A question for the men

RyanPerry2012

IMO, nothing is sexier than a woman who knows what she wants and goes straight for it.

nammer79

Being forward is a good thing but you have to be able to read what hes thinking at times too...

That theme hes not all that into you (or some crap comes to mind) hope thats not the case

But what I mean by know what hes thinking at some point have a good talk and find somethings out about where he is in his life.

He might nto be ready or might not be looking or he might just be shy or unsure of what your thinking ( or think about him)

He might really like you but doesnt feel hes in the right point of his life to start a relationship
(I'm in this stage of life just rebooting from the ground up career change and back to school)

He might really like you and just be shy about it but after 3 or 4 meetings of the minds he should give you some hints..
Hold your hand
A flirt here and there
Or maybe a few seconds of eye contact that you know lasted a bit longer than normal

emmab0902

But this woman is expressing concern about the fact that she's the one who has to initiate everything, so clearly that's not what she wants. She already asked him out, and they've been on two dates. That she's still having to do all the work is not about him being shy; it's about him being a pansy.

The fact that he's not making any effort at all either means he doesn't like her or that he's missing a set of testicles.

Ok just to clarify if it was unclear in my original post. I asked him out on the first date, he has asked since. He makes a lot of effort, contacts me most days even if it's just to see how my day is going. He hasn't dated since his marriage split just over a year ago so I am mindful of that. And after we went out last night he has said he really likes me and wants to see me more often. So I think it's going along ok.

Thanks for all the great perspectives so far!

myofibril

For men (ie adults!) how forward do you like a woman to be??

Forward enough to park herself in my vicinity and send me signals that she is interested but can then step back and let me make the play.

It's like a Tango. It is pleasurable, sensual and beautiful but not if both dancers try to lead...

stetienne

But this woman is expressing concern about the fact that she's the one who has to initiate everything, so clearly that's not what she wants. She already asked him out, and they've been on two dates. That she's still having to do all the work is not about him being shy; it's about him being a pansy.

The fact that he's not making any effort at all either means he doesn't like her or that he's missing a set of testicles.

Ok just to clarify if it was unclear in my original post. I asked him out on the first date, he has asked since. He makes a lot of effort, contacts me most days even if it's just to see how my day is going. He hasn't dated since his marriage split just over a year ago so I am mindful of that. And after we went out last night he has said he really likes me and wants to see me more often. So I think it's going along ok.

Thanks for all the great perspectives so far!

I'm sure he's probably out of practice--I've been married 23 years and couldn't begin to know how to date anymore. It's nice that you're helping him along.

And as a clueless guy, I would welcome forwardness.

Ocarina

in response: I'm one of these girls that look for the man who has the house, job, car, "stuff", etc. why?

because i'm superficial? not anymore than most... because i'm materialistic? not at all. because i'm spoiled and lazy? well... i am spoiled. but lazy? just the opposite. in fact, that's my justification.

i don't want anyone who might wind up expecting me to support him. I have no patience for ignorance, laziness, or complacency. At a glance, a person's social stature and financial profile is the best indicator of who they are and who they plan to be in life. Of course that all could change, but I don't plan to take the chance.

ETA: i say all this freely because I come with my OWN attractive résumé, and as a result tend to attract the slackers.

Good luck with that, choc & vodka. Just as you want a man with all this "stuff" that doesn't amount to anything but just that... "stuff"... He too has the same expectatios of YOU. Gain a few pounds, maybe put on pregnancy weight, maybe lose your good job... you WILL be replaced by an updated, younger model with all the bells and whistles.

Reminds me of the girl that asked Tim Tebow to be her date to some military ball. Really??? If Mr. Tebow was just a "regular" guy like 99.99999% of us, she wouldn't even bother?? Who wants a girl like that?! But you did make a good point... you really shouldn't be supporting anyone! If the guy doesn't have a job and needs you to pay his rent and put gas in his car, well... that's a whole OTHER story!

[edit]
And re: being spoiled: you're going to miss out on park picnics with sandwiches, chips and drinks for $100/plate dinners at a fancy restaurants? I would also hate to be your S.O., you must be impossible to buy a gift for. You seem like the kind that looks at the value BEFORE the sentiment behind the giving.

wow. the assumptions about me are startlingly incorrect. did you read the end?

the best date i ever went on involved roadside fireworks and a hike by the lake.

i just want someone who is self sufficient and ambitious. i won't babysit anyone, and i can't stand narrow minded folks.

as for buying me a gift? mehh. buy me a stuffed animal and i'm happy

With all due respect, your 1st sentence specifically states that you're one of those girls that looks for a man with the house, car, job, and "stuff." Your 2nd paragraph goes on to justify your 1st sentence. Maybe our definitions are getting mixed up? By house, I mean a place he calls "home" (apartment, condo, house). For "car," just basic/reliable transportation. And a job is just that, a way to make a living. A job should NOT define the person you are. As far as "stuff" .... well.. that can be boat, motorcycle, jet skis, and on and on...

Chris said it best though and I can't add anything to his comments. Bottom line is, I only pay $20 for my jeans, my watch probably cost $30 (my dad gave it to me), I drive a Ford pickup truck, and I couldn't tell you want brand is "in style" right now. So you, with your "attractive resume" probably wouldn't be caught dead riding in a pickup truck with a guy that dresses like me! Albeit I'm clean, friendly, courteous, etc...

Men, here's the BEST way to get (almost) any woman you want: win the lottery and publicize your earnings on TV and newspaper(s). You WILL have a date every night of the week! Most likely from ladies with very attractive resumes that are looking for quality guys such as you.

I feel sorry for for your very low opinion of what women want and I'm sorry if some chick made you feel that way.

Not all women are materialistic gold diggers (neither is chocandvodka)

Women, well let me say most women so i'm not generalizing, simply want a man who can provide, that doesn't mean provide her with lavish gift, it doesn't mean he needs to drive a luxury car. We want a man who will be there to support us emotionally and yes financially, and that again does not mean any lavish way. It means once we get married are you going to be able to help pay the mortgage and bills with whatever income you are earning.

So whatever woman caused you to feel this way, I again apologize on behalf of women, but you won't be getting another one anytime soon not because you drive a Ford but because of that negative attitude you have, so buck up!

100% agree on the last poster's comment. It's not about what type of stuff you have but how you live your life. Are you productive, positive, motivated, curious and friendly? Your response has bad self esteem written all over it because you aren't happy with your material items you own. If you fix that you will have a list of girls to choose from and will enjoy life more as well! Being on this website is a good start! (I too have to still work on my self-esteem!... not perfect by any means lol)

Skinny_Jeans_Soon

With all due respect, your 1st sentence specifically states that you're one of those girls that looks for a man with the house, car, job, and "stuff." Your 2nd paragraph goes on to justify your 1st sentence. Maybe our definitions are getting mixed up? By house, I mean a place he calls "home" (apartment, condo, house). For "car," just basic/reliable transportation. And a job is just that, a way to make a living. A job should NOT define the person you are. As far as "stuff" .... well.. that can be boat, motorcycle, jet skis, and on and on...

Chris said it best though and I can't add anything to his comments. Bottom line is, I only pay $20 for my jeans, my watch probably cost $30 (my dad gave it to me), I drive a Ford pickup truck, and I couldn't tell you want brand is "in style" right now. So you, with your "attractive resume" probably wouldn't be caught dead riding in a pickup truck with a guy that dresses like me! Albeit I'm clean, friendly, courteous, etc...

Men, here's the BEST way to get (almost) any woman you want: win the lottery and publicize your earnings on TV and newspaper(s). You WILL have a date every night of the week! Most likely from ladies with very attractive resumes that are looking for quality guys such as you.

I see both sides of this argument. I personally wanted someone stable, responsible, sweet and driven! I could care less if they had "in style" jeans or drove an expensive car. I agree more with you on this one but I am a small town girl and if I wasn't married I would happily ride around in your Ford, maybe throw a 4 wheeler in the back, find some trails and pack a lunch (I make a killer PB&J). :happy: Ahh, my husband is such a lucky man..heehee!

Skinny_Jeans_Soon

Deleted Duplicate Post

flab2sixpack

Ya'll... come on! :grumble:

Does anyone remember those dozen (or so) factory workers that won a HUGE lottery?? Know how many INSTANT marriage proposals those guys had the week following their publicity shoots?? :laugh: Go Google it... don't just take MY word for it. They were all just regular guys, had good jobs, nothing special about them.

Ladies, how many of you would crap a brick if Brad Pitt, George Clooney (or some other male celebrity) stopped to talk to you? Would you crap the same brick if some really nice/handsome guy is asking you for directions??

2 people made a comment about my attitude without even knowing me. There's no amount of words I can use to describe who I am and how I behave. If there's a hint of an attitude, it probably stems from the area close to where I live (The Woodlands). Big, expensive houses all around.... it's common to see a Ferrari or Lamborghini on a nice day, blah blah blah. So essentitally, who in the world wants a "nice guy" when there's all this money around my area??

To get back to the OP question, BEING STRAIGHT-FORWARD and making conversation with a man you like goes a LONG way (at least with me it does). What most women fail to realize is that some men get a little nervous talking to a beautiful woman. And in all fairness, beautiful women get hit-on all day long. By the time a nice guy gets to them, they've reached their limit and just shoot him down before she even realizes that he volunteers in kid's church, goes to church every Sunday, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke or use drugs, doesn't use foul language, pays his child support 100% on time, sees his kids every chance he can, helps others, etc. Nah, one look at his inexpensive watch, t-shirt, jeans and sandals and women decide the man isn't suited for her.

Women, like a man? Go talk to him. If he reciprocates, GOOD! If not, so what? And if you see ME around, talk to ME! You'd be surprised how friendly I am. :laugh:

Trinketona

I've been forward in the past and for me it hasnt been so good. When it doesnt workout I feel like men think that I'm easy just because I'm the one that said something first. Well I'm mexican and I think most mexican men think like that. If a woman is forward than she's easy. They think I want to be their "friends with benefits" and thats it like its going to be Wam, bam, thank you maam. lol But when they realize I'm not in to get some they stop texting or calling me.

So now if I see an attractive guy I say nothing. :indifferent:

flab2sixpack

I've been forward in the past and for me it hasnt been so good. When it doesnt workout I feel like men think that I'm easy just because I'm the one that said something first. Well I'm mexican and I think most mexican men think like that. If a woman is forward than she's easy. They think I want to be their "friends with benefits" and thats it like its going to be Wam, bam, thank you maam. lol But when they realize I'm not in to get some they stop texting or calling me.

So now if I see an attractive guy I say nothing. :indifferent:

A couple of weeks ago, I took my kids to Chick-Fil-A so they could eat and play for a little bit before they had to go back to their mom's house. I was sitting next to the play area and this attractive lady asked if she could sit at my table (so she could keep her eyes on the kids too). That's all it took though... nothing major or earth-shaking. She could have sat at another table but she chose to sit at MY table. We struck up a little conversation and she's a really nice lady. By no means did I think she was "easy." :noway:

A lot of the attitude you described seems to come from the maturity level of the man/men you're talking to (I say this with reservation because I don't know all the details). Any man that expects to get in your pants just because you talked to him really isn't worth your time, IMHO.

HeidiRene

I am sexually aggressive and if a man can't handle it then he can't handle me.

LolaGotThin

I feel like if you have to ask, and if things aren't just happening naturally, it's not meant to be.
I've never been afraid to be the pursuer but I also liked to be pursued. And in all that, there had to be some sort of chemistry which usually propelled it forward naturally.
This is my opinion, obviously. But my husband and I were that way. I was actually dating someone else when we met but we had so much more in common and I didn't feel like I was doing all the pursuing, which was the case with the other guy (we weren't dating seriously, just a few dates). The other guy told me he really liked me and started talking about meeting my parents (at which time I proceeded to pound my martinis, my first red flag) and so I KNEW that, you know, the feeling was mutual, but I really just felt that with my husband, we just clicked. Right away. And things flowed so naturally! We both went into things casually; we weren't going to get into relationships. But we would end up spending most of the night talking about everything.
And tada!
Enough rambling, tl;dr: If you have to ask, probably not worth it, my opinion.

HeidiRene

Ya'll... come on! :grumble:

Does anyone remember those dozen (or so) factory workers that won a HUGE lottery?? Know how many INSTANT marriage proposals those guys had the week following their publicity shoots?? :laugh: Go Google it... don't just take MY word for it. They were all just regular guys, had good jobs, nothing special about them.

Ladies, how many of you would crap a brick if Brad Pitt, George Clooney (or some other male celebrity) stopped to talk to you? Would you crap the same brick if some really nice/handsome guy is asking you for directions??

2 people made a comment about my attitude without even knowing me. There's no amount of words I can use to describe who I am and how I behave. If there's a hint of an attitude, it probably stems from the area close to where I live (The Woodlands). Big, expensive houses all around.... it's common to see a Ferrari or Lamborghini on a nice day, blah blah blah. So essentitally, who in the world wants a "nice guy" when there's all this money around my area??

To get back to the OP question, BEING STRAIGHT-FORWARD and making conversation with a man you like goes a LONG way (at least with me it does). What most women fail to realize is that some men get a little nervous talking to a beautiful woman. And in all fairness, beautiful women get hit-on all day long. By the time a nice guy gets to them, they've reached their limit and just shoot him down before she even realizes that he volunteers in kid's church, goes to church every Sunday, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke or use drugs, doesn't use foul language, pays his child support 100% on time, sees his kids every chance he can, helps others, etc. Nah, one look at his inexpensive watch, t-shirt, jeans and sandals and women decide the man isn't suited for her.

Women, like a man? Go talk to him. If he reciprocates, GOOD! If not, so what? And if you see ME around, talk to ME! You'd be surprised how friendly I am. :laugh:

I love NICE guys. I don't however like church or people who don't swear so that is where we could have an issue.

MFPAddict

I am sexually aggressive and if a man can't handle it then he can't handle me.

I need an emoticon that is jumping up and down with a sign that says PICK ME. :bigsmile:

Steelheart7

after reading these responses i understand even more why am single and now am convinced i will never find another man.

I'm too nervous to make the first move and it looks like you guys are too scared and like a forward woman.

I should just start buying cats now.

I'm with you sister!

ItsCasey

I understand where some of these women are coming from when they say they look for a man who has "stuff." It's not about the materialistic aspect. It truly is about wanting to know that the man has a solid work ethic. "Stuff" is just one indicator of that, but it's a big indicator. It's very rare to meet a man who has a nice home, a nice car, nice clothing, etc., who doesn't work hard. That doesn't mean he's a good guy. There are plenty of hard-working men with really nice things who are total jerks. But it lets you know, before you get to personalities, that he's not allergic to hard work, and the older a woman gets, the more important that becomes.

I'm well-educated, I have a good job, and I have been supporting myself since I moved away from home at the age of 18. I did not grow up in a wealthy family (not even close), and everything I have was earned by the sweat of my brow and the grace of God. My desire to find a man who is in a similar position is not about me wanting a sugar daddy. I want to know that if I marry this man and have children with him, I don't have to worry that we're going to lose our home or that our kids will starve if one of us loses our job.

I completely understand that a man can have a good job and a strong work ethic and not live in a mansion or drive a $60,000 car or wear $3000 suits to work every day, and I take no issue with that. In fact, I have never dated a man who made more money than I do, so salary is not the issue. I just don't want to be called a snob or a gold-digger for avoiding guys who live in a room above their parents' garage and have no job, no car, or anything that would suggest they are even thinking about the future, let alone actively planning for it.