Can you handle having a CLINGY significant other?

chachita7

Yup and no good ... my daughter recently had a boyfriend who texted her 123 times in one night how much he loved her - she dropped him like an old pair of shoes shortly after that

It is not healthy and you need to speak up as to how uncomfortable his behavior is making you feel - then be very careful.

jenlb99

DEAR GOD NO!!

Honestly, it's hard to respect. A boy might act like that, but I assure you, a MAN does not.

I dated a man 3.5 years ago who started out normal, then progressed into that clingy, needy crap you speak of, and it annoyed me to no end. He would literally cry when I got angry at him -- and he was a 29 year old engineer, FFS!!! I got rid of him and then had to change my number and emails because he wouldn't leave me alone.

I checked my old email 6 months ago, and guess what? He's STILL sending emails all the time -- and they're SCARY.

Chances are, he will suffocate any love you have for him out of you if he doesn't stop. He needs his own life, his own friends, and you need the same. Good luck!

WanderingMe

Youre not crazy at all. That sounds way overly serious for a short lived relationship...At this point in your relationship it should still all be puppies and rainbows, and if youre already feeling this way, I'd say its a definite warning sign.

I wouldnt call it clingy, I'd call it codependent.

dovesgate

Turn off.

I had a boy tell me he loved me after our very first date when I was 16. We didn't have another.

However, my husband told me he loved me maybe 2 weeks into our relationship. I rolled my eyes at him and told him it was only puppy love. In 20 days we'll have been together 9 years and he still occasionally brings up that it's "only puppy love".

If you're feeling suffocated it is time to have a chat. If you aren't down with the constant closeness and neediness, that is perfectly OK. I'm going to guess you are fairly young and I have to say, this is kinda how young couples are when they are "in love" for the first time. Not all but many. To be completely honest and blunt, it would drive me batsh!t.

Just one thing - if he starts threatening to kill himself because he thinks you are rejecting him, tell someone; a parent or sibling, maybe his best friend. I had to deal with that sort of situation once. Sometimes it is just a form of manipulation but sometimes it isn't.

christine24t

I could never date someone like that. I hang out by myself for hours on end and I couldn't spend all my time with just one person.

jillwaller10

From my experience, clingy usually means controlling. And it may seem "sweet" for a while, but it gets scary really fast. Not to mention annoying as hell. Take it from a girl whose ex planned their wedding less than 2 weeks into their relationship.

hapoo100

Yup and no good ... my daughter recently had a boyfriend who texted her 123 times in one night how much he loved her - she dropped him like an old pair of shoes shortly after that

It is not healthy and you need to speak up as to how uncomfortable his behavior is making you feel - then be very careful.

I had a gf in college like this and it ended when she carved my name in her kitchen counter and threatened to kill herself when i left

1Timothy4v8

I think that he is more in love with you then you are with him, when my hubby and I were in honey mood stage we were both this dicusting lol after a couple years of marrige it kinda goes to normal,

He also my just be in love with the concept of being in love.

wittlelacey

My thoughts....this is not good. Warning sign. Huge red flag. I'm sure you're not crazy to feel discontent by all the affection. However, I don't feel that you're lucky to have somebody like that. If it were me, I'd end it, and the sooner the better. But then again, you didn't say how you feel toward him. You asked; turn-on or turn-off? HUGE turn-off. Nobody needs a clingon. Except maybe another clingon. Wishing you the best.

Note: I do not mean to sound like I'm saying you're a clingon!!

hahaha didn't think so, no worries I've gone through many boyfriends and have dumped them all. I'm very picky, and fell for this one fast. At first, I loved our relationship! I can admit I was a little clingy, but an average amount-nowhere near this! The last couple of weeks have been different. It's more annoying than cute. When I try to approach him about it, I get the waterworks. He's a terrific person, so there's a special place in my heart for this boy, but unless our relationship can escape the "puppy love" stage, there's no future for us. I will give him time, but I may end up leaving. It just pains me so much, he treats me so well and I do love him. It's tough.

Il_DaniD_lI

No way..gross. I find it a huge turn off.

love22step

Of course not! Why is he still your boyfriend?

Edit: I went back and saw why you like him. I suppose it's kinda sweet, if you like that sorta thing. I have a male friend who's like that with his wife. I teased him that I've seen Jr. High boys act like that. I'm pretty sure there are people who can appreciate a super-sensitive man/woman like that, but most of us can't. I think giving each other space helps my husband and I to better enjoy and appreciate the time we spend together. Good luck to both of you. May you live happily ever after--with or without each other.

laurel1211

Honestly, you just need to talk with him about it. My boyfriend was using the "I love you" after 2 weeks and I had to explain to him that it meant something to me. IDK
Communication is good. Brutal honesty is why my boyfriend and I are still together.

7bel0

Are you sure he's a guy?


jk If you are uncomfortable something is wrong - listen to your instincts.

agrreeed! totallllllyyy!

wittlelacey

Of course not! Why is he still your boyfriend?

I fell for him.

Erinslove

"I love that my boyfriend is clingy in a way and jealous, it shows he cares about me"

" boys crying so much is such a turn off."

Clingy/jealous people are not showing love...they are insecure. I am not NOT saying your BF doesn't love you.I am sure he adores you. I am speaking of my feelings about being overly clingy and a jealous person in general. I have no doubt you guys are happy just making a point about how I feel about jealousy.

I find it sad when men are not encouraged to feel and express their full range of emotions. Crying is a normal and needed human release for everyone and is not gender specific.

Thad81

This kind of thing gets old in a hurry. I think it is a sign of a insecure person to need to display that kind of affection all the time. I would run the other way, but that is only me.

wittlelacey

Honestly, you just need to talk with him about it. My boyfriend was using the "I love you" after 2 weeks and I had to explain to him that it meant something to me. IDK
Communication is good. Brutal honesty is why my boyfriend and I are still together.

You're very right Thank you!

wickedcricket

omg! are you kidding me? gack! no- I'd kick him so far so fast he'd get the fkin 'bends' and btw- that's NOT love. Any sick, twisted suffocating obsession is NOT love. in fact, it's not even about YOU at all- it's about HIS NEEDS- HIS INSECURITY. He'd be that way with ANYONE who lets him.
Love isn't possessive. Love isn't an obligation or debt. Love is a gift, freely given with NO expectation or condtions

ick- no. THIS is why I will live alone until I die. Which I wll also do with some smelly sweat-badger clinging to me.

Ree_Chatelain

I understand where you are coming from here, since mine is similar. Have you tried talking to him and explaining that he needs to back off a bit so you can breath and live. I've had that talk with my boyfriend and it has helped some. Honesty and communication is very important for a relationship to work.

journalistjen

That person has too many mental/emotional issues. You have a right to privacy, freedom, and autonomy. You need to leave this relationship, and hopefully, this person will seek professional help.

susannamarie

hahaha didn't think so, no worries I've gone through many boyfriends and have dumped them all. I'm very picky, and fell for this one fast. At first, I loved our relationship! I can admit I was a little clingy, but an average amount-nowhere near this! The last couple of weeks have been different. It's more annoying than cute. When I try to approach him about it, I get the waterworks. He's a terrific person, so there's a special place in my heart for this boy, but unless our relationship can escape the "puppy love" stage, there's no future for us. I will give him time, but I may end up leaving. It just pains me so much, he treats me so well and I do love him. It's tough.

It may be easier for both of you to write him a note expressing your concerns. That way he can process it in private.

wittlelacey

I understand where you are coming from here, since mine is similar. Have you tried talking to him and explaining that he needs to back off a bit so you can breath and live. I've had that talk with my boyfriend and it has helped some. Honesty and communication is very important for a relationship to work.

I have definitely attempted it, and he shuts me down. He starts crying and saying he can't handle talking about things like that. And it just isn't pretty. We really need to talk. Thank you!

cmriverside

If you do try to leave, be verrrrrrry careful. He may threaten suicide or he may threaten to harm you or someone you love. Do not fall for the manipulation, but do tell someone in authority. These types of guys will tell you they can't live without you.....until you decide you can live without them, then the tears turn to revenge.

This much "passion" has a dark side.

TweedleDebo

I would go nuts!

Erinslove

To the OP. Everyone is different and different people like different levels of together time, affection and sappy romance. Some love tons, others little. Neither position is right or wrong just different. Sounds like you guys are on different pages. Maybe find someone on your page?

P.S. Best of luck to you and I hope u find happiness!

marekdds

No! You are not crazy! But this would make me crazy. I've been married 41 years, we obviously enjoy each other's company, but we need our own space. If this is making you uncomfortable now, get out. Breaking his heart is not a reason to stay and ruin your life. Follow your instincts.

BarbWhite09

I wouldn't survive 3 days & I'd lose my damn mind. I thought I was clingy...but the things you described, I'm waaay less clingy than that! Lol

Amom2Two

maybe he just has OCD?

Yep, got to agree with this one. My husband of 18 years has most of those traits and he has OCD. He never grew out of it and he got worst wtih time. The list also gets longer the more years I am with him. One annoying one is not wanting to . go to his families house without me, even though I don't like his family.... Here's another ,,,.demanding we spend every Christmas day wtih his sister...who does not like me. This is the first year, I said no. No to her coming here, no to me going there. Oh it was a big fight....but you know what....i had it. I had enough of his controlling behavior. Now I go and do what I want and he whines about it.

My advice..............run...run very fast......

spearfox

Sometimes you have to care for yourself, not whether you will shatter his heart.
He has set it up so that you will break his heart unless he always has you.
RUN, RUN FAR AWAY!

And if things ever get broken off, DO NOT COMMUNICATE ANYMORE!
I have heard and seen the "remaining friends" or whatever. All it is is a ploy to stay in touch and convince you to change your mind and take the person back.

xtinalovexo

overall based on this description i am kind of clingy

this is why i do not date.

some people are naturally very attached and interested in you. when i like someone alot, i just cant get enough. i do also have my space and dont say i love you quick, but i love frequently interacting and telling my man how much i like him or how good he looks or anything i want to say.