I find myself becoming very judgemental

CookieCrumble

Elyssa... I'm so sorry, your post made me very sad. Keep on plugging away. xx

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I'm so glad that I'm picky with my friends here; none of them would make such moronic, judgemental statements, dressed up as 'caring'. I feel sorry for them, really very sorry. There isn't enough weightloss that will ever give them serenity or self-esteem without nastiness. There's no need for it, it's not wanted by anybody, not useful at all. Go and work on yourselves, you need it.

FitLink

Thought I'm still 'fat' I find myself doing this at times. Thnkfully, just a quickly as the thought enters my head... it leaves.

The only time I feel judgemental or angry is when I see people in public who park in handicap and use wheelchairs because of their weight. Yes, some people may have other issues but for some of them, it is pretty obviousy their issue is self-inflicted. Walking through the store with the support of a cart or walking the few extra feet to the door may actually improve their life.

How do you know who uses these things because of their weight? You actually state evidence to the contrary in your post. I gained weight when I got peripheral neuropathy due to cancer. Because the pain makes it excruciating to stand and walk, I have handicapped tags and use a crutch. On bad days I use a wheelchair. Not being able to walk or even stand for more than a few minutes sure makes it easy to gain weight, and VERY hard to lose. I've lost some, I have more to go. But no matter how much I lose, I still won't be able to stand and walk without excruciating pain. How can you tell me from one of these people you think less of because "it's pretty obvious the issue is self-inflicted." In what way do I look different? And if you can't tell the difference, where do you get off judging?

I suppose I do look different when I get off my motorcycle and unfold the folding crutch, but on a rainy day or a bad pain day, when I'm in my car, how would you know why I need the parking tags or the crutch/wheelchair?

I'm talking about the people who are too large to walk but are loading up their carts with HungryMan dinners , cookies and regular soda.

Another poster mentioned a health condition that caused her to gain weight. My doctor has told me "There is NO health condition that makes you gain weight. They make it harder to lose or easier to gain but it always comes down to diet." Many people also use health conditions as an excuse to be heavy, which ticks me off even more. I have PCOS, which makes it very difficult to lose weight, but it is possible. The weight I have lost has been because of effort and diet, not the medication I am on.

As I stated, I am still overweight, still losing but I'm honest enough to be able to tell myself that my eating habits put me here. Not a disease.

Your doctor is either mistaken or told you a half-truth for some reason, then, because there certainly are health conditions and medications which CAUSE weight gain AND weight loss. Certain diseases of the endocrine system are examples of a medical conditions that cause weight gain, and the tricyclics and corticosteroids are examples of classes of drugs which cause weight loss. But what I am talking about is weight gain because you can't exercise or exercise enough. And while it may still come down to diet in this case, you simply cannot know how difficult it is for a disabled person to avoid weight gain or lose weight, and more than that, you cannot know that walking with support of the cart or any of your suggestions is even possible for the person in question.

No matter how difficult it has been for you to lose weight, you cannot know how difficult it is for someone else. If you are so much better than these people, why are you overweight? If you're not saying you are better, then why would you have a right to judge them?

I don't buy that. Many people who can NOT exercise still lose weight. That my friend, is an excuse. We have seen on here time again that you can never exercise at all but still lose weight by restricting calories. Same goes for medications. Any person who is diabetic, or has a thyroid condition CAN lose weight though it may be very hard.

I have seen too many incredible people here who have overcome many conditions and still lost 50, 100, 200lbs because they chose to work for it. I'm not wanting to judge but I am also not going to give sympathy to a person who says they can't lose weight. It is possible for anyone.

EXCUSE ME? I LOST 100 POUNDS! How f-ing DARE you suggest I am making excuses for anything?!? But I stand by my argument that you do NOT know how difficult it is for anybody but you, and YOU DO NOT have any right to judge whether they are making ENOUGH effort. You don't know anyone's circumstances and you don't know WHY they need that parking space. A doctor just as knowledgable as yours says they DO, or they wouldn't have the permit.

EDIT: Please answer the question: Who are you to judge? Somehow you got fat, didn't you?

Re-read my comment before you blow your lid. I didn't say you made excuses, but people use that as an excuse.

I already answered your question but I will again. I admitted that I got fat by eating terribly but I am doing what I need to do to change it rather than saying what MANY people say, " I cannot lose weight because I have_____".

And because you have changed, you now have the right to judge people? 'Cause that's what I'm stuck on. Why are you now suddenly qualified to judge other people? How can you tell the ones who aren't doing enough from the ones who are by looking at them? How did you develop this unique ability?

EDIT: See it's not just judging me. I'm saying you have the right to judge ONLY yourself. Beam in your own eye...yada yada...

Anaconda62

I think this link gives a certain perspective on why people eat the way they do. I don't know if I agree with all of what is said -- we struggled with finances when we were first married and managed to eat more healthily regardless -- but it's certainly something to think about.

http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-5-stupidest-habits-you-develop-growing-up-poor/

FitLink

I think this link gives a certain perspective on why people eat the way they do. I don't know if I agree with all of what is said -- we struggled with finances when we were first married and managed to eat more healthily regardless -- but it's certainly something to think about.

http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-5-stupidest-habits-you-develop-growing-up-poor/

I don't think you were poor. I struggled with finances almost my entire life since leaving my parent's home. I even thought I was poor at one of point, but I have since discovered I was wrong about that. Struggling with finances is not poor.

Poor people do not have the choices people think they have. As totally, abysmally bad for you as ramen noodles are, they will keep your belly still for hours for less than $0.20, they can be prepared in a few minutes, and they can be stored without refrigeration almost forever. As totally good for you as fresh broccoli and asparagus are, $1.00 worth won't keep you full an hour and they won't keep a week. If one has $100 to feed a family of five for a week, there isn't gonna be any fresh produce on the table. Poor people often have to choose between food and medical care. Which would you choose?

I think the article is right on the mark. Thanks!

FitLink

Thought I'm still 'fat' I find myself doing this at times. Thnkfully, just a quickly as the thought enters my head... it leaves.

The only time I feel judgemental or angry is when I see people in public who park in handicap and use wheelchairs because of their weight. Yes, some people may have other issues but for some of them, it is pretty obviousy their issue is self-inflicted. Walking through the store with the support of a cart or walking the few extra feet to the door may actually improve their life.

How do you know who uses these things because of their weight? You actually state evidence to the contrary in your post. I gained weight when I got peripheral neuropathy due to cancer. Because the pain makes it excruciating to stand and walk, I have handicapped tags and use a crutch. On bad days I use a wheelchair. Not being able to walk or even stand for more than a few minutes sure makes it easy to gain weight, and VERY hard to lose. I've lost some, I have more to go. But no matter how much I lose, I still won't be able to stand and walk without excruciating pain. How can you tell me from one of these people you think less of because "it's pretty obvious the issue is self-inflicted." In what way do I look different? And if you can't tell the difference, where do you get off judging?

I suppose I do look different when I get off my motorcycle and unfold the folding crutch, but on a rainy day or a bad pain day, when I'm in my car, how would you know why I need the parking tags or the crutch/wheelchair?

I'm talking about the people who are too large to walk but are loading up their carts with HungryMan dinners , cookies and regular soda.

Another poster mentioned a health condition that caused her to gain weight. My doctor has told me "There is NO health condition that makes you gain weight. They make it harder to lose or easier to gain but it always comes down to diet." Many people also use health conditions as an excuse to be heavy, which ticks me off even more. I have PCOS, which makes it very difficult to lose weight, but it is possible. The weight I have lost has been because of effort and diet, not the medication I am on.

As I stated, I am still overweight, still losing but I'm honest enough to be able to tell myself that my eating habits put me here. Not a disease.

Your doctor is either mistaken or told you a half-truth for some reason, then, because there certainly are health conditions and medications which CAUSE weight gain AND weight loss. Certain diseases of the endocrine system are examples of a medical conditions that cause weight gain, and the tricyclics and corticosteroids are examples of classes of drugs which cause weight loss. But what I am talking about is weight gain because you can't exercise or exercise enough. And while it may still come down to diet in this case, you simply cannot know how difficult it is for a disabled person to avoid weight gain or lose weight, and more than that, you cannot know that walking with support of the cart or any of your suggestions is even possible for the person in question.

No matter how difficult it has been for you to lose weight, you cannot know how difficult it is for someone else. If you are so much better than these people, why are you overweight? If you're not saying you are better, then why would you have a right to judge them?

I don't buy that. Many people who can NOT exercise still lose weight. That my friend, is an excuse. We have seen on here time again that you can never exercise at all but still lose weight by restricting calories. Same goes for medications. Any person who is diabetic, or has a thyroid condition CAN lose weight though it may be very hard.

I have seen too many incredible people here who have overcome many conditions and still lost 50, 100, 200lbs because they chose to work for it. I'm not wanting to judge but I am also not going to give sympathy to a person who says they can't lose weight. It is possible for anyone.

EXCUSE ME? I LOST 100 POUNDS! How f-ing DARE you suggest I am making excuses for anything?!? But I stand by my argument that you do NOT know how difficult it is for anybody but you, and YOU DO NOT have any right to judge whether they are making ENOUGH effort. You don't know anyone's circumstances and you don't know WHY they need that parking space. A doctor just as knowledgable as yours says they DO, or they wouldn't have the permit.

EDIT: Please answer the question: Who are you to judge? Somehow you got fat, didn't you?

Re-read my comment before you blow your lid. I didn't say you made excuses, but people use that as an excuse.

I already answered your question but I will again. I admitted that I got fat by eating terribly but I am doing what I need to do to change it rather than saying what MANY people say, " I cannot lose weight because I have_____".

And because you have changed, you now have the right to judge people? 'Cause that's what I'm stuck on. Why are you now suddenly qualified to judge other people? How can you tell the ones who aren't doing enough from the ones who are by looking at them? How did you develop this unique ability?

EDIT: See it's not just judging me. I'm saying you have the right to judge ONLY yourself. Beam in your own eye...yada yada...

EDIT: And god forbid you have sympathy or human compassion for someone who might not "deserve" it. That'd be horrible!

taramaureen

Wow a lot of people would have been totally disgusted with me today when they saw me wolf down 3 pieces of pizza for lunch. Kinda disturbing.

chrissismone

As long as you never step outside of your lane by saying something ugly and have common sense to know that people are going to do them and lastly that you had to start somewhere and never get uppity you will be fine. I'm like that at work a bit. They eat out every day bc they can and have money and I'm poor so I bring my lunch daily. It makes me cringe a bit bc I know the calories and the damage it does over time but I don't judge bc it's their bodies and HMO and not mine.

kristelpoole

I get frustrated by excuses. Particularly when someone complains about their weight, and then makes a million excuses for why they "can't" do anything about it. And if they say something like "Well, if I were lucky like you and had [____], I'd be able to do it to," then I want to smack them. I'm not lucky, I work hard for my health and my body.

Judgemental? Not in my opinion. I just don't like complainers who don't do anything about their situations.

Also, I was judgemental because my health insurance premium went up this year. A cited cause? Increase in obesity of employees. Ugh.

Of course it's not judgmental "in your opinion." But you really don't have any idea how easy or hard anything is for anyone but you. I quit smoking in 2005, and even though I'd smoked for 25 years, it was EASY PEASY! When I finished the pack I was on, I just...quit. I chewed two pieces of Nicorette, because I expected it to be hard, but Nicorette tastes AWFUL and quitting was so easy I just gave away the rest of the Nicorette. Never wanted another cigarette, never missed them. It would be easy for me to decide that people who try to quit and fail just didn't try as hard as I did. But you know what? I'M LUCKY in that regard. I didn't 'work hard for my health..." I was LUCKY! I'm not BETTER than anyone, just LUCKY! I don't care how hard you think you work for your health and your body, you DO NOT know you work harder than anyone else.

In my opinion, I'm not being judgmental of you, I just hate people who think they're better than other people. See how that opinion thing can be inaccurate sometimes?

Also, I don't believe "increased obesity of employees" was the stated reason for your insurance premium increase. And what were the other "cited causes?" Does even one of them apply to you in any way?

I'm not really sure what the first part of your response has anything to do with what I posted. I said I don't like people who complain about their situation, make excuses, and do nothing. As though someone is supposed to make them fit without them having to do the work. Which is totally different than what you are referencing, but hey, good for you and congrats on your success quitting smoking! That's awesome!

I don't really care if you believe it was a stated reason or not. I'm pretty sure you weren't staring at the slide presentation with me? Anyway...

I'm not really sure what part of my post upset you so much, so good luck and many successes to you!

kristelpoole

I get frustrated by excuses. Particularly when someone complains about their weight, and then makes a million excuses for why they "can't" do anything about it. And if they say something like "Well, if I were lucky like you and had [____], I'd be able to do it to," then I want to smack them. I'm not lucky, I work hard for my health and my body.

Judgemental? Not in my opinion. I just don't like complainers who don't do anything about their situations.

Also, I was judgemental because my health insurance premium went up this year. A cited cause? Increase in obesity of employees. Ugh.

I concur. Even though I was overweight I knew my eating behaviors were the cause of it. People have to come to this realization first. Next is setting a exercise nutrition plan and sticking to it. The more they stick to this the more likelihood of success and healthy living. I know this is common sense but people that complain like that, are lacking common sense.

I can only speak for myself and those that have shared their stories with me, but I used to make excuses too. Then I came to the realization that no one was going to fix me; I had to fix myself. I battled with the excuses (I still do occasionally) and I decided that I was going to come out on top and nothing would stop me. But that determination and discipline happens at different times for different people. Hell, some people may not need it at all. Anyway, the point is that I don't think it's just a lack of common sense. It's usually deeper than that, but I still find it frustrating when I see it. "Don't talk about it, be about it." That's the motto I strive to live by, not just in weight loss/fitness/nutrition, but in every facet.

But this is getting off topic from the original post, so I digress... :blushing:

*I will say one more thing though... I have never and will never be rude to someone because of their weight or their appearance. I'm not an as$hole.

*ETA: That line isn't just for you. haha. Just not trying to get flamed for being a jerk when I haven't been!

Sapporo

I've noticed lately, pretty much since I've been on my weightloss kick, that when I see tremendously overweight people out in public, eating gross things ect. I get very judgemental. I really don't want to be this way, and I feel bad for thinking the way I do, but I can't help but think "It's not hard to lose weight, and you shouldn't be eating that"

WTF is wrong with me?

You should feel bad. You could start reminding yourself that you do not know these people, their story, that not everyone has to be like you or anyone else, etc.

ninerbuff

I've noticed lately, pretty much since I've been on my weightloss kick, that when I see tremendously overweight people out in public, eating gross things ect. I get very judgemental. I really don't want to be this way, and I feel bad for thinking the way I do, but I can't help but think "It's not hard to lose weight, and you shouldn't be eating that"

WTF is wrong with me?

That's part of why I don't discourage my clients from still eating foods they like. I swear some of the "clean eating" people here think that they are elitists because they eat non processed, non sugar, non artificial foods and go on to tell other people they are wrong for eating the stuff.
Trust me when I say that when you start judging people by the way they eat, you'll find yourself the butt of jokes behind your back.
If people want to eat that way, then it's their option, but to say things like "junk food is disgusting", it indirectly making judgement of people that actually eat it.
Everything we like to eat is subjective. I could by no means eat only "clean" foods the rest of my life. I would hate having to eat, go out, or even hang with friends if it came down to that.
Not everyone's goals on eating are yours, so just be respectful on what they choose to eat.



A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

FitLink

I get frustrated by excuses. Particularly when someone complains about their weight, and then makes a million excuses for why they "can't" do anything about it. And if they say something like "Well, if I were lucky like you and had [____], I'd be able to do it to," then I want to smack them. I'm not lucky, I work hard for my health and my body.

Judgemental? Not in my opinion. I just don't like complainers who don't do anything about their situations.

Also, I was judgemental because my health insurance premium went up this year. A cited cause? Increase in obesity of employees. Ugh.

Of course it's not judgmental "in your opinion." But you really don't have any idea how easy or hard anything is for anyone but you. I quit smoking in 2005, and even though I'd smoked for 25 years, it was EASY PEASY! When I finished the pack I was on, I just...quit. I chewed two pieces of Nicorette, because I expected it to be hard, but Nicorette tastes AWFUL and quitting was so easy I just gave away the rest of the Nicorette. Never wanted another cigarette, never missed them. It would be easy for me to decide that people who try to quit and fail just didn't try as hard as I did. But you know what? I'M LUCKY in that regard. I didn't 'work hard for my health..." I was LUCKY! I'm not BETTER than anyone, just LUCKY! I don't care how hard you think you work for your health and your body, you DO NOT know you work harder than anyone else.

In my opinion, I'm not being judgmental of you, I just hate people who think they're better than other people. See how that opinion thing can be inaccurate sometimes?

Also, I don't believe "increased obesity of employees" was the stated reason for your insurance premium increase. And what were the other "cited causes?" Does even one of them apply to you in any way?

I'm not really sure what the first part of your response has anything to do with what I posted. I said I don't like people who complain about their situation, make excuses, and do nothing. As though someone is supposed to make them fit without them having to do the work. Which is totally different than what you are referencing, but hey, good for you and congrats on your success quitting smoking! That's awesome!

I don't really care if you believe it was a stated reason or not. I'm pretty sure you weren't staring at the slide presentation with me? Anyway...

I'm not really sure what part of my post upset you so much, so good luck and many successes to you!

You claimed you weren't "lucky" as claimed by others but you only got your weight & health by hard work, and that's why you could judge them. I'm saying I could easily say I'm better than all those people who say they can't quit smoking because I just stopped one day. And I know, in my heart, if it was as easy for them as it was for me, they would have too. And you don't know that the reason the people who you say complain about their situation don't work HARD. You don't know what they're doing, or how hard the work they're doing is for them. I lost around 100 pounds before coming to MFP, and I really, truly believe that if the overweight people I see around me could lose their weight they would. For some reason, they weren't blessed with whatever it is in me that allowed me to do that. No one has the right to judge, because no one knows how difficult it is for someone else.

FitLink

I've noticed lately, pretty much since I've been on my weightloss kick, that when I see tremendously overweight people out in public, eating gross things ect. I get very judgemental. I really don't want to be this way, and I feel bad for thinking the way I do, but I can't help but think "It's not hard to lose weight, and you shouldn't be eating that"

WTF is wrong with me?

That's part of why I don't discourage my clients from still eating foods they like. I swear some of the "clean eating" people here think that they are elitists because they eat non processed, non sugar, non artificial foods and go on to tell other people they are wrong for eating the stuff.
Trust me when I say that when you start judging people by the way they eat, you'll find yourself the butt of jokes behind your back.
If people want to eat that way, then it's their option, but to say things like "junk food is disgusting", it indirectly making judgement of people that actually eat it.
Everything we like to eat is subjective. I could by no means eat only "clean" foods the rest of my life. I would hate having to eat, go out, or even hang with friends if it came down to that.
Not everyone's goals on eating are yours, so just be respectful on what they choose to eat.



A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Exactly. If we all just assumed that people were, you know, people, that we're all different and that's a GOOD thing, imagine how peaceful the world would be?

And you know what? Each time I reread her post, the words "weight loss kick" jump off the page at me. I'm not on a "weight loss kick." I'm improving my quality of life. Whatever I do here, I don't intend to be a "kick."

dinosnopro

I've noticed lately, pretty much since I've been on my weightloss kick, that when I see tremendously overweight people out in public, eating gross things ect. I get very judgemental. I really don't want to be this way, and I feel bad for thinking the way I do, but I can't help but think "It's not hard to lose weight, and you shouldn't be eating that"

WTF is wrong with me?

I call it motivation
:bigsmile:

janf15

I am not sure my attitude is judgmental. I think to myself - I wish these people would realize how much better they would feel if they exercised and ate better.

hedgiie

i thought I'm alone, i have this friend and he open up and comment about our other friend. i think as we're aware about the consequence we just can't avoid but to be judgmental. thought in recent days, i've learn to control myself and be sensitive about the way i talk and react to other people.

dinosnopro

I've noticed lately, pretty much since I've been on my weightloss kick, that when I see tremendously overweight people out in public, eating gross things ect. I get very judgemental. I really don't want to be this way, and I feel bad for thinking the way I do, but I can't help but think "It's not hard to lose weight, and you shouldn't be eating that"

WTF is wrong with me?

You should feel bad. You could start reminding yourself that you do not know these people, their story, that not everyone has to be like you or anyone else, etc.

most people look at "fit" people and say "they are lucky" or "they must have good genetics", I rarely hear anyone look at a fit person and say "wow they must really bust their *kitten* in the gym" or "it must be hard work to look like that".

tazziedevil

^^ how true. Although the more time you spend in the gym and within a gym environment the more you realise just how much work it actually takes!

MamaJasmine

I do this and I am still a big person! I have over 100 pounds left to loose. I saw a woman tonight in wally world.. she was bigger than me and I was in the ice cream isle because I promised my son we would finally get ice cream since we never have it.. I was browsing the skinny cows and she walked by with one of those giant buckets I used to get for us that I now use to clean my fish tank... I wanted to hand her my box of skinny cow and tell her to only eat one at a time on special occasions! Another time I was at wally world and we were checking out with our cart filled with healthy family foods. The lady behind me had 3 kids and her cart was filled to the top with processed crud! She had pop tarts and sugary cereals, about 20 frozen pizzas and nuggets fries... not one veggie or fruit (even though I buy my veggies mostly at a different store that has better produce when the farmers market is not open).. I looked at her kid and the poor child was at least 30 pounds overweight... I try not to judge but its so hard when they have cart fulls of junk!

angieleighbyrd

I just try to remember that I was them once.