I find myself becoming very judgemental

galededras

^ This.

kateroot

I could judge you for not knowing how to spell judgmental. I think, "It's not hard to pick up a dictionary."

Off topic, but both spellings of the word are correct.

Not in America, but because this is a worldwide site I will accept the charge of ethnocentricity.

Actually, both spellings are acceptable in America.

galededras

Thought I'm still 'fat' I find myself doing this at times. Thnkfully, just a quickly as the thought enters my head... it leaves.

The only time I feel judgemental or angry is when I see people in public who park in handicap and use wheelchairs because of their weight. Yes, some people may have other issues but for some of them, it is pretty obviousy their issue is self-inflicted. Walking through the store with the support of a cart or walking the few extra feet to the door may actually improve their life.

How do you know who uses these things because of their weight? You actually state evidence to the contrary in your post. I gained weight when I got peripheral neuropathy due to cancer. Because the pain makes it excruciating to stand and walk, I have handicapped tags and use a crutch. On bad days I use a wheelchair. Not being able to walk or even stand for more than a few minutes sure makes it easy to gain weight, and VERY hard to lose. I've lost some, I have more to go. But no matter how much I lose, I still won't be able to stand and walk without excruciating pain. How can you tell me from one of these people you think less of because "it's pretty obvious the issue is self-inflicted." In what way do I look different? And if you can't tell the difference, where do you get off judging?

I suppose I do look different when I get off my motorcycle and unfold the folding crutch, but on a rainy day or a bad pain day, when I'm in my car, how would you know why I need the parking tags or the crutch/wheelchair?

I'm talking about the people who are too large to walk but are loading up their carts with HungryMan dinners , cookies and regular soda.

Another poster mentioned a health condition that caused her to gain weight. My doctor has told me "There is NO health condition that makes you gain weight. They make it harder to lose or easier to gain but it always comes down to diet." Many people also use health conditions as an excuse to be heavy, which ticks me off even more. I have PCOS, which makes it very difficult to lose weight, but it is possible. The weight I have lost has been because of effort and diet, not the medication I am on.

As I stated, I am still overweight, still losing but I'm honest enough to be able to tell myself that my eating habits put me here. Not a disease.

Your doctor is either mistaken or told you a half-truth for some reason, then, because there certainly are health conditions and medications which CAUSE weight gain AND weight loss. Certain diseases of the endocrine system are examples of a medical conditions that cause weight gain, and the tricyclics and corticosteroids are examples of classes of drugs which cause weight loss. But what I am talking about is weight gain because you can't exercise or exercise enough. And while it may still come down to diet in this case, you simply cannot know how difficult it is for a disabled person to avoid weight gain or lose weight, and more than that, you cannot know that walking with support of the cart or any of your suggestions is even possible for the person in question.

No matter how difficult it has been for you to lose weight, you cannot know how difficult it is for someone else. If you are so much better than these people, why are you overweight? If you're not saying you are better, then why would you have a right to judge them?

I don't buy that. Many people who can NOT exercise still lose weight. That my friend, is an excuse. We have seen on here time again that you can never exercise at all but still lose weight by restricting calories. Same goes for medications. Any person who is diabetic, or has a thyroid condition CAN lose weight though it may be very hard.

I have seen too many incredible people here who have overcome many conditions and still lost 50, 100, 200lbs because they chose to work for it. I'm not wanting to judge but I am also not going to give sympathy to a person who says they can't lose weight. It is possible for anyone.

Have you ever been diabetic or suffered from an Endocrine disorder? If not, then you really have no concept of exactly how hard it is to lose weight when your body works against you. I LOVE it when people assume that hypothyroidism is the ONLY adrenal-related disease out there. Yes, you're right. You CAN lose weight with hypothyroidism, especially with the proper medication, but it isn't as simple as it is for people with perfectly healthy endocrine systems. However, there are other endocrine diseases that DO make it near impossible to lose weight or maintain weight loss and they aren't easily treatable with medication. It would be awesome if people would do their research before judging others. It isn't always as simple as calories in, calories out, and there ARE plenty of disorders that can cause one to gain weight, even on a severely calorie-restricted diet.

I can tell you, as someone that suffers from Cushing's disease that was undiagnosed until I was well in my 30's that it IS possible to gain up to 280 pounds while eating a "healthy" diet.

And now, my options are to keep trying to become healthier on my own while being "judged" by others or undergo surgical removal of my adrenal glands that will require hormone replacement therapy for the remainder of my life, radiation treatment (I'll pass), or medication that will cause excess pigmentation of my skin. I'll take my chances fighting the good fight on my own and it would be fabulous if all you haters didn't judge what's in my shopping cart or monitor what I order in a restaurant in the meantime.

And whatever Doctor told ANYONE that are NO diseases that cause weight gain, is well, a moron.

And, and...what's wrong with having a little compassion for someone who's shoes you once filled? No one chooses to be fat. Being fat is infinitely harder than losing weight.

wolfehound22

I do the same thing all the time, I was never like that, but now I just look at some people and think, come on just do something its not that hard. I tell my wife all the time that I've become more judgemental. At least I know Im not the only one.

TheDudette

I could judge you for not knowing how to spell judgmental. I think, "It's not hard to pick up a dictionary."

Everyone is at different points of the weight loss experience. Maybe somebody else thinks you're weak for having put on any excess weight in the first place--do they have the right to judge you? We're all here to improve ourselves, and we're supposed to be supportive as part of the MFP community. You don't have the right to judge someone else "yet" or ever, and posting about it, trying to make it acceptable by pretending to be concerned about your judgmental nature, is irritating--be ashamed of it and keep it to yourself if you truly believe it's wrong.

I find myself not feeling very badly at all for totally agreeing with this comment.

MrDude_1

I could judge you for not knowing how to spell judgmental. I think, "It's not hard to pick up a dictionary."

Off topic, but both spellings of the word are correct.

Not in America, but because this is a worldwide site I will accept the charge of ethnocentricity.

Actually, both spellings are acceptable in America.

In America, I'm happy if the person knows what the word even means.

Dimplybutt

I would love my 75-year old mother to quit smoking and lose weight. It kills me that she won't. But it isn't any of my damn business. And it sure the heck isn't yours. Mind your own business. Besides, you are just using it to make yourself feel superior, because you think you are better than them.

Everyone is fighting a battle of some sort. Be kind to people because you just don't know what it is. I may be fat right now, but I will be thin soon enough. You will always be mean.

^ ^ This ^ ^

sabified

I've noticed lately, pretty much since I've been on my weightloss kick, that when I see tremendously overweight people out in public, eating gross things ect. I get very judgemental. I really don't want to be this way, and I feel bad for thinking the way I do, but I can't help but think "It's not hard to lose weight, and you shouldn't be eating that"

WTF is wrong with me?

I think it's easy to attribute your thoughts onto other people. Before you started trying to lose weight, did you ever think about what you were eating? Did you ever think about what not exercising was doing to you? Chances are you didn't.

Sometimes I think like that too, but then I think about all the disgusted looks I've gotten for simply being overweight, and it shuts those thoughts right up. It's not on me to judge others and their lives.

budhandy

Well don't this make my day better, now I know everytime I go out to eat I'm going to have somone judge me. Guess I just should stay in my home all day.

mommyrana

It;s a lifestyle choice. You are choosing a healthy lifestyle. They are not. Don't judge. Everyone has the choice.

When I find myself thinking critically about someone's appearance or their clothes choices that don't seem right to me i.e. super tight, too small, muffin tops, etc. I think to myself.... what if this is their best? what if they have lost 10 lbs and are proud to strut their stuff? Who am I to think ill of that? As far as food. It's very much a lifestyle choice..... respect that everyone has a right to choose healthy... or not... We all live with the consequences of our choices good and bad.

JessG11

I'm so busy trying to keep on my own path I don't typically have enough energy to pay attention to choices those around me are making. However, I do notice overweight kids. I was an overweight kid and I wish my parents would have regulated and controlled my food choices more. My parents were just young and had no weight issues themselves and this was a long time ago, so they didn't really know better. Parents today have tons of resources to help learn how to better feed their child. But I don't judge the parents as much as I feel sorry for the child. I was there and I know how hard it was.

mommyrana

And, to be clear I have been seen pigging out in my skinny jeans with a Margarita in one hand, enchiladas in the other.....

sooooo..... judge away. I know I could be eating broccoli and drinking soda water and perhaps loose an extra 1/2 pound this week But I won't... and I'm ok with that! .... please pass the guacamole ...

klynn81

I've seen friends in my life that used to be lazy, overweight, underactive, eat crap non stop etc. It took them several attempts to change their ways before they were successful and it became their lifestyle. I've seen some of these people look at others in a negative light who are still trying to find their way and it seriously just annoys the crap out of me. Don't ever forget where you came from, how many times you started and failed, and even still the possibility that you might still have bad days too. The girl that you see that's 250lbs eating crap, well she might have started at 350lbs. The skinny ***** that you envy at the gym that the guys oogle over...well who's to say she wasn't 200lbs at one time and worked her butt off to get that hot body. If it were easy, there wouldn't be people struggling with it, there wouldn't be overweight people, there wouldn't be places like myfitnesspal.

Judging a person does not define who they are....it defines who you are.

2kidsandadonut

It is hard not to be judgmental but we never really know what others are going through. (yes I'm the queen of stories) When my first son was born he was taken to the NICU with pneumonia I however, had to stay that the hospital where I had given birth for two weeks after he was born because of complications. I was around 200lbs. As I was walking (ok waddling because I had just had a c-section) through the parking lot to go see my son for the first time (yes he was taken directly to the NICU I didn't see him till he was 2 weeks old) A teenager yelled "Hey look at that fat ***ch waddle!" I was appalled and I told him i had just had a baby. He responded "Was it tasty?" As you can imagine I was horrified! But the point is we never know what is really going on. Trust me if you are fat you realize you are fat. Or else your delusional and boy I would love to be delusional some days.

MrsR0SE

If you had seen me at McDonalds last night you would have totally jumped to the wrong conclusion: I bought a quarter pounder meal
PLUS a grilled chicken salad wrap. I did have a hungry husband waiting at home, but looking at me it would be easy to just assume I was off home alone to scoff the lot

mccarol1956

Thank you for saying this! It is so very true! This is the best post I have read on here ever!

mccarol1956

Your doctor is an idiot.. just saying.

HorrorChix89

And, to be clear I have been seen pigging out in my skinny jeans with a Margarita in one hand, enchiladas in the other.....

sooooo..... judge away. I know I could be eating broccoli and drinking soda water and perhaps loose an extra 1/2 pound this week But I won't... and I'm ok with that! .... please pass the guacamole ...

here here :drinker:

I don't pay attention to other people and I don't try to eat like a rabbit either. I lose weight MY way and I'm happy about it. I go out with family to Red Lobster, cook outs, picnics, BBQs, birthday parties at Chuck E Cheeses, and I eat until I'm full. Why? Because that's $10 I don't have to spend buying horrible tasting healthy foods that don't fill me up. So pass the alcohol!!!

mccarol1956

Please tell me you are truly not as ignorant as you sound. There are many medical issues where it is next to impossible and there are many medications that cause huge weight gain. You are far to judgmental and it is sad.

musicstardust67

I find myself thinking very judgemental thoughts too. Sigh. I have the thought in my mind all the time that anyone can do this (not including disabled people in wheelchairs and stuff like that) but the truth is, people are going to lose the weight when they want to. You can't make them, they have to realize it for themselves. It really does suck but that is the reality. I often judge people at the store for buying crap as well as my family bringing home stuff thats bad that they eat daily but it's their own choice. The good thing is you have the choice to and you are choosing the right path of eating right and exercising! It'd be fantastic if the whole world watched what they ate more and exercised but it's probably not going to happen. I myself am rooting for anyone who wants to lose weight and watch their calorie intake but you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves as sad as it is. Good luck to you, though!

HorrorChix89

This is the same as me thinking everyone should know exactly how to do something because I myself know how to do it. Like if I'm playing a video game and my boyfriend constantly asks me how it works. I give him short answers because I assume he should know how to play it. I mean, it's easy right? I did, how come he can't?

mccarol1956

It must be exhausting for some of you worrying about other peoples' lives, trying to get them to live how you think they should live, trying to get them to look how you feel they should look, trying to get them to think how you think, etc...

^^Exactly!^^

mccarol1956

this gave me tears =(

But so true and spot on. We turn humans into bags of meat that we judge based on it's value in terms of "attraction, how it thinks like us, how it talks like us, how it looks like us" that it *is* dehumanizing, it *is* disgusting, and it *is* rehensible.

Treating people like objects *is* rehensible. Treating people like property *is* rehensible. Judging someone's worth based on their clothing size *is* rehensible.

In my opinion, it makes you more like a diseased animal knocking its head into a tree over and over.

If you want to judge people off of things that you stereotype and have no real actual understanding on other than "ew that person is fat and ugly and I am terrified of becoming that/going back to that", let's go ahead and lay the one judging out on the plinth of shame as well. I guaran-effing-tee you that we can find a good dozen things to judge you back on.

There is not a person alive that can walk around judging others and not have their own issues that could be ripped out in the open and shamed with. It just so happens that being fat is an outward visible thing.

Being pretty on the outside is short term and fleeting. Time, disease, genetics all take their toll on a human body. And when you can't fall back on your looks anymore and only have that toxic diseased core which is 100x uglier than an obese person in the grocery store carting the ice cream around, you'll find out the true meaning of what being unhealthy is.

Health is a combination of not just physical appearance, but your intellectual and inner core as well. You may be hot as hell on the outside and ugly and toxic as hell on the inside... except eating makeup isn't going to make you prettier there.

^^ Thank you so much. I could not agree more.

musicstardust67

Jeez some people on this post need to really grow up. It's so easy to be rude to the OP because he's so ignorant and rude and doesn't take into account various meds that cause weight gain and all the other stuff people have complained about. Yes, he may judge others at the store for buying crap and at restaurants but im sure all of us have judged others almost daily. Some people may judge less often than others but come on he was just venting and shared some of his thoughts about overweight/obese people making bad choices. It's easy to judge others that are obese when ur choosing the right path of working out and eating right. I don't think the op deserves the crap he's getting. Just because he judges others for not doing what he's doing doesn't make him a horrible person. Yes, people don't have to follow ur workout and eating plan but there is a lot to be learned from others doing this, I can admit that. I don't think the OP wants every single person to do exactly what he's doing, he probably just wants to encourage everyone that they really can do it if they want it bad enough but even when they do, some people just have a lot of circumstances in their lives that make things complicated. Then, there are the people that just simply make excuses for not eating right and working out. Yes, pure laziness. But everyone has static in their life so truth be told no one should be judged yet everyone judges in some way.

tinamatteson

It is hard not to be judgmental but we never really know what others are going through. (yes I'm the queen of stories) When my first son was born he was taken to the NICU with pneumonia I however, had to stay that the hospital where I had given birth for two weeks after he was born because of complications. I was around 200lbs. As I was walking (ok waddling because I had just had a c-section) through the parking lot to go see my son for the first time (yes he was taken directly to the NICU I didn't see him till he was 2 weeks old) A teenager yelled "Hey look at that fat ***ch waddle!" I was appalled and I told him i had just had a baby. He responded "Was it tasty?" As you can imagine I was horrified! But the point is we never know what is really going on. Trust me if you are fat you realize you are fat. Or else your delusional and boy I would love to be delusional some days.

Wow, I am so sorry this happened to you! That was incredibly rude and disrespectful.

graysmom2005

I think it's kind of a natural reflex that is really our minds telling US that, so we don't end up going there again. If we are conscience of the world around us, and we are telling ourselves over and over that isn't "good" when we see bad choices it's just reaffirming to ourselves not to do it. I don't think you can really help it. It's usually because you feel better now, and you want others to have that success.

tinamatteson

Sometimes when my family and I are eating out, as I'm carefully scouring the menu options to find something relatively healthful and low calorie, I wonder if the waiter is thinking, "Lady, if you're on a diet, why are you eating at Chili's??" (or whatever the restaurant is.) And when I am shopping and my cart is full of fruits and veggies and also a bottle of soda or some chips (for my husband!) occasionally I wonder if people are looking and thinking, "Gee, why is she buying THAT crap?" Hahahaha.

I suppose I'm way too concerned about what others are thinking, and most are probably not looking at me anyway!

I have noticed a difference in the way I look at other people since becoming more AWARE of what I'm doing to my body; It feels a tad judgmental at times but actually it's more of a realization that I used to do that too (ie. eat half a package of Oreos in one sitting) and now I don't, cause I realized what it was causing (fat!) and I'm making a daily choice to change that for myself.

Yes, fat people know they are fat, and don't need it pointed out (and I hate that there are such rude people out there that would do that, anyway) but beyond even that, through my own experience I'm seeing that everyone has to be ready to make a change for themselves, and till they are ready, they won't - or can't - do it. So, nagging at my husband or kids, or pointing out to my friends all the bad stuff they are eating, is not going to help, except to make them mad at me. All I can do is change myself.:flowerforyou:

tinamatteson

I think it's kind of a natural reflex that is really our minds telling US that, so we don't end up going there again. If we are conscience of the world around us, and we are telling ourselves over and over that isn't "good" when we see bad choices it's just reaffirming to ourselves not to do it. I don't think you can really help it. It's usually because you feel better now, and you want others to have that success.

YES!

tataliciousd89

I think it's just hard to watch people "hurt" their bodies when you're trying so hard to take care of yours, something you didn't think of so much before you decided to change how you live.

What a good way to look at it.

Agreed. This is how I feel too. It's really hard when I'm in nursing school watching patients being totally non-compliant with prescribed diet and activity orders. I feel like saying "You only get one body you know. You are going to regret this later," but of course I'm not aloud to. Then when I see people out in the stores going down the same path and I want to yell at them.

adamb83

I do it, too... and for me, I think it's partially coming from a place of fear that - hey, I've been there and I could fall backwards. I worry about making those easy, wrong choices again, and ending up like that again, and think about how unhappy I was. Of course, all these emotions are happening instantaneously, so I don't process it then, but that's where the jerk-reaction anger/annoyance/disgust comes from.