Can you handle having a CLINGY significant other?

Stacera

I had one of those.. he would hardly let me have my own cushion on the couch. he had to ALWAYS be in contact and touching me!! it was sooooo irritating I would be watching TV and he would want to make out.. like all the time!! or I would be making dinner and he was always there, not helping me with dinner but being in the way I'm like DAMN MAN! back up! needless to say it ended with me telling him I felt like I couldn't even have my own air to breathe and I couldn't deal with his constant in my face. The way he was it was almost like a person on X wanting to touch everything or a cat on catnip.. it was bizarre.. and he wasn't on anything.


I like to have some space.

chrishgt4

Send him the link to this
http://youtu.be/7CYE0DYIbaw

NYCDutchess

Something you said struck me. "If I leave him his heart will shatter" It sounds like you're ok with leaving but just don't want to hurt him. If you aren't "in love" with him...he will wind up just pushing you away by all this and then it will be much harder to break it off. I say break it off now before it gets more complicated.

PepeGreggerton

I'm a needy b*tch and like lots of affection. But I like my SO to have her own hobbies, interest, and personality. It's hard to maintain individualism in a committed relationship but it's important to give each other space to do so.

NYCDutchess

However, don't stay with anybody just because his heart will shatter if you leave him. That's a recipe for unhappiness for both of you. If you don't love the guy, don't stay with him out of pity. Let him go and find someone who will love him back.

Good luck!

Well said!!!

Legalchica

Yup I agree RUN.... I thought it was cute... 13 years later i'm verging on hate....

Aleciajones

My husband and I are both clingy so it works perfectly

yoovie

he wouldnt make it through the first date before Id bail.

i_love_vinegar

I can go months or even years without seeing someone, but really appreciate clingy partners. I like knowing someone cares about me, and it makes me feel good doing things for them.

The last thing I need is someone like myself -- our first date could be at a movie theater, and the second 40 years later in a retirement home...:indifferent:

slay0r

Just as a bit of a thread hijack..

The last line about touching constantly, is that a really bad thing? I've found myself doing that, not always through affection I just know that they love the touch. Maybe it's overused I don't know but I love giving out massages and things :x Never realised it was something that gets on someones nerves but I've kinda just realised I did it quite a lot with the last person I saw. Eeek.

sandrinamsilva

No, I can not handle clingy. Sometimes I just want my space with no one's input. I had one dude I was starting to date (1 week) beginning doing some of this type of stuff, MAJOR TURN OFF. My boyfriend now is the complete opposite, I love it. I get to miss him when we don't talk/see each other everyday.

nray3119

Run away!! There is something wrong. Why does he feel the need to be so attached?

i_love_vinegar

Just as a bit of a thread hijack..

The last line about touching constantly, is that a really bad thing? I've found myself doing that, not always through affection I just know that they love the touch. Maybe it's overused I don't know but I love giving out massages and things :x Never realised it was something that gets on someones nerves but I've kinda just realised I did it quite a lot with the last person I saw. Eeek.

I like that. Clingy to me sounds similar to "too nice." Some (aka quite a few) people seem to think there *has to be* something wrong with a person if they show their feelings and treat the person they love well. <_< A lot of these people then go on to date people who are the opposite, and complain these people "aren't attentive, romantic sweet, affectionate etc. enough."

I love giving out massages and stuff too. I wish it was more acceptable to not play games and stuff...but alas I too am going to wait a while before shelling out massages and stuff. Frankly, I think you should just do what you want though LOL. I'm simply waiting because my experience has been that people think I must be *desperate, obsessive, or I have a hidden problem* if I do this stuff early on. Basically, I'm playing it safe...although I seek-out clingy people so hopefully they too appreciate this stuff in most cases ^^

BlackmetalCoffee79

I like my alone time, so no i personally couldn't handle an extremely clingy g/f. Plus i know a lot of relationships around me that are this way and it ends up in some ways effecting my friendship with the person involved. It's not to say that i couldn't be the romantic type or anything like that, it's just that i feel most people need some time to themselves, but maybe that's just my personality type.

fatty_to_fitty

NO.

CeejayGee

Google "Insecure Attachment" - that's what he has. Evidently his childhood was probably chaotic, so he has a fear of abandonment now. What he feels is a need for assurance and stability - once he feels more secure in your relationship and that you really like him, it'll calm down some. But in the initial stages, he'll just want a lot of assurance and he gets that by being touchy feely, by asking if you love him, etc. And, his inner child probably really DOES believe that you're going to leave him at any time.

I don't think he's going to turn scary on you or anything like that, but you do need to talk about it and ask if him he's feeling the things you read about insecure attachment. And then ask how you can help him feel more secure and how he can let you have more space. Maybe one really meaningful "I love you" a day would give him what he needs, and give you what you need.

Qarol

I can't handle clingy in ANY relationship, period.

ilookthetype

I have learned that after you make them cry a few times (not saying I love you back, shrugging them off when they try to physically cling, and making plans that don't involve them have all worked for me in the past) they'll get extremely upset and leave because you "don't treat them the way they deserve"

A simpler but much more dramatic and drawn out way is to dump them, however this comes with a lot of questions, texts, and phone calls so they can find out why exactly you have dumped them. That's why I go the other route and make them cry (by having a life of my own and making my personal space known) so they leave on their own.

Carl01

I don`t have to read any other responses to tell you that he is effed up and you will not fix him.
End it.

Tanyawhite30

My husband is like that...but I dont see him alot because he works away so I guess it`s ok....but sometimes I am anxious for him to leave lol!!

leogirl724

Just as a bit of a thread hijack..

The last line about touching constantly, is that a really bad thing? I've found myself doing that, not always through affection I just know that they love the touch. Maybe it's overused I don't know but I love giving out massages and things :x Never realised it was something that gets on someones nerves but I've kinda just realised I did it quite a lot with the last person I saw. Eeek.

some people dig it...some don't
you need to make sure you know who you are with and are matched in that sense

sunkisses

Even the existence of a significant other right now would be too much for me.

stainlessteel

**** ya that's the best kind of luv

Sherbog

Put your feet in overdrive and run like the ****ens. Never look back...don't try to take the time to explain to him...just get out.

MoLove2025

it may be alot now.....he we calm down once he knows you love him to (IF YOU DO). Having him is way better than one that wont do any of those things at all.

Heck i am guilty of a 2 or 3 of those....yes i will admit i tell my man i miss him when he isnt around.....hes great company...Life seems a little boring with out him.

LilRedRooster

I had one of those. Lasted a few months. Wouldn't have another if I were paid.

wittlelacey

it may be alot now.....he we calm down once he knows you love him to (IF YOU DO). Having him is way better than one that wont do any of those things at all.

Heck i am guilty of a 2 or 3 of those....yes i will admit i tell my man i miss him when he isnt around.....hes great company...Life seems a little boring with out him.

I do love him I love his family, and his home, and the way he treats me, and that he's done a lot for me. But I don't love the lack of space or the boy that I'm stuck with when I need a man. I'm torn between loving someone and seeking what I need in a significant other. I don't want to make the mistake of letting him go, when he could easily be the one. I just want him to lighten up a bit and give me room to breathe. In the next few days, it will be my mission to make this loud and clear!

Thanks to everyone who replied, even though you all gave me plenty of mixed emotions ahaha

muffin_shufflin

I dated a guy like this & after about a month & a half- two months, I broke it off. Texting me 24-FREAKING-7 about every little detail of your day isn't a must. I don't need to know that you just killed a spider & now you're drinking grape juice. I like my space. I like not hearing from you so that when I finally do, i'm excited. A little clingy is ok, it's nice to know you're wanted or that they're afraid of losing you. But when you're being suffocated, it's no longer fun & it's just plain annoying. I also vote "run"