the other sort. Seems to be the pattern that I've seen.
  • MrDude_1
    MrDude_1 Posts: 2,510 Member
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    The worst thing about being a "nice guy" is that they often get stuck in the friend zone. The woman wants them to be around for when she needs them, but is going to be attracted to the other sort. Seems to be the pattern that I've seen.
    because they're too nice to go for it when the moment comes. its their fault.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    The worst thing about being a "nice guy" is that they often get stuck in the friend zone. The woman wants them to be around for when she needs them, but is going to be attracted to the other sort. Seems to be the pattern that I've seen.
    because they're too nice to go for it when the moment comes. its their fault.

    This is true. If you want to be more than just a friend, you have to tell her that, and you have to be willing to walk away if she doesn't want the same thing.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
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    http://www.datingdoctor.com/niceguysfail.html

    This explains it all.
  • hadesflame
    hadesflame Posts: 95 Member
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    I was always too busy worrying about what everyone else was saying or MIGHT be saying about me instead of noticing people who were noticing me. In high school, I wasn't super skinny but I wasn't fat either. I was a size 10 and because of things my gym teacher said, I was made to feel like I was really overweight and not worthy of anyone's attention.
    I care what I think of me and how I want to make myself happy. But I also want to reach the point where I can look at the people who still make fun of me and stand in front of them and say "I can lose weight, I can change my clothes, I can cut my hair, but you can't fix 'b**ch'."
  • hadesflame
    hadesflame Posts: 95 Member
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    You want to know something funny about this topic for me personally?

    I've posted on other threads that asked the question "what are you looking for in a woman?". But then a few women got offended by the answer when I said I expect them to be taking care of themselves. Spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially. Measured by weight, integrity, responsibility, credit score, etc.

    They told me I was being a jerk. But my reply is inevitably this: I expect this level from myself. Why should I expect any less from a spouse/partner? I want a partner who wants someone like me, someone who is taking care of himself in the ways I've mentioned.

    And if that's why I haven't remarried, so be it. I'm happy being myself, and enjoying who I am as a person.


    If someone took offense, then they're idiots and they're not right for you. I completely agree with your comment. I'm not your mother. I shouldn't have to take care of you and walk you thru everything you do.
    I have always said that I needed someone that is nice to look at in addition to other things. If you can't stand to look at the person sitting across from you, how can you talk to them, share meals with them, share a bed with them. And I said I would never back down on what I wanted because then I would just be settling and nobody should have to do that. Looks will open the door. The right personality will get you the key.

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