Relationship Question?? Cheating.
Replies
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I'd much rather a drunken one-night-stand than a long term affair for example.
This. I'm quicker to forgive a slip up like this than an ongoing emotional relationship. Because it's one thing to say he fell to temptation and another to say he fell in love.
I've cheated and been cheated on. When I found out I was being cheated on, I wasn't angry or hurt or anything. Loved him to pieces but people have the right to fall out of love with their SO's. It happens. Who am I to make them stay and work on something that no longer exists? So we broke up and he got with the other girl. Now they're happily married and have a 3 month old
We weren't for each other. No sappy ending, no crying, no guilt.
When I cheated, I flat out told my ex of four and a half years, "Hey, you're not making the cut. We can either pretend I'm not cheating on you OR you can pack up your things and go. It's not working, hasn't been for years and I'm sick of trying. Now hurry up because I have a date in about 3 hours."
Life is too short to waste it with someone that isn't right for you. And that goes both ways.
What in the f**kin world?!! I would not forgive a slip up? Who teaches these women it's ok to cheat and it's ok to forgive! If you accept for someone to cheat on you with somebody that was "attractive" what kind of standards to you set for yourself? Why in the hell would you forgive them? why not find somebody that won't do it to you? And the fact that you would say that to someone you dated for so long is pathetic. Doesn't make you awesome-sauce! Just saying! Grow up!!
Whoa slow down Rocky. There will ALWAYS be different circumstances for different people. Whether or not you forgive a slip up, is your problem. And since you obviously have no idea WHY I would blatantly tell someone what I told my ex of that long, I'll let you know why. Because for two WHOLE years of that four year relationship, I was trying to FIX our relationship and he wouldn't budge. No "growing up" needed. I did my growing up when I realized I was wasting away in a relationship he didn't even want to fix. And I had had enough. So get off your high horse and before you go off "attacking" someone on the net for a post they made, try to get the facts straight. Just saying!
Whoa I don't care about your facts hun! I stated my opinion..and you just look like a horrible person! Just saying! Go cheat all you want but obviously you can't be too classy if you can't let the person go before cheating. Break up then do whatever you please! And ok you had enough so LEAVEEEEEEEE!!! Why cheat and make the person feel like crap? Yes, growing up needed Bye bye ! 0 -
What if I go to a strip club for my best friend's bachelor party and tell my wife we played SCRABBLE and drank grape juice? Is that cheating.
I will not get a lap dance, couch dance, or even a pole dance. All I get was glitter on my clothes.
I need a ruling here.0 -
i agree with the above posters. Anything you wouldnt do/say in front of your significant other is considered cheating. whether it be physical or on an emotional level. a lot of people dont understand that cheating doesnt have to be sex.
I agree!0 -
Whoa slow down Rocky. There will ALWAYS be different circumstances for different people. Whether or not you forgive a slip up, is your problem. And since you obviously have no idea WHY I would blatantly tell someone what I told my ex of that long, I'll let you know why. Because for two WHOLE years of that four year relationship, I was trying to FIX our relationship and he wouldn't budge. No "growing up" needed. I did my growing up when I realized I was wasting away in a relationship he didn't even want to fix. And I had had enough. So get off your high horse and before you go off "attacking" someone on the net for a post they made, try to get the facts straight. Just saying!
And it wasn't a marriage. He was a live in boyfriend.
Slow down, White Bread! Sure, there will ALWAYS be different circumstances for different people. However, you ****ed up and you did it BIG. What's wrong with leaving the person you're unhappy with BEFORE you skank around with someone else?
Obviously you weren't trying to fix it when you didn't even have the decency to let homedude know you had given up as well. Now you're trying to validate that by saying you were unhappy. Boo hoo.0 -
Any physical contact in a sexual way with someone other than your SO, I consider cheating, even if it's not going the whole hog, even if it's just a kiss.
I don't even like my SO talking to other girls privately, be it girls I know or don't know, like private FB messaging or something like that, it just brings out the jealous girl in me. Maybe I'm just weird? haha.
I completely agree.0 -
Whoa slow down Rocky. There will ALWAYS be different circumstances for different people. Whether or not you forgive a slip up, is your problem. And since you obviously have no idea WHY I would blatantly tell someone what I told my ex of that long, I'll let you know why. Because for two WHOLE years of that four year relationship, I was trying to FIX our relationship and he wouldn't budge. No "growing up" needed. I did my growing up when I realized I was wasting away in a relationship he didn't even want to fix. And I had had enough. So get off your high horse and before you go off "attacking" someone on the net for a post they made, try to get the facts straight. Just saying!
And it wasn't a marriage. He was a live in boyfriend.
Slow down, White Bread! Sure, there will ALWAYS be different circumstances for different people. However, you ****ed up and you did it BIG. What's wrong with leaving the person you're unhappy with BEFORE you skank around with someone else?
Obviously you weren't trying to fix it when you didn't even have the decency to let homedude know you had given up as well. Now you're trying to validate that by saying you were unhappy. Boo hoo.
Lmfao this is why you crack me up! I'm trying to tell her...leave lady why stomp something to pieces if it's already falling apart on its own...I will never understand! Well I guess we're happy with our men at least...hahah! I L O V E the fact that she said he was a live in boyfriend and not a husband so it's ok. Why even move in with somebody if that's not the person you wanted to marry? help me understand pleaseeee!!0 -
What if I go to a strip club for my best friend's bachelor party and tell my wife we played SCRABBLE and drank grape juice? Is that cheating.
I will not get a lap dance, couch dance, or even a pole dance. All I get was glitter on my clothes.
I need a ruling here.
Not cheating but pretty dishonest. Here's what you do as your preemptive strike on her counter attack:
Step 1: Buy a stuffed bird.
Step 2: Buy a wig.
Step 3. Glue the two together.
Step R. Stick it to her head while she's asleep.
Step 4. Tell her what you did the moment she wakes up.
Step 5. Show her this picture.
Anything else she says after that point does not matter. Therefor, the one person that who's opinion matters in the ruling, is invalid.
Logic = infallible0 -
I don't believe in the whole "If your spouse was there, yada, yada, yada." I just think that is BS. I wouldn't lightly flirt with a man in front of my husband, and he would lightly flirt with a woman in front of me, but we do flirt with other people when we aren't around each other. I wouldn't tell my male friend "Oh hey, you look really hot today!" in front of my husband, but I would if he wasn't there. He does the same things. If it goes past flirting - thats cheating. Saying "You look really sexy today, I love how I can see the curve of your *kitten* in that dress." Is VERY inappropriate and I would consider it cheating. If he in fact, said that to someone I would take it as him wanting to touch her. Thinking about sexually touching someone and expressing it to said person, is cheating IMO. Flirting it fine. Its just respectful not to do it in front of your partner.
*Edit
Someone was saying something about strip clubs. My husband told me I can't be a waitress at a strips club, work at hooters or any other establishment that the women are dressed in short shorts or have their stomachs showing. Which I think is ridiculous. So, in turn, he can not go to those places. I just think its wrong of him to say I can't work there and have men look at me, but he can go there and be a man that looks at those women... I am a bit of a feminist, so it offends me to have double standards like that.
It would be all fine and dandy if he had not said that, I was not even talking about working at a place like that. He just brought it up. I really could have cared less if he went to those places but if there is a double standard put on me, I will put one on you too.
/end rant.0 -
I'd much rather a drunken one-night-stand than a long term affair for example.
This. I'm quicker to forgive a slip up like this than an ongoing emotional relationship. Because it's one thing to say he fell to temptation and another to say he fell in love.
I've cheated and been cheated on. When I found out I was being cheated on, I wasn't angry or hurt or anything. Loved him to pieces but people have the right to fall out of love with their SO's. It happens. Who am I to make them stay and work on something that no longer exists? So we broke up and he got with the other girl. Now they're happily married and have a 3 month old We weren't for each other. No sappy ending, no crying, no guilt.
When I cheated, I flat out told my ex of four and a half years, "Hey, you're not making the cut. We can either pretend I'm not cheating on you OR you can pack up your things and go. It's not working, hasn't been for years and I'm sick of trying. Now hurry up because I have a date in about 3 hours."
Life is too short to waste it with someone that isn't right for you. And that goes both ways.
What in the f**kin world?!! I would not forgive a slip up? Who teaches these women it's ok to cheat and it's ok to forgive! If you accept for someone to cheat on you with somebody that was "attractive" what kind of standards to you set for yourself? Why in the hell would you forgive them? why not find somebody that won't do it to you? And the fact that you would say that to someone you dated for so long is pathetic. Doesn't make you awesome-sauce! Just saying! Grow up!!
Whoa slow down Rocky. There will ALWAYS be different circumstances for different people. Whether or not you forgive a slip up, is your problem. And since you obviously have no idea WHY I would blatantly tell someone what I told my ex of that long, I'll let you know why. Because for two WHOLE years of that four year relationship, I was trying to FIX our relationship and he wouldn't budge. No "growing up" needed. I did my growing up when I realized I was wasting away in a relationship he didn't even want to fix. And I had had enough. So get off your high horse and before you go off "attacking" someone on the net for a post they made, try to get the facts straight. Just saying!
Whoa I don't care about your facts hun! I stated my opinion..and you just look like a horrible person! Just saying! Go cheat all you want but obviously you can't be too classy if you can't let the person go before cheating. Break up then do whatever you please! And ok you had enough so LEAVEEEEEEEE!!! Why cheat and make the person feel like crap? Yes, growing up needed Bye bye !
If you don't care about the "facts" which I wouldn't expect you to, then you obviously have no bases to judge. So I would expect you to keep your opinion to yourself because I, as an adult, wouldn't go off judging others by the very vague posts they've made on here. Surely, there are always many, many variables to a relationship. Those which you, in my particular case, aren't aware of. Like many other people on here, they posted what they had gone through in very little detail. I wouldn't expect them to throw out every bit of information. And because of that I am not going to assume the person is horrible because they cheated on their spouse. What if he was abusive? What if he was a drug addict? What if they tried to leave but couldn't? Did that ever cross your mind? I think you're the one that needs to do some growing up because clearly, you have this tunnel vision of how relationships work. I'm sorry if you feel offended by my post. But I do not regret posting it as I do not regret what happened.0 -
It's quite obvious that the answer to this question is different to everyone.0
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If you're not happy in a relationship then you break it off, it's pretty simple.
There's no justification for going and finding whatever it is that you're looking for in someone else while you are still in a relationship.
You break off the relationship THEN you go find whatever it is you were looking for....not the other way around.0 -
As much as I think Dr Phil is a tool, I think in regards to this issue, he's dead right: if you can't tell your spouse, or have him/her right there and you have to do it, what ever "it" is, behind his or her back, it's cheating.
It's really that simple.
^^^0 -
I always go by the theory treat the other person how you wanna be treated. never cheated... been cheated on though
![:\](https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/resources/emoji/confused.png ":\")
meh
though i did have an ex who said she would prefer to get physically cheated on instead of emotionally cheated on.... she tried to explain it but i never understood that0 -
If you're not happy in a relationship then you break it off, it's pretty simple.
There's no justification for going and finding whatever it is that you're looking for in someone else while you are still in a relationship.
You break off the relationship THEN you go find whatever it is you were looking for....not the other way around.
Well...it's not always that simple. My mother had an affair while still married to my father....the whole just "breaking things off" in that situation was a LOT easier said than done. Lot of specifics there, but I'll just say that my mother asked for a divorce many times (and was denied said divorce) before she had an affair. Once she told my father about the other man, it was only then that he agreed to divorce her. It was messy.
But that is DEFINITELY not the situation for many many cases.0 -
Bump to get this thread to 500 posts so a new thread will be created that doesn't keep moving to the top of my list.
:drinker:0 -
If you're not happy in a relationship then you break it off, it's pretty simple.
There's no justification for going and finding whatever it is that you're looking for in someone else while you are still in a relationship.
You break off the relationship THEN you go find whatever it is you were looking for....not the other way around.
Agree!0 -
It's quite obvious that the answer to this question is different to everyone.
NYCDutchess wins the thread. Game over. Well played.0 -
What if I go to a strip club for my best friend's bachelor party and tell my wife we played SCRABBLE and drank grape juice? Is that cheating.
I will not get a lap dance, couch dance, or even a pole dance. All I get was glitter on my clothes.
I need a ruling here.
Not cheating but pretty dishonest. Here's what you do as your preemptive strike on her counter attack:
Step 1: Buy a stuffed bird.
Step 2: Buy a wig.
Step 3. Glue the two together.
Step R. Stick it to her head while she's asleep.
Step 4. Tell her what you did the moment she wakes up.
Step 5. Show her this picture.
Anything else she says after that point does not matter. Therefor, the one person that who's opinion matters in the ruling, is invalid.
Logic = infallible
Lmfaooo!!!!!! I have got to save this somehow! hahahha!0 -
Bump to get this thread to 500 posts so a new thread will be created that doesn't keep moving to the top of my list.
:drinker:
Bump for same sentiment!0 -
What if I go to a strip club for my best friend's bachelor party and tell my wife we played SCRABBLE and drank grape juice? Is that cheating.
I will not get a lap dance, couch dance, or even a pole dance. All I get was glitter on my clothes.
I need a ruling here.
Not cheating. Just a liar. And a bad one at that. How would you explain the glitter? "Babe, we threw glitter on the winner"?0 -
I consider cheating: Having sex with someone else (this includes Bill Clinton's non-sex, sex too), or kissing someone else.
I also think there can be emotional cheating where you don't actually physically do anything with the person but have an emotional relationship with them.
I am currently in a relationship and have been for almost 3 years. We are very happy and plan on marrying one day. That being said if he kissed someone else I would forgive him most likely. If he had sex with someone else or had an emotional relationship with someone else I would have a really hard time with it. I don't know really what I would do honestly. It all depends on the circumstances. If it were a one time thing that he is extremely remorseful for I would be more likely to forgive than if it were a recurring thing.
I have cheated on 2 previous boyfriends (not on this one) that were meaningless short relationships that were clearly going no where anyway. I have been cheated on once to my knowledge, it wasn't a particularly long relationship but I did have feelings for him. He broke up with me to be with his ex girlfriend and I found out after the fact that he cheated on me with her. It pretty much sucked.0 -
What if I go to a strip club for my best friend's bachelor party and tell my wife we played SCRABBLE and drank grape juice? Is that cheating.
I will not get a lap dance, couch dance, or even a pole dance. All I get was glitter on my clothes.
I need a ruling here.
Not cheating. Just a liar. And a bad one at that. How would you explain the glitter? "Babe, we threw glitter on the winner"?
It's like you are reading my mind! THE WINNER OF SCRABBLE IS ROLLED AROUND IN GLITTER AND SMELLS LIKE STRIPPER SWEAT.0 -
If you're not happy in a relationship then you break it off, it's pretty simple.
There's no justification for going and finding whatever it is that you're looking for in someone else while you are still in a relationship.
You break off the relationship THEN you go find whatever it is you were looking for....not the other way around.
Well...it's not always that simple. My mother had an affair while still married to my father....the whole just "breaking things off" in that situation was a LOT easier said than done. Lot of specifics there, but I'll just say that my mother asked for a divorce many times (and was denied said divorce) before she had an affair. Once she told my father about the other man, it was only then that he agreed to divorce her. It was messy.
But that is DEFINITELY not the situation for many many cases.
Ok she may have been denied a divorce but she could have still walked out, i understand she would have still been married on paper but that doesn't really mean squat IMO. I don't expect anyone to wait out a divorce before they go finding whatever they are looking for.
I'm sorry I just don't buy this powerless role most women play, they claim they can't leave, they can't do this etc. etc. but you can. You are a human being with rights and you can do whatever you need to do, you may have to involve authorities but so be it. Life may not be a bowl full of cherries and it'll probably be a struggle for most women once they do leave, but it's better than living some miserable sad existence of a life.0 -
I'd much rather a drunken one-night-stand than a long term affair for example.
This. I'm quicker to forgive a slip up like this than an ongoing emotional relationship. Because it's one thing to say he fell to temptation and another to say he fell in love.
I've cheated and been cheated on. When I found out I was being cheated on, I wasn't angry or hurt or anything. Loved him to pieces but people have the right to fall out of love with their SO's. It happens. Who am I to make them stay and work on something that no longer exists? So we broke up and he got with the other girl. Now they're happily married and have a 3 month old We weren't for each other. No sappy ending, no crying, no guilt.
When I cheated, I flat out told my ex of four and a half years, "Hey, you're not making the cut. We can either pretend I'm not cheating on you OR you can pack up your things and go. It's not working, hasn't been for years and I'm sick of trying. Now hurry up because I have a date in about 3 hours."
Life is too short to waste it with someone that isn't right for you. And that goes both ways.
What in the f**kin world?!! I would not forgive a slip up? Who teaches these women it's ok to cheat and it's ok to forgive! If you accept for someone to cheat on you with somebody that was "attractive" what kind of standards do you set for yourself? Why in the hell would you forgive them? why not find somebody that won't do it to you?
I never said it was okay to cheat (I was the first person quoted here). It definitely isnt okay. I do, however, aprpeciated that people are flawed and make mistakes. Why did I forgive him? Because I knew that he was a good guy and had made a very stupid mistake. He travelled across the country to tell me to my face what he had done a few days later, and I really appreciated the honesty. We worked through it together and are a great team. He is 1000% dedicated to me, and I to him. Dont go telling me or others here that their opinion on cheating is wrong. Each circumstance is completely different, and needs to be dealt with in a different way. For the most part, cheaters are cheaters, but sometimes there are those that are genuine mistakes, that will only happen once. If I hadnt forgiven my SO, then I would have been the one to lose 3 of the best years of my life.0 -
It's quite obvious that the answer to this question is different to everyone.
NYCDutchess wins the thread. Game over. Well played.
^^^ Yep yep.0 -
If it feels wrong...it probably is wrong!!! I have been cheated on but chose to forgive my husband. With him, I could tell that keeping the secret was driving him crazy. His mood and attitude changed so much when I found out the truth. He even admitted that it was a huge weight off of his shoulders.0
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What if I go to a strip club for my best friend's bachelor party and tell my wife we played SCRABBLE and drank grape juice? Is that cheating.
I will not get a lap dance, couch dance, or even a pole dance. All I get was glitter on my clothes.
I need a ruling here.
Personally I wouldn't consider that cheating, I'd consider it a minor aggravation that I was told something and they did something else. Though I've known a lot of women who will treat it as bad as cheating. I remember one girl from a relationship forum I was active on for a while, her long-distance guy went to a strip club with friends. One time incident and she was ready to call the whole thing off because he went where you pay to see boobies. Turns out it wasn't even his idea and he was the DD for the group, but like she cared. He saw another lady's boobies.
But like I said personally I'd just be miffed at the lie and chances are I'd be over it and want details on any ugly/obviously had surgery ones that were roaming the place.0 -
As much as I think Dr Phil is a tool, I think in regards to this issue, he's dead right: if you can't tell your spouse, or have him/her right there and you have to do it, what ever "it" is, behind his or her back, it's cheating.
It's really that simple.
Agree 100%0 -
What if I go to a strip club for my best friend's bachelor party and tell my wife we played SCRABBLE and drank grape juice? Is that cheating.
I will not get a lap dance, couch dance, or even a pole dance. All I get was glitter on my clothes.
I need a ruling here.
Not cheating. Just a liar. And a bad one at that. How would you explain the glitter? "Babe, we threw glitter on the winner"?
It's like you are reading my mind! THE WINNER OF SCRABBLE IS ROLLED AROUND IN GLITTER AND SMELLS LIKE STRIPPER SWEAT.
On some serious ish....sounds like a scrabble game I would participate in
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If you have to ask, it's cheating.
AMEN to that!!!0
This discussion has been closed.
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