How to handle a boy bully against girls?

maidentl

Please continue to ignore the people telling her or you to go after the kid. As you've said, that will just get her or you in trouble. Go to the school and escalate your complaints if they don't resolve it. When my oldest son was about that age the school just blew it off. We ended up transferring him to a different school. Not that it makes it any better but there usually IS something wrong at home. Later, when my son was in middle school, I saw his bully's mother become ENRAGED when he lost a race at a track meet. I knew if she showed that much anger in public, it was probably much worse when he got home. I wept for that kid, even though for years I couldn't stand him. Bullying is taken much more seriously now, I should think you'd find the school receptive to your complaints, particularly since the boy already has a history.

maryloo2011

I knew if she showed that much anger in public, it was probably much worse when he got home. I wept for that kid, even though for years I couldn't stand him. Bullying is taken much more seriously now, I should think you'd find the school receptive to your complaints, particularly since the boy already has a history.

^^ Great points. Yes, unfortunately a lot of the bullies don't have a great home life and they are a product of their environment (for the time being...). Ditto-ing that bullying IS taken so much more seriously now than it was 10 years ago. Please bring this to the attention of the school and authorities.

deeharley

I hate that you can't actually delete your post.

Elf_Princess1210

While my opinion may not be the most popular one, I'll say it anyways.

Tell your daughter to punch him in the face next time he threatens her or bullies her. It may be just the thing to get him off her back.

That would get her thrown out of school.

She may just have to take that risk, considering the little punk can get away with threatening to kill her parents and still stay in school. Just tell her to punch him if he puts his hands on her. I'd get an attorney as well if the talk with the parents and school don't pan out. Or, you could do what my mother did and threaten to remove your girls from the school system and put them in a different school and then go to the local papers and news company. That'll make them move their *kitten*

Johnnyswife

While my opinion may not be the most popular one, I'll say it anyways.

Tell your daughter to punch him in the face next time he threatens her or bullies her. It may be just the thing to get him off her back.

That would get her thrown out of school.

Maybe so, but only for a short period of time, and he would never bother her again!

paisley2288

I was joking with the Medea comment. Of course you should take it up with the school. The bully may be bullying other children, too. There should be more strict bullying rules in school. I was taunted and bullied until I turned 18. I got into one fight and that girl never could go to school again because she was bullying other girls and they all took my side.

SkinnyShadow

When I was in school, I was bullied.. for a loong time, and mostly by boys. It got worse as the years went by. Teachers etc. were no help. I've learned that if you want to stop bullying, you have to stop it yourself... with force. One day I went up to the boy who picked on me the most, grabbed him by the throat and slammed him against the lockers in front of all his friends, saying that if he ever bothered me again I'd.. do something not so nice to him ... back then, I was serious, and I think he knew it. I'd had enough. He never bothered me after that, and go figure, he was the outcast, shunned by his friends. So, sad but true... kids have to deal with bullies, and not in the way their parents would publicly advocate... but it works.

SkinnyShadow

I don't know. Honestly, I had four siblings, so if a boy was this rude to me, I usually would have first fought him myself (I wasn't a tough girl, but I was athletic and had two brothers who used to get into it with me at times). OR I would threaten them with my brothers. That was a different era though.


Today,physical aggression (even in self-defense) is no longer tolerated in school. When I was a kid, it was the law of the jungle, well nearly.

First of all, I think this kid has problems. But if the father won't address them, there's not a lot you can really do.

Second, your daughter needs to diffuse the bully's threats or rudeness. I taught my kids to say, "So?" after every snotty put-down. There's nothing left to say on the bully's end, if you keep saying, "So?" or "So what?"

Example:

Bully: You're a c***.

Student: So?

Bully: Well you're a big fat ugly rhino!

Student: So?

Bully: I'm going to beat you up!

Student: So?

And so on.

In the book, "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense," I believe this is also mentioned as "computer talk." If someone is offensive and rude, you respond to them as if you are a computer, without emotion, without feeling. You repeat the same message over and again. They either get it or they don't but you don't take the bait.

The bully is looking to push your buttons. Nothing is more frustrating to them when they can't.

Wow.. you've obviously never been bullied.

HeavenLeAngel127

Victim of bullying here.... as so many others are.... just ignoring the harassment doesn't actually help in a lot of cases.... get in there and lay down some laws.... talk to his dad.... talk to school.... teachers, hall duty.... where black leather and show up to her school on a harley.... make an impression that will last so you are heard and your daughter can have a healthy school experience...

BTW awesome being as involved as you are


Basically the school will tell you they can't really do anything until he threatens. Don't directly make his life a living hell but make sure he hears through the grape vine that your daughter is protected and his actions are being monitored by his the school; even in between classes. And this may seem extreme but bullying tends to intensify over time and the best thing you can do for her is get her out of the situation if it can't be stopped. It sucks but sometimes that's all that's left...

boomboom011

i say get on the bus and call his little *kitten* out. Like Madea! I bet he wont say another word. Of course thats what WE would do at my house. It would happen 1 time. Done.

BAD IDEA...it's illegal for a person who is not a student or school employee to get on the bus! Don't do it!!!

I dont care. Write me a ticket! Put me in jail. When it comes to my kids, dont eff with them PERIOD.

papa3x

OK. I will NOT have my daughter punching or kicking over verbal harassment. I also will not be jumping on any school buses to scare the crap out of a kid. I kind of like A: Not spending a weekend in jail, or B: Having to pay fines, So we can stop suggesting that because it isn't going to happen.

I called the school today. The woman I need to speak to is out of the office until this afternoon, at which point I have assured I will get a call back.

TheRoadDog

Calls for a Father to Father Chat.

I would let him know that this has to end immediately. Make him responsible for his boy's actions. You have to be prepared to hold him to it.

maidentl

OK. I will NOT have my daughter punching or kicking over verbal harassment. I also will not be jumping on any school buses to scare the crap out of a kid. I kind of like A: Not spending a weekend in jail, or B: Having to pay fines, So we can stop suggesting that because it isn't going to happen.

I called the school today. The woman I need to speak to is out of the office until this afternoon, at which point I have assured I will get a call back.

You're on the right track. I hope you get it all worked out for your daughter.

RyanDanielle5101

While my opinion may not be the most popular one, I'll say it anyways.

Tell your daughter to punch him in the face next time he threatens her or bullies her. It may be just the thing to get him off her back.

I agree except that she will get suspended. School is the only place in the world where you don't have a right to defend yourself.

^^^ This is very true and sad. I have always told both of my kids to stick up for themselves!! If someone hits or pushes them they have been told and taught to fight back! If the school decides to punish them fine but if they were to really pay attention to the children’s files they would know my kids are the ones with fantastic grades and NO discipline problems. For the part these bullies are already problem children at school.

Bullies will bully until someone puts them in their place!!

ETA: Going to the parents is usually pointless, where do you think the behavior is learned from.......

madamepsychosis

OK. I will NOT have my daughter punching or kicking over verbal harassment. I also will not be jumping on any school buses to scare the crap out of a kid. I kind of like A: Not spending a weekend in jail, or B: Having to pay fines, So we can stop suggesting that because it isn't going to happen.

I called the school today. The woman I need to speak to is out of the office until this afternoon, at which point I have assured I will get a call back.

Good for you, both on not resorting to violence like some people have suggested and on calling the school. Please do let us know what happens!

EmCarroll1990

OK. I will NOT have my daughter punching or kicking over verbal harassment. I also will not be jumping on any school buses to scare the crap out of a kid. I kind of like A: Not spending a weekend in jail, or B: Having to pay fines, So we can stop suggesting that because it isn't going to happen.

I called the school today. The woman I need to speak to is out of the office until this afternoon, at which point I have assured I will get a call back.

I think you're taking the high road and showing your daughters how to deal with things maturely. It's absolutely terrible that your daughter is being bullied - I was bullied in elementary school as well. Like many others have very well suggested, stick to dealing with the school and making an appointment with the stupid little boy and his oblivious father, the PRINCIPAL - no one else, talk with the principal, and see if an officer can be present - it'll scare the boy and maybe the father will take it more seriously.

clydethecat

the school isnt going to do shlt.. they're only out to cover their own @ss. take this to the police, file a complaint for harassment, let the police handle it.. the school will not give you satisfaction.

LittleMissNerdy

the school isnt going to do shlt.. they're only out to cover their own @ss. take this to the police, file a complaint for harassment, let the police handle it.. the school will not give you satisfaction.

Sadly, I agree about the school. You always hear about how parents go to the school and nothing happens until it's too late and someone really ends up hurt. Watch or read the news and you'll find a story every day about how a parent kept going to the school and they did nothing.

reaolliemama

OK. I will NOT have my daughter punching or kicking over verbal harassment. I also will not be jumping on any school buses to scare the crap out of a kid. I kind of like A: Not spending a weekend in jail, or B: Having to pay fines, So we can stop suggesting that because it isn't going to happen.

I called the school today. The woman I need to speak to is out of the office until this afternoon, at which point I have assured I will get a call back.

Good decision...but you knew that anyway! I think you are a shining example to your children and I'm really glad there are people like you and that you didn't sink to the level of many of you "advisors" here!

BrendaLee

Request a meeting with the principal, the kids and the parents. If you go to either the parents or the principal without gathering everyone together, there's a good chance the situation will never be resolved.