I find myself becoming very judgemental

Shriffee

Aaagghhh... I do this too and feel so guilty about it. I caught myself looking in people's buggies at the grocery and was so irritated with myself. That's just plain rude. And like so many others have said, I'm not ALWAYS so "well-behaved". My poor husband bears the brunt of it. I critique his portions and choices all the time. But it's my job to nag him.

Shweedog

I'm the opposite. I find myself hoping/wondering if they worked it into their daily plan. I myself eat crap sometimes but it is included in my daily caloric goal. For all you know that is what they are doing as well.

muddyventures

We all make judgements, I think it is normal and acceptable; however I don't like to pass judgement on people (I do sometimes). I've nver been extremely obese but I've had my struggles to boot and I just try to remember that.

bigsexay157

I've always judged people which is why I have no friends. That, and I have quite the extensive collection of She-Ra dolls

I thought I was your friend :frown:

I don't hear from you anymore

firesoforion

It's been programmed that they haven't been trying.
Like I told my coworker today that voiced her opinion about someone's fitness level: If some random person saw me at McDonalds, they wouldn't know I log and workout like crazy to make the snadwich happen.
It's corrective thinking And I totally made myself crave a McDonalds run....

Nice answer.

mixedfeelings

It's good that you've noticed that your viewing people differently, and sort of see it as a problem. I know what you mean though, I first lost weight years ago and found that I felt annoyed by other peoples eating habits, with me it was because I was cranky, I was eating poorly and very little, not that I'm suggesting you are but with me it was just annoyance with me back then but it started when I lost the first 28lbs and it seemed to be easy, when the weight crept back on I still feel a bit judgemental but in the back of my head I know that I shouldn't think bad as you don't know personal circumstances some people are naturally bigger and aren't necessarily at home stuffing their faces with junk food, I know this as I put on weight eating very little - mainly thanks to messing up my metabolism by starving myself years ago and being inactive due to illness. I'm now losing weight by actually eating more food and doing bits of exercise while I recover.

I think really part of it is knowing that you personally feel you've conquered something you've struggled with so why can't other people? Some people just don't have the willpower or even want to change but then there are a lot of people trying and struggling - just because you see them out having a nice meal doesn't mean they eat like that all the time, they could be having a treat or out on their birthdays. I know it's one of those thoughts that pops up so I wouldn't worry about it but just try and concentrate on how you feel with your own loss.

I'm overweight and am intensely paranoid that everyone is making a judgement on my food choices, it means that I rarely go out and eat.

hope516

I thought I was the only one! I don't have any right to be judgemental yet either! I am so far from goal. but I also do the same thing.

auticus

I think it's time that we start worrying about ourselves and less about what other people do to live their own lives. If they want to become health conscious, that's their choice, as it was your choice to do so as well.

I feel neither animosity nor sympathy for obese people that I do not know, because I do not know their story and presuming to know their story and pre-judging them off of it is what people I refer to as "*kitten*" do, and I don't want to be a douche bag.

Obese people don't need reminded that they are obese. They know. If you've ever been obese... you know. Food is a lot like drugs for people.

You can say "hey dr. roxxo... don't snort that cocaine baby it's going to hurt you" and dr. roxxo is going to snort the cocaine anyway because he is compelled to, even though he knows its going to hurt him and leave him in a gutter somewhere covered in splooge and other nastyt hings.

You can say "hey don't eat that food, you're fat baby you're killing yourself", but they are going to do it anyway. That's the decision they chose to make. If there was an instant pill that could make people not be obese, there would be no obese people around, because no one *wants* to be obese. No one wakes up and goes "damn I want to be that person that can't walk, and people look at me like I'm a caged zoo animal when I go out".

No one wants to be a junkie or an alcoholic either.

The people that I get annoyed with are the fat people who whine about being fat and then do nothing about it. They complain no one wants to be with them because they are obese, and then put down a couple cokes and some other fatty super high calorie food.

The fat person in front of you may be eating the big mac, and you may prejudge them because they disgust you, but you failed to see that they just got done with an hour at the gym. While they may not be effective at their weight loss strategem, they would have at least put in an hour's worth of work, which is commendable, considering most people auto judge the fat as the slovenly.

So come down off your plinth and worry about yourself and less about the fat guy eating the pizza. The fat guy eating the pizza knows he's fat. He's paying the price for it, and he may even die because of it, but that's his call. Much like it is the beautiful fashion model that we all want to be's price when they die from an eating disorder

csparon

I've noticed lately, pretty much since I've been on my weightloss kick, that when I see tremendously overweight people out in public, eating gross things ect. I get very judgemental. I really don't want to be this way, and I feel bad for thinking the way I do, but I can't help but think "It's not hard to lose weight, and you shouldn't be eating that"

WTF is wrong with me?

My Uncle who must be close to 500lbs ate 4 giant plates of spaghetti with meat sauce once, and every time he cleared a plate he used 2-4 slices of bread to soak up the sauce. It made me want to puke because I did not realize how much food it takes to maintain that physique, and it's sad because I know he's slowly killing himself. But ~2 boxes of spaghetti, an entire jar of sauce, pound of meat and 3/4 of a loaf a bread is no bueno :noway:

sobriquet84

think of it this way... "you've arrived".

TheNewLeslie

I think the hardest part for me is seeing overweight parents with obese kids. I was a fat kid myself, but not because my parents were feeding me cr@p. For me it was because I preferred reading books to playing outside.

It seems to me that you are seeing more kids who are not just 'fat', but clinically obese. Kids. Who should have metabolisms that any of us would die for!

And when I see kids NOW, I'm thinking "Wow, if I was stigmatized for my whole life by being a 'fat kid', how is THAT kid going to feel?"

MikeSEA

I have a friend who is extremely over weight and she is always complaining about being fat and asking me if I think she looks fat. It upsets me that she feels bad about being fat, but won't do anything about it. Why does she ask me? It really puts me in a rough place because saying yes will hurt her feelings, but saying no is lying to her. She just wants reassurance that she isn't fat, and it's not something I can reassure her about without lying. I do the same thing now when I look at people, especially those who are on the self pity wagon, the poor me, all the time is sickening. Buck up and do something about it, is how I feel. I've been through 5 major surgeries and got up to 320 pounds. I felt horrible, so when my body was healed I got back at it instead of just complaining about being over weight. I am sure it sounds a bit heartless, but come on people, you can see the image in the mirror as well as I can.

Assuming you're correct in that she just wants someone to reassure her that she isn't fat, you kind of have to emotionally distance yourself from her response. It kind of sounds like she's set up this very limited framework where either she's happy because she's not fat or she's upset because she's fat. She needs to understand that she can separate those out and there are other ways to cope.

She can accept that she's fat and not be upset, while at the same time not be satisfied with her weight. If she literally cannot do that, then It's my unprofessional opinion that she has more than just weight issues going on. She could probably get some help by seeing a professional.

For example, there are other people who see themselves as fat, recognize the need for change, and expect perfection from themselves every second of every day. This person will likely fail, because no one is perfect, and if their coping mechanism is to shut down and do nothing, it can look a lot like being lazy. It's closer to being paralyzed. They probably need to seek help.

Butterfly3730

I think it's easy to fall into a trap like that & forget where you came from. (Not "you" as in you personally, just using the term) Even if you weren't overweight, just eating unhealthy things wasn't good for your body. Sometimes we generalize other people & think "If I can do it then why can't they? I had the energy & want to so why don't they?" But not everyone is the same. A lot of people are going through a divorce, or a death or a job loss & they deal with things through emotional eating. Some people desperately want to be healthier but truly do not know where to start. Or they already feel defeated by life so why would they want to change? There are so many reasons people don't pursue weight loss or a healthier lifestyle. I spent most of my 20's overweight because I was in an unhappy marriage. We just never know what people are truly dealing with on the inside. Hopefully this helps stir your compassion for others. I have caught myself thinking the same thing before & then I realize I need a slap in the face because just not too long ago it was me that was unhealthy & had no plan to be healthy because I didn't see a way out. Just by your post I can tell you don't really mean to do it & you want to change your way of thinking. You will. We never know what people are going through or why they are the way they are. We all have our baggage. Best of luck to you in your fitness journey.

I love your attitude and I AGREE 100%

llahairdna

I am not so much judgmental about what people are eating themselves, but when they feed their kids crap all of the time, that's what I get upset. I figure, if you're an adult and choose to be unhealthy, that's on you. But when you push those unhealthy behaviors onto your children, that's wrong.

ohnuts14

It's also important to realize that, just because you see an overweight person eating something that's bad for them, doesn't necessarily mean they eat like that all the time, or that they aren't trying. I went out the other day and had a rack of ribs, as I'll allow myself a bad day once or twice a month. People might have been looking at me like "why is this fat chick eating that?" But unbeknownst to them, I'm in the process of losing weight and already lost nearly 40 lbs. You never know what someones situation is. Everybody is judgmental about something, everyone has judgmental thoughts, and it's big that you can admit that. It's nothing to be ashamed of, it's just how you feel. Just always try to think about it from their side, try and give people the benefit of the doubt.

lucentabella

I think it's easy to fall into a trap like that & forget where you came from. (Not "you" as in you personally, just using the term) Even if you weren't overweight, just eating unhealthy things wasn't good for your body. Sometimes we generalize other people & think "If I can do it then why can't they? I had the energy & want to so why don't they?" But not everyone is the same. A lot of people are going through a divorce, or a death or a job loss & they deal with things through emotional eating. Some people desperately want to be healthier but truly do not know where to start. Or they already feel defeated by life so why would they want to change? There are so many reasons people don't pursue weight loss or a healthier lifestyle. I spent most of my 20's overweight because I was in an unhappy marriage. We just never know what people are truly dealing with on the inside. Hopefully this helps stir your compassion for others. I have caught myself thinking the same thing before & then I realize I need a slap in the face because just not too long ago it was me that was unhealthy & had no plan to be healthy because I didn't see a way out. Just by your post I can tell you don't really mean to do it & you want to change your way of thinking. You will. We never know what people are going through or why they are the way they are. We all have our baggage. Best of luck to you in your fitness journey.

Like!

fbmandy55

Thought I'm still 'fat' I find myself doing this at times. Thnkfully, just a quickly as the thought enters my head... it leaves.

The only time I feel judgemental or angry is when I see people in public who park in handicap and use wheelchairs because of their weight. Yes, some people may have other issues but for some of them, it is pretty obviousy their issue is self-inflicted. Walking through the store with the support of a cart or walking the few extra feet to the door may actually improve their life.

thatsnumberwang

That's the wonderful thing about thoughts. You can think anything you want, and it doesn't hurt anyone! You can think that someone is ugly, too fat, too thin, dressed too trashy, too mean, too much of a pushover... you can think mean thoughts all day long. It doesn't make you a bad person! Where it would cross the line is if you started saying those things out loud or acting on them. Don't get down on yourself for judging others -- it's human. Just remember to keep the judgments to yourself. :flowerforyou:

lucentabella

It's also important to realize that, just because you see an overweight person eating something that's bad for them, doesn't necessarily mean they eat like that all the time, or that they aren't trying. I went out the other day and had a rack of ribs, as I'll allow myself a bad day once or twice a month. People might have been looking at me like "why is this fat chick eating that?" But unbeknownst to them, I'm in the process of losing weight and already lost nearly 40 lbs. You never know what someones situation is. Everybody is judgmental about something, everyone has judgmental thoughts, and it's big that you can admit that. It's nothing to be ashamed of, it's just how you feel. Just always try to think about it from their side, try and give people the benefit of the doubt.

Agreed!

marasw

I find myself being very judgmental when i hear other people talking about trying to lose weight. I know some people who every week are on about how "This is our last bad meal and then from here on out, we're juice fasting!" or fill in the blank with some other crazy unnecessary weight loss gimmick. They say this while eating HUGE feast of fast food. I see these same people eating fast food the rest of the week as if they never had that conversation. I also find it a little insulting that I've lost 15 pounds in front of their eyes and they have never once asked me about it, they just continue to try ridiculous tricks they read about in Cosmo or wherever they dig this stuff up. But I just sigh and mentally roll my eyes because I don't think they REALLY are ready for the changes required to seriously lose weight so until they are, I keep my mouth shut.

jedi9393

It doesn't really matter what you think about other people. For whatever reason, you're going to run into people from time to time and completely disapprove of something about their appearance, behavior, etc.

What matters is how you act toward them. If you're treating people with warm courtesy, regardless of your private impressions, you're not being judgemental.

Your thoughts are your own business, and you're no less a good person for having them.

those are sagelike words of wisdom there!!!! I have those thoughts too, but yeah for me to lose takes a lot of mental and physical energy that most people arent comfortable with. I have had a horrible time since novermber with deaths, losing my job, and a whole bunch of little sorrows.Its like i'm living some sorta greek tragedy! Most people would have broken, but I have kept on and havent been derailed.

holly1283

I'm coming at this from a different angle. I was one of those people. I lost my job, my husband was an alcoholic and I pretty much had to provide for my kids alone. He was then killed in an automobile accident and my parents relied on me very heavily to help them. All this to say at this point one of the very few pleasures I had in life was the taste of food. I knew it was wrong but I was trying to survive emotionally and financially. As for paying for food, there was always junk to eat at work. I am now more judgmental the other direction with the person who weighs 125 and wants to go to 105. Really!!! I only weighed that much on the way up. I think MFP is great and ti is helping put my priorities in order.

elysecea

I think it's just hard to watch people "hurt" their bodies when you're trying so hard to take care of yours, something you didn't think of so much before you decided to change how you live.

Yes this ^^^^^^^

brenteesha

I feel the same sometimes. I also feel terrible that I feel like that too. Makes me feel like a complete b. I just want them to try and do it because they can!! It's just frustrating. Especially when one of them is my roommate. I watch him eat fast food EVERY night and drink 1 liter of soda every two days. It's hard to watch and I've tried telling him, but he won't do it unless he WANTS to!! Everyone surrounding him, our other roommate, my boyfriend are fit and I'm working toward it. So it's just frustrating.

I agree so much! I'm worried about my mom because she has gained a fair amount of weight, more than I did before I started counting in January. She mentioned something about her doctor talking to her about diabetes... but said she wasn't borderline or anything. Regardless, if her doctor even brought it up, it worries me. I work in the medical field and I'm not sure everyone realizes just how serious diabetes can be and how many serious problems it causes for your body... but I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing or too much to her because I don't want to offend. I'm not perfectly healthy by any means, but I've cut the junk food out to one or two days a week and it's already making a difference... I just wish it was easier to convince others of the same! But you are right, it totally has to come from that person, and they have to WANT to do it.

HerBravado

I don't think that I judge...
but rather I look at them as I saw myself about 40 pounds ago.
Maybe they have no intention to change.
Maybe they're struggling with it like I did too (only recently did results show).
I guess it makes me realize how lucky I am to have gotten this far,
while reminding me that I've still got a ways to go.
So...one never really knows a person's back story.

princesspolamalu

I just started my weight loss journey so I am in no position to judge anybody. I have about 65 lbs to lose and I know I have a tough road ahead. It took having to squeeze into a size 18 jeans @ 5'2 to send me over the edge. I finally said enough is enough. Unfortunately that has to happen for people at different times. While I was ready to lose weight the next guy may not be ready. Beyond that people may not be a position financially or emotionally to begin losing weight. Planet Fitness has been a god send for me. Close to home and very reasonably priced. Many other gyms are very expensive and for some people thats just not a financial responsibility that they can take on. Sad as it is it is cheaper to eat like crap. I went to the grocery store yesterday as a matter of fact. My first big shopping trip since I began losing weight and groceries cost me nearly 400 for a family of 3. Fresh veggies and fruits and lean organic meats are very expensive. I guess my point is the only person that you can control is you. Just hope that at some point people will find the motivation that you found and until then don't judge them.

mnishi

The guy I share an office with chain smokes, literally eats McDonald's EVERY DAY for breakfast and lunch (probably dinner too, I'm just not there to see it), thinks drinking bottled water gives him cavaties so instead he just drinks pop (soda), when he eats he breathes heavily like it's a struggle, then has the audacity to make fun of MY lunch, calling it rabbit food.
I'm judgemental as hell when it comes to him.
Also, parents that think a diet that consists of only chicken nuggets (or anything else equally as bad) is a perfectly acceptable diet for their children.

Besides that, I TRY not to be judgemental.

faiga

I know i used to do it when i was losing weight and over the last year ive had many medical problems now they are almost all gone but during all of it i gained 28 pounds because of it and most of it was while i was seeing a nutritionist. ive stopped looking and judging and realize i have to just work on myself before i can help others. i am back at square one with weight loss have to start all over again

nerdyandilikeit

Thought I'm still 'fat' I find myself doing this at times. Thnkfully, just a quickly as the thought enters my head... it leaves.

The only time I feel judgemental or angry is when I see people in public who park in handicap and use wheelchairs because of their weight. Yes, some people may have other issues but for some of them, it is pretty obviousy their issue is self-inflicted. Walking through the store with the support of a cart or walking the few extra feet to the door may actually improve their life.

I'd be careful about that if it's not apparent, though. My mom is obese, but she is also disabled. She can't walk more than the few feet back and forth from the door to her car or from the car to the store or whatnot. NOT because she's obese, but because her back is seriously messed up. I'm not saying you're right or wrong on this, just pointing that out.

NikkieLite

It's also important to realize that, just because you see an overweight person eating something that's bad for them, doesn't necessarily mean they eat like that all the time, or that they aren't trying. I went out the other day and had a rack of ribs, as I'll allow myself a bad day once or twice a month. People might have been looking at me like "why is this fat chick eating that?" But unbeknownst to them, I'm in the process of losing weight and already lost nearly 40 lbs. You never know what someones situation is. Everybody is judgmental about something, everyone has judgmental thoughts, and it's big that you can admit that. It's nothing to be ashamed of, it's just how you feel. Just always try to think about it from their side, try and give people the benefit of the doubt.

Absolutely this. I just went out for a birthday dinner at Olive Garden and stuffed my face with yummy things but I planned it all out ahead of time and have made up for it since, didn't gain a single ounce and have lost a total of 31 pounds. And there are people out there who do find it difficult to lose weight. It's not easy for everyone. For some people they just haven't had that moment where something clicked or they got poor advice or they have eating disorders. You never know what another person is really going through. I sometimes glance at grocery carts and have that moment of "You're really going to feed your kid that?" but I just have to remind myself that I'm not perfect, I have made bad choices, and I don't know that person's situation at all and I should just mind my own health.