Can you handle having a CLINGY significant other?

spearfox

If you do try to leave, be verrrrrrry careful. He may threaten suicide or he may threaten to harm you or someone you love. Do not fall for the manipulation, but do tell someone in authority. These types of guys will tell you they can't live without you.....until you decide you can live without them, then the tears turn to revenge.

This much "passion" has a dark side.

^^^^^^^
This

honeysprinkles

No! Some from your list are acceptable, but not after only a few months.

obsidianwings

In general I would've hated that. And would be gone in a second if any of those things happened lol. However with my partner who i've been with quite a few years now we have always been like that, especially at the beginning, and I like it. So I think before that it was just that it wasn't the right person.
However, if you are feeling suffocated then you have every right to sort the problem out, whether by leaving, or talking to him about things you don't like etc, doesn't matter who else thinks its ok or not its your relationship.

_Timmeh_

I had one of those but then she also had pet names: shnooky shnookums, cuddle bunny, muffin, sweetie, smoochie, pookie...oh my freekin gawd was that annoying!

Sorry I'd run. Don't worry about what breaking up would do, worry about yourself and your happiness.

JanieJack

Nope, couldn't handle what you describe.

Shellitz

As one who has been around the block a time or two, I say................run.



I had one of those. EXACTLY. At first it is sort of flattering, then it gets annoying, then it becomes scary..Let's just say mine ended with police and restraining orders and changing the locks, changing jobs, basically afraid to leave my house.

Yeah. Run.

YES ^this. My ex used to just drive past my house all the time. And continue to 'drop in' at my dad's house after we broke up. Just visiting he'd say. My dad ended up giving him his marching orders - read: punched him in the face, because he just wouldn't go away. Police could do nothing because he hadn't 'technically' threatened me - so...thanks Dad!

Interestingly I found out he now lives around the block from me. Luckily I am moving in a couple of months!!!!

DameVenus

Eh, I guess most people wouldn't enjoy that constantly and I can understand you needing your space and feeling suffocated but honestly, besides a few things on that list, that sounds pretty romantic to me lol. I'm probably just silly though.

brooklynsfinestballerina

Ohhhh my gosh. That's awful. Get away before you're in too deep!

karinaes

run for the hills!!! :indifferent:
shows insecurity on both parties

_Bob_

I used to end every phone call with I love you, and used to say it every night before I went to bed, or when ever me or my wife were leaving. I guess it got old because my wife said it had lost it's meaning so i stopped. I try not to say it often because I know that it annoyed her that I said it so much. sadly I'm the cuddly clingy type but I understand that my wife is not so I try to leave her alone more when were together. it's helped and she gets more cuddly now that I have laid off.

With that being said, try and find a way to let him know with out it turning into a fight. if he's nuts that it'll be a fight every time and in that case you better get the hell out of there!

honeysprinkles

I used to end every phone call with I love you, and used to say it every night before I went to bed, or when ever me or my wife were leaving. I guess it got old because my wife said it had lost it's meaning so i stopped. I try not to say it often because I know that it annoyed her that I said it so much. sadly I'm the cuddly clingy type but I understand that my wife is not so I try to leave her alone more when were together. it's helped and she gets more cuddly now that I have laid off.

With that being said, try and find a way to let him know with out it turning into a fight. if he's nuts that it'll be a fight every time and in that case you better get the hell out of there!

we say I love you when we get off the phone or when we're leaving. We say it all the time, it doesn't make it feel like it means any less to me. I just don't like the clingy "i have to be touching you all the time no matter where we're at" type.

cloud2011

Hmmm. Don't stay with someone because you don't want to hurt his feelings. It's kinder to do a clean break, than to continue if you're less than thrilled.

bigdawg025

maybe he just has OCD?

Yep, got to agree with this one. My husband of 18 years has most of those traits and he has OCD. He never grew out of it and he got worst wtih time. The list also gets longer the more years I am with him. One annoying one is not wanting to . go to his families house without me, even though I don't like his family.... Here's another ,,,.demanding we spend every Christmas day wtih his sister...who does not like me. This is the first year, I said no. No to her coming here, no to me going there. Oh it was a big fight....but you know what....i had it. I had enough of his controlling behavior. Now I go and do what I want and he whines about it.


My advice..............run...run very fast......

You've stayed for 18 years??? Are you insane, scared, or just someone who doesn't believe in divorce??? (Yes... those people do exist out there.)

cmriverside

I suspect this isn't exactly going the way she was thinking it might............

bigdawg025

I suspect this isn't exactly going the way she was thinking it might............

I think it definitely has enlightened her... the responses are fairly overwhelming...

wittlelacey

I suspect this isn't exactly going the way she was thinking it might............

I think it definitely has enlightened her... the responses are fairly overwhelming...

I'm not sure what to think anymore. I don't think he's psyhologically disturbed or OCD or dangerous, and I know he'd respect my decision if I left although he'd be broken. I'm crazy about him, just not as much as he is to me. I need time away and I need space. I just don't know how to get it.

We get compliments very often on how "cute" we are together. I think if everyone who replied to this saw us together, they could see that our relationship is very happy. But I woke up yesterday and doubted if I could handle the suffocation anymore.

bigdawg025

I suspect this isn't exactly going the way she was thinking it might............

I think it definitely has enlightened her... the responses are fairly overwhelming...

I'm not sure what to think anymore. I don't think he's psyhologically disturbed or OCD or dangerous, and I know he'd respect my decision if I left although he'd be broken. I'm crazy about him, just not as much as he is to me. I need time away and I need space. I just don't know how to get it.

We get compliments very often on how "cute" we are together. I think if everyone who replied to this saw us together, they could see that our relationship is very happy. But I woke up yesterday and doubted if I could handle the suffocation anymore.

Space is so very important... I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum as my wife and I live 2500 miles apart, and I would love to have LESS space (until we live together and then I get NONE lol) It is very important not to feel smothered, and it's a delicate balance because he flies off the handle every time you try to talk to him about it and bawls like a 2 year old (THIS behavior is why the "red flags" are being mentioned here!!!) It's not because of the mushy gushy stuff... that stuff is kinda sweet... and I am even like that (and clingy and touchy feely as well) just not ALL the time. When it's time to sleep... roll over and sleep damn it! LOL

If you can't talk to him about this... ever... you are eventually going to have to leave, and it's probably not going to be pretty. I wish you nothing but the best either way.

Jarnard

Awwww. You guys are in the honey moon stage... a month from now that'll die off.

honeysprinkles

When it's time to sleep... roll over and sleep damn it! LOL

lol that's how I feel too

cloud2011

I just re-read your list and looked at your pic. Your boyfriend is literally all over you in the picture and you don't look happy about it. When you say he has to text 24/7 and see you every day, etc., that is a sign of controlling behavior and borders on (or is) a type of emotional abuse. I hope you'll consider talking to a counselor about your feelings, if you feel like you want more support.

SergeantSunshine_reused

Wanting to talk on the phone every single night, without fail. -Me and my boyfriend have been doing this most nights for 2 years


HAVE to text you 24/7 (or during every waking second). - yup we do this everyday

Make long texts/poems/notes/letters/wall posts/messages describing their infinite love for you on a daily basis. - not on a daily basis xD that is a bit much. But my boyfriend will send me these occasionally while i sleep

Can't be near you without holding/touching you in some way, shape, or form. - how we are a lot when we are together


maybe it is different since we are in a long distance relationship though. I love that he is like that though.

wittlelacey

Space is so very important... I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum as my wife and I live 2500 miles apart, and I would love to have LESS space (until we live together and then I get NONE lol) It is very important not to feel smothered, and it's a delicate balance because he flies off the handle every time you try to talk to him about it and bawls like a 2 year old (THIS behavior is why the "red flags" are being mentioned here!!!) It's not because of the mushy gushy stuff... that stuff is kinda sweet... and I am even like that (and clingy and touchy feely as well) just not ALL the time. When it's time to sleep... roll over and sleep damn it! LOL

If you can't talk to him about this... ever... you are eventually going to have to leave, and it's probably not going to be pretty. I wish you nothing but the best either way.

lol yeah well I can't even get this one to nap. Sorry to hear about the dilemma between you and your wife! Here I am complaining about a little cling when you're dealing long distance. I can see the red flags, and I'm going to do what i can to prevent them from growing.

wittlelacey

Wanting to talk on the phone every single night, without fail. -Me and my boyfriend have been doing this most nights for 2 years


HAVE to text you 24/7 (or during every waking second). - yup we do this everyday

Make long texts/poems/notes/letters/wall posts/messages describing their infinite love for you on a daily basis. - not on a daily basis xD that is a bit much. But my boyfriend will send me these occasionally while i sleep

Can't be near you without holding/touching you in some way, shape, or form. - how we are a lot when we are together


maybe it is different since we are in a long distance relationship though. I love that he is like that though.

i think long distance is entirely different haha. and plus, some people love this. i loved it at one time.

ginnylee74

As one who has been around the block a time or two, I say................run.



I had one of those. EXACTLY. At first it is sort of flattering, then it gets annoying, then it becomes scary..Let's just say mine ended with police and restraining orders and changing the locks, changing jobs, basically afraid to leave my house.

Yeah. Run.

I have a friend who was in a relationship like this and after marriage she became an abused wife. Took a lot to get away. She ended up having to move to another state and start over. Think this over very carefully. See how he acts if you want to do a few things with friends without him or with your family. Also be careful if he throws in a few hurtful remarks when you have a disagreement or his touching gets a little rough. Sometimes that's how abuse starts.

SergeantSunshine_reused

Yea I was thinking so xD Long distance you really have to keep up the connection!


I had a boyfriend that was just insanely clingly like that in high school though. Like I couldn't even have a girls night out without him wanting to come -.- when i first talked to him about a possible break up he cried and held me to the point my shirt was nasty.

THAT was annoying though. Too much!!! He even got a tattoo after we broke up to try and win me back. since i told him i though rib tattoos were sexy. How long were we together? 4 months.... o.o

antonio823

The movie "Fatal Attraction" comes to mind... #justsaying

DietPep1978

Emphasis on CLINGY. I'm talking a boyfriend or girlfriend who:

Overplay the phrase "I love you"
Can't go an hour apart without letting you know that they miss you terribly.
Saying you'll be together forever after 2 months.
Wanting to talk on the phone every single night, without fail.
HAVE to text you 24/7 (or during every waking second).
Want to hang out every day.
Cry (boys too!) whenever they think you're remotely upset.
Say "Do you not love me anymore? Are you going to dump me?" during every argument.
Make long texts/poems/notes/letters/wall posts/messages describing their infinite love for you on a daily basis.
Can't be near you without holding/touching you in some way, shape, or form.
etc. etc.

Note: All of the above describe my boyfriend of 4 months. These were just the ones that came to the top of my head instantly, there's plenty more but this is the jist. I feel suffocated and I need to know-am I crazy for feeling discontent by all this affection or am I a lucky girl to have a boyfriend so sensitive and considerate? How do you guys handle this? Turn on or turn off?

Sounds like TROUBLE! I seen a previous poster had the advice to - RUN! I'd have to agree!

unmitigatedbadassery

...or maybe he just really loves you and doesn't realize he's coming across as overbearing... nah, that can't be it - he's a psycho fa sho!

robot_potato

Hell no. I need my space.

ericalynn104

After having my man be gone for two and a half years (Marine Corps) I would just love to have him here to have the option. But in the times we have spent together, I have figured out that we both still need space. There is a line between affectionate and clingy.