Relationship Question?? Cheating.

OLFATUG

I've been married for 15 years, together for 18 and neither of us has cheated. I was cheated on while dating a girl in college, it took a long time to get over that, but today we are casual friends who run a road race or two together each year.

QueenJayJay

It's 2012 people, the last year Earth will be around. Lighten up. :P

MFPAddict

The only definition of cheating that matters is that of your spouse or significant other. Anyone else's opinion is irrelevant.

xo_morgan

Well, I find this very hard to answer. Of course the basics like physical stuff is cheating, sending naughty texts or pictures is cheating, even lying to cover up being with person A to me is being unfaithful. If you need to lie, then its not right. However, at the same time I could deal with the physical side of it far more easily than if my SO was to actually be emotionally invested in someone else. That would be the 'kick me when I'm down' moment, and would take forever to get over. Its like you werent even good enough in the first place that they had to go find someone better than you. Ouch!

I'd much rather a drunken one-night-stand than a long term affair for example.

And for your info, I have never cheated myself but have been cheated on before. I have also forgiven cheating in the past as anybody can make mistakes, but I would only forgive one mistake. Any more, then they have made it clear that they dont value you enough to stay faithful.

I actually completely agree with this. I have always said that i would rather my boyfriend have a drunken hook up than to be caught holding some girls hand & writing her love letters. (obviously i dont say that to him, but just in general)
Cheating is cheating but it would be kicking me while im down if he was emotionally attached to someone.

BAMFMeredith

It really was that the relationship I had was over and couldn't get her to understand it so.

What part of, "It's over; don't call me" is hard to understand...? :laugh:

Girl you'd be surprised...I had to tell my son's dad we were over about 937028347 times and it wasn't until I was in a relationship with my now boyfriend (we've been together 3 1/2 years) that he finally got it. Ridiculous.

Oh and to add to the phone thing, our "phone honesty" has actually ruined a couple surprises for each other haha...he found out I was getting him George Strait tickets for Christmas last year and I found out he was taking me to Vegas this year...all by letting each other have access to the cell phones. Sometimes secrets are ok!

KimmieBrie

Would you and your partner be willing to switch cell phones for a week? If the answer is no, one of you is probably cheating.

Disagree. I have actually never cheated on anyone and I wouldn't want to swap phones simply because I'm not interested.
I have no interest in seeing/snooping through my husbands phone because of a little thing called trust.

It wasn't a matter of "being interested." It was a matter of can you leave your phone unsupervised with them for a week? So, are you saying you can't, or do you think you can?

I have let my husband use my phone and vice versa - I don't have a problem with him seeing what's on it. I wouldn't want to swap because I simply have no interest in doing that. I would lose all my contacts/appointments etc because technology has made me stupid, so yes it's a matter of not having an interest in doing something pointless. I trust him, he trusts me, I have no issue if he sees my phone. I don't have to be willing to swap for a week to prove this. It's not that I can't, I simply don't want to.

QueenJayJay

Oh and to add to the phone thing, our "phone honesty" has actually ruined a couple surprises for each other haha...he found out I was getting him George Strait tickets for Christmas last year and I found out he was taking me to Vegas this year...all by letting each other have access to the cell phones. Sometimes secrets are ok!

That would be devastating! :sad:

momma3sweetgirls

:laugh:

When we play Scrabble, my wife uses the American dictionary and I use the English one. I think that might be cheating.

tashjs21

As much as I think Dr Phil is a tool, I think in regards to this issue, he's dead right: if you can't tell your spouse, or have him/her right there and you have to do it, what ever "it" is, behind his or her back, it's cheating.

It's really that simple.

Yep. Agree on all counts (including the "Dr Phil is a tool" part).

^ This

If you would be ashamed or if your partner would be hurt if they found out, it is cheating. People think it is only physical that counts but emotional cheating can be just as damaging.

mommy4ndbandtj

I think EVERYONE's idea of cheating and what is tolerable and unforgivable are SO widely different. My mother had sexual relations and became impregnated by another man. I saw how it tore my father apart. So I think there is not even innocent flirting, because if you can call it flirting there is intent.

I am dating a man now whose wife ended their marriage by allowing someone other than her husband to penetrate her. She is a *kitten* with no morals because had she just told him she was done with married life, it would have been a much easier ending than what he had to endure.

As for me, my first and middle boyfriends thought that they could date me along with others. Once I discovered they were dating, since they did not think it was important to tell me, I allowed the other woman to have him. Of course they both ended up losing him to other females, but I figured their doggish behavior was not something that I was needing to tolerate.

Of course I do have to say that because of what I saw and how I was treated, when my marriage was over, I went to my husband told him I was unhappy, he told me he was too, we attended marital counseling and decided that we were not meant to be. Neither he nor I felt it was necessary to begin dating others until we closed the door on our relationship.

KristysLosing

I have not cheated, I have not considered it. I have been cheated on and lied to. It was devestating. This was 10 yrs ago. I still have trust issues. It's been so hard to heal from, and I have a wonderful husband now. I think a good way to put it is if you can't tell your significant other. Kissing, having sex, sexting and emails along those lines. You should only be doing that with your significant other. Is it forgivable? I don't know. I haven't forgiven for it yet. I hope you're not asking because you are considering doing it. It's awful to be the person being cheated on...

macpatti

For the "if you can't do it in front of your husband, it's cheating" camp:

Let's say you're on a fitness website and you become "friends" with someone and start flirting with them or saying things your SO wouldn't really appreciate in PM's or even in public forums. If you don't tell your SO about it, is that cheating?

JaySpice

Just curious! What do you consider cheating in a relationship? From your answer to that, have you ever cheated or been cheated on? (I'm curious if this alters people's opinion.) What in your definition of cheating can be forgiven?

Sharing physical and emotional interactions. Like a date is cheating to me. Of course, thing vary depending on your situation. Like a lunch date with your co-worker isn't cheating unless there are feelings outside of a work relationship. If you wouldn't tell your significant other about something that you have done...it's cheating.

MFPAddict

It's 2012 people, the last year Earth will be around. Lighten up. :P

This thread desparately needed this.

jackpotclown

It really was that the relationship I had was over and couldn't get her to understand it so.

What part of, "It's over; don't call me" is hard to understand...? :laugh:

Oh you'd be surprised, this one just wouldn't get the point, and I was blatant about it. I think she either didn't take me seriously or believed she could talk/etc her way out of it.....and you know what I mean by ETC

MFPAddict

For the "if you can't do it in front of your husband, it's cheating" camp:

Let's say you're on a fitness website and you become "friends" with someone and start flirting with them or saying things your SO wouldn't really appreciate in PM's or even in public forums. If you don't tell your SO about it, is that cheating?

Yes, but can I buy you a drink? :drinker:

KimmieBrie

Oh and to add to the phone thing, our "phone honesty" has actually ruined a couple surprises for each other haha...he found out I was getting him George Strait tickets for Christmas last year and I found out he was taking me to Vegas this year...all by letting each other have access to the cell phones. Sometimes secrets are ok!

^^^^ This too - all email pushes to my phone so my husband would have know his sister got him Springsteen tix for his birthday if he had my phone last week since she forwarded me the info and txted me to make sure I made sure he didn't buy his own. Yes some secrets are OK.
Some things like this would get deleted before handing my phone to my husband... but it's not because of cheating.

TeutonicKnight

It's 2012 people, the last year Earth will be around. Lighten up. :P

This thread desparately needed this.

^^QFT! After reading a few of these my Friday feels like a Monday! BAH! I order everyone to hug the person closest to them! Or is that cheating? I just hugged the janitor.....and now I feel dirty! Get it?! HAHAHAH!

foremant86

Everyone's has different opinions on cheating, what is cheating for one couple may not be cheating for another couple...I think we all know that.

but since you asked.

cheating for ME is kissing someone else(in a more than friendly peck), having sex with someone else and texts/emails talking about having sex with someone else.


I can forgive a one time mess up, the deal breaker for me is when it continues to happen. Humans are humans and we make mistakes, but if it's a pattern then it's not a mistake and it's not likely to stop so goodbye to that person.

Yes i've been cheated on. I found my ex talking on Yahoo to a girl about what he'd like to do with her in bed and we fought and talked it out and he swore he didn't do anything with her yadda yadda yadda...so i forgave him..a few months later i found him talking to a couple other girls in the same way and I had someone telling me he did do something with a friend of his. I didn't stick around to find out if these things were true or not..i knew in my heart I couldn't trust him.

and what do ya know.....he's engaged now with a baby on the way and just last week he messaged me on facebook trying to get me to sleep with him....yea he's a sleeze. I feel sorry for his fiance, she's clueless.

ItsCasey

People are taking the cell phone thing too literally. The point is whether or not you'd feel comfortable with your SO seeing the personal phone calls and text messages you send and receive, not whether you would actually give your phone to another person for a week. I could be fired for that. But I would not feel at all uncomfortable leaving my phone with my boyfriend while I'm in the restroom or taking a nap or whatever.

I do have to say though, it amazes me how stupid people can be about their cell phones when they're cheating. Why on Earth would you keep text messages and photos and voicemails from someone you're cheating with? Why would you have their name and number programmed into your phone? Why would you keep their calls in your call log? Either because you're an idiot or because you WANT to get caught.