I find myself becoming very judgemental

HerBravado

It's also important to realize that, just because you see an overweight person eating something that's bad for them, doesn't necessarily mean they eat like that all the time, or that they aren't trying. I went out the other day and had a rack of ribs, as I'll allow myself a bad day once or twice a month. People might have been looking at me like "why is this fat chick eating that?" But unbeknownst to them, I'm in the process of losing weight and already lost nearly 40 lbs. You never know what someones situation is. Everybody is judgmental about something, everyone has judgmental thoughts, and it's big that you can admit that. It's nothing to be ashamed of, it's just how you feel. Just always try to think about it from their side, try and give people the benefit of the doubt.

This !
I've lost about that much too, & I treat myself to some fast food every weekend. People who don't know you just automatically assume you're just a fat chick trying to get a meal.
Not the used-to-be-really-fat chick that's treating herself for a week well done !

DataBased

I am not so much judgmental about what people are eating themselves, but when they feed their kids crap all of the time, that's what I get upset. I figure, if you're an adult and choose to be unhealthy, that's on you. But when you push those unhealthy behaviors onto your children, that's wrong.

We all survived our parents' mistakes and it's up to us to learn to do better than the generation before. Besides, if a parent didn't screw their kids up some way, what would they have to talk about with their shrink?

Joking aside (because it really isn't funny) - we can't raise other people's children. We can work to change people's opinions in non-judgmental ways, though. Start a play group and when you see kids whose parents are making poor dietary choices, invite those kids to the play group. Teach the kids how to make good choices, and they can influence their parents to learn how, also.

elysecea

I would have to say I have become the same way. It really bothers me that I see people rather large people who cant eve walk and drive the electric buggy at walmart, and their basket is full of nothing but crap!!! It seems people would rather be immobile instead of trying to become mobile.....or caring about themselves and their children. Its frustrations and now that our proverbial cloud has been lifted we want that for others. We just need to push forward and help those that want to be helped, and turn all of our new energy for sharing the love!!! Or at least trying too

Rachelito

I try to remember that sometimes what you see isnt the whole story. We dont know whats going on behind closed doors or the circumstances that lead to what you see.

I went to the grocery store the other day because my husband requested specific foods that I didnt get on my grocery run. He was on vacation and wanted foods I dont normally buy. I was so embarrased pushing around a cart full of cokes, cheetos, cookies, hamburger helper and macaroni and cheese. Im sure if someone looked in my basket they were judging me left and right even though I didnt touch any of those things.

Peppychristian

After those thoughts pass, I think "How can you not know how you look?! How are you okay with that?"

^^That is the judgemental part
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I some how didn't see the slippery slope I was on. I gained 50 pounds over 6 years (yes I had three babies in that time but that is not the reason for my weight gain). It is like I woke up one day and said how did I get here? I too struggle with thinking poorly when I see people eating in excess or just plain unhealthy but I was there and I still indulge in dessert and fast food (I just work it off now).

fieldsy4life

Don't get down on yourself for judging others -- it's human. Just remember to keep the judgments to yourself. :flowerforyou:

Couldn't have said it better myself!

marasw

Thought I'm still 'fat' I find myself doing this at times. Thnkfully, just a quickly as the thought enters my head... it leaves.

The only time I feel judgemental or angry is when I see people in public who park in handicap and use wheelchairs because of their weight. Yes, some people may have other issues but for some of them, it is pretty obviousy their issue is self-inflicted. Walking through the store with the support of a cart or walking the few extra feet to the door may actually improve their life.

I'd be careful about that if it's not apparent, though. My mom is obese, but she is also disabled. She can't walk more than the few feet back and forth from the door to her car or from the car to the store or whatnot. NOT because she's obese, but because her back is seriously messed up. I'm not saying you're right or wrong on this, just pointing that out.

My mom was in a similar situation. She was obese BECAUSE she was disabled. Please do not judge someone for using a wheelchair, ever. You never know.

lax75

Ditto. It's the same feeling I get when I pass the group of smokers outside my building - especially the one who's pregnant.

heathersmilez

It's a combination of many things;

- You are hungry and consequently cranky from your 'diet'
- You feel subconsciously or consciously angry you have to give up some of the foods you love or at the portion you used to love them
- You are more educated and you know the strain on the healthcare system as a result of weight-related diseases. We've all pretty much agreed that smokers should be left in their own pit of suffering for doing it to themselves but for weight issues due to genetic and/or addiction research we've heard, it's not necessarily ‘ok’ to make fun of these people.

Do you really feel bad about this or are looking for others who do the same just so you are not alone? Of course I don’t expect you to answer that but when you’ve been successful and look good it can be easy to put others down because you really are better, it’s not just a perception and you should be proud of that. Keep focusing on yourself and provide nutrition tips only to those who ask and whatever thoughts go on in your head, think twice about saying them aloud because there is a time and a place for everything – MFP is here for you always but disagreement and arguments do happen

ninakir88

Yes.. I'm judgmental sometimes, but in reality, these people probably have no knowledge of how much their eating and how bad it is for them. When someone starts counting calories or book at food labels, its like a whole new world.

jnance82

I think it's just hard to watch people "hurt" their bodies when you're trying so hard to take care of yours, something you didn't think of so much before you decided to change how you live.

What a good way to look at it.

I agree! I've been finding myself doing the same thing!


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auroranflash

It's a combination of many things;

- You are hungry and consequently cranky from your 'diet'
- You feel subconsciously or consciously angry you have to give up some of the foods you love or at the portion you used to love them
- You are more educated and you know the strain on the healthcare system as a result of weight-related diseases. We've all pretty much agreed that smokers should be left in their own pit of suffering for doing it to themselves but for weight issues due to genetic and/or addiction research we've heard, it's not necessarily ‘ok’ to make fun of these people.

Do you really feel bad about this or are looking for others who do the same just so you are not alone? Of course I don’t expect you to answer that but when you’ve been successful and look good it can be easy to put others down because you really are better, it’s not just a perception and you should be proud of that. Keep focusing on yourself and provide nutrition tips only to those who ask and whatever thoughts go on in your head, think twice about saying them aloud because there is a time and a place for everything – MFP is here for you always but disagreement and arguments do happen

That is probably one of the best posts I've ever read on these forums.

maf66

I think it's time that we start worrying about ourselves and less about what other people do to live their own lives. If they want to become health conscious, that's their choice, as it was your choice to do so as well.

I feel neither animosity nor sympathy for obese people that I do not know, because I do not know their story and presuming to know their story and pre-judging them off of it is what people I refer to as "*kitten*" do, and I don't want to be a douche bag.

Obese people don't need reminded that they are obese. They know. If you've ever been obese... you know. Food is a lot like drugs for people.

You can say "hey dr. roxxo... don't snort that cocaine baby it's going to hurt you" and dr. roxxo is going to snort the cocaine anyway because he is compelled to, even though he knows its going to hurt him and leave him in a gutter somewhere covered in splooge and other nastyt hings.

You can say "hey don't eat that food, you're fat baby you're killing yourself", but they are going to do it anyway. That's the decision they chose to make. If there was an instant pill that could make people not be obese, there would be no obese people around, because no one *wants* to be obese. No one wakes up and goes "damn I want to be that person that can't walk, and people look at me like I'm a caged zoo animal when I go out".

No one wants to be a junkie or an alcoholic either.

The people that I get annoyed with are the fat people who whine about being fat and then do nothing about it. They complain no one wants to be with them because they are obese, and then put down a couple cokes and some other fatty super high calorie food.

The fat person in front of you may be eating the big mac, and you may prejudge them because they disgust you, but you failed to see that they just got done with an hour at the gym. While they may not be effective at their weight loss strategem, they would have at least put in an hour's worth of work, which is commendable, considering most people auto judge the fat as the slovenly.

So come down off your plinth and worry about yourself and less about the fat guy eating the pizza. The fat guy eating the pizza knows he's fat. He's paying the price for it, and he may even die because of it, but that's his call. Much like it is the beautiful fashion model that we all want to be's price when they die from an eating disorder

That's very well said. Honest, passionate and eloquent. Thank you for putting your thoughts out there for all of us to read!

fj211

You must remember that we're ALL in different stages of our own journeys.
The fact that we can make our own choices--good AND bad--is a blessing and a right .

imaginaryplaces

I think it's easy to fall into a trap like that & forget where you came from. (Not "you" as in you personally, just using the term) Even if you weren't overweight, just eating unhealthy things wasn't good for your body. Sometimes we generalize other people & think "If I can do it then why can't they? I had the energy & want to so why don't they?" But not everyone is the same. A lot of people are going through a divorce, or a death or a job loss & they deal with things through emotional eating. Some people desperately want to be healthier but truly do not know where to start. Or they already feel defeated by life so why would they want to change? There are so many reasons people don't pursue weight loss or a healthier lifestyle. I spent most of my 20's overweight because I was in an unhappy marriage. We just never know what people are truly dealing with on the inside. Hopefully this helps stir your compassion for others. I have caught myself thinking the same thing before & then I realize I need a slap in the face because just not too long ago it was me that was unhealthy & had no plan to be healthy because I didn't see a way out. Just by your post I can tell you don't really mean to do it & you want to change your way of thinking. You will. We never know what people are going through or why they are the way they are. We all have our baggage. Best of luck to you in your fitness journey.

Well said!

auroranflash

Ditto. It's the same feeling I get when I pass the group of smokers outside my building - especially the one who's pregnant.

We had one of those, too. She also drank monster energy drinks while prego...

I kept my mouth shut the whole time and always was polite to her, but I did lose a lot of respect for her because of her selfishness.

FittingIn

While many people are overweight, they may not have any idea what to do about it. Personally, I've tried for years with varying degrees of success knowing that I needed to do something about my weight but not really finding the solution.

Now, I think I've finally dialed in nutrition and exercise to a point that I feel great about the progress I've made and the direction that I'm heading.

Unfortunately, it took a lot of time and effort to get to this point (and I'm not all of the way there yet.)

aldousmom

it's normal. You've figured out how to be healthy, and they haven't. You put in the time and effort to learn and to put what you learned into practice. You know it's work, but you also know anyone can do it and it's hard to understand why people WOULDN'T do it.

I find this difficult, too....even when people are presented with the same info available to me, they can choose to draw different conclusions. My current dislike is the misuse of the word "moderation" when referring to diet, and also the phrase "you only live once". why would one choose to be unhealthy if you only get one life? Why do you want only "moderate" health? Wouldn't you, with your limited one life, want to be as healthy as can be so you can enjoy it much, much longer, and at a better quality?

*hugs* I know how hard it is to be patient and kind in situations like that. Just don't allow what you're thinking to EVER come out of your mouth. Ever.

kerricolby

I've always judged people which is why I have no friends. That, and I have quite the extensive collection of She-Ra dolls

Me too!!

samiam321123

I think I'm mostly judgemental when I have to stand on the train because someone is taking up two seats.

I do try to remember that I don't know someone else's full story and therefore shouldn't judge a snapshot of their life. However when their actions start to affect others I notice I get a little irritated.

froeschli

I had that exact thing happen when a friend came to visit, whom I hand not seen in a few years. She had easily doubled in size and kept drinking coke. When I told her (jokingly) that a bottle of coke was not the definition of a nutritious breakfast (that's as close as I came to mentioning her weight), she replied she drank it because the caffeine stopped her having migraines, and she absolutely could not drink coffee. I kept my mouth shut after that. I know she must be aware of what she is doing. But it still bugs me. A lot.

iuangina

You never know which heavier person just spent hours working out at the gym so they can have that cheat meal. Don't hate.

maf66

I'm only thinking of folks at the grocery, not at the restaurants. It's not cheap to eat healthy, and that's the truth! There are millions of families in America who simply cannot afford to eat well. They have to stretch their dollars as far as is possible and processed, packaged, unhealthy food is the only way they can do it. Those little packages of pasta and sauce side dishes are cheap, chicken nuggets? Cheap! Generic frozen pizza? Cheap! All that crap is so darn cheap and it's killing us! And this is a pet peeve of mine so I will just stop here with one last thing.

We have it backwards here in America. Convenience foods should be more expensive then fresh, wholesome and healthy ingredients. Why a box of fully cooked Banquet Fried Chicken is less expensive than a whole fresh chicken boggles my mind.

rkpixler

Sometimes I feel judgmental, but it is usually only about my family. I think it is because I love them and want them to be health.

They other day I took two huge bags full I clothes that were to big for me(woo hoo) to my sister. She said she wanted to start losing weight and I told her I would help her and even get her a pair of sketcher running shoes if she was serious. She said she was and even went and workout later that day. The next week I took her some more clothes and the shoes I promised, and she kept complaining she was bored, I told lets go for a walk but she refused and sat on the couch and proceeded to it half a bag of doughnuts!!!!! GRRRRR I was so irritated I left!!!!! Needless to say she hasnt worked out since and has decided she doesnt want to lose weight.

You can only help the ones that want to help themselves!

pixlamarque

I'm totally judgemental, but I was that way before I started on here. I know we all have our stopping points (the place where we say, damn, I CANNOT let myself get any bigger) and that mine was probably way past many people's point. The people that I see in the store who are riding around in motorized carts because they are too big to walk and are filling the cart on the front of the scooter with cookies, cokes, and chips may just have a much larger stopping point than me. Rationally, I know that. But when I am trying to do my shopping, I just want them to get their cart-ridding a**'s out of my way. And when they are only buying junk I don't believe for a minute that they are working on their weight, nor do I care.

As for empathy, well, I guess I don't have much, but I'm ok with that. If we were all a bunch of wonderful, sensitive, understanding people, the world would be a very boring place. Besides, many people get started on a weight loss journey partially because they are worried about what others think of their appearance. So, in a way, being judgemental is beneficial. I know if there was no one to see what I looked like that I probably wouldn't care nearly as much about what I weigh.

becoming_a_new_me

I sometimes have those thoughts too. I used to weigh 450#, so I know how miserable those people are and how much of their misery gets drowned in crappy food. I try to be sympathetic, but sometimes I just get angry. More at myself because I know I used to be that person. Then I feel guilty cause I want to help but know that they have to want to help themselves

reztib

Sometimes eating crap and/or overeating is more mental than you think it is. They are probably trying (in some cases not all) to compensate or covering up something. Past abuse, depression, hopelessness, etc. I have been treating my love of overeating more like an addition for about a month now rather than treating it like a diet. My will power has never been stronger. This is a lifestyle change for me.

Most of us have some sort of addiction in our lives. It could be a substance abuse, food, gambling, shopping, hoarding, video games, internet, television, etc etc. I have friends who are recovering alcoholics and they battled a long time to get where they are at. I can have one drink at a bar and walk away from it and not have another one for months later. Alcoholics have a really hard time doing that. For me, it is easy.

I am not try to excuse people for eating poorly or for you to take pity on everyone but sometimes that is what is going on. We can just hope that one day they will finally "get it".

kgordon7

To be honest, I think we all are judgmental whether we want to admit it or not. I don't believe anyone of us can actually think of a time that we haven't judged anyone. I think that's just a part of life and it happens, so don't feel bad because you better believe that the person you judged probably judged someone else too.

bgrune131

I hate to admit, but I have a friend who eats terribly (fast food ALL THE TIME!), complains how she is always broke, and way overweight, but yet she does nothing to change her habits. I can't help but think to myself about how she needs to change her ways, and that I really don't care when she complains all the time because she hates her body because she doesn't try to do anything different. She will workout for maybe a day or two once a month (if that), and then complains because she can't lose weight. I have to hold my tongue because I don't even know where I would start to begin if I told her my feelings, not to mention it'd be really painful. In addition, she has knee problems already due to being so overweight, and she's only 24 years old. I say that is a problem! It's aggravating.

sunkisses

I'm immensely happy with myself and it's not based on how I compare to other people or anything to do with other people. So I don't find myself looking at people and thinking judgmental thoughts. I do make small snap-judgments (usually about someone's level of intellect based on how they drive or the way they call up my job and ask ridiculous things). But outside of that - I'm crazy-content most of the time.

Let it go. You've got happier things to fill your head with.